haiz. life is so so vulnerable.
my uncle just passed away.
so sudden
i'm not close to him
but that doesnt mean it doesnt affect me any lesser

trouble doesnt just come singularly

do u know i teared when i reached ttsh to visit my brother in law after soci test?
i teared
my heart broke when i saw how his condition wasnt as good as i had seen 2 days before
he is like my father.
he is a father to me

he love me like his very own daughter
since i was 4
he brought me along on dates with my 2nd sister
bought me toys
let me sit in his car
let me felt love from a brother and father like him
like a brother or father i never had

i just want him to recover
be ok
get well
he is so young

i would give anything for that,
even my life.

can someone please
please
hold my hand
and bring me away from all these?
i cant cope
i just need someone to come over
hold my hand
wipe away my tears
take me away.
far away.
i'm not as strong as i thought i'd be.

hmmm. ok. here i am. on a sunday evening.
smelling the food my 4th sis is cooking (!!!)
urgh
i feel like im a two yr old being ordered around by her.
she feeds me non stop. non stop.
that means, she actually places food in front of me and insists tt i eat them.
thank goodness she does that with fruits.
sometimes some snacks too.
but its
bossing me around!! telling me wat to do..
argh

okay,
just to update..
my brother-in-law condition, according to the latest scan,
isn't good.
between 1 - 1.5 yrs to live.
he cant articulate himself
all of a sudden from looking pretty good after the third op.
he cant remember names.
i really hope that his health improves real soon
therapy and readjusting him socially is definitely not a worry on our minds.

term break coming up.
i'll be in ttsh studying beside his bed to accompany him whilst my sis goes in search of a nursing home for him.
it breaks my heart to see him this way,
and as much as tears try not to flow
i sniff them in quietly
and put on my cheeriest grin as i smile at him
hold his hand reassuringly,
patting the skin
and telling him tt he must get well
tho i know he cant hear very well
and he doesnt quite understand words now.

but i guess the book that lulu gave me to read really helps
tells me abt medical pessimism
and how we just cant let him feel that way
its a blessing he doesnt know how dim the path lies ahead.
but it's not gonna be this way
with lots of love and care from us
i believe
we believe
he's gonna get better
=)
yup!~

and lets see..
i got ts make up prac on tues?
fri soci test
lagging behind german
until i feel like pulling out my hair
:(
whatever
isabelle!!
u gotta hang in there
cap 5.0!
wahahaha

it feels like
a shiny tip crushed into the fragile
layer of flesh
the crack.
it trickles out,
then seeps out,
then gushes out.
pull away the silver
a ch e,
gives up and shoves it back in.

Your hands, carressing my hair
stopped my heart,
took away my breath.
Never thought u would have the chance to hold me again,
i didnt expect ur soft hands
on my hair
telling me to take care and apologize for not being here for next 4 years.

this touch spoke more to me than anything else.
i will be with u all ways, always.