A Merry Christmas

Au Revoir et A Bientot! =)

Running out of time

It gets really freaking frustrating when you take one step forward and end up taking two steps backwards.
Despite all the meticulous planning and overtime doing,
it all boils down to freaking nothing.

At the rate this is going, we're never ever going to make it.

Thank you for the indecisiveness and uncalled-for condescending tones.

Courtesy of: http://www.flickr.com/photos/darkhairedgirl/2112355734/

Negativity is a real soul killer

Ever felt that your mood was sorely affected by the negativity of the others near you?
Apparently, it can happen.

Read an article on Cleo that mentions how we can catch the Angst Epidemic from friends near us, and that started me thinking.

It is certainly tough for us to keep chins up in times of adversity,
and harder still when people close to us are caving in.

The worse is to feel helpless when everything goes awry.

It's the end of the year, and the festive mood doesn't seem to be setting in.

=(

Such is life.

picture from reellifewisdom.com

Older, but none the wiser.

Misery loves company.

My lungs have officially joined my stomach and throat in this sweet enduring battle of illness, and I've been running fever non-stop.

It's God's way of telling me to stop...

Credits: http://open.24.net/Gif/Good_Collection/Celestial.Exploring/Blessing.html

Blessings

Every time I count my blessings, I count both you and Su.

Su, being sensitive and introspective, can detect my mood within a split second.
You, being playful but patient and giving, can be my pillar of support.

Thank you for being the 2 very important Cancerians in my life. =)

Loved,
Belle

'nuff said... Need a breather now...

Breathless,

Izzy

Surprised

A very meaningful surprise I got from the playful bunny =)
I can't resist putting it up here.

Thank you dearie.
It is really very sweet.

Cheered up,
Izzy

7 years

Dearest Daddy,

I never forget.

In fact, I find it so hard to forget.

24 September 2002, the day that one of your lungs collapsed.
It was also the day that you gave up breathing.

Maybe you didn't give up - maybe you had to - or maybe...
Maybe there are too many "maybes"...

It was the day I remember being so strong, holding onto Mummy while waiting for the rest of the sisters to arrive.
It was the day I remember collapsing in tears, once Mummy got a hold on herself.

It was the day I remember crying so hard that it was impossible to coax myself to sleep.

It was also the day I remember I never wanted to wake up after that to face the reality.

Nothing's been smooth since you left, Daddy.
It's been 7 years and you're still very much missed.

Love,

Belle

*Dedicated to my daddy who departed 24th September 2002 - in loving memory of his love for his littlest daughter*

The passion

To live, the passion to feel
The passion to live

Eludes my eyes

Created by OnePlusYou

Photocredits: Kristine May on flickr


Sticking together

Finally!
We found one sunday afternoon and started re-doing his room.
[Read: not my cup of tea :) ]

Having said that, it really took a lot of perseverance and strength (literally) to dismantle the bed boards and rearrange many of the cupboards, and mopping and cleaning and scrapping...
amidst a lot of breaks with pepsi and thin rolls of paper...

I'm proud to say we never gave up and just kept on scrubbing and moving like nobody's business :)

Now the room is squeaky clean, much airier, more beautiful and so much more roomier and homelier :)

We also got an air purifier which makes the room so much better, so nice that we don't want to leave the comfort of the room...

Will upload the pictures once the flu bug stops harrassing me :)

Happy,
Izzy

Contentment

Had the worst day ever today - everything that could go wrong all went wrong.

Even the simplest things could screw up.

Thank you for giving me countless hugs and assurances,

and organizing my favourite seafood dinner,

and sitting down with me to listen, and not simply hear.

You drove all the headeggs and grumpy monsters away.

=)

Loved,

Izzy

Freedom

The freedom to fly
Bound by unfettered chains

The freedom to love
Convinced by unbinding contracts

The freedom to live
Enshrined in the temporal impermanence

The freedom to see
Tainted by the spilled palette of colours

The freedom to be
Protected by your love for me.


Woozy,
Izzy

Gastroenteritis

Au revoir, throat inflammation;
Welcome gastroenteritis!

My dear body has become a favourite breeding ground for these damned germs;
clutching my tummy throughout the day is a hellish activity,
with all the mad rush in the office and meetings...

And now dearie has also caught a fever and flu...
Illnesses love company, don't they?

We're like two sick kittens, wrapped in blankets, shivering,
while Tiger stares at us with his huge eyes and makes us feel bad about not being able to walk him.
=(

Shivers and wriggles,
Izzy

Dearest Daniel

Thank you for loving me, like I'm yours. =) No, wait, I'm yours.

Every night, you never fail to walk me around the estate, no matter how tired you are.

Even when you are broke, you'd rather spend money on me than see me starve or have no fishy toy =)

Even if I am naughty sometimes and make you hug me countless times before you sleep,

I know you will always always love me!

Okay, I admit sometimes I act cute so that you won't be angry with me for long,

so I shake my butt when I walk down the streets and chase after cats,

but you know what,

you're the best owner and I'm so blessed to have someone like you to love me so much!

<3

Woofs and wurves,
Tiger

The only constant thing in Man is change

It amazes me how a small little accident can bring about such a drastic positive change in her life.
It unfazes me to learn how an innocent remark can bring out scathing revelations about him.

Change - being constant - seems to remind us of our own mortality,
and to carpe diem,
since nothing is permanent and everything temporally exists.

To let it take you down or bring you up,
is entirely a choice of yours.

Sleepy,
Izzy

Fur rug

How to resist hugging my favourite boy?
=)

loved,
izzy

Lazy weekend

Finally, the weekend is here, having scurried through an excruciatingly busy week.

Weekends are always welcomed, especially during rainy seasons.

This weekend was spent with a night-over, listening to ghost stories, discussing about tarot cards and laughing our hearts out over beer.

Last night, we even spent a lazy night just building ridiculously insane roller coasters on Roller Coaster Tycoon 2.

Aptly named "The Last Ride", the ride ends with no platform but a sudden drop that lands all the passengers in the middle of the platform with a huge explosion and fire works to celebrate this finale ride.

See what three stressed out people can do?


An overdue picture from my birthday - thank you for everything.


Everything will smoothen out okay? We'll wait for the next weekend to come =)


Cheered up,
Izzy

Credits: M Kort

What if...

your future lays crystal clear in your hand?

you could see your path distinctly indicated for you?

you knew that this was dictated in the stars above you?

you hear the calling for you to steer away from your current path?

you discovered that this would not be permanent?

Would you walk away or resist and fight against your destiny?

Or so, the soothsayer says... now, to resist fate or to allow the seemingly inevitable to occur?

The temporal impermanence of life - such is the destiny.

Would you run away and hide?

or would you be stubborn and believe you still have a say?

I would stay on and fight it heads on.

Because at the end of the day,

until the seemingly inevitable happens,

I still have a chance.

And I am not going to give up.

Mulling,

Izzy

My Love

This is Tiger, the much loved mongrel we are taking care of.
He loves shaking his paws with us, evident from the picture above and
he has beautiful tiger stripes.
Therefore, the name "Tiger" has stuck comfortably.

He doesn't like strangers, cars, prams, basement carparks, noises, knocking.
He seldom barks and loves affection.

Every night he needs to be hugged to sleep.
I'd snuggle up to him, kiss his foreheaad (if that's what you call it)
and stroke his nose.

He's gorgeous.

This is my love =)

Wuffles,
Izzy

The raucous cacophony
grinds its razors across the tympanic membrane
slices the flimsy husk
scrapes the remnant sinews
shreds into strips of rubble

disparaging derision dissolved into diminished delusion

Be careful of what you wish for...

... in case you rub the genie's lamp the wrong way.

Ask, and you shall receive.

Answers, indeed, sought
yet questions abound.

A dead end, with no light in sight,
or a self-fulfilling prophecy, giving up without a fight?

The devil and the hangman
towards the mystic they tend

A heart spoked with arrows
split at the end with sorrows

The wheel of fortune
anticipates the winds of change
relishing before gone too soon
offering a fork in the road
the comfort zone or a toss of the load.

Devilish death of a wandering mind.

Enlightened,
Izzy

Pencil shreds

Like a pencil sharpener,

you grate me, train me, tease me

in the hope of sharpening me...

Instead, i lose weight

in the incessant pressure of your razor sharp teeth

in fact i thin out, faster than ever,

lying in a debris with the other failed competitors.

Flattened, abandoned, forgotten,

i am just one of the many colourful pencil shreddings

that form part of your decoration and become your decorum.

The constant pulverizing, mincing, razing

leaves me no space to catch my breath amidst

your caustic and jagged fangs of rusty pearly-whites.

Thinning out,

izzy

When the going gets a little too tough...

The tough take a little rest before they embark further on the journey.

Someone once told me,

There's a time for work and there's a time for play.

When we've worked enough we should always take a rest.

It's good for our eyes, our body and it's good for our work.

Afterall,

休息是為了走更長遠的路.

For all the work weary souls out there, including myself
hang in there.

It will all work out, all in good time.

Sleepy,
Izzy

Life's little surprises

Life likes to play funny jokes on us, especially when we least expect it.

I realise the current job I am holding is something I applied for when I was in 3rd year in NUS. And at that point of time, I hadn't thought of doing an additional Honours year -

I was only contemplating what to do with my life but somehow, I decided to take on honours and just bumped my way along the 4th year.

After which, I applied for a graduate scheme in an airline company, following by a short editing stint. Then I realised those weren't me.

When I decided to tidy up my life, there was an opening in the main agency that I was keen on.

However, not armed with a Psychology degree but instead a Sociology one, I was offered other options in the other arms of the main agency.

And at that point of time during the second interview, I learned of the opening of my current position - which I was keen on. I took it on, and here I am,

Yet, it is strange it never rang a bell.

And here I am, in a full circle right from where I began.

x x x x x x x x x x x

Similarly, Dan's the man I met a couple of years ago, in an uncanny situation where I was visiting my ex boyfriend (who happens to be Dan's good friend) in a hospital. Our eyes met briefly but it all ended there.

Fast forward 4 years, we had an unexpected and unplanned encounter, this time with my ex boyfriend organizing a gathering, on a July evening.

And somehow, things bumped and collided and worked itself out.

And ironically, it was only during our first few meetings that I mentioned to Dan that he really looked familiar from a 4-year-ago encounter.

And there we were, realizing that we had met years ago.

Moral of the story: If you are meant to be, you are meant to be.

If you are meant to meet, there's no running away from it.

That's cos life brings you back to a full circle - unexpected, unplanned, unknowingly-

and while we never know what what's up for us in the future (distant or far), the best we can do is cherish what we have, be it our careers, our loved ones, our families, our life.

Spooked,

Izzy

Losing to Win

Sometimes I really wonder what it means to win.

Does it mean that the result brings about a triumphant ending?
Or could winning actually mean... not losing as much as anticipated in the end?

Does winning necessitate a happy fairytale ending for all?
Or could it be a win-win situation, where everyone backs down and takes back a piece of shattered soul but moves on to greater happiness?

Are we too fixated with the notion of winning this race,
that we can't see that by trying so hard to win,
we are the biggest losers in the end?

Or, maybe winning is not everything, eventually.
It is knowing when to say no.

Qu'est-ce qui s'est passe -

Quoi?

Quand?

Le temps est...

Ou?

La lieu, elle est...

Plus importante?

Jamais

Mais...

On ne sait pas.

Rien.

source: http://designflute.files.wordpress.com

Happiness

When people told you that it's the process, not the end that matters in life,

they were right.

Happiness is a long destination to arrive at,

and for some, they are never ever at peace.

=) After a series of smoke smouldering, beer guzzling, eye watering events across tremendous months,

somewhere along the way,

I finally finally found closure and happiness.

And it makes me laugh that I didn't see it sooner,

Laughing at how heinous copies of words can be transferred, almost like photocopies,

It makes me laugh that I was so caught up with what I wanted to see and feel,

Laughing at how I spent my life sitting on the same damn spot trying to mend the cracks,

It makes me grow stronger

Growing stronger when the path I walked led me to a dead end

and I learned that fixation and obsession of holding on to a lifeless past only made us blind to newly opened doors.

I laugh at how silly you are,

and how dumb I am and were -

and perhaps shall be.

Your myriad of emotions,

my foolishness,

your free flowing love,

my short sightedness,

your tender words,

my soft heart,

your sweetened lips,

my indecisiveness.

Love could be transferred like in an airport terminal

It makes the transit for you perhaps easier.

The smouldering words don't leave blazened marks on me

Instead the joke is on you

I opened a can of sweetened words

which wriggled out like mushy dirty worms.

The momentary softheartedness that set me in

Not something you shall ever be able to seek in devastated eyes.

After all the rain, the eyes see clearer now.

I am finally free.

From a rusty broken lock that shut the dungeon and forced the daylight out from the heart.

=)

Thank you for setting me free.

Happy (but tired) Feet

My soles are crying for help from the day long tottering about in killer heels.

And I guess I'm solely responsible. (couldn't resist the pun)

=)

Work just ended and it's been a mad mad rush for 12 whole hours.

Just got back after ending at 8pm.

Nonetheless, though I am too tired to eat dinner everyday, I find meaning in my work.

Seems like what a sociologist aims to find in life - meaning. =)

I'm finally happy, after a long time.

Maxed out,
Izzy

Poem from the past

Was thinking about when I started writing poems and all...
It appears that I'm often, if not always, inspired by my tangential thoughts and emotions...
This was the poem I wrote during Lit class in PJC,
and we were asked to display it on the wall.

I wrote it with a purpose then - because it reflected how pure and simple love could have been,
back in 2002.
One of the poems I really like: it is very simple yet, it explains my point above.

This was for the first guy I met during orientation in JC -
also the one that has many stuff that haunts me until now.
Sleeping dogs they shall be,
but always a part of me.

A Love Poem

The first time their eyes met
Fingers shyly touch; they never linger
Hand on her shoulder for a while, never longer
Awkward silence - nothing more than that.

A wobbly finger reaches out - Message sent
She pauses, she waits
She just anticipates
A friendly reply greets her - A new friend!

Conversations at the bus stop never ceased
A rainbow spotted one beautiful evening
Both of them sat side by side, lazing
Even when several buses they missed.

Second of February Two Thousand and Two
She handed him the blue heart pendent
Also meant for his birthday present
Finally together from Two-oh-two

Untidy doodlings on lecture notes,
Hard-to-understand Math theories,
Giving up halfway nearly
Strength comes along with his white coat.

Heart beating, faster every minute
At the bus stop for the last time.
He holds her back, and gives her warmth
Together, never again to be.

Tarot reading for belle:

Love:
Touchstone: Career: Love: The Pope
Touchstone: Death
Career: The Empress

This is a day of truth, dear belle…

Doubts and long-hidden conflicts are coming to the surface, and you want to dispel them, and see the clearly where you stand. If you are in a committed relationship it is unlikely you’ll be able to escape a critical analysis. So you might as well address the big questions and get them out of the way. If you’re single, you’re not going to feel good about it today.

But may be that is a necessary starting to point for you to realize that you need to start seeing your friends a bit more – and maybe make a few new ones.

As for work, there may be a few changes in the way you approach this. You may be about to change jobs or colleagues, reorganize your schedule, transfer to another department, get promoted, absolutely anything is possible when Death is holding the reins!

Luckily, the Empress will be there to guide you all day and she'll help you handle these changes with detachment and skill.

Wandering,
Izzy

Hope

Damn right that without hope, it's hard to go on in life when things go awry.

But perhaps that person who came up with the saying didn't think hard enough.

With more hope, the higher the expectations and
the harder the fall.

Hope is indeed for the hopeless.

Misery comes in pairs...

... or maybe even in batches...

Sometimes I think that the world is a pretty depressing place.

The economic crisis aptly named the Great Recession, worse since 1920s Great Depression;

The global warming that saw the ice bridge melt,

The perpetual mad weather that flits from hot uncomfortable heat to pouring wet days;

And now,

the swine flu, or rather now known as the H1N1 virus, that's causing people to panic worldwide.

Now, it's known to have infected Italy, UK, Germany, N. Korea, Hong Kong, New Zealand...

It's almost as if the world is not depressing enough.

On another note, Dan and I took his company's dog to the vet as it was limping badly.

The vet diagnosed it as bite wounds (thankfully, no broken bones) and the leg was shaven, cleaned and cream was applied on it.

The brave dog, Tiger, even took the injection without any whining.

It's indeed the most adorable dog ever as it does not even bark and it's very obedient.

The only time it resisted was when it had the stinging cream applied on it.

I couldn't help but tears fell when I saw it limping when we took it for a walk at midnight just now,

it's very heartbreaking to see a dog in pain.

Here's hoping that the world gets a little better.

It's sure not encouraging to read depressing news everyday.

iLost my iPhone - An Eulogy

Goodbye my friend.

Thank you for being with me, weathering through it all,
(Literally, because you always provided me with weather forecasts of cities all over the world.)

For bearing with my garbled fumbled incoherent typings amidst pints of beers,
For being music to my ears with the latest library of iTunes
For waking me up on mornings, though I didn't really want to.
For days that you snapped beautiful rainbows and my escapade to Manchester
For being the good old, trusty you.

Lost,
Izzy

Looks like my birthday present to myself shall be a new phone. =(

A very poignant and soothing song about getting the closure that people want in relationships. Click on the youtube video and read the lyrics - and you'll get what I mean.


You're Not Sorry - Taylor Swift

All this time I was wasting
Hoping you would come around
I've been giving out chances
Everytime and all you do is let me down

And it's taken me this long
Baby but I've figured you out
And you thinking we'll be fine again
But not this time around

*You don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't want to hurt anymore

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry
No, no, no, no*

Looking so innocent I might believe you
If I didn't know
Could have loved you all my life
If you hadn't left me waiting
In the cold

And you've got your share of secrets
And I'm tired of being last to know
And now you're asking me to listen
'Cause it's worked each time before

*But you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't want to hurt anymore

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry
No, no, oh

You're not sorry No, no, oh*

You had me crawling for you honey
And it never would have gone away, no
You used to shine so bright
But I watched all of it fade

*So you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
There's nothing left to beg for

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry
No, no, oh
You're not sorry

Pass It On

It was one of the many semesters,
but this time, she felt, it was different.

Maybe it was because she was back from United Kingdom, for a couple of months already now.

Maybe not that, she thought.
It must be the fact that she was a fourth-year student sitting in this new yet strangely familiar place, on the benches and just enjoying the excitement that was growing inside her.

Fourth-year student.
Honours student, she smiled.
How she liked the sound of those two words.
It made her feel old - yet young since she was beginning a brand new start.

Apprehensive, certainly.
She had taken up the honours year, because she didn't know what she wanted to do.
But she reminded herself that she had to work really hard this year, because she had to - certainly had to - attain that second upper honours degree.

This was the thing about her - she was simply stubborn.
Some call it steadfast, determined, goal-oriented;
she knew she was stubborn.
When she wanted to get something, she'd never lose sight of it.

She glanced around the smokey dungeon - a place that would eventually become her home for the next year and a half, she just didn't know - and she saw that her boyfriend was speaking to a man who looked rather out-of-place and lost.
She overheard their conversation about Sociology - her field of major - and her interest was roused immediately.

She reminded herself that when she was on exchange, she'd hoped that people would be warmer to her.
So she nudged her boyfriend and asked him to make a brief intro so as to make the man a bit more at home.

And then she realized that he was a post-doc fellow in the department and she sheepishly smiled at her boyfriend.
The man sure didn't need any orientation to her university - he'd studied here years ago.

Learning the man's abbreviated name, she laughed at herself for being so silly.

And then her days came and passed, while she struggled with a few theories here and there.
A few encounters with the man, affectionately known as KJ to them in the end, prompted her to ask questions about the Masters programme.

The question now was: was she even qualified intellectually to apply for Masters?

She spent the days in French classes, allowing her imagination to run wild about being an academia.
Dreams were pretty much free, and she could just see herself, perhaps writing a book about a theory of -

KJ's msn message came.
Out of the blue, he had explained that the calibre of Honours student was rather high and that with her present standard, she'd have to work doubly hard to apply for the programme.

She was almost in tears.
She felt judged, that her dreams had been brought crashing to the ground - even though it was perhaps a flitting thought of doing Masters that flirted with her imagination.

Of course, she didn't forget to blog about how she could say goodbye to Masters.
Her blog was her playground for venting her confused thoughts, her innermost emotions and
her past.

Days came and passed, until one day she was waylaid by KJ.
He had read her blog and reassured her that he was not implying that she was not adequate enough.
He had just wanted to consider the competition and prepare herself for the challenges ahead.

Fair enough, she thought.
He offered his guidance through theories that she struggled in and spoke to her more about the programme.

Mornings came and passed when the friendship between them got stronger and stronger.
A little sharing information about current affairs,
a nugget of Weber and Marx,
a chest full of life experiences,
amidst lit rolls of papers in the smokey dungeon.

He began to mentor her more and more intensively,
never plain feeding her with information but providing sign posts.

She was always a little slow, but she appreciated this effort to know her, her learning style and her aspirations.
It made her feel that people did indeed care, despite her mediocre grades and background.

The first semester of her Honours ended and she had scored a cap of 4.8 out of 5.0 for the semester.
The first person she exclaimed this was to KJ and she knew he was proud of her, with eyes gleaming with pride.

Her 4 Sociology modules had gotten A+,A,A- and B+.
It was a feat to her and the best semester ever.

She knew the credits was to him as he had made the effort to drop by the dungeon, where she had piles of notes and books, in the mornings, in between tea breaks and before he left for home.
A conscientious academic, she knew that he had better things to do than listen to her blabble gibberish and having panic attacks during critical phases, such as her exams.

One particular incident would always be remembered because he actually came back to the dungeon after 7pm to revise her theories with her. Without her asking to.

But always the person to put her feet on the ground and let her stay focused and grounded, he reminded her:

"While I'm proud of you, you must continue to stay focused. You must drop French."

She was crushed. She loved French and she knew that it was additional burden.
But surely, she could do something that she excelled in.

She was also devastated that she was unable to do her Honours thesis. She had wanted to own a mini book of her work but her other professor had warned that she would compromise 3 grades if she started on her thesis in the 2nd semester. Sure, she had qualified but she was way behind time.

That cut deeper. It was because she had qualified and yet was discouraged.

Being the rational mentor, he tried to bring reason to her that she should focus on doing an ISM (independent study module, a mini-er version of a thesis).
She was quickly (but not easily) pacified with his rationale.

And so the 2nd semester (also the last one) began.
It was a hell-ride.

With so much margin for failure (her cap was slightly 0.01 above the requirements for 2nd upper honours), she stressed herself out entirely.
And that meant being grouchy, grumpy, edgy, touchy, irritable.

So she was back in the dungeon again, spending sleepy and sleepless nights on the benches with her boyfriend, rushing papers, doing readers, contemplating about life and -
of course playing Facebook's applications (namely, Pirates).

About 2 weeks before her ISM was due, KJ took a walk down the steps to the carpark with her (to avoid the nasty security guards) as she ranted about her theories and how she was supposed to make them flow with the case studies. And then he asked -

"Speaking of case studies, how many do you have?"

She grinned proudly, "Two!"
And she saw his knees almost collapsing and him almost falling off the steps.

"Two?!?!"
And he shook his head and grumbled about it the whole afternoon. And of course, the days to come, whereby this became the butt of her joke.

On the day of her boyfriend's birthday, she planned a mini surprise party for him and invited KJ along.

However, she sensed something amiss.
KJ's face looked stricken with pain.

His mentor, who had taught him the concept of "Pass It On", had passed away, having been a fighter and source of inspiration for him.

She sat there quietly, the talkative her not quite knowing what to say.
She listened intently again about his mentor's strength and his feelings(or how little he showed it).

Pass It On was simple.
She had asked him how she could ever repay his mentoring, time and effort.
He said "Pass It On", to pass on whatever knowledge she could to the next batch of people who would benefit.
And that was the way she would repay him.

This philosophy, simple yet poignant, remained in her heart, until today and will certainly follow to her grave.

Labour day came and she had another examination due the next day.
Despite his exclaimed grumpiness about working on a public holiday, he appeared in the dungeon (where she always was) and explained the concepts to her meticulously.

Throughout this time, she always felt stupid - that she always took longer than others to understand theories, that she could never focus and read her readings as her thoughts would be drawn away and even when she was focusing, she would never really understand. Was her mind just barren or was she not cut out for this academia thing?

Exams ceased and she was terrifically enthusiastic as she was about to embark on a graduation trip with her boyfriend.
Her "other half", as KJ would tease and she would indignantly retort back that she had her own identity, whenever KJ asked where her other half was.

And so Milan, Florence, Pisa, Naples, Rome, Berlin, Barcelona, London, Marseilles, Nice and finally Paris.

It was at Nice that her results were released and she'd gotten 3.99 out of 5.00, falling short of 0.01 from her second uppers.
Once again, fallen from heavens.

She dropped an email to KJ, to inform him as he was on a conference overseas.
She was resigned to fate.
It was a year long of mind games with Fate.

Reaching Singapore on 3 June 2008, she realized that after marking a module as a satisfactory pass, she had attained 4.01.
Her heart pumped as she called KJ and told him about the good news.

And once again, he was proud that she had triumphed against all odds and made what appeared impossible possible.

She and her other half then decided to visit the school on a good Monday morning, 6 days after their arrival in Singapore, on his motorcycle at approximately 7.15 am.

A technical defect occured and they both lay bloodied on the tarmac road of PIE.
The tyre had deflated, and they were swerved from the 1st lane to the 4th.

And there they lay. At the road shoulder where other cars drove and buzzed by.

Her fingers trembled as she called KJ and told him about the accident.

Before long, her boyfriend and she were nursed at the other half's place, where the both of them spent the days hobbling - or more appropriately hopping awkwardly - around as they were heavily bandaged.

KJ called and visited one day, with two bag fulls of nutritional supplements and her very important reinforcements of vices - he knew she'd absolutely be in misery should she be deprived of even the smallest things that made her contented, after the horrid accident.

Two weeks later, they were able to walk abit better and made it down to school in one piece to visit KJ.
Unbeknownst to KJ, the couple had been having a bad cold war.
Walking together to the bus interchange, the 3 exchanged goodbyes, what would be the last united farewell KJ would see the couple give.

The next morning, KJ received a call from a trembling voice and heard a small squeaky voice.

Everything had ended.

She came down, dazed and loss of appetite and sleep.
Sitting at the dungeon, she stared into mid-air - unable to accept reality and unable to leave this place that she had shared.

She stopped eating and KJ stared at her resignedly, when she pointed at a hardly-touched plate of rice and explained that she was very full already.

KJ spent his mornings and afternoons with her, putting her head right onto her shoulder and reminding her the importance of being calm.
He had shown her the positive side- that she was due to start work in a prestigious company the next week and he would be very proud of her.

Her intimidating week started, in an airline industry this time.
She was crushed - every working moment reminded her of him as they had spent endless times travelling.
Her lunch break was spent speaking to KJ, trying to calm herself down amidst a very big company and a culture shock.

Saturdays were spent in the dungeon, deliberating and contemplating about life.
Despite KJ's coaxing, she always counted down to the number of saturdays that they had been separated...

... And then, one day, she stopped counting.
She stopped sitting in the dungeon crying.
She knew that would break everyone's heart, including that of KJ, as people loved her and hated to see the sparkle lost in her eyes.

Her life was very hectic and she was forced to move on, unknowingly to her.. but not for long.

Another crisis had hit and she knew it was time for a change.

Another upheaval, another uncertainty.

She always sought KJ's opinion on life, career, relationships.
Maybe it was half-fear, half-respect for a man, who had inspired her so much.

Whenever she fell, he would inspire her and say,

"At least you fell and landed on your feet, instead of your knees. It's a very encouraging start!"

and of course,

"Belle... when you have downs, you have your ups... you can't stay unlucky for so long..."

And today, she had to tell him the fresh piece of news and this was what she received:

"You are a big girl or young lady. Take good care of yourself.
Remember that I only want you to be happy for the rest of your life."

x x x x x x x x x

Man of few words, so little said but so much felt.

It means the world to me.

Thank you for being a father/brother figure to me.

I'll remember how traumatized you were, when the people at the fair thought I was your daughter and tried to sell you convocation photo packages and you had retorted,
"If she were my daughter, I'd strangle her already!"

I know I never told you,
but I would be honoured to be your daughter.

Thank you KJ.

I'll remember to pass it on. =)

Crash and burn

Burnt out...
Tired out...
Crashed out...

I feel like my feet are not mine anymore...
I think my mind has stopped thinking... (the irony of this sentence... )
I sense nothing anymore...

I need a breather...

But at least I know when you crash and burn,
you're not alone...

Zonked out,
Izzy

La Lumiere

First bday cake in ages - something very simple, yet very sweet.
=)

It's the effort that counts, remember?

Thank you for remembering, it means the world to me.
=)

Cheered up,
Izzy

Enlightenment

There are a thousand reasons to leave -

But one reason is good enough to let her stay.

More than words

I don't know what else to say or how to say it.

I just hope you understand when you read this.

I'm sorry I hurt you so deep.

Confessions of a Chef-aholic

Seeing that it's a Friday and it's a holiday,
(Fridays that do not require work are always welcomed as good fridays)
we decided to make breakfast at home!

Regrettably, as we have had too much prata wraps the past few days,
I had to think real hard to cook something different today.

The picture above is my own concoction of mashed potato and mushroom sauce.
(The sauce was too ugly to post online :/ )
Being my first time preparing mashed potato (i have this vehement hatred of eating potato),
I never knew it was so much work!
I tried to be impromptu, and decided on ways to prepare the mashed potato.

I peeled it with a knife (because I couldn't find a freaking peeler)
and boiled it like forever,
and after which I mashed it.
Sounds easy but because the kitchen was so stuffy,
it was hard work.

Unfortunately, my own concoction of the mushroom sauce didn't work terribly well.
I couldn't find barbecue sauce so I got a bottle of steak sauce (I thought it'd probably be the same),
and I added some other marinate sauce, and with salt and pepper.
It turned out rather watery and sour (!!!).
It was quite a disappointment - but I liked the mashed potato on its own.
Oh well, always a first time for everything.

Scrambled eggs

This is my favourite dish that I like to eat and cook - mainly because I know it'd turn out delicious =) I always like to add a few dashes of oyster sauce and wine and salt. But apparently, the addition of milk makes it sweeter. Which ever tickles your pickles =)

Depending on different tastes, it can be prepared semi cooked or fully cooked. Me thinks it's yummy =)

Toasted bread (Dizzy)

Okay, while this looks innocently simple to make,
I beg to differ.
It's hard chore for a lazy bum like me.
First, the bread has to be cut into heart shapes with a knife,
subsequently added with cheese sausages, honey-baked ham, mayonnaise sauce, and mozarella cheese.
Into the toaster which will turn the bread golden brown.
=)

One thing about cooking these dishes at the same time is that one needs co-ordination and multi-tasking.
I think I can do better, in order to ensure the dishes are warm and delicious at the same time, ready to serve.

Maybe, just maybe, I am just planning my foray into my cooking career when I have my cafe next time =)

I hope you had a fantastic breakfast to kickstart the weekend =)

Scrambled,
Izzy