a C,
a curve that doesnt make my lips curve
i feel so stupid
a C for an essay I really really tried my best
maybe i was never as cut out for lit as i thought i can be
i am just hopeless.everyone gets it
why cant i?
a C
an ugly scrawl etched on my heart

i feel like i know nothing
i feel like i am going to F my lit
havent read two of the plays,
dont understand concepts
i am not going to make it.

the long thin roll of paper wedged btwn ur fingers

the breathes taken in
betweenthesmoke
intoxicates me

but it makes me long for more

the eyes
with the edges which curl up
when you smile

curls up the edges of my lips as well.

i will never forget the beautiful twinkling in your eyes

its out of reach
and i know
this liminality only hurts both of us bad.

maybe it was for the best

but whats always the best doesnt always make people happy, do they?

do they?

everything ok?

After all the pain I've been put thru,
This is like a fresh new shower of bless
I know it's not gonna last long
I know we wont be together for long

And I know everything has changed
But I still hope
That I am still
Your ben nu hai.
Am I still?

Words may hurt
But sometimes what is not said but felt
Is worst.

I cant tell myself to believe that it wont happen again
just dont tear me apart again.
I can walk away from it all
but you will never be able to see my tears at all.
Maybe it's because u are too stoned to see it
Or maybe,
just maybe
I wont ever let u see another teardrop of mine

Maybe this way
this makes our leaving easier
Easier for you
cos you wont see how hard it is for me
how heartbreaking

and for me?
my heart will cry.

dont speak.
my eyes have gone dry from tears;
its a desert
a deserted desert
where u no longer are interested.

no matter how hard u try,
ur life is too complicated and u are just not in the mood
no matter how hard i try,
i am just a burden to u consciously or not,
and i just am like
something else to you.

ben nu hai?
lulu? dear?
whats all that when u dont need me anymore to make ur life worse off?

dont tell me
dont speak dont say its cos u cannot offer me anything
u know i dont need u to offer me anything
u just want to delve into all this
and be alone
feel that ur life is crashing
feel that nothing matters
not even me,
who is worth just a few dots
...

just that.
there's no use telling u
u are neglecting my feelings
it just gives u more stress
so here i will
wilt and peel
until the day u think u have had enough of me
and u think that u worry u will no longer love me
or i need things that u cant provide

then that is the day
everything just ends

right now,
i am just ur chesspiece
helpless
vulnerable
every single thing is in ur control
and
you are tearing apart my heart.

cos u never spare a thought for me.

my eyes cant open.

the aching feeling
when u cant stop something from happening
when ur eyes are so wide open
u know what is happening

u try to stop it

but u know u are just too tired
too stretched thin
too used to it
too disappointed

previously u tried so hard
does it matter?