The Game of Love

Meeting up with an old time friend inspired this entry.

I thought to myself:
All of us have our own love stories,
some are heart wrenching,
some are filled with joy,
some are twisted with complications
some are simply unforgettable.

Love, then, is a game.

All of us are the same, you and me, all alike.
We all yearn to give a part of ourselves to love that someone,
And we all yearn to be loved, for who we are.

And if all of us are the same,
Why do love stories turn out differently, with dissimilar endings for all?
Why do some end up jaded, hurt and broken,
While others have a happily ever ending?

Love, as I liken it to be, is a game.

We all begin as characters, going about our every day lives.
Be it starting off as strangers, friends, colleagues, neighbours, or even flings
The characters are caught by surprise in one way or another
And they will want to spend time together, do romantic things and progress further.

It's all a matter of configuration, really, I think.
How you play your character, the scenario the lovers met, the subsequent encounters,
It may be just one small different thing you do this time,
Like being brave and express your love,
It will change your ending.

A game of love,
which most of us have played, are playing or shall be playing.
Our love stories may all be different.
Maybe you wish that your love story is more exciting or inspiring enough to be engrave into your hearts forever,
But remember:
Every character is different,
Every love is unique,
Every ending is beautiful.

什麼都沒有

冷冷的夜晚

淡淡的心情

感殤的好多

情意的差別

早上的空氣
已經很逼人
消失的情侶
失去的回意

傷

Inspired or Contemplative?

Whenever I start to see a continuous strand of blog entries written by me in consecutive days,
I begin to ponder if I'm inspired or simply contemplative of my life.
Guess what? I have no idea.
Now my life is like a derailed rail track, and I'm trying to figure how to piece it together.
School has officially ended for me,
at least for now.
This is where life begins, not ends, because a whole world of possibilities just lie in front of me.
And it is overwhelming.

Like what Uncle Chua says, the fact that you have a choice is that which damns you.
When you have a choice, you compare the best, the so-so and the worst options
and you weigh the consequences.
The ability to choose is a curse.
Maybe you argue that life without choices may not necessarily be better off.
Agreed, but when you have no choice, you can only brace yourself and just plod deeper along
your fated path.
The converse is not so true for people with (at least a sense of belief that they do have a choice).
When you have made a decision,
you think about how you may regret.

If there is one thing I hate, it must be regrets,
simply because they are the worst to live down.
Regrets are like shadows, you can't shake them off.
Regrets, I've had more than a few.
It makes me feel more human, because I know I'm prone to err.
But it makes me feel like the lousiest human on earth.

And I really wonder,
when can we ever be content?

When can I ever live at ease with every decision that I make, small or big and know for a fact that I won't regret?

Is this a enigma of modernity? (I can so sense Bianca and Dorcas cringing at this line... =p)

Tag, you're it.

If your lover betrayed you, what would your reaction be? sometimes, women forgive but never forget. otherwise, they never forgive and they pack their bags and go. i'm one of them.

If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be? spend at least two years of my life working and studying in Europe.

What will your dream wedding to be like? beach wedding, listening to the crashing of the waves on the rocks, carried away by the wind breeze and being lost in his eyes. okay, and a simple chapel wedding in Europe. =)

What’s your ideal lover like? he's gotta have a good sense of humour, able to carry himself well, with a thirst for knowledge and always able to teach me a thing or do, magnanimous, sexy, smart, able to carry things in his stride and most importantly, charming. sounds familiar? :)

Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone? being loved wins hands down. loving someone is when u give a part of yourself, but loving someone is when you receive a part of someone else. And when u take, it is always good isn't it? who wouldn't want to be loved more?

How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love? stubborn and headstrong, i tend to be very wilful when i love. and until that someone proves he's not worthy of even my last bit of perseverance, i intend to wait for a long time. hopeless romantic? je sais pas. probably too influenced by hollywood love stories of undying love. =P

If the person you secretly liked is already attached, what would you do? two words: back off.

Is being tagged fun? when you are just bored at 3am in the morning, yes.

How do you see yourself in ten years time? prodding ahead in my career hopefully, and much more wiser.

Who are currently most important people to you? Family, loon, close friends.

What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

Artistic and savvy babe who's cool with herself and everything else =)

Would you rather to be single and rich or married but poor? Married but poor. To satisfy my sense of need to be happily married in love.

What’s the first thing you do every morning? That's assuming I wake up at all in the morning. =) And if I do wake up in the morning, I like to laze in bed and ponder about the many dreams I get during the night.

What is one thing you wished you are made to learn since young? Technically, I was taught to save money, but I never succeeded. I wish I learned harder on my own accord.

If you fall in love with two person simultaneously, who would you pick? it depends. on many things. feelings, whoever you feel more for? memories, whoever had shared strong memories. But I probably would choose none and walk away.

If given the chance to turn back time, will you? I will. To the times of junior college, where nothing mattered and friendships forged were strong. I wish we had all remained innocent or at least maintained those bonds.

What is the last thing you would do before you die? Do something that I normally wouldn't do, since I'm dying anyway. Sounds like a good way to break social norms ;)

8 people to be tagged:
Jon

Derek

Bianca

Ben

Mabel

Mike

Dorcas

Bets

空秋千

荡秋千 来回终究要停在原点
望太远 眼前幸福却忽略
晃半圈 原不了爱恋
高一遍 低一遍 风就吹散了永远
chorus:
还想为你摇秋千 对着夕阳扮鬼脸
若月光再美一点 我们会否把手牵
还想被你碎碎念 当数流星的配乐
你却说你等不到天亮 空秋千
陪整夜


望太远 眼前幸福却忽略

还想被你碎碎念 当数流星的配乐
你却说你等不到天亮 空秋千
陪整夜

好美的詞。人是不是只追求得不到的美？
空秋千，一但有別人設法填這個位子，
你能夠在你心中找到容納他的空間嗎？

Rest

休息是為了走更長遠的路。
有時候，可能很難相信一切發生的事都是有原因的。
但是，生命的澳密就在於這一點。

這次受了傷，讓我學得好多。
謝謝你呵呼的照顧。

＝）

Happy Father's Day

Perhaps, you will never get to know what I'm thinking
Perhaps, you will never get to know who I'm missing
Perhaps, you will never get to know how I'm living
Perhaps, you will never get to know where I'm heading
Perhaps, I will never get to know when I'll see you again.





Pa,
Feels funny to call you that since you have probably never heard these words.
I'm not sure if you heard me mouth those words in the hospital
Those articulating my love for you, my father
It's been 6 years since you departed.
How have you been?
Every time I have a bad day,
I look up at the starry sky
And I pretend you are one of the shining angels.
And I talk to you in my heart.
Can you hear me?
I'm sure you can.
Because you have answered my prayers for good health for everyone in the family
as well as the 2 beautiful children blessed to 1 Jie.
Thank you Pa.

I remember watching Lion King eons ago,
and when the little lion was scared,
he would look into the water,
and see the reflection of his father

And so very often,
when I miss you,
I stare into the wide horizon of the starry sky
I know you are there.
You are.

6 years, and never forgotten.
Your little girl has grown up.
=)
Still a spendthrift, still love to eat chicken wings,
still love to talk,
like how we used to communicate in the living room
when I couldn't sleep.

And today,
while I view others celebrating Father's Day,
I know some thing's missing.
We may not have had the most communicative or closest father,
But our lives were shaped by you, good and bad.

Happy Father's Day, Pa.
I love you still.
Always.

Hi Kor,

How are you?
I bet you know that all of us still miss you a lot.
I know because,
every time your name's mentioned,
a soft smile would curl up on everyone's lips.

Did I tell you?
I'm graduating this July,
and I managed to make Mummy and family proud
because I obtained a Second Upper Honours.
=)
I know you'd have been proud of me.

My NUS Life is coming to an end,
and on hindsight,
it has not been smooth at all.
If anything, I remember having to lose you in my second year of studies.
It was not easy for all of us.
And after 3 years,
you are still sorely missed by us.

Remember I told you at the window,
that you must recover,
because I want you to be present at my convocation and wedding?
Well, my convocation will happen in this July,
and I know you will still be my side,
with your jovial smile
I know I will be able to feel your presence.
And that is enough for me.

Happy Father's Day, Kor.
You have been a wonderful father to your two boys.
They are now grown up, but I'm sure they're always little boys in your eyes.

We all miss you.
Thanks for being more than a brother to me.
I miss you a lot.

Take care Pa and Kor,
I hope to see you all again one day.

*Dedicated to the two most impt men in my life, who departed on 24 Sept 2002, and 28 February 2005.

Making sense of my life...

Deep into the night
where tired bodies lay resting
lonely minds stay wandering
I lie awake, flipping through the collages of my life
Bit by bit, chapter by chapter,
with theme songs to match every phase of my life.

Have been no angel,
and won't try to pretend to be one.
As I trudge along my life,
the footprints that have entered and left my world
good and bad, joy and pain, laughters and tears,
all made me who I was, who I am and who I will be.

While memories may haunt,
I have no need to ask to erase all of you away.
Days come and go where I get reminded of
the naivety of us, the love we all shared, the hurt we felt and the life we lived.

To you, you, you and all of you.
Thank you.
You have made me learn so much,
out from academic textbooks,
away from the beautiful sheltered life I was in.


To you.
I learned the art of self-defence,
To guard my heart from the madness
To forgive and forget
To grieve
To distrust
One year was short, but nothing short of the following struggling years
I learned the ugly sides that people embodied
I learned that
pounding hands don't hurt
shedding tears do lie
loving words don't cost a thing
being together does haunt
sharing affinity doesn't matter
loving me does hurt
being young doesn't mean being naive
at all

Thank you
for the closing of our chapter.


To you.
You made me learn about how love could be so simple.
How nothing said and all, and the littlest things in life,
such as helping me collect notes, tutoring me in Math, shielding me from the rain,
taking the same buses, waiting at the basketball court for you, not saying too much
All amounts to so much.
I wrote a poem for you during my Lit class,
I never knew I could write like this.
Until today,
I wish to forget what has happened.
Let sleeping dogs lie.
But life turns itself in amusing ways,
and somehow your name gets mentioned even after 6 years.
I am sorry for all I've done.
And believe me when I say I never meant to be hurting.
The reason why I've been consciously changing, forgetting, avoiding, escaping
is clear.
But thank you.
You made me stronger, forced me to cherish.
Thank you.

To you.
Two and a half years officially together do not mean nothing to me.
We spent much more time together,
frolicking in youth
embracing life
relishing arts
polishing our craft
bracing the winds
learning the ropes
falling down
bruising ourselves
lying down on the green pastures of life
challenging rules

All those separation pain seem so much like games, don't they?
We were
too young,
too naîve,
too trusting,
too ambitious,
too pleasure-seeking,
too blind.

Footsteps you left behind are like seasons left and gone,
Like summer,
our love was warm,
flowers bloomed
and
two lovers perched upon a tree.
Like autumn,
everything froze,
they gained clear vision
retracting their steps
built higher walls
preparing
Like winter,
the trees blew dry
the rustling of the leaves no more
perhaps, a twig or leaf
but all crushed and buried.

Spring arrives.
Bringing in new joy
Fresh crispy leaves
Another tree,
a restart.
Tears of joy and pain, forgotten.

Like the shadow,
unshaken off and lingering
Like the glimmering glisten of the silver bits
Edged deeply into the red pounding apple
It beats no more
and sometimes it beats a little more.

Thank you.
You taught me self-love,
how to never ever let another automaton take over me,
a doll never again.
Sincerity and love, were all I offered.
Swiftly trust and love were all you took away.

My mask, you never ripped apart,
A thicker unrecognizable mask ensued.
Someday, somehow, you were gonna make it alright
But just not then.

Bitterness never lingers,
Emptiness it left.
Thank you,
for when a door of happiness truly slams shut
another door creaks open silently
until she bumps again and again into it.

My craft, you probably cease to relish
Nevertheless, my most heartfelt
Thank you,
I learned the most.
I learned to walk, to nurse the cuts and bruises
I learned to dance, to embrace the blizzards and storms
I learned to sing, to chase the blues away
I learned to laugh, to have the truest smiles from my heart
I learned to live, to carpe diem and to travel the world
I learned to love, to be myself, to let myself go and love fierily

Thank you, you all.

For you.
Thank you.
Like a never grown-up kid,
I had to learn all over to trust, love, and run for help.
The warm steady hand
Never falters, never disappoints
The rain or shine
Shelters me, protects me
The beautiful eyes
Never lie, never hurt
You are beautiful the way you are.
Because I am loved for everything I am.
Every inch.

I am but a shield.
But now
no more.