the l'oreal brandstorm competition is finally over.
at least, the presentation is over :)
what a relief.
the past few weeks have whizzed past
with all 3 of us being high strung, stressed and grumpy
where we'd just bunk at chel's place, eat fruits for breakfast, lunch and dinner..
tag team to sleep for max four hours daily
skip lectures
be grumpy
rush powerpoint
edit notes
be grumpier
sleep lesser as the deadline drew closer
i think ive never been so quiet in my life
i just withdrew to myself and stared fiercely at the computer screen of
information abt biotherm and the survey results
boy, am i glad i took sc2101 module and i can use my quantitative analysis skills to use.
i talked so little and looked so grumpy
i think its scary.
but i am seldom like this,
so actually, i am quite nice, lah :)

the presentation was nerve-wrecking for me
cladded in professional executive suit and skirt and hair tied oh-so-neatly
with make-up
it was like THE professional corporate world of presentations
granted, ive been working as marketing and events before
but never had such a prestigious chance to present at a competition b4
esp being in arts, and not having formal presentations as such
a good experience though i ended up feeling very small
but i reall really did my entirely best
its like a little dream that i fulfilled
that is to join such competitions and to be able to present confidently.
yup, put a check list to that and we shall see if our dreams can be further worked on when 6 february comes.
the results will reveal if we have passed the first stage of pre-case sypnosis
and determine if we have a chance to fight to compete on national level at paris!
:)
i stood straight and confidently, without little movements.. so to aaron, who is most probably reading and grinning, thanks very very much for all the tech support and pointers :)

now with l'oreal competition down (for the time being),
with work down (for the time being)
we have the DRIVING TP test on 26 january! (horrors of all)
i swear i still drive into the wrong lanes, i cant cut lanes for nuts, i get so nervous that i change gear from gear 3 to neutral gear, my U-turns suck totally, my instructor wants to die laughing from guiding my driving, i drove into the opposite lanes... yes... and my test is in 5 days.. i must be outta my mind to even take up driving in the first place... :( i still dont know when and where to turn my car into.. sigh...

and next.. school.. i've been skipping too many lectures for the first two weeks..
time to get back in'sync with work.. tutorials.. lectures... projects...essays.. how nice.... what a 'big' change from wat im doing now..

next in line: marketing project to rush for company

Singles' nite @ newsroom bar to be organized for company

guitar classes

jazz dance classes

school work... (read: tonnes of burying assignments, tutorials, deadlines..)

tuition of 7 kids

driving test and lessons!

i need a break... any short get-away anyone? :)

more than words. go figure.

collide- howie day.

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you


YeahI'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a frist impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide

goodness.. its 3.54 am and for the consecutive 3 nights,
i think ive not slept for more than 4 hours..
the l'oreal brandstorm competition is killing all 3 of us..
and now im in pgp's common room trying to finish the remnants of my work
my mind is totally gone, my eyes are like small slits...
and tomorrow is jazz dance performance..
i am gonna look exactly and dance like a zombie too..
and blue blacks collection amount to 5 big one today..

pardon me for the incoherence..
ive been thinking, breathing, writing, reading all about loreal's products and brands until im not so sure what im talking or thinking abt anymore..
train of tots out of alignments...

should i jus hail a cab and go home to sleep before the performance or should i just bunk in at chel's room and pretend im very small sized and squeeze with her..

i need some shut eye....
hectic week ahead.. hang in there...
nightmare.

i am tired.

i found out recently that ive lost passion in a lot of things i love.

work, research, dance, friends, family
everything and anything possible.

short tempered, tired, closed up, quiet
thats becoming me now.

i guess i need a lot of me-time cos im spread thinly like ice and school is just starting soon after work ends with lingering remnants of work to be done still.

dance performance on 14th, competition, work, school, tuition, family, friends, events
sometimes i remind myself i am not superwoman even tho i wish i was.
biting off more than i can chew...
i am being grumpier, and disappointed with myself too
cos i know my passion in doing the best in watever i do is diminishing
seems like its slip shod work and i have no heart to do anything.
maybe its a self fulfilling prophecy and brainwashing done by a certain him,
but it feels like crap at the end of it.
oh yes, and many many 21st birthdays to attend in this month alone. at least 4.
no time, no money.

driving TP coming soon
and i havent even done my circuit
this is how pressed for time i am.

forgot how sleep is like,
havent slept properly and soundly.

want some quiet time to look at the world go by,
not me catching up with fast and furious spinning of the globe.
man, i cannot catch up
and i can hardly breathe.

some better news though:

i got accepted for my business minor - means now i am possibly slightly a little teeny weeny bit more marketable with a business minor. but i am getting so jaded by the corporate world already, i really wonder if thats gonna be my path or i should just go with some airlines and be an air stewardess.
hmm.

i got accepted by NUS for the student exchange programme to go to UK, Uni of Newcastle Upon Tyne. Now i gotta get my results slips, testimonials and all ready and pray hard that UK accepts me. then it'll be off to UK I'll be. I definitely need to get out of this place, after all that has happened, especially since JC1.. life has been ups and downs... never calm.. feel like ive been on huge choppy waves which seemingly is calm but topples me over and jus throws me under. im surprised my mum is actually not protesting against the exchange after today's family reunion dinner. my sisters kindly explained casually that this is an opportunity of a life time, and its prestigious as well. i can see a longing in her eyes, and i know if i could just forego my dreams of going to uk to study no matter how short the stint, i will stay for her. but my sisters lived thru regrets due to poverty and control in the past, and i believe they want me to live my dreams.

work has ended at least for now. its like a shoulder off my burden as its really mentally consuming. but i really learned so much and at the end of the day, maybe thats what matters the most. it was interesting one month with teresa where she knows ill just brighten up with nice food after a horrid day and i guess it just is a funny transition from work to school. from eating at food courts to school canteens.

new year has passed and resolutions are always prevalent in peoples' minds. i guess for me, i would really have to be true to myself, and live out my dreams. going for wat i want and never making myself unhappy even when it means making others unhappy. about being honest and true to myself, and never get bullied or pushed over. and not to trust people easily, in the sense that never get stepped over by close friends or acquaintances.

for me, the past 2005 year is the year where i learned the most.. i dealed with having my bro-in-law leaving me, spending sleepless edgy nights in tan tock seng hospital again.. having to say goodbye to my bf and being brave... working hard and saving up for a trip to aussie... studying german and immersing in a different culture... working in an events company as events manager.. flying to aussie and experiencing a love that would withstand the challenges of distance and time... and cherishing and treasuring every moment together.. holding him close to my heart and dancing to the tunes of Toto's africa, learning to play pool though i still suck at it... living away from my family for 3 weeks in aussie... probably one of the best times in my life cos i had not seen him for so long and to be able to see him then was just incredibly happy and important... being in a short lived long distance relationship... being fun-loving and open to learn jazz dance and guitar... meeting a whole new world of friends who love dancing and making music with guitars... learning about the passion that drives people.. late night suppers and getting to learn so much more to different sides of people.. being betrayed of my trust by someone i was really being a buddy to and that is something i want to forget... losing a close to three year relationship shortly after coming back to singapore... losing a part of me that grew up together with him... the longest relationship i had that just crumbled away... having to be really brave about the loss, 6 modules that totally drained me out... getting close to friends that drifted apart.. performances that sought to drive away my stage fright but evident of living my dreams to perform... driving and driving my instructor up the wall with my slow reactions.. directing in a theatre studies play where everything was done from scratch... everything... i learned so much.

but i guess all these, good and bad, can never really be erased away.. sometimes, fate just leaves the best for the last.. so we just press on in darkest times and tell ourselves that better times lie ahead...

and now we face challenges of 2006... bidding for now..cos i cant even get my 5th module... coping with work, competition, tuition and school... internships hopefully or different kinds of work after exams in may.. 21st birthday... uk trip... surviving... earning cash for the exchange... learning and growing...

and yup, one of the resolutions is to never force myself to do things i dont want to and still put on a smiling facade.. cos im tired.. and i never make myself happy anymore...

whatever doesnt kill makes us stronger.. i may sound weary and jaded.. but one day, it'll all work out nicely..

its the first time i lost my temper outwardly
first time i stopped repressing my inner feelings
jus because im being nice doesnt mean u can overstep the boundaries
respect works both ways,
and i hope u know that i need a breather
that u are suffocating me

plus some men are just plain whiney, ungentlemanly and gets on my nerves

and on the long bus rides home
i just stoned and stoned.
the early start to work was excellent, fresh and chirpy

stop pushing me.