Of shining stars in the dash

It never fails to remind me how every traffic jam in the morning, afternoon or night
Resembles that of the human rat race to me.
While we zoom by holding on to dear life on a dependable RXZ,
the neighbours snort at us with sideway glances
with flashy cars and hungry engines
each only too hungry to knock us out.
RXZ does not disappoint with its utility,
we zig zag our way out of the factory production lines of sardine cans
missing the bumper or boot by a nook and cranny
and wave a careless goodbye to the fat shiny thugs behind.

we may be small and cheap,
but at least we get to our destination.
:)
Remember to think about the poor motorcyclist in the sweltering hot sun while you inconsiderably edge your way into their lanes.

The one on Wisdom

I just had my two petite wisdom teeth and i am in great pain.
The worst thing is I can't eat solid food, of all the biggest deprivations in the world.
Smart me wanted to prevent twice the pain, thus I asked for both lower teeth on left and right to be extracted at the same time,
ignorant to the inconveniences I would be brought about.
And the local anaesthesia was so unforgettable.
Being someone totally against injections of any sorts, i swear I almost fainted at the sight of the long syringe, about to penetrate my gums before the extractions were carried on.



Why?
Wisdom teeth operation during term break, which utterly utterly ruined my mood.
:(
Mauvais dents.

The one on learning to breathe

A gasp
Inhaling nothing but
clouds of grey

Grips tighten
only to fall lower

Loosen your hold
and you may find yourself
in an other space

le feu
swirls, whirls, twirls.

The one about lessons in life

Noone told me another over-staying year in NUS was going to be so tough, so hectic.
And how most of my friends would have left school and moved on to their own working lives.

6 modules a semester, crippled with readings so thick that i dread even carrying around,
tuition kids with up coming exams and outside commitments that I feel overwhelmed by.
One more year of this - and all in the sweet name of honours.
It really spells HELL for me.

I dont know how I am going to cope, with French 2 getting more and more difficult.

I did not work in the months of June and July for the first time in my undergrad year,
but I learned the most about lessons in life.
Learned about how the harder u throw, the further it bounces away.

And my little favourite neighbourhood cat as mentioned in my previous entry is dead.
She has been culled away and put to death, amidst piles of other little cats.
Goodbye paw paw. I will miss you and your endearing ways.
And how ur paws would reach out for my laps and you will rest your head on me.
I hope you find your heaven.

Feline friend

Meet paw paw :) the cutest cat with the roundest eyes and no fears around human beans.

She's the neighbourhood cat who always yearns for a hug, a cuddle and love.

When I feel down, hugging her and looking into her eyes make me feel she understands.

Such a lovely baby. =)

tortue

comme une tortue

avec un sac lourde

il faut courir.

Est-ce que tu cours vite?

On ne sait pas.

Peut-etre tu sais.

Seulement peut-etre.

coin - see then? (coincident)

a knock
and the palette spills all over
almost perfectly
the colours spill
liminalities abound
mixing in hues
yet distinct lines sound

red oozes; unseen not forgotten
blue bleeds; untold not unseen
green splashes; unstoppable not felt
white evaporates; unconditional not ungrateful
black stains; undermined not abandoned

mindless rubbing
endless scrubbing

the palette; an entropy
the spaces; an emptiness
the edges; an end.

An end-trophy
or an entropy?

when all is said and done.

the wind leaves its trail
our hair blowing
your smile etched
like
the footsteps in the sand
dancing in the rain
seeing Life
smelling knowledge
eyes twinkled
feet touching
nary anger
hardly frustration
twinkling windows
mischief brimming
melancholy discarded
love taught
life lived

inconsistent rain

last breath
your tears
our eyes
your warmth
our pain
your frost
our worry
your shiver
our loss

you came
and left

my tears
your eyes

your smile

our pain

the wind leaves its trail

to my angel (1963 - 2005)

la belle langue de francais

Ils pleure dans mon coeur,
comme il pleut sur la ville.

Time

I seem to have run out of time.
It's like money,
u never know where you spend your money or your time for that matter.
Sometimes i feel like i drift around like a piece of debris in the waters
and only when i hit the shores
'wham'
and i wake up from my daze to realize
its already night
that i have been milling about in the crowd,
going to a lecture after another
and despite having huge loads of work to do
i just want to sleep.

And that's exactly what i do.
I need to learn how to stop procrastinate.

French is killing me!
Feel like my tongue has been twisted in ridiculous manner after French class.
But I really do want to get it mastered and work on my European languages.
Such a beauty, those languages.
Even saying something mundane like 'I have a car' is so sexy
'J'ai une voiture'
See what I mean?

Okay, apart from German, which, personally I feel, can sound a tad too grumpy and harsh,
European languages are great to learn.
But when u have all three in ur brain,
where, in my case, my brain is filled with other daydreams like things i want to be next time, new stuff i wanna learn...
i get them all mixed up..

A case in point:
My french tutor was reciting the numbers 'treize' when suddenly a memory loss gripped me and I started looking wondrously at my classmate who said that it meant 13 in French
when the only 'treize' i remembered was 'tres' in Spanish.
My mind is really screwed up sometimes.

French time coming up soon; the pressure is upon myself to study and do well.
I hate being an all-time perfectionist.
Sometimes it really drives me up the wall.

Je n'aime pas stress.

I have realised that I have been losing myself in endless tangential thoughts recently.
Someone help me.

Why does it not snow...

Why why why?
Just when I left Newcastle,
its gonna snow there this week!!!
*pulls out hair in utmost annoyance*

Stupid, stupid, stupid...
I should have stayed there for one more week...
Just one more week...

So near yet so far!!
Stupid me. =(
Now I'll never taste snowflakes with my tongue :(
I know its gonna burn...
but still...
*argh*

Home is where the heart and soul belong...

...and also where the humid sticky weather gets to me.

I am finally home - I have been home for a week already,
and slowly getting used to being home.
Looks like Singapore can change quite a lot in just half a year,
it sure takes some getting used to.

Vivo City, Sentosa, Arts canteen down, quirky food tents set up -
its like a whirlwind change for me.
And I even forgot to tap my Ez-link card when I alighted from the bus.
Now, I feel like a tourist. =)

I got a little jet lag problems, coupled with insomnia and lethargy.
Now recovering,
but sometimes it really feels like I've never left home before.
Is it good or bad?
I dont know.
Feels like I just went missing for a couple of months
and now that I am back
I am mis-placed AND dis-placed.
Feels weird.
Feels like I didnt even experience those fun months in Newcastle.

And the weather here is grrrrr.. atrocious!
Sticky and hot.
Yeap, and I was still complaining I'd rather have it hot when I was freezing my nose off in Europe.
Seems like I forgot about the humid part.
=)
But I am still getting accustomed to it :)

Coming back has made me appreciate my mummy and family more.
Nothing better than home-cooked food or looking at my dearest mummy sleep.
Looking at her hair, and her sleepy face,
thanking her quietly for everything,
including having me.
=)

I have learned somehow to be much more polite (not that I was not.. :P )
when I am served (like in a taxi, coffeeshop, etc)
and I do miss the cold nice weather.
Now donning six layers of clothes is NOT that intimidating and irritating,

except that it can be troublesome when i am out shopping for clothes,
and depressing when the sun sets early.

But I guess the independence and freedom I got overseas
is unparalleled in Europe.
Here I am afterall in comfort zone,
my family is within an arm's length,
i dont get to travel out of UK every other weekend,
Paris is not accessible to me jus like that.

That is the beauty of Europe,
to me =)

Will update more when I try to settle down.
Am taking Japanese and French lessons now -
I got inspired to learn many languages in Europe because
I saw the importance and the flexibility that comes with the knowledge of different languages while in Europe,
it gets you anywhere and everywhere.
Of course, I will further my studies on them,
including German and Spanish =)

This SEP trip has made me positive =)
with lots of energy to look towards the future!

Good things dont last...

... why don't they?

Its now 6am here in Newcastle and I just finished packing.
I have been packing since 1am and its killing me.
My bags are humongous-ly big, fat and ugly;
but i really can't be bothered.
I havent had a single wink and something tells me that
for the next 24 hours i will be having a very hard time lugging all 3 luggages
around in London and on the 13 hour flights
and without a proper place to rest.


because....



I am going home now!!!
=)


Yes, I decided to change my air ticket weeks ago and I'm on my way home now.
Back to Singapore.
Didnt tell a single soul yet until recently - was too excited and let the cat outta the bag!
Miss everyone so much.
It is one of the craziest things I have done;
but then again,
in this SEP trip,
I have done many crazy stuff.
I would never imagine my impromptu trips to London, Amsterdam, Glasgow and Paris for the whole of my life.
Anyway, before I digress..
My original date was 27th January;
but I have too much to catch up in NUS
and I really miss home terribly.
and I have no exams in newcastle because sociology modules are assessed by essays.
Loads of them - I finished 2 of them, 4000 words each a day ago.
=(

I cant wait to go home cos I cant imagine being all alone and lugging all the heavy souvenirs home.

The best and craziest thing now
is that
I havent told anyone at home that I am on my way home
and they are not expecting me at midnight on Saturday!
AND i have no keys.
Call me crazy but I hope this will make my mum and family smile...
especially my mum cos i missed her birthday last year.

I am going home!

I really cant believe it,
especially when I am deliriously tired after packing and having no sleep...

But still,
I am leaving! and on a very hurried note too :(

Goodbye land of cottage chicken, cheap thrills like Primark, Wilkinson, Food Co, Tyne Bridge, Leazes Park, days which are short and darken far too easily,
and hello to the home of yummy food like minced meat noodles, seafood, hokkien mee, mos burger and my mum's cooking...

Honestly, I will miss this place so much.
The Sing Soc guys were very nice to attend my impromptu farewell dinner at Big Mussels and were very sweet too. Very thankful to know them cos they often rendered us help and of course squabbled with me and called me 'Tiger Beer' girl because they think I look sleazy and can work as those servers in kopi tiam selling Tiger Beers to uncles.

Seriously. -_-
Haha.

But I really really love all the times we all hung out and life was so peaceful and just for the moment.

I am going home...
I still can't believe it.

I have to write some goodbye cards now,
will update once I reach Singapore...
home.
=)

Wish me luck that I am not locked out on Sat nite ;)
and I am going to eat prata!!!

Goodness, that is one big deprivation I have here in Europe =(