went back to pjc for alumni talk for juniors yesterday
i was kinda hesitant abt it initally,
knowing that i would have to talk about the passing of my dad
but i guess the fact mr yeo told mdm shafa that i might not be comfortable talking about my dad kinda told me something,
that perhaps its time to face my fears.

had to be in sch at 730am and the whole rush jus began like that..
passing to the vp tokens from the pac alumni,
then the talk started at 8am in lt 4..
and i was seated beside adam and mr yeo - felt comforting that i had ppl who understood what i went thru just beside me.
adam and another first batch senior were definitely candid and funny in their speeches, whilst i was racking my brains and trying not to be nervous.
i have a fear of public speaking.
and so adam began to tell the juniors abt his dad, and how crappy it was to have gone thru something in ur life that u never control..
so i began mine.. with the fact that my dad passed away barely one month after his.
and in the end, i would say that the talk went rather smoothly.
with a junior telling me in the end that i was speaking very soft.
shy mah.

then hung around in school abit, talked to the teachers..
the mood was jus not the same, things changed.
sometimes i wish i had been told how things, teachers, places and ppl u love and care about would jus change so diffrently once u step out of the school.
how ppl leave and go.. and change...

hung around til 1130 am as mr chia asked me to talk to the arts cohort, who were weak in maths like me, and how to not give up hope.
mdm angelina teo was there, egging me on to tell them how i passed my maths.
and they all thought that i was advertising for maths dept.
i think my fear of public speaking had been conquered twice in a day.

hung around in mr yeo's office- he showed me pics and videos of baby chloe.
very very blessed family..

perhaps,
im just drifting
drifting along with the choppy waves

waitin for it to bring me somewhere

perhaps,
ill just float
not quite aimlessly
but being pushed and devoured

perhaps,
just perhaps,
ill be able to find my way.

now that this portrait has finally reached my dear's room in australia after 9 days, i can post it on my blog =) beautiful right? i love the way the portrait captures the loving happy twinkle in my boy's eyes :)

my boy completes my life :)

-anyone interested in this street artist who drew the portrait? he is often seen busking on the roads of orchard, near meridien hotel :) -

lovely green turtle balloon tt justin got me :)
my boyfriend's uni! :) beautiful place! perfect weather! wish i was still there :(

=) took this on the bus on our 2 yr 2mth anniversary,
after my lulu buy the green turtle balloon for me!
im wearing the nice cap which brings him luck
everytime we play mahjong.. on the way back from town!


10 aug 2005

went to corrinne may's concert today - she is as good as her recorded songs, in fact she is better singing live. just with her songs, she moves me to tears with her -fly away- and today i discovered several more songs which she sang and moved my soul :)

S A M E S I D E O F T H E M O O N
Written by Corrinne May Ying Foo
Copyright 1998, Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP)

I'm looking out the window
Where we sat to watch the stars
There's a chill within the air
It makes my heart long for your touch

You may be miles away
But as I kneel to pray
I see the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon

And though you'll never see all my tears shine
know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon.

I picture you across the oceans
In your corner of the world
I pray the wind will blow my voice
And gently whisper in your ear

Your night may be my day
And though the seasons change
It's still the same side of the moon

It's still the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon

And though you'll never see all my tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon

corrinne may dedicated this song to people 'who might be in a long distance relationship' as she understands how difficult it is to be apart...

she probably knows best, having been away from singapore for 9 years...

beautiful lyrics right?

so my dear, we cant be too far apart, if we are both looking on the same side of the moon :)

on my way back home from esplanade, i took 97 and dropped @harbour front... her insightful lyrics brought a smile to my face and i called my dear.. believe it or not, this is probably the 4th time im calling him since he left :) pooor monster always ends up calling me.. and i guess my boyfriend was very surprised to get my call.. and so we talked.. :) it was a very good talk, felt that it brought us closer despite the distance [cos we are both lookin on the same side of the moon ;) ] of course partly cos of the gossips shared :)

was a pretty good day with the medical sociology lect, dont know anyone there but it helped me concentrate in class! wahaha... mugger side in me showing...

and i got my 6th module!!! muahahahahaha! thanks to my dearie who helped me check out my mail...

i end with corrinne may's [save me] and i dedicate it for my boyfriend :)

I drift I burn, I fly

When you sing lullabies

I 'm helpless, I'm yearning

I'm like putty in your hands

I laugh, I dream, I cry

When you take me on a rollercoaster ride

You see me through and through

You see just who I am

Just take my hand and

Save me from this place

Heaven knows I'm falling

For you, my sweet embrace

Heaven knows

Heaven knows I've been waiting for you

I had a dream that I

Was falling from the sky

At 90 miles an hour

I was bound to crash and die

But out of nowhere you came and rescued me

There must be some grace in the touch of your face

I'm so happy that I've found you

I'm no longer afraid

Oh 'cause you

Save me from this place

Heaven knows I'm falling

For you my sweet embrace

Heaven knows

Heaven knows I've been waiting

Before I met you

Life was slow-mo

So slow-mo

I thought I had it figured out

But you came and turned my whole world upside down

Save me from this place Heaven knows I'm falling

For you, my sweet embrace

Heaven knows

Heaven knows you've come to save me from this place

had a little talk with a friend about relationships.. and so random thoughts began to flow... negativity from the other set in... but i know why mine isnt negative...
the things that keep me going... :) and the list just can go on..
i really know that i feel very comfortable with him and he makes me feel that i can be myself.. he sees the way i sleep like a zhuglet and my deep breathing.. he knows i hate onions.. he knows how i react when im unhappy but i pretend im ok.. he knows how to make my lips curl into a smile when im having the worst days.. he knows i love his hugs and he is never stingy with them.. he takes very good care of me and makes sure im free from flu and all illnesses.. he is sensitive and knows when im upset... he knows i try very hard to shy away from people.. he knows that when i cry, all he has to do is just wipe away my tears and give me hugs.. he tucks me into bed and kisses me goodnight.. he bears with my irrational fears and loves me still... he knows me the best and i can never hide any things from him.. nothing has to be said.. but he knows all.. and the little raging monster in me always finds solace in his company :)

i feel completely safe and comfortable with him around cos i know there's nothing to feel insecure about.. i told my friend.. im amazed at how my heart still beats fast at being able to see him... never a moment of dullness with him.. a smile, a high pitched chuckle, a rub on my hair, a kelian gaga face, guitar playing tt brings my breath away still, and the sight of this boy just makes me smile.. and he is worth it :)

have u told the one u love u love him/her yet?
=)

i miss my lulu.. its a saturday tomorrow.. and i miss saturdays spent just watching nice meaningful movies like 'beautiful mind' and 'phantom of the opera' and just enjoyin such moments together in his hostel.. quiet... and nothing said... but it always felt like it was the best conversation ever with my best friend :)

im not that sure anymore, about missing school...
i went into ivle and i was swarmed... make that FLOODED with workbins, forums, website links all coming up with information..
sigh-
school.... termpapers.... midterms.... suddenly horrors of memories just floood back...
oh well
this busy semester is starting.. hopefully six modules... basic theory test on monday!! wee!! supposedly 23 sept, but by some lucky... twist of fate.. someone gave up 8 august's slot!
:)
tuition starting next week
thinking of joining some cca
probably gonna be so bz by marketing, which i reckon that i cant understand at all, despite having done marketing in work at eAngelz..
anyway,
bought some books to read from kino today after playing pool with gan, shiyang and belle..
the lulu of mine got me addicted to pool when i was bunking at international house cos its so fun... and he taught me how to play.. but i m still very thrashable and very lousy.... which will make my lulu roll with laughter at how i can miss some obvious shots..
and my lulu first taught me pool, bearing in mind how patient he has to be... and he actually was very very patient... teaching me my spider and how to stand.. he almost fainted.. but nice of him to be patient :)
yeps... and after pool me and belle and shiyang went for nice prata and milo dino @ bukit timah.. yums... but was so full... den we had some provocative conversations where shiyang tried very hard to pretend he wasnt there due to the chio girls behind him, but to no avail... they know how perverted he is! wahhaha!~ hmmm but conversation was like... pretty deep... so yeah... oh welll..
then went to town where he had to buy his jap dictionary from kino and me with my books.. and something really really very nice..
hmmmm
busy weekend ahead... start studying for basic theory test.. this ben girl will surely flunk if no studying is done.. organise photo album.. read.. print notes...
be as hardworking as my inspiring lulu! hhaha
my lulu is fast asleep now, my angel who helped me find info about bedbugs tt bite and harass me to no ends... arghhhhh... dont ever mention [dont let bedbugs bite] cos its not funny at all...
so sweet my angel! :)

im off to sleep... -out-

haizzzzz
i m so disappointed :(
been waiting for so long..

uh oh.
being the very bored me, i scrolled thru my empty ivle happily..
ur ivle is NEVER empty when school starts..
and here i find... the course outline and requirements already filled in conscientiously by my upcoming lecturer for Mass Media and Culture
and it is s c a r y.

READ THE FOLLOWING BEFORE YOU ENROL IN THIS MODULE. THE COURSE IS NOT SUITABLE FOR THE FOLLOWING PERSONS:
1. If you are a FIRST YEAR student, it is advisable that you wait till your second year to take this course. Past experience shows that first year students dont have the intellectual tools or maturity to read general second or third year modules. They have to compete with more advanced students in their second and third year (many of whom are single-majors in sociology), and as a result they feel lost in class, and do badly in grades. This course is offered every year, so be patient and wait till your 2nd or 3rd year to read the module.

2. If you are looking for HANDOUTS/NOTES, do not take this module. There are NO handouts in class, there are no power-point lecture notes for you to download, nothing for you to copy! Anyone taking this module has to listen and make your own notes. You may have to learn speed-dictation as lectures may be delivered at rapid fire.

3. If you are looking for "hip" aspects of mass media -- American Idol, Reality TV, talk shows, MTV, etc. -- you will be disappointed because this course DOES NOT cover these topics, which are likely to be found in the Popular Culture module. This course is mostly about news and politics.

4. If you are fishing for an EASY module, this is not it. The course syllabus changes every year, there is a new textbook, past year exam questions are no guide to the present, tutorials are demanding. Are you sure you want to go through all these ?

5. If you are looking for personal validation, this course is not the vehicle for that. In fact, you'll get the opposite: you will feel slighted or ignored as the lecturer cannot remember your name, very often doesnt give you eye contact, and doesnt have time to answer your email. Part of the reason is due to SIZE of the class: you cannot expect equal attention in a class of over 100 students. If you want to be remembered and loved by lecturers, you should take smaller classes of ten to thirty.

(c) When you take this module, be prepared to accept the demands placed by the lecturer. Past students in other modules taught by this lecturer characterized him as: sarcastic, opinionated (“he makes us feel that our way of seeing is wrong, because his way is correct and real”; “he is bent on imposing his opinions on his students”), strict (“he even scolds students for yawning”), critical (“he can be a bit intimidating and it makes going to his class a bit stressful”; “his tutorials often have a tense atmosphere”), disorganized (“tutorial very unstructured, tutor comes into class empty handed”), too politically liberal (“he is anti-govt”), technologically inept (“he refuses to use power point”), unresponsive (does not answer email inquiries).

sounds really intimidating enough huh?
this sociology class is going to be damn interesting
no notes for me to print, to photostate, im on my own...
and i'd better do my own notes conscientiously.
looking forward to THIS sociology class :)

its the monotony of a dreary morning again that almost lulls me to sleep, no matter what i do..
its raining, pitter patter, pitter patter
perhaps a little down my heart..
a big monster hug would bring the blues away :)

no tuition today, and the rest of the day is probably spent trying to figure out how it is to be spent..

add a little thunder like it is now,
and it perfectly portrays how i feel...
its the blueeeeesss

slow moving tuesday, like a turtle
little steps, crawling towards tomorrow, then tomorrow then tomorrow..
when will school start? :(

there's angelznite today, and grace managed to get free admission for first 100 with a new sponsor.. whoa.. really very cool.. im a little too lazy to drag my paws down to the event... a little too sleepy.. and maybe just no mood

yeps, i m a crampy grumpy sad zombish disoriented girl..
not really anymore tho :)
i had my fair share of sleep like a zhuglet as lulu will say..
im just BORRREEEDDD!
its my holidays.. or whats left of it..
i almost contemplated joining flag day - sense how bored i am yet?
but lazee me just decided to stay splat at home

some good news, received finally my uob debit and mini..
hohoho! not tt i will spend lavishly, but i think its always good to have a debit on hand.. yeps :)

rain rain...
the light patters of the tear drops from the sky
caressing down the walls
rain rain..
its cold, makes me shiver
unlike the cold which makes me smile :)

and the 5th module im bidding for... marketing..
is increasing every minute i swear
and bidding is open til tomorrow...
75 vacancies, 119 bidders, next min bid is hitting 200
i only have 1000+ points,
and what about the 6th module i have to bid for?
bidding sucks.. makes me feel small and... worried.

maybe i can go back to making some earrings again.. :)

[ i will stay by him and not speak or think of giving up so easily anymore]
this is what we both learned :)
its 1058pm, already 1258 am in lulu's place
he must be sleeping soundly, with early class of 10am tomorrow
heard from fei tt ih food was really bad today..
hope my baby is sleeping soundly and full :)
missing u is so hard..
i never knew walking away... or leaving the person u love was so hard
so stoned on the plane.. didnt know what to feel or say with the tears so stuck in my throat...
i missssss uuuuuuuuuuu
*sad kelian face*

if i could
i would pack u into my luggage
and bring u along when i left

if i could
i would hold u in my hands
and hide u safe and secure in my heart

if i could
i would hug u to sleep
every single night

if i could
i would sleep on the heartache and missing of you
and hope that it makes it easier for me

if i could
i would be beside u right now :)

i am back :) touched down at 2:15 am.
i am away from my darling again, but i will see him again, in simply 4 months time. the worst 5 mths have passed.. 4 mths is nothing when i have him locked safely in my heart =)
its too hot here.. i miss the nice beautiful cold weather, with the morning breezes waking u up like soft gentle kisses and after i bathe, the nice soothing feeling of jumping underneath the cosy blankets and melting in them is way toooooooo good. yes, i am beginning to miss brisbane :)
sleepy me was very unaccustomed to the endless towers of buildings and greenery in the cab back.. was really a little blur to take in the view of singapore, which i have missed for past 3 weeks.. brisbane is beautiful with its scenery, the cool weather, the calm brisbane river and everything... wish i could go back already..
only caught 4 hrs of sleep in total - but cant sleep at all anymore... its like im a zombie walking around aimlessly at home, figuring out my biological clock, feeling extremely hungry, yet my body is refusing food, feeling very sleepy yet being unable to catch any sleep at all, and of course missing him already yet being unable to hold his hand or even smell him for now.
i feel so much more closer to him after these 3 weeks and we've talked thru issues, ironing them out and instead of me always insisting that he doesnt tell me stuff.. i didnt look at myself... i didnt realise i no longer told him stuff about me anymore as i tot he wouldnt be interested and i always assumed... and i never gave him a chance.. and how would he know how unhappy i was if i never told him? i didnt open up to him... and what came after that just went down the hill..
we now know what went wrong in the past... communication is extremely important in any relationship... and TOUCH is essential when we talk (touch as in hold each other's hand, hold each other, touch his hair..) and the lack of trust i had in him (no fault of my monster but of past horror experience.. no matter how hard i tried to trust, the intense worrier monster in me couldnt stop my wild imaginations from flying all over and i didnt see... how much my lack of trust almost killed us.. how hurting it could be to have your love doubted... we depended on msn as communication gradually but it is essentially different from talking and sharing over the phone..and i have to make efforts too in calling my dearie... having been his gf for 2 yrs +, shouldnt tt make me more understanding that he is less of a words person and not insisting on him being vocal?
the first part of our long distance relationship has passed and there are so many lessons we can learn from it... and the next stage of 4 months has arrived faster than i'd have liked.. i wish i could stay there.. in his arms for three weeks, for eternity :)
before i boarded my plane, we hugged tightest and seeing the glistening tears in my eyes and my lips biting from crying, my monster told me not to cry and that he will be back to scoop me in 4 months... and if i were to cry, the customs wouldnt let me thru.. i couldnt say anything more but to give him a sudden big hug which i wish could last us thru eternity.. and i went down the escalator with red eyes, but no i dint cry... except when i was sleeping last night.. and the tears just rolled... they had a life of their own as they couldnt find the lovely brown eyes closed in deep sleep anymore..
this three weeks is definitely the best time of my life and once again, we have to move on with our lives :) studies for next 4 mths, and yes.. ill have my purple monster back in spore holdin my hands again. :) and he would be back to complete my life =) i feel definitely more driven and focused for the next four months.. hopefully i can take 6 modules to clear my mistakes in choosing modules... and do well.. a cap of 5? haha.. i never felt so motivated to work hard.. maybe all i need is a good cosy holiday to pour out all my unhappiness and i can let go of my burdens once i have cried my eyes out to my monster in the late night talks about my brother-in-law who has already left us... maybe its just being with my monster, who brings all the smiles back and wipes away all my tears, even those hidden ones.. he still knows me best.. me at my cranky, moody, piggish, sleepy and monsterish side..
cant wait for school to start! :) everything's working nicely for me finally, tuition jobs secured, 4 modules secured :) sorted things out, having a good and stable relationship with the bestest bf in the world. :)
trust and love my monster, all ways. always. :) brisbane is way beautiful. :)

this is my humble abode for the 3 weeks im in aussie!


as usual, this is my spot. :) messy, scary me! all my belongings! :)


the most wonderful thing that keeps me alive in this cold... the heater! :) haha.. ive never seen or touched or used a heater in my life in singapore, so pardon my mountain tortoiseness :)


a cariacature of us, courtesy of my nice nice colleague kenneth in panorama :) all the way imported from singapore... now on my dear's mirror :)


a sleepy us! :)

me with my boy i love and cherish so much :)

a day of buying clothes.. shopping frenzy at Harbour Town.. and our own fashion show of showing each other what we just bought ;) more of justin buying clothes than me :D



first few shots taken when i first reached aussie! :) taken wit my baby's camera!




pretty pretty kangaroo! a lazy one too.. just like me..haha


one of my favourite photos.. very nice scenery.. in koala sanctuary..




saving hugs for next few months! :) i cant describe my happiness to see lulu now.. :)

hmmm... in exactly a week's time, ill be back home in singapore..
sch's gonna start, madness is going to cave in..
i have had such a beautiful time here in brisbane :)
seeing him evryday makes me forget all the miserable times i had..

it takes two hands to clap,
and i've my hand with me now :)

preparing for a hot cold day.. hahaha..



nice scenery.. beautiful clouds!



on a bridge in sunnybank! me and lulu! :D



A blob of yummy soft mushy cottony cloud! beautiful right? ;)



nice photo taken on the bus to sunnybank.. one of many photos which the others turned out funny!



nice scenery again... the clouds so beautiful they look fake!! :)


wooooh
been almost a week since im here in brisbane.. its looking good :)
been walking around, freezing when there's sun..
ate justin-made fried noodles which tasted very good,
have nice buttered toast, cereals and noodles almost everyday! :)
good for a lazy bum like me who doesnt like eating breakfast..

im a very happy girl :)

taken from the window seat... around 630am on 12 july!



:D first photo taken after 5mths!!!!

on the city cat! where its freezing cold in the deck..


chinese food at aussie's china town!
pretty good.. but very filling!!




hello from the land of kangaroos, koalas and wombats! :)
im safely in brisbane, freezing cold in the ten degrees weather.. its 721pm now but 521 pm in singapore.. and its so so so cold and dark..
its the 15th today, and ive been here for 4 days...
should have reached exactly tomorrow morning at 625 am at brisbane airport, have i not changed my ticket for 150 dollars *gasp*
but i guess the most important thing is that its all worth it.

not been spending much here tho, the real shopping hasnt started yet! -grins-
been to southbank, city, sunnybank..
chinese food here pretty edible, but im starting to miss my mum's cooking!
and my mind has conjured a myriad of things i can cook in singapore, cos i see students staying in hostel and having to buy their own groceries.. me thinks that i will probably starve or be malnutritioned to death if i were to go on student exchange program. so yup, time to start cooking edible food!

its been GREAT to see justin again
distance doesnt bring the feelings or missing away
it makes the cherishing of every single moment holding hands stronger..

whoa time really flies
and i know i willl be back really soon.
but i will just cherish and immerse in every moment...

anything anyone wants me to buy? ;)

by the way.. anyone wanna take modules from other fac? derek, tressa, shiang? do let me know k.. thanks!! like breadths or wat.. let me know cos i gotta plan timetable!!

miss u guys ;) take care!!!! will update again!

grace and meeee

salon hair gone wrong :( so bright...

my tuition kid and me... see the contrast in color? she's thai ;)

My tuition kid's bear - did i tell u i lurrrrve bears? and this is LIFE size!! *melts* so pretty!

getting the dosage of hugs i need from the lovely red bear! :)

here's one more tight warmy snuggle! (the bear is really THAT big!)

Would you hug me please? :)

My family. My mum on bottom left.. 2nd sister, 3rd sister, 4th sister and me.. none of us look alike right? ;)

MISSING! Last seen 1969. Have you seen them before?

Anthony: ''Ah Ma! I tell you... I dont want you to feed me breakfast...''

My Theatre Studies photos :) meet the cast!

landy and his eAngelz - grace, me, ramyaaa, hazel

e Angelz - Hazel, Isabelle, Grace :)

me and rita

Shirleen and Me :)

finally.
ive stepped down from eAngelz and Panorama..
handed over my work to grace (my colleague)
its a stinging sad feeling as this work is something i really really love..
but because of the environment, everything just threatens to crash.
hugged all my colleagues and wrote thank-you notes to the angels who made my life so sweet :) with all the lunches, panadol, gossip, coffee, support and help that kenneth, shirleen, gopes, zilah, grace, ramya gave..
it made my life so so much better, amidst all that vacuuming, washing, cleanin..
all the unhappy memories of working there kinda fades away nicely..

had lunch with ken who promised to treat me lunch before i leave.. ate at the cricket club with his employee owen and my colleague grace.. really had a good time and i learned so much :)

these 2 months were not exactly the most perfect moments of life
but it made me see the real realities of working life with me involved in it..
learned so much :)

nitty gritty details to tie up..
neeed to change my currency, pack my stuff, buy some necessities
cant believe its so soon already..
que sara sara
:)

have you heard of the song Tong Hua before?
how beautiful.

uncertainties....
quitting..
leaving...
going...
mixed......


im very tired
im off to sleep.

havent updated in ages... felt that too many things happened... its been a roller coaster ride.. sometimes very depressing cos of work, sometimes its a brand new exhilarating high due to work achievements... and sometimes, i see no point in blogging cos there's too much of a long story and unless you are me, noone can understand.. and i look at myself in photos, i look so crimply (crumpled and wrinkly) and so haggard :( Maybe its the lack of sleep and its not a long lasting effect :( 2 weeks since i last updated... so many things just happened... time crawled past but things escalated... pretty burnt out, dont know what to feel anymore... mixed feelings, am i doing the right thing by quitting? its the job i have wanted my life... and maybe even more.. but im not so sure afterall its a moral dilemma... yes, one of my ramblings again... its close to end of june... need i say more.. its closer to start of school... the headache of choosing major is here again... when u think or wish u have everything planned, it just turns out otherwise... im finding accomplishment and satisfaction in this job, thats why its so hard to let go.. a thousand thoughts flitting past my mind now, running incessantly... not stopping to let me breathe... i think i need a hug :(

woah :)
just accomplished many many things

a quick update,
pjc sleepover is done over with
honestly, not as i expected
i was disappointed, actually very disappointed
but i just hid it with a smile most of the time

AngelzNite - my very first brand over le
was a success, thankfully
was very disheartened by my organizing skills after sleepover's problems
110 ppl turned up, felt really happy to see ppl whom i registered and rsvp for, to see them in person
and for them to say 'so you are izzy! hi izzy! *waves*'
it felt like seeing ur pen pals? haha.. ppl whom u exchange ur emails with virtually :)

and yes, i gave up my teaching award
call me crazy, it pays me $4000 annually in addition to paying my uni fees plus giving me a steady job for first 4 years of my life, plus allowing me to hang around young ppl
its like the best job especially with the economy right?

well, i took lots of my courage
i think i used up all of them
because i know that this 4 yr bond will restrict me from doing things i may want to try and i really know that teaching's not my priority
learning new things and discovering new things are my 1st priorities.
i have many fears, fears tt i will fail as a role model as a mentor for the students, i fear i will break the bond, i fear i will not be able to keep up with my cap score if i major in lit as my lit has so far been my worst subject and i have been gradually losing interest in it
i know that i can still teach if i want to, after i try out jobs like advertizing, event management, air stewarding..
but if i take up this bond, it restricts me..
yes, call me crazy
but i decide that i got to find my own way
i felt so happy giving it up.
:)

in terms on financial problems ,
i figured that i can do without a bond but go on bursary to ease my financial burdens
i will have to work doubly hard as compared to others due to my financial family background, since i chose to give up the award which will easily take away this strain,
but im not afraid of hardship
even if it means that i have to give tuition everyday
im happy as long as my career gives me satisfaction of learning and trying new things and meeting new people :)

thanks for everyone's encouragement to ask me to take up the award, i also feel much less pressurized not taking it
im also considering changing my major to sociology, a non teachable subject - thus, not taking the award helps me so much in faciliating my choice of major

and i got back my uni results - im very thankful :)
considering what happened and me missing school for 2 weeks, and the other half of the time in and out of hospital and not bein able to concentrate
thanks teresa and derek ally and steph and shiang and kaetna ppl who helped me along while i was missing sch
:)

and... i love my job now..
beginning to love what i do intensely..
im learning so much
and it helps me affirm my thoughts tt i like event management and pr related careers
even my job requires me to mail cheque, do yucky accounts, skip lunch, wash cups and even vacuum when i was wearing this short skirt
i still love it because of the environment, my colleagues and learning so much :)
esp thru networking events, meetings, trainings, talks, lunches,
i feel like im part of the company already :)

and i got my new hp!
i am so happy.. finally a hp that i got after searching for 2 weeks... was choosing between samsung flip phones and nokia phones.. and i was almost soooo close to choosing e720c samsung but i know that it'd plainly be impractical, vain, and expensive.
yup, and i really didnt regret getting a workable darlin phone!! :)
mp3 player, 1.3 megapix camera, video :) all gd enough for me
at least i am contactable now!

and i changed my blogskin!!
:)
felt like i needed a fresh change..
something bright, inspiring..
life is every moment worth living :)
i will step out of the shadows and live and smile :)

and....
im flying off soon!!! :)
just cant wait.
=)

sigh,
im down with a very painful headache
jus came back from movies with yan, her husband and his friend
today's their registering of marriage date (Rom)
but i couldnt make it for the ceremony at 10 am since i was working :(
watching monster in law
not usually a fan of j lo,
but it is a pretty nice, haha, slap stick show
pretty cool with a rather unpredictable plot i would say
spent most of the time laughing


on the cab back home cos it was way too late at 11:45pm
for me to take bus i will never go home
and i missed the last bus 143
this throbbing pain shot thru my head
with my whole head pulsating

wasnt an average day; was kinda hitting the lows..
didnt eat anything except for ham and bread and some old chang kee and my fave teh ping
thats all for today
wasnt hungry, had no appetite

getting back uni results tom at 11 am
the anxiety is reflected in every single nus student
sigh

and i got upcoming event on my hands
sleepover,
AngelzNite,
accounting stuff,
etc

i feel like an old perm staff already

where is a nice chill out place when i need one?

got to go, my head is collapsing on me
clutching my head in vain.

i found this on john's blog and found it sweet and meaningful :)

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
who calls you back when you hang up on him,
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead,
who wants to show you off to the world
when you are in your sweats
,who holds your hand in front of his friends,
who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on.

Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you
of how much he cares about you
and how lucky he is to have you.

Wait for the one who turns to his friends and say "...that's her."

GUYS... Find a girl who calls you immature in that affectionate way
instead of hot or sexy,
who can't stand it when you hang up on her and calls right back,
who would sit there for hours looking into your eyes,
who doesn't care what you look like,
but what's inside counts the most,

Who looks at you with the twinkle in her eyes and kisses you,
Wants to be with you in public, even if you wear those old grass stained and ripped pants with the bleached jersey like always,

Wait for the girl who is a constant reminder of your happiness and joy,
who makes you smile just by knowing she loves you back.

Wait for the girl who you give piggy back rides to in public
and she still is in view of her friends, while she gets off and you hear her go:
"you're the one for me, for always"

dippers for the 3 choc syrups!

fruits... reminds me of gelare's tutti frutti waffle =)

our little toasting of marshmellows (slurps)

waffles and ice cream and choc syrup

dark choc, white choc and milk choc... yums!

tressa and me, at max brenner. me with huge eye bags

ramya and me :)

yesterday lugged the stacks of name tags and papers to be cut home from the office
supposed to stay in office til 9+
but i had tuition at 730
so i tot of sharing work with ramya, so i brought work back
and so by the time i reached home
really really dead tired working 9am to 9pm
i started eating dinner late, den started cutting and preparing the name tags til 3am
do until i blur and doze off and cut my fingers again
then some were missing but ramya was asleep le
so i was kinda worried but tried to wake up early

yup tat means this morning
i was awakened by her sms at 7am
den quickly bathed, put make up, brought my plasters and changed into those formal long sleeved purple shirt and black pants
lugged the whole paper bag of name tags to Insead at near buona vista there
where my company had a Visionary and Leaders talk with the Dean of Wharton Uni
so had to prepare the registration booth
and guess wat..
really many name tags were missing
and the scary thing is i remember cutting them many days before, so did ramya remember typing them
and guests arrived so early
we were practically almost freaking out with this obnoxious woman from our sponsers
she was practically breathing on my neck insisting on her colleague and hername tags
when
1. she could see we were totally not open for registration
2. she knew she was being a total bother
3. she saw the name tags which she wanted but still asked us where was it
4. when in the mad rush for name tags where the guests messed up the tags, she insisted on her name tags AGAIN
5. when we really had no choice as many other companies' name tags were missing and they were perfectly fine with us printing on the spot with our labelling machine, she yelled at me sarcastically and said.. 'what? this is what we get?' den she refused to take it and left the printed name tags on my table
6. she walked past and grabbed them suddenly
7. the helpers realised that the name tags she wanted was actually there and she just deliberately found trouble with us
8. she asked one of her colleagues to be sarcastic and tell us that the event should start already when they were the ones with the wrong email
9. apparently, she is always always picking on us and sadly, she is the hr manager for that company and they are our sponsors afterall.. every event she has been here

i really gritted my teeth and tried to smile, remembering all the times at american club waitressing where i got a lot of crap from unreasonable customers

met ntu ppl and nus grads talking abt this aiesec thingy which sounds really cool with internships and programs that help u market urself and such
they told me to join cos i seemed to be outgoing
or was it that i was just being plain talkative? i dont know
but i just know as time passes and ramya is quitting soon
i feel that the company seems to be kinda lacking an impt person like her
she's the coolest colleague i ever had
i admire her straightforwardness and her direct approach when she doesnt see eye to eye with stuff
her insight to life is really inspiring and i have learned so much thru her
really going to miss her when she leaves

and there was this ger who grad from ntu engine recently and i jus happened to click very well with her
she told me abt how she sustained a long distance relxnship for 4 yrs with her bf in france
*jaws drop*
she is really cool, very easy to talk to
and i really was glad to know her

i guess thru all this work
i have learned that i really wanna go into the line of hr/pr
i think so

then went back to office at 1pm
after ramya taught me invoicing, c3 and rsvp
went for lunch with kenneth
kinda had a good talk with him regarding career prospects
he's 36 but with the jovial positive attitude, he brings life to panorama..
:)

went back office and froze to death in the office
not really freeze to death,
but i was shivering
today i worked fully for eAngelz
and i started preparing my second blast
and calls came in looking for me for the june 7th networkig event
its like my baby cos i did the blast and am gonna prepare for it
going down to get all the nitty gritty details
:) very tiring, but it is accomplishing
Angelznite as a networking event for marketing professionals as well as a place to chill out..
we have it once a month
and ramya really allowed me much autonomy by letting me learn on the job and doing most of the planning... she guided me smoothly along
:)
hope my event works out beautifully

and i felt really too tired for tuition given the fact tt i've had tuition with my 3 kids almost everyday
asked for a cancellation today and hung out with teresa and her fren brennan at esplanade's max brennen's chocolate place
being no avid fan of chocolate like teresa, i wasnt so intrigued at first
but it was pure novelty to be able to dip strawberries, marshmellow, banana pieces and bread into dark chocolate, white chocolate and milk choc
i had fun :)
it was really good to chil out after one whole week of crazy work

yup, and i took the bus 97 back home
and almost missed my stop by oversleeping

and pjc sleepover coming up too..lots of planning etc
and tomorrow after tuition at 930pm there's a meeting at harbour front
yup, tts how busy i am

am off to bed at 11:09am
i never sleep so early
so i guess i am really dead beat
nitex ppl =)

whoa
had the most happening long weekend ever
with friday being one which killed my legs
a fire drill where i had to walk down 26 storeys with a colleague about to faint on me
and basically my legs felt like they wanted to change into liquid state of jelly
pwoar
so long never walk so many flights
(faints)

my legs still hurt

then went to meet with steve and gang on that night
went holland v the coffee connosieur
ordered two jugs of heineken
and matthew whipped out his baileys
the whole night we were playing funny stuff like
open/close, around the world in eighty days
i got so giggly
i was laughing at practically everything
but it was reallly nice =)

then next morning went town with my family
walked around til 5 plus to meet sherwyn den a long lost friend at 8
so we ate at cafe cartel at 8, went gone fishing,
sent sherwyn home
den walked home
den the friend took a cab back
by the way my legs were doubly painful

woke up next morning with blisters all over
but went to temples with mum and 4th sis
had tuition on a sunday afternoon
me feeling kinda cold and sick!
poor kid..
and poor me as well
haha
was on the way back when steve asked us out for dinner
went home for yummy home cooked crabs
den joined them for some late drink
and reached home at 2 am
being the last in the cab

den this morning went k box at cineleisure
then went to look for new shoes
but combed the whole place still cant find
:(

my search for new shoes still goes on
and i got a nice lip gloss after searching for many shops
hoho! :)
12.50 as compared to the 30 dollars ones i saw

oh well
been a busy weekend
and the working begins tomorrow
and tuition
and the mad morning rush just repeats
again and again
:(

today was a crappy day
woke up feeling crappy
took my time to go to work
but i was still early lah :)

den while removing my plaster
i tore apart my wound again
and it bled
nonstop

same as always
no plaster at office
i cheong to nearest 7-11
and got my plaster
applied antiseptic
it still hurts
cos i keep pressing on wound accidentally or hitting it

think i having pms
seriously
dont ask me y im so mooody
i just feel low low low
way low
and i dunno how to tell

and accounts is making me really frustrated

even the nice teh~si nearby doesnt cheer me up

how
i need to cheer up
tomorrow is friday
start of long weekend
and im feeling crappish already :(

haiz

hmmm a much better day no cutting of myself no missing of lunches no getting lost quite ok, at least for now now its the second part of my day with me doing accounts tough job but its really good tt i get exposed to new things and get to learn :) learning abt debit and credit stuff makes me wanna pull out my hair but well, at least i get to do something different everyday but im very very loaded *dead beat* but contented :) work keeps me going!

didnt have an awesome day as i had hoped to
went out at 8am, hoping to reach office earlier
instead of having to rush all the way from raffles place to equity place in the mad rush
managed to squeeze into the train
but still in the monotony slow snail speed i was only able to reach raffles place 5 mins earlier
and with the mad white collared rush and the click clacks of heels in the morning
i was only on time
sigh
so much for planning

currently working from 9-1pm for an events company,
then 2-6 for another company where i do accounts

early in morning whilst i was cutting papers for name tags with the penknife
i sliced thru my left finger
then i *stunned*
the blood flowed
and flowed

then i rushed to the toilet which has the lock which is faulty,
with a dripping bloody hand and a shaky right hand
i looked so pathetic trying to open the door
a kind woman helped me open
then while i let my bloody finger run under the tap
the lady also *stunned*
then she look at me and ask me ''how?''
and the blood just flowed and filled the basin
it hurt
and still does
especially now with it bandaged
but i have changed 3 plasters already
as the other 2 were blood soaked
it is still thumping in pain
and i cant type properly as well

den at 1 i was supposed to have lunch
den had to settle the telegraphic transfer
had to walk from one end to the other end to hsbc bank
and to protect the papers from getting wet in the rain where i had no umbrella
i had to handle the transfer papers, my hp, my wallet, my stuff to post in letter box
and i lost my way as well
cos i was not familiar with raffles place as well
drenched, cold and hungry
supposed to meet tressa but it was 130 already
sorry ger
:(

den after settling my stuff i didnt have time to grab food
cos i had to walk back
and yes, find my way
had to call my colleague who is a really cool and nice lady
she's 24 and really nice
thank goodness for her
i got home
and not much of a lunch is there

then with my finger still aching,
had to do accounts
and my collegaue was busy cos hes on leave for next 3 days
and as i am supposed to cover for all the ppl
i have work really covered up to my neck
cna hardly find my desk

and i had to have tuition from 730-900
and tomorrow again
and the cycle repeats for tomorrow too

9-9
did i say i am extremely tired and my finger still hurts?
and tomorrow its horror again

*dead tired*

3 boys and a girl! look like blood sister and brothers :D

jon,my 2nd sis,me, my mum, my 3rd sis, sean, my 4th sis n little sheryl in front :)