What a long day.
It started off with me waking up to a nice cold morning
All alone in the house,
Made me not feel like moving out.
But procrastination aside,
I just had to move this lazy butt out to NUS to use the com lab to prepare the posters for union ball tomorrow.

Got frustrated that cos at the 'learning centre' there,
the guy in charge is either totally unfriendly, or just disinterested.
I asked for help with my totally-cannot-make-it Photoshop skills
but he just seemed so stoned and stood so still behind me
Until one kind soul came along and really helped me.
As in, literally took the mouse, explained printing procedures, lent me his cashcard, checked on me during intervals to see if i was coping.
This is help when some computer illiterate needs it.
I am so thankful for his help, which came along a good 10 mins before the lab closed.

And I was famished, caught in the rain, and grumpy cos only me and another girl were gonna be at the matric fair preparing.
Grabbed a subway, toasted, extra cheese, topped with a medium cup of coke
Felt so good :)
Talk abt me being a glutton.
Good food can cheer me up anytime.

And so, slogging began... from 3pm to 11pm... actually, 1am.
Judy, the girl who was me, had to leave at 11pm and i had to let her go though i needed help cos she stayed in pasir ris. (read: miles and miles away)
Thank goodness i had already asked my bf down for logistics support (buy dinner, drinks, listen to me grumble, make me laugh, help me set up the booth)
And so by the time it was 1am, it was just me and him in the matric fair. and a couple of others.

I know he is very very tired after a long working night at mos and i really really really appreciate all the effort he takes to travel down from bedok.
and being the sleepy person who can sleep anywhere, standing up, vertical, horizontal...
i thank him for being here for me always.
thru loreal competition, thru my publicity work that i rushed through the night, thru the exams where i mugged until 5am and he waited to send me home, thru all these when he had very little time.

and now after sending me home and waiting for me to complete my work for tomorrow's matric fair,
he has fallen asleep right beside me
his long eyelashes shut tight
sleeping peacefully like a baby.

Thank you my dear.
I can never thank you enough :)

It's been a long hiatus from blogging.
I've been too lazy to update my blog cos I've been wanting to get a new skin and new tag board, but excuses, excuses and excuses..
I will get down to doing it next week.
Or the next week.
Or the next.
Hopefully, before I fly.
=)

So far, everything's been finalised.
Air ticket, checked.
Itinerary - Germany, Austria, Czech, more or less checked.
Accomodation, nuh. So far no accomodation cos of part year exchange. But hopefully, as they have told us.. they will arrange something.


What a bleak and gloomy saturday night.
I didnt quite plan on updating a rather dark entry.

Back to driving again.
Hitting the roads has been a problem for me cos I feel this fear of being incapacitated in my seat when it crashes...
Really.
This explains my fear of changing lanes, amidst having to do a gazillion things at a time, checking rear mirror, blindspot, rear mirror, signal on, accelerate and all.
But today amidst half opened eyes and perhaps a chirpy mood,
this was quite a breeze for me.
I guess keeping my cool and not losing it in fear of not being in control helps.
Innate control freak :(

Suddenly feel that everything is just so temporary,
that it scares me.
In spots we sit, chill, talk, wait...
I see shadows of past, present and future.

Unsure?
Maybe, maybe its cos of working my fried brains out.
Sometimes I really hate having to be quick thinking and find a way to raise 15,000 SGD for the trip, and coming with all kinds of ideas to work incessantly to go for my dream of the europe trip.
I know they always said 'Chase your dreams'
but I bet they never said '... only if you arent a super woman wannabe.'

I guess I am only good at wanting to try just about everything, and
being doubly stubborn and insistent on my way,
I want to get things done to the best of what I think is the standard,
I really wear myself thin.
Like chewing gum thin.

There are mornings I really really really hate waking up
to an office of cold mundane faces,
or worst, hypocritical smiles
condescending attitudes
unreasonable demands
that I know with my quick temper
I cant take it lying down
There are mornings where my headache gets to me,
and I wake up on the wrong side of bed
But I know this is some sort of responsibility
or maybe its the unfinished deals at work waiting
and the pending emails i have to read
or maybe the unpleasant environment i just have to deal with
all and all
i wish i could just stop the time
and breathe.
and maybe not feel that guilty.

and sometimes i wonder why u insist i try to be a super woman.

i feel frustrated sometimes,

cos i see so much

and i feel so much

but i am just not able to do that much.

i need to learn.

sometimes feeling and sensing so much,

is such a pain.

And sometimes,

I still wonder why u tell me i cant be a superwoman.

its this elusive question that has popped up in my mind
i hate to face the possibility of it existing, all the more having to face it...
its true, isnt it?

only you can feel the rain on your skin
noone else can feel it for you
only you can let it in
noone else can speak the words on ur lips

today is where ur book begins
the rest is still unwritten