Tuesday, June 28, 2005

havent updated in ages...

felt that too many things happened... its been a roller coaster ride..

sometimes very depressing cos of work,

sometimes its a brand new exhilarating high due to work achievements...

and sometimes, i see no point in blogging cos there's too much of a long story and unless you are me, noone can understand..

and i look at myself in photos, i look so crimply (crumpled and wrinkly) and so haggard :(

Maybe its the lack of sleep and its not a long lasting effect :(

2 weeks since i last updated...

so many things just happened...

time crawled past but things escalated...

pretty burnt out, dont know what to feel anymore...

mixed feelings, am i doing the right thing by quitting?

its the job i have wanted my life... and maybe even more..

but

im not so sure afterall

its a moral dilemma...

yes, one of my ramblings again...

its close to end of june...

need i say more.. its closer to start of school... the headache of choosing major is here again...

when u think or wish u have everything planned, it just turns out otherwise...

im finding accomplishment and satisfaction in this job, thats why its so hard to let go..

a thousand thoughts flitting past my mind now,

running incessantly... not stopping to let me breathe...

i think i need a hug :(


Sunday, June 12, 2005

woah :)
just accomplished many many things

a quick update,
pjc sleepover is done over with
honestly, not as i expected
i was disappointed, actually very disappointed
but i just hid it with a smile most of the time

AngelzNite - my very first brand over le
was a success, thankfully
was very disheartened by my organizing skills after sleepover's problems
110 ppl turned up, felt really happy to see ppl whom i registered and rsvp for, to see them in person
and for them to say 'so you are izzy! hi izzy! *waves*'
it felt like seeing ur pen pals? haha.. ppl whom u exchange ur emails with virtually :)

and yes, i gave up my teaching award
call me crazy, it pays me $4000 annually in addition to paying my uni fees plus giving me a steady job for first 4 years of my life, plus allowing me to hang around young ppl
its like the best job especially with the economy right?

well, i took lots of my courage
i think i used up all of them
because i know that this 4 yr bond will restrict me from doing things i may want to try and i really know that teaching's not my priority
learning new things and discovering new things are my 1st priorities.
i have many fears, fears tt i will fail as a role model as a mentor for the students, i fear i will break the bond, i fear i will not be able to keep up with my cap score if i major in lit as my lit has so far been my worst subject and i have been gradually losing interest in it
i know that i can still teach if i want to, after i try out jobs like advertizing, event management, air stewarding..
but if i take up this bond, it restricts me..
yes, call me crazy
but i decide that i got to find my own way
i felt so happy giving it up.
:)

in terms on financial problems ,
i figured that i can do without a bond but go on bursary to ease my financial burdens
i will have to work doubly hard as compared to others due to my financial family background, since i chose to give up the award which will easily take away this strain,
but im not afraid of hardship
even if it means that i have to give tuition everyday
im happy as long as my career gives me satisfaction of learning and trying new things and meeting new people :)

thanks for everyone's encouragement to ask me to take up the award, i also feel much less pressurized not taking it
im also considering changing my major to sociology, a non teachable subject - thus, not taking the award helps me so much in faciliating my choice of major

and i got back my uni results - im very thankful :)
considering what happened and me missing school for 2 weeks, and the other half of the time in and out of hospital and not bein able to concentrate
thanks teresa and derek ally and steph and shiang and kaetna ppl who helped me along while i was missing sch
:)

and... i love my job now..
beginning to love what i do intensely..
im learning so much
and it helps me affirm my thoughts tt i like event management and pr related careers
even my job requires me to mail cheque, do yucky accounts, skip lunch, wash cups and even vacuum when i was wearing this short skirt
i still love it because of the environment, my colleagues and learning so much :)
esp thru networking events, meetings, trainings, talks, lunches,
i feel like im part of the company already :)

and i got my new hp!
i am so happy.. finally a hp that i got after searching for 2 weeks... was choosing between samsung flip phones and nokia phones.. and i was almost soooo close to choosing e720c samsung but i know that it'd plainly be impractical, vain, and expensive.
yup, and i really didnt regret getting a workable darlin phone!! :)
mp3 player, 1.3 megapix camera, video :) all gd enough for me
at least i am contactable now!

and i changed my blogskin!!
:)
felt like i needed a fresh change..
something bright, inspiring..
life is every moment worth living :)
i will step out of the shadows and live and smile :)

and....
im flying off soon!!! :)
just cant wait.

=)

Thursday, June 02, 2005

sigh,
im down with a very painful headache
jus came back from movies with yan, her husband and his friend
today's their registering of marriage date (Rom)
but i couldnt make it for the ceremony at 10 am since i was working :(
watching monster in law
not usually a fan of j lo,
but it is a pretty nice, haha, slap stick show
pretty cool with a rather unpredictable plot i would say
spent most of the time laughing


on the cab back home cos it was way too late at 11:45pm
for me to take bus i will never go home
and i missed the last bus 143
this throbbing pain shot thru my head
with my whole head pulsating

wasnt an average day; was kinda hitting the lows..
didnt eat anything except for ham and bread and some old chang kee and my fave teh ping
thats all for today
wasnt hungry, had no appetite

getting back uni results tom at 11 am
the anxiety is reflected in every single nus student
sigh

and i got upcoming event on my hands
sleepover,
AngelzNite,
accounting stuff,
etc

i feel like an old perm staff already

where is a nice chill out place when i need one?

got to go, my head is collapsing on me
clutching my head in vain.