To Pray...

Dear God,
if you can hear me,
could you take away the pain,
the bruises, the swollen-ness,
the disappointment, the memories,
the very remnants of haunting snippets
for my beloved grandma pls?

Dear God, if you can hear me -

could you -

unbreak this heart of mine?

Whhheeee!

Credits to: Libraryman in Flickr

Yay!

Finally something to be happy about in these moments of darkness -

pb is in! (or at least, i know the amount for now...)

it's morrre than i expected, and i'm grateful for what i have :)

Now, for that yummy dslr..

Bad Day

photo credits: http://www.hahastop.com/pictures/Bad_Hair_Day.htm

Bad Hair-y Day

You know you're having one of THOSE days,
when things go awesomely wrong-
when you finally manage to deposit your cash into your blaaaardy account, and realise that
on the day of the event, it's fully booked.
and it's your birthday somemore.

and you have already come up in your head of those awesomely gorgeous ideas,
that will go all awry.

Oh, and this added to the myriad of things flashing by you,
such as:
1. a kick-ass parrner (not talking about my boyfriend but my vendor)
2. a tumultaneous workstation that stares at you every mornign
3. unrelentless phonecalls from ppl u were unable to reach previously but now when u're bogged down with 1346776523247 things to do, they call
4. banks that call u and invite you oh-so-nicely to get their SPECIAL promotional card/insurance/insert-moolah-earning-commission-for-the-rude-telemarketeers-who-call-you but when you try to call them for emergencies, such as lost PIN or lost card, u get the nonchalent 'sorry, we're experiencing high call volume'
5. weird people who miss call you, but when u call back, they yell 'who are you? how did u get my number?'
6. absolutely fantastic condo management who doesn't understand the terms 'customer service'
7. and a poor bf who's nursing an illness and unable to listen to my rumbles (but cant blame him)

i'm so bitchy and tired of the random nonsensical things that like to spring oh-so-suddenly huge surprises on me.

spare me pls.

credits to http://drf.teflonminne.se/2005/12/15/arets-tva-mest-efterblivna-amobor-har-utsetts/

Thanks to your overwhelming awesomeness and magnamity,
I'm absolutely humbled.

You should go piss off.

Make that all of you.

image credits: www.davidbithell.com

Of Space and Liminality

Was rummaging through online pictures when I found this picture very inspiring.
Somehow, it seems to describe and depict how I feel inside.
Messy. Liminal. Yet Empty.

I see a mess and also an empty space in this picture. Probably describes things in my head too.

The past weeks have been so busy, and finally the Dance Competition for the under 13s kicked off last Saturday.
Somehow, seeing those cute and funky kids dance their way to the championship made EVERYTHING all worth it. I guess, as a goal-oriented person, this is extremely important to me.

I was really inspired by their energy and passion for life,
and started contemplating about life,
about how I was so driven by I-don't-know-what-kinda-force in uni, joining events and fulfilling all my interests.
and now i look at my life, i feel so shallow.

wakeup-gotowork-eatbreakfast-typepapers-gomeetings-eatlunch-typepapers-freshair-breatheforafewmoments-typepapers-gohome-playiphone-eatdinner-(insert stoning activity such as mahjong, texas hold'em, reading, writing, looking out the window with a roll of paper...)-sleep.

i started monday morning bright and chirpy...and it's wednesday, and it's gonna be down hill.

i'm exhausted, uninspired, unnerved, un... un... unsure.

what's life about? a mundane cycle?
it's eating me up.

oh yes, and of liminality.
of grey areas.
why do things always have to be black OR white?
can't they be black and white?
why must we ALWAYS know what we are doing?
why can't we just sit on our decisions and NOT feel bad?
why does life get SO complicated as the age shoots up exponentially?
why can't I just stop wondering about life?

Sometimes, I take lifts and as the lift more often than not opens at almost every other floor, before my floor,
I create and imagine the characters coming into the lift,
with their own life stories,
with their own preoccupations,
flaws, hiccups, weaknesses, soft spots.

And then I imagine ways to cheer them up (cos people always look so glum/uncomfortable when sharing the lift)

and then it's my turn to get out of the lift.

Understand my point?
No?
It's alright. Neither do I.

Grumpsie
Izzy

www.picturesof.net/pages090324-15...2048.html

Ferociously Fast

The first few days of the lunar new year has just come and gone.
This year's festive season has lost its grandeur and mood, it has become so watered-down.

Is this part of growing up,
where the visiting relatives become more distant and the relatives haunt you with the same old questions?

This year's new year has only become simpler, with a mini gathering, a steam boat with family, hanging out and talking.

Maybe being a kid was so much easier and happier.

Purrry,
Izzy <3>

Photo credits to: http://willthomasonline.wordpress.com/tag/churches

Spread thin like butter

You know how sometimes, you end work, and have not eaten for past 12 hours,

but you just end up collapsing on the bed, snuggling in the blanket and enjoying the air-con,

without feeling a single pang of hunger?

That's exactly how I feel now, and how I felt for the past few days.

It's been one hell of a week! Those cursed paperwork, high heels and non-stop computer screen staring.

How come work never gets done? After you put your focus on one task, and complete it after gobbling a sandwich (yucks) and having a super thick and concentrated tea, you find yourself drowning in 5 more assignments, targeted to be completed by next week?

I ended up this big grumpy grouch, perched in front of my computer, staring at files and websites, typing incessantly and quickly as if my life depended on it, and then, shit happens and you end up having to find the files, to fill up the gaps in your tasks, having to liaise with vendors, picking up phonecalls, dealing with last minute crap and before you know it, it's 8pm *gulps*

One ranting post, and I foresee many to come. I'd thought after the club campaign I completed in Dec, things would be a little less hectic (meaning, I no longer have to voluntarily work on Sat, Sun, afterwork, bring work home, sleep at 2am, type non-stop, have no time to even do things I like).

Apparently, life has its awesome surprises for us, and the next few months certainly don't look any rosier.

Dear God, if you can't make me less busy or tired, can you at least increase my salary?

At least, my cursed life has more monetary value than my educational investments.

P.S: Daniel said life's a slut. Why? Cos a bitch screws everyone but you, but a slut screws everyone, including you.

Succumbing to the heavy eyelids,

Izzy

Credits to: www.flickr.com/photos/ualymerj

Til Death Do Us Part

I am in awe of a wedding blog that my primary school best friend created with her other half, chronicling the small bits before, during and after their solemnization.

The blog is filled with small sweet details of their photo shoot, their life after marriage (the first meal my friend cooked as a new bride/wife), their mini honey moons, how they met (yes, they even made a video at the secondary school they met), their ring choosing and customizing their rings. And most importantly, they continue to write this blog together, 4 months after they have ROM-ed.

They even count down to their next steps after their solemnization - that is, getting a flat, finding an auspicious Chinese wedding date.

It's really very sweet and heart warming, and I know she's in good hands with him.

To many others, marriage could probably be only a hassle or a once-in-a-lifetime experience of shopping for the most gorgeous heels and wedding dress, but somehow, from their blog, I know it's more than that.

It's the amount of significance they attribute to their pre-wedding preparations, on-going solemnization and post-solemnization life, that portrays the amount of commitment they have put in, to their shared lives, to the marriage until the end.

The blog's tagline reads "Falling in love is easy, staying in love is special." How sweet :) I can only agree, since being attracted to someone new (the entire courtship period for both) is definitely easier than making committed effort to stay together.

How many of us would remember the vows "Til Death Do Us Part" and stay true to them?

I've not been married yet (and probably am gonna stay that way for quite some time.. ) but this post hopefully will remind me that one day, the day comes, I will live true to the vow.

Misty-eyed,

Izzy

Photo credits to http://www.bildfind.com/bilder_dead_any_any__378.html

Dead

This blog has been dead for quite some time,
and the tress has run dry of ideas and inspiration.
Will be doing up a revamp and get it going.

It's finally 2010, and I can't help but feel older and older.
Hitting the mid 20s soon *ouch, it hurts to hear the numbers*

Things that I have to accomplish before 26th birthday

1. Get a car!
It's been already almost 2 years since I've graduated and not even a scrap metal has landed on my hands. Sigh. So much so for wanting to drive and feel the breeze in my hair. But it looks like I have to make do with a very practical car. Or perhaps, someone would want to lend his Civic Type R for me to drive *wink wink* at the risk of murdering plants, animals and humans.

2. Go for further studies!
I'm honestly contemplating, deliberating, considering a Masters degree. In psychology, law or business. Call me an escapist from reality if you wish, but I really want to further my studies.

3. Start a business!
... though I have really no idea what to do. Compile all the comics that I've drawn into a book and as my love has suggested, publish them into a children's book? Hah.

4. Write a book/play
I never had the time to sit down at Starbucks and start writing scenes/chapters. What a pleasure it would be.

5. Go and see aurora lights!
Seems like I'm never gonna do that :(

6. Make enough money to buy a cat!
But there's no space for cats :(

I'd better stop now before my dreams get bigger and more ridiculous. Sigh.

Dreaming,
Izzy