Three days before I left for HK, I received a call from a secondary school friend.
In a shaky voice, she quickly said hello and wavered for a little. My heart sank - it was the age that you never wanted to pick up sudden calls in fear of the worst.
She apologised softly for calling, and started to ask me if I remembered X. Before I even said "yes, of course", the words "what happened?" leapt out of my mouth, almost too quickly before I could control myself.
He left us, that was what happened.
The next evening, I found ourselves sitting on the cold red chairs at his wake, in the awkward silence where words had become superfluous. Some of us were blinking away hot tears - he was still so young. Charming, brilliant, young.
Sometimes, in our endless chase for our pursuits, we seem to have forgotten to breathe. As the world whirls by so quickly, we have held our breaths, frantically following what seems to be the only correct way to carve our careers; perhaps to pay our bills, to pursue our dreams or to achieve greater material goods.
It is only when a death, a sudden one, stops you in your tracks and you drop all that you are carrying at once, and see yourself in the middle of the entire societal frenzy where blurred images pass you by, some of them whom once seemed so familiar but have become merely flitting images of what you once thought you knew.
I wish such tragedies never have to happen, for us to remember how fragile we all are. Today has been given to us, but tomorrow can never be promised to us.
Sometimes, when our lives seem to be engulfed by work or matters of the heart, it may appear as though there is this gargantuan rock blocking your path, and there is no way out.
But at the end of the day, a job is still a job - I wouldn't have had such sentiments in my idealistic and passionate undergraduate days - because when we leave this world, we are often not remembered by how late we worked after office hours, the fantastic business proposal we spent insane hours on, the accolades we pile on our LinkedIn / Facebook accounts or the 5 digit salary we earned, but we are missed by our loved ones for the memories we left during our short stay on this earth. Of course, many may not be chasing a career, just to earn praises and acknowledgement from the Bosses; but when you eventually lie in your final resting place, all that is left of you - is you. Not the tangible rewards/awards/pursuits, not even the post graduate degree you chased for. What is left is the last laughter you shared with a friend you've not met in the last decade, the last time you sat down for proper dinner without any social media device interrupting your meal with your family, the last time you told your partner a "thank you" or an "i love you" when you had the time.
I think we are sorely lacking a work-life balance in today's world - I can't remember the last time I actually spent some time with my loved ones, just focusing on them alone, without grabbing my iPhone for a snap to immortalise this moment on Instagram, without sharing the photos of dinner on FaceBook or simply replying a "quick urgent email".
We all need to learn to live, to breathe, to love, all over again.
To my friend, I hope you find peace now, and that you remain always so henceforth.
Silenced,
Belle
