Running out of time

It gets really freaking frustrating when you take one step forward and end up taking two steps backwards.
Despite all the meticulous planning and overtime doing,
it all boils down to freaking nothing.

At the rate this is going, we're never ever going to make it.

Thank you for the indecisiveness and uncalled-for condescending tones. Courtesy of: http://www.flickr.com/photos/darkhairedgirl/2112355734/

Negativity is a real soul killer

Ever felt that your mood was sorely affected by the negativity of the others near you?
Apparently, it can happen.

Read an article on Cleo that mentions how we can catch the Angst Epidemic from friends near us, and that started me thinking.

It is certainly tough for us to keep chins up in times of adversity,
and harder still when people close to us are caving in.

The worse is to feel helpless when everything goes awry.

It's the end of the year, and the festive mood doesn't seem to be setting in.

=(

Such is life.

Labels: life, stress

Labels: choices, life

Misery loves company.

My lungs have officially joined my stomach and throat in this sweet enduring battle of illness, and I've been running fever non-stop.

It's God's way of telling me to stop...

Labels: life, sick

Credits: http://open.24.net/Gif/Good_Collection/Celestial.Exploring/Blessing.html

Blessings

Every time I count my blessings, I count both you and Su.

Su, being sensitive and introspective, can detect my mood within a split second.
You, being playful but patient and giving, can be my pillar of support.

Thank you for being the 2 very important Cancerians in my life. =)

Loved,
Belle

Labels: friendships, relationships

'nuff said... Need a breather now...

Labels: life, work

Surprised

A very meaningful surprise I got from the playful bunny =)
I can't resist putting it up here.

Thank you dearie.
It is really very sweet.

Cheered up,
Izzy

Labels: happiness, love, relationships, tiredness

7 years

Dearest Daddy,

I never forget.

In fact, I find it so hard to forget.

24 September 2002, the day that one of your lungs collapsed.
It was also the day that you gave up breathing.

Maybe you didn't give up - maybe you had to - or maybe...
Maybe there are too many "maybes"...

It was the day I remember being so strong, holding onto Mummy while waiting for the rest of the sisters to arrive.
It was the day I remember collapsing in tears, once Mummy got a hold on herself.

It was the day I remember crying so hard that it was impossible to coax myself to sleep.

It was also the day I remember I never wanted to wake up after that to face the reality.

Nothing's been smooth since you left, Daddy.
It's been 7 years and you're still very much missed.

Labels: anniversary, family

The passion

To live, the passion to feel
The passion to live

Eludes my eyes

Labels: holidays, love

Labels: happiness, home, relationships

Labels: life, love, relationships

Freedom

The freedom to fly
Bound by unfettered chains

The freedom to love
Convinced by unbinding contracts

The freedom to live
Enshrined in the temporal impermanence

The freedom to see
Tainted by the spilled palette of colours

The freedom to be
Protected by your love for me.


Woozy,
Izzy

Labels: love, Poems, relationships

Gastroenteritis

Au revoir, throat inflammation;
Welcome gastroenteritis!

My dear body has become a favourite breeding ground for these damned germs;
clutching my tummy throughout the day is a hellish activity,
with all the mad rush in the office and meetings...

And now dearie has also caught a fever and flu...
Illnesses love company, don't they?

We're like two sick kittens, wrapped in blankets, shivering,
while Tiger stares at us with his huge eyes and makes us feel bad about not being able to walk him.
=(

Shivers and wriggles,
Izzy

Labels: life, love, sick

Dearest Daniel

Thank you for loving me, like I'm yours. =) No, wait, I'm yours.

Every night, you never fail to walk me around the estate, no matter how tired you are.

Even when you are broke, you'd rather spend money on me than see me starve or have no fishy toy =)

Even if I am naughty sometimes and make you hug me countless times before you sleep,

I know you will always always love me!

Okay, I admit sometimes I act cute so that you won't be angry with me for long,

so I shake my butt when I walk down the streets and chase after cats,

but you know what,

you're the best owner and I'm so blessed to have someone like you to love me so much!

<3

Woofs and wurves,
Tiger

Labels: life, love, tiger

The only constant thing in Man is change

It amazes me how a small little accident can bring about such a drastic positive change in her life.
It unfazes me to learn how an innocent remark can bring out scathing revelations about him.

Change - being constant - seems to remind us of our own mortality,
and to carpe diem,
since nothing is permanent and everything temporally exists.

To let it take you down or bring you up,
is entirely a choice of yours.

Sleepy,
Izzy

Labels: change, life

Fur rug

How to resist hugging my favourite boy?
=)

loved,
izzy

Labels: dog, love, tiger

Lazy weekend

Finally, the weekend is here, having scurried through an excruciatingly busy week.

Weekends are always welcomed, especially during rainy seasons.

This weekend was spent with a night-over, listening to ghost stories, discussing about tarot cards and laughing our hearts out over beer.

Last night, we even spent a lazy night just building ridiculously insane roller coasters on Roller Coaster Tycoon 2.

Aptly named "The Last Ride", the ride ends with no platform but a sudden drop that lands all the passengers in the middle of the platform with a huge explosion and fire works to celebrate this finale ride.

See what three stressed out people can do?


An overdue picture from my birthday - thank you for everything.


Everything will smoothen out okay? We'll wait for the next weekend to come =)


Cheered up,
Izzy

Labels: friends, life, love, weekends

And I am not going to give up.

Mulling,

Izzy

Labels: future, life

My Love

This is Tiger, the much loved mongrel we are taking care of.
He loves shaking his paws with us, evident from the picture above and
he has beautiful tiger stripes.
Therefore, the name "Tiger" has stuck comfortably.

He doesn't like strangers, cars, prams, basement carparks, noises, knocking.
He seldom barks and loves affection.

Every night he needs to be hugged to sleep.
I'd snuggle up to him, kiss his foreheaad (if that's what you call it)
and stroke his nose.

He's gorgeous.

This is my love =)

Wuffles,
Izzy

Labels: life, love, pets

The raucous cacophony
grinds its razors across the tympanic membrane
slices the flimsy husk
scrapes the remnant sinews
shreds into strips of rubble

disparaging derision dissolved into diminished delusion

Labels: Poems

Be careful of what you wish for...

... in case you rub the genie's lamp the wrong way.

Ask, and you shall receive.

Answers, indeed, sought
yet questions abound.

A dead end, with no light in sight,
or a self-fulfilling prophecy, giving up without a fight?

The devil and the hangman
towards the mystic they tend

A heart spoked with arrows
split at the end with sorrows

The wheel of fortune
anticipates the winds of change
relishing before gone too soon
offering a fork in the road
the comfort zone or a toss of the load.

Devilish death of a wandering mind.

Enlightened,
Izzy

Labels: future, life, mystic, relationships

Pencil shreds

Labels: life, tiredness, work

When the going gets a little too tough...
休息是為了走更長遠的路.

For all the work weary souls out there, including myself
hang in there.

It will all work out, all in good time.

Sleepy,
Izzy

Labels: crazy world, life, work

Life's little surprises

Life likes to play funny jokes on us, especially when we least expect it.

I realise the current job I am holding is something I applied for when I was in 3rd year in NUS. And at that point of time, I hadn't thought of doing an additional Honours year -

I was only contemplating what to do with my life but somehow, I decided to take on honours and just bumped my way along the 4th year.

After which, I applied for a graduate scheme in an airline company, following by a short editing stint. Then I realised those weren't me.

When I decided to tidy up my life, there was an opening in the main agency that I was keen on.

However, not armed with a Psychology degree but instead a Sociology one, I was offered other options in the other arms of the main agency.

And at that point of time during the second interview, I learned of the opening of my current position - which I was keen on. I took it on, and here I am,

Yet, it is strange it never rang a bell.

And here I am, in a full circle right from where I began.

x x x x x x x x x x x

Similarly, Dan's the man I met a couple of years ago, in an uncanny situation where I was visiting my ex boyfriend (who happens to be Dan's good friend) in a hospital. Our eyes met briefly but it all ended there.

Fast forward 4 years, we had an unexpected and unplanned encounter, this time with my ex boyfriend organizing a gathering, on a July evening.

And somehow, things bumped and collided and worked itself out.

And ironically, it was only during our first few meetings that I mentioned to Dan that he really looked familiar from a 4-year-ago encounter.

And there we were, realizing that we had met years ago.

Moral of the story: If you are meant to be, you are meant to be.

If you are meant to meet, there's no running away from it.

That's cos life brings you back to a full circle - unexpected, unplanned, unknowingly-

and while we never know what what's up for us in the future (distant or far), the best we can do is cherish what we have, be it our careers, our loved ones, our families, our life.

Spooked,

Izzy

Labels: crazy world, life, love, work

Losing to Win

Sometimes I really wonder what it means to win.

Does it mean that the result brings about a triumphant ending?
Or could winning actually mean... not losing as much as anticipated in the end?

Does winning necessitate a happy fairytale ending for all?
Or could it be a win-win situation, where everyone backs down and takes back a piece of shattered soul but moves on to greater happiness?

Are we too fixated with the notion of winning this race,
that we can't see that by trying so hard to win,
we are the biggest losers in the end?

Or, maybe winning is not everything, eventually.
It is knowing when to say no.

Labels: life

Qu'est-ce qui s'est passe -

Quoi?

Quand?

Le temps est...

Ou?

La lieu, elle est...

Plus importante?

Jamais

Mais...

On ne sait pas.

Rien. source: http://designflute.files.wordpress.com

Labels: happiness, life

Happy (but tired) Feet

My soles are crying for help from the day long tottering about in killer heels.

And I guess I'm solely responsible. (couldn't resist the pun)

=)

Work just ended and it's been a mad mad rush for 12 whole hours.

Just got back after ending at 8pm.

Nonetheless, though I am too tired to eat dinner everyday, I find meaning in my work.

Seems like what a sociologist aims to find in life - meaning. =)

I'm finally happy, after a long time.

Maxed out,
Izzy

Labels: happiness, time, tiredness, weekdays, work

Was thinking about when I started writing poems and all...
It appears that I'm often, if not always, inspired by my tangential thoughts and emotions...
This was the poem I wrote during Lit class in PJC,
and we were asked to display it on the wall.

I wrote it with a purpose then - because it reflected how pure and simple love could have been,
back in 2002.
One of the poems I really like: it is very simple yet, it explains my point above.

This was for the first guy I met during orientation in JC -
also the one that has many stuff that haunts me until now.
Sleeping dogs they shall be,
but always a part of me.

A Love Poem

The first time their eyes met
Fingers shyly touch; they never linger
Hand on her shoulder for a while, never longer
Awkward silence - nothing more than that.

A wobbly finger reaches out - Message sent
She pauses, she waits
She just anticipates
A friendly reply greets her - A new friend!

Conversations at the bus stop never ceased
A rainbow spotted one beautiful evening
Both of them sat side by side, lazing
Even when several buses they missed.

Second of February Two Thousand and Two
She handed him the blue heart pendent
Also meant for his birthday present
Finally together from Two-oh-two

Untidy doodlings on lecture notes,
Hard-to-understand Math theories,
Giving up halfway nearly
Strength comes along with his white coat.

Heart beating, faster every minute
At the bus stop for the last time.
He holds her back, and gives her warmth
Together, never again to be.

Labels: past, Poems, relationships, school

Tarot reading for belle:

Love:
Touchstone: Career: Love: The Pope
Touchstone: Death
Career: The Empress

This is a day of truth, dear belle…

Doubts and long-hidden conflicts are coming to the surface, and you want to dispel them, and see the clearly where you stand. If you are in a committed relationship it is unlikely you’ll be able to escape a critical analysis. So you might as well address the big questions and get them out of the way. If you’re single, you’re not going to feel good about it today.

But may be that is a necessary starting to point for you to realize that you need to start seeing your friends a bit more – and maybe make a few new ones.

As for work, there may be a few changes in the way you approach this. You may be about to change jobs or colleagues, reorganize your schedule, transfer to another department, get promoted, absolutely anything is possible when Death is holding the reins!

Luckily, the Empress will be there to guide you all day and she'll help you handle these changes with detachment and skill.

Wandering,
Izzy

Labels: horoscopes, tarot cards

Hope

Damn right that without hope, it's hard to go on in life when things go awry.

But perhaps that person who came up with the saying didn't think hard enough.

With more hope, the higher the expectations and
the harder the fall.

Hope is indeed for the hopeless. Misery comes in pairs...

... or maybe even in batches...

Labels: crazy world

iLost my iPhone - An Eulogy

Goodbye my friend.

Thank you for being with me, weathering through it all,
(Literally, because you always provided me with weather forecasts of cities all over the world.)

For bearing with my garbled fumbled incoherent typings amidst pints of beers,
For being music to my ears with the latest library of iTunes
For waking me up on mornings, though I didn't really want to.
For days that you snapped beautiful rainbows and my escapade to Manchester
For being the good old, trusty you.

Lost,
Izzy

Looks like my birthday present to myself shall be a new phone. =(

Labels: crazy world, iphone, life, saving money

A very poignant and soothing song about getting the closure that people want in relationships. Click on the youtube video and read the lyrics - and you'll get what I mean.


You're Not Sorry - Taylor Swift

All this time I was wasting
Hoping you would come around
I've been giving out chances
Everytime and all you do is let me down

And it's taken me this long
Baby but I've figured you out
And you thinking we'll be fine again
But not this time around

*You don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't want to hurt anymore

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry
No, no, no, no*

Looking so innocent I might believe you
If I didn't know
Could have loved you all my life
If you hadn't left me waiting
In the cold

And you've got your share of secrets
And I'm tired of being last to know
And now you're asking me to listen
'Cause it's worked each time before

*But you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't want to hurt anymore

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry
No, no, oh

You're not sorry No, no, oh*

You had me crawling for you honey
And it never would have gone away, no
You used to shine so bright
But I watched all of it fade

*So you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
There's nothing left to beg for

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry
No, no, oh
You're not sorry

Labels: life, lyrics, relationships

Pass It On

It was one of the many semesters,
but this time, she felt, it was different.

Maybe it was because she was back from United Kingdom, for a couple of months already now.

Maybe not that, she thought.
It must be the fact that she was a fourth-year student sitting in this new yet strangely familiar place, on the benches and just enjoying the excitement that was growing inside her.

Fourth-year student.
Honours student, she smiled.
How she liked the sound of those two words.
It made her feel old - yet young since she was beginning a brand new start.

Apprehensive, certainly.
She had taken up the honours year, because she didn't know what she wanted to do.
But she reminded herself that she had to work really hard this year, because she had to - certainly had to - attain that second upper honours degree.

This was the thing about her - she was simply stubborn.
Some call it steadfast, determined, goal-oriented;
she knew she was stubborn.
When she wanted to get something, she'd never lose sight of it.

She glanced around the smokey dungeon - a place that would eventually become her home for the next year and a half, she just didn't know - and she saw that her boyfriend was speaking to a man who looked rather out-of-place and lost.
She overheard their conversation about Sociology - her field of major - and her interest was roused immediately.

She reminded herself that when she was on exchange, she'd hoped that people would be warmer to her.
So she nudged her boyfriend and asked him to make a brief intro so as to make the man a bit more at home.

And then she realized that he was a post-doc fellow in the department and she sheepishly smiled at her boyfriend.
The man sure didn't need any orientation to her university - he'd studied here years ago.

Learning the man's abbreviated name, she laughed at herself for being so silly.

And then her days came and passed, while she struggled with a few theories here and there.
A few encounters with the man, affectionately known as KJ to them in the end, prompted her to ask questions about the Masters programme.

The question now was: was she even qualified intellectually to apply for Masters?

She spent the days in French classes, allowing her imagination to run wild about being an academia.
Dreams were pretty much free, and she could just see herself, perhaps writing a book about a theory of -

KJ's msn message came.
Out of the blue, he had explained that the calibre of Honours student was rather high and that with her present standard, she'd have to work doubly hard to apply for the programme.

She was almost in tears.
She felt judged, that her dreams had been brought crashing to the ground - even though it was perhaps a flitting thought of doing Masters that flirted with her imagination.

Of course, she didn't forget to blog about how she could say goodbye to Masters.
Her blog was her playground for venting her confused thoughts, her innermost emotions and
her past.

Days came and passed, until one day she was waylaid by KJ.
He had read her blog and reassured her that he was not implying that she was not adequate enough.
He had just wanted to consider the competition and prepare herself for the challenges ahead.

Fair enough, she thought.
He offered his guidance through theories that she struggled in and spoke to her more about the programme.

Mornings came and passed when the friendship between them got stronger and stronger.
A little sharing information about current affairs,
a nugget of Weber and Marx,
a chest full of life experiences,
amidst lit rolls of papers in the smokey dungeon.

He began to mentor her more and more intensively,
never plain feeding her with information but providing sign posts.

She was always a little slow, but she appreciated this effort to know her, her learning style and her aspirations.
It made her feel that people did indeed care, despite her mediocre grades and background.

The first semester of her Honours ended and she had scored a cap of 4.8 out of 5.0 for the semester.
The first person she exclaimed this was to KJ and she knew he was proud of her, with eyes gleaming with pride.

Her 4 Sociology modules had gotten A+,A,A- and B+.
It was a feat to her and the best semester ever.

She knew the credits was to him as he had made the effort to drop by the dungeon, where she had piles of notes and books, in the mornings, in between tea breaks and before he left for home.
A conscientious academic, she knew that he had better things to do than listen to her blabble gibberish and having panic attacks during critical phases, such as her exams.

One particular incident would always be remembered because he actually came back to the dungeon after 7pm to revise her theories with her. Without her asking to.

But always the person to put her feet on the ground and let her stay focused and grounded, he reminded her:

"While I'm proud of you, you must continue to stay focused. You must drop French."

She was crushed. She loved French and she knew that it was additional burden.
But surely, she could do something that she excelled in.

She was also devastated that she was unable to do her Honours thesis. She had wanted to own a mini book of her work but her other professor had warned that she would compromise 3 grades if she started on her thesis in the 2nd semester. Sure, she had qualified but she was way behind time.

That cut deeper. It was because she had qualified and yet was discouraged.

Being the rational mentor, he tried to bring reason to her that she should focus on doing an ISM (independent study module, a mini-er version of a thesis).
She was quickly (but not easily) pacified with his rationale.

And so the 2nd semester (also the last one) began.
It was a hell-ride.

With so much margin for failure (her cap was slightly 0.01 above the requirements for 2nd upper honours), she stressed herself out entirely.
And that meant being grouchy, grumpy, edgy, touchy, irritable.

So she was back in the dungeon again, spending sleepy and sleepless nights on the benches with her boyfriend, rushing papers, doing readers, contemplating about life and -
of course playing Facebook's applications (namely, Pirates).

About 2 weeks before her ISM was due, KJ took a walk down the steps to the carpark with her (to avoid the nasty security guards) as she ranted about her theories and how she was supposed to make them flow with the case studies. And then he asked -

"Speaking of case studies, how many do you have?"

She grinned proudly, "Two!"
And she saw his knees almost collapsing and him almost falling off the steps.

"Two?!?!"
And he shook his head and grumbled about it the whole afternoon. And of course, the days to come, whereby this became the butt of her joke.

On the day of her boyfriend's birthday, she planned a mini surprise party for him and invited KJ along.

However, she sensed something amiss.
KJ's face looked stricken with pain.

His mentor, who had taught him the concept of "Pass It On", had passed away, having been a fighter and source of inspiration for him.

She sat there quietly, the talkative her not quite knowing what to say.
She listened intently again about his mentor's strength and his feelings(or how little he showed it).

Pass It On was simple.
She had asked him how she could ever repay his mentoring, time and effort.
He said "Pass It On", to pass on whatever knowledge she could to the next batch of people who would benefit.
And that was the way she would repay him.

This philosophy, simple yet poignant, remained in her heart, until today and will certainly follow to her grave.

Labour day came and she had another examination due the next day.
Despite his exclaimed grumpiness about working on a public holiday, he appeared in the dungeon (where she always was) and explained the concepts to her meticulously.

Throughout this time, she always felt stupid - that she always took longer than others to understand theories, that she could never focus and read her readings as her thoughts would be drawn away and even when she was focusing, she would never really understand. Was her mind just barren or was she not cut out for this academia thing?

Exams ceased and she was terrifically enthusiastic as she was about to embark on a graduation trip with her boyfriend.
Her "other half", as KJ would tease and she would indignantly retort back that she had her own identity, whenever KJ asked where her other half was.

And so Milan, Florence, Pisa, Naples, Rome, Berlin, Barcelona, London, Marseilles, Nice and finally Paris.

It was at Nice that her results were released and she'd gotten 3.99 out of 5.00, falling short of 0.01 from her second uppers.
Once again, fallen from heavens.

She dropped an email to KJ, to inform him as he was on a conference overseas.
She was resigned to fate.
It was a year long of mind games with Fate.

Reaching Singapore on 3 June 2008, she realized that after marking a module as a satisfactory pass, she had attained 4.01.
Her heart pumped as she called KJ and told him about the good news.

And once again, he was proud that she had triumphed against all odds and made what appeared impossible possible.

She and her other half then decided to visit the school on a good Monday morning, 6 days after their arrival in Singapore, on his motorcycle at approximately 7.15 am.

A technical defect occured and they both lay bloodied on the tarmac road of PIE.
The tyre had deflated, and they were swerved from the 1st lane to the 4th.

And there they lay. At the road shoulder where other cars drove and buzzed by.

Her fingers trembled as she called KJ and told him about the accident.

Before long, her boyfriend and she were nursed at the other half's place, where the both of them spent the days hobbling - or more appropriately hopping awkwardly - around as they were heavily bandaged.

KJ called and visited one day, with two bag fulls of nutritional supplements and her very important reinforcements of vices - he knew she'd absolutely be in misery should she be deprived of even the smallest things that made her contented, after the horrid accident.

Two weeks later, they were able to walk abit better and made it down to school in one piece to visit KJ.
Unbeknownst to KJ, the couple had been having a bad cold war.
Walking together to the bus interchange, the 3 exchanged goodbyes, what would be the last united farewell KJ would see the couple give.

The next morning, KJ received a call from a trembling voice and heard a small squeaky voice.

Everything had ended.

She came down, dazed and loss of appetite and sleep.
Sitting at the dungeon, she stared into mid-air - unable to accept reality and unable to leave this place that she had shared.

She stopped eating and KJ stared at her resignedly, when she pointed at a hardly-touched plate of rice and explained that she was very full already.

KJ spent his mornings and afternoons with her, putting her head right onto her shoulder and reminding her the importance of being calm.
He had shown her the positive side- that she was due to start work in a prestigious company the next week and he would be very proud of her.

Her intimidating week started, in an airline industry this time.
She was crushed - every working moment reminded her of him as they had spent endless times travelling.
Her lunch break was spent speaking to KJ, trying to calm herself down amidst a very big company and a culture shock.

Saturdays were spent in the dungeon, deliberating and contemplating about life.
Despite KJ's coaxing, she always counted down to the number of saturdays that they had been separated...

... And then, one day, she stopped counting.
She stopped sitting in the dungeon crying.
She knew that would break everyone's heart, including that of KJ, as people loved her and hated to see the sparkle lost in her eyes.

Her life was very hectic and she was forced to move on, unknowingly to her.. but not for long.

Another crisis had hit and she knew it was time for a change.

Another upheaval, another uncertainty.

She always sought KJ's opinion on life, career, relationships.
Maybe it was half-fear, half-respect for a man, who had inspired her so much.

Whenever she fell, he would inspire her and say,

"At least you fell and landed on your feet, instead of your knees. It's a very encouraging start!"

and of course,

"Belle... when you have downs, you have your ups... you can't stay unlucky for so long..."

And today, she had to tell him the fresh piece of news and this was what she received:

"You are a big girl or young lady. Take good care of yourself.
Remember that I only want you to be happy for the rest of your life."

x x x x x x x x x

Man of few words, so little said but so much felt.

It means the world to me.

Thank you for being a father/brother figure to me.

I'll remember how traumatized you were, when the people at the fair thought I was your daughter and tried to sell you convocation photo packages and you had retorted,
"If she were my daughter, I'd strangle her already!"

I know I never told you,
but I would be honoured to be your daughter.

Thank you KJ.

I'll remember to pass it on. =)

Labels: dungeon, friends, friendships, life, NUS, ramblings, stories

Crash and burn

Burnt out...
Tired out...
Crashed out...

I feel like my feet are not mine anymore...
I think my mind has stopped thinking... (the irony of this sentence... )
I sense nothing anymore...

I need a breather...

But at least I know when you crash and burn,
you're not alone...

Zonked out,
Izzy

Labels: Humans, life, tiredness, work

La Lumiere

First bday cake in ages - something very simple, yet very sweet.
=)

It's the effort that counts, remember?

Thank you for remembering, it means the world to me.
=)

Cheered up,
Izzy

Labels: birthday, life

Enlightenment

There are a thousand reasons to leave -

But one reason is good enough to let her stay.

Labels: departures, life, world

More than words

I don't know what else to say or how to say it.

I just hope you understand when you read this.

I'm sorry I hurt you so deep.

Labels: sorry

Confessions of a Chef-aholic

Seeing that it's a Friday and it's a holiday,
(Fridays that do not require work are always welcomed as good fridays)
we decided to make breakfast at home!

Regrettably, as we have had too much prata wraps the past few days,
I had to think real hard to cook something different today.

The picture above is my own concoction of mashed potato and mushroom sauce.
(The sauce was too ugly to post online :/ )
Being my first time preparing mashed potato (i have this vehement hatred of eating potato),
I never knew it was so much work!
I tried to be impromptu, and decided on ways to prepare the mashed potato.

I peeled it with a knife (because I couldn't find a freaking peeler)
and boiled it like forever,
and after which I mashed it.
Sounds easy but because the kitchen was so stuffy,
it was hard work.

Unfortunately, my own concoction of the mushroom sauce didn't work terribly well.
I couldn't find barbecue sauce so I got a bottle of steak sauce (I thought it'd probably be the same),
and I added some other marinate sauce, and with salt and pepper.
It turned out rather watery and sour (!!!).
It was quite a disappointment - but I liked the mashed potato on its own.
Oh well, always a first time for everything.

Scrambled eggs

This is my favourite dish that I like to eat and cook - mainly because I know it'd turn out delicious =) I always like to add a few dashes of oyster sauce and wine and salt. But apparently, the addition of milk makes it sweeter. Which ever tickles your pickles =)

Depending on different tastes, it can be prepared semi cooked or fully cooked. Me thinks it's yummy =)

Toasted bread (Dizzy)

Okay, while this looks innocently simple to make,
I beg to differ.
It's hard chore for a lazy bum like me.
First, the bread has to be cut into heart shapes with a knife,
subsequently added with cheese sausages, honey-baked ham, mayonnaise sauce, and mozarella cheese.
Into the toaster which will turn the bread golden brown.
=)

One thing about cooking these dishes at the same time is that one needs co-ordination and multi-tasking.
I think I can do better, in order to ensure the dishes are warm and delicious at the same time, ready to serve.

Maybe, just maybe, I am just planning my foray into my cooking career when I have my cafe next time =)

I hope you had a fantastic breakfast to kickstart the weekend =)

Scrambled,
Izzy

Labels: cooking, food, life, weekends

Never a Right Time to Say Goodbye

Chris Brown's lyrics had never been more apt, minus the ongoing furore about him and Rihanna.

I found this song's lyrics deeply meaningful and I guess what Bev told me rings true -

That we can never have the ending we wish for.
No break ups or endings will end up the nice way we hope it will, especially when we are at the receiving end.

This lyric is penned from the male's perspective, when the relationship is no longer working out anymore and unfortunately, someone has to be the "bad guy" and open his/her mouth and spout the hurtful and undesired line.

And you know what? It strikes me that there's never a really right time to say goodbye.

So, sometimes it's not really the guy's fault when they say goodbye.

Someone's gotta do the dirty job.

Maybe there's indeed some truth to "it's not you, it's me girl".

So cheer up girl, everything will straighten out. I'm here.

*hugs*

Say goodbye - Chris Brown

Baby come here and sit down, let's talk

I got a lot to say so I guess I'll start by

Saying that I love you,

But you know, this thing ain't been

No walk in the park for us

I swear it'll only take a minute

You'll understand when I finish, yeah

And I don't wanna see you cry

But I don't wanna be the one to tell you a lie so

[HOOK]How do you let it go?

When you, You just don't know?

What's on, The other side of the door

When you're walking out, talk about it

Everything I tried to remember to say

Just went out my head

So I'll do the best I can to get you to understand

[CHORUS]There's never a right time to say goodbye

But I gotta make the first move

'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me

Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you

Girl it's not you, it's me I gotta gotta figure out what I need

There's never a right time to say goodbye

But we know that we gotta go

Our separate ways

And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,

And it's killing me

Cause there's never a right time

Right time to say goodbye

But now your heart is breaking

And a thousand times I

Found myself asking, "Why? Why?"Why am I taking so long to say this?

But trust me, girl I never

Meant to crush your world

And I never thought I would see the day we grew apart

And I wanna know

[HOOK]How do you let it go?

When you, you just don't know? What's on,

The other side of the door

When you're walking out, talk about it

Everything I tried to remember to say

Just went out my head

So I'll do the best I can to get you to understand

[CHORUS]There's never a right time to say goodbye

But I gotta make the first move

'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me

Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you

Girl it's not you, it's me

I gotta gotta figure out what I need

There's never a right time to say goodbye

But we know that we gotta go

Our separate ways

And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,

And it's killing me

Cause there's never a right time

Right time to say goodbye

Labels: break ups, lyrics, relationships

Mega treat

Another round of cooking tonight.
And I made sure I bought a new packet of mozarella cheese today.

Okay, so the picture does not look that sumptuous but it is really yummy.
Ingredients include:
1. Cheese sausages
2. Honey baked ham
3. Semi cooked scrambled egg with a little of izzy's secret seasoning
4. Mozarella cheese
5. Mayonnaise sause
6. Prata skin

Toasted to perfection, the wrap is crisp and warm,
with cheese oozing into the mouth,
as well as the sweetness of the ham and sausages
coupled with the runny egg and a dash of mayonnaise sauce.

Good to serve =)

Labels: dinner, food, life

Happiness

Twinkling in the eyes,
Warmth in the heart,
Felt in the spirit.
=)

I'm very, very, very blessed.
Thank you :)

Cheerios,
Izzy

Labels: happiness, life

Knifing down the details

After like 4 years of hiatus, I finally picked up the wooden spatula and started cooking again.

At least, recently, I've been cooking quite a lot.

I do enjoy cooking, but I always think it's a chore - the washing up and all.

I don't like cooking unless it's for special occasions because it means a lot to me to make an effort to prepare the ingredients, down to its every detail.

Today, I made something again, despite having a very tiring day at work.
My favourite dish from Gone Fishing - nothing simple, nothing spectacular,

But tastes awesome still the same. =)

Unfortunately, the cheese was stale, so one flour piece wasted.

But I guess all turned well, with a nice warm hot and sour soup to down the food =)

Anything to chase away the blues for you, yup?

Yummish,

Izzy

Labels: cooking, life, smiles

A wakening.

Woke up on a bright Sunday morning, with lots of reflections whirling in my head.
Seems like I have been asleep for far too long.

It's almost like I have separate compartments, flagged with Post-it notes,
and my brain inconspicuously attempting to shove them deeper and deeper into the "Archived" sections.
I believe some matters are tucked into the "Let's pretend these issues are not there, maybe she'll forget" section.

Hence, woke up with this nagging feeling that certain matters were not exactly put right, with my friends' constant reminders that I need not settle for the most basic requirements and that I ought to have "higher than rock-bottom expectations".

It's weird how these things don't usually surface when I'm fully conscious and going about my usual stuff.

It's disturbing to know how humans are good at repression, suppressing all the awful and hard to make decisions,
And the day they surface,
it appears like we've been in deep sleep, for the longest time.

At least that's how I feel.

In the labyrinths of life,
where there are unseen and sudden twists and turns,
it feels like I'm being swept about by these phases of life,
whereby decisions are only made then and there,
with fingers crossed that things would ultimately work out.


It dawns on me that it shouldn't be this way.

I guess at the end of the day, we all need to have a sense of control -
maybe we can't control where our life is going to be heading,
but surely, at least... we should be able to control how it is going to be.


In a confident, self-assured manner that everything, no matter how unforeseen and unexpected (and sometimes undesired), would turn out well
or with a "que sera sera, what will be, will be" attitude and only deciding when the key point of time arrives and hopefully hoping that such a day won't come.

Or maybe self-reflection is loaded with so much tangential thoughts and thus explaining my gibberish and complicated writings.
But I have finally come to a few conclusions.

1. I deserve much better, and not the very least whereby things merely touch my basic expectations.
2. Goals are merely d-r-e-a-m-s unless they are planned.
3. I don't need to answer to anyone for my life and how I plan it to be.
4. Being soft-hearted doesn't ensure that you don't get hurt in the end.
5. While we all can be as accomodating as possible and understanding, at the end of the day, we are all left to face the music ourselves.

Pretty heavy thoughts for the last day of the weekend.
Perhaps some breakfast can provide more insights.

But at least, thankfully,
I feel like I'm a lot lighter.
My brain, at least.

Pondering,
Izzy

Labels: dreams, life

A port city and the 7th largest cosmopolitan area in France, it has 116,160 hectares of vineyards.

I've never seen a vine yard in my entire life, except for the one in Perth in 2005 which I have very little recollections of it anymore.

This is probably what one will see in the vineyards of Bordeaux - such a pretty sight.

Rue Sainte-Catherine, located in the heart of Bordeaux, has 1.2 km of a shopping street, making it the longest shopping street in Europe.

The Pont de Pierre is just as pretty as St Charles bridge in Prague.

Fancy a little romantic walk down the bridge, just when the sun is setting?


A rural area in northwest England, this place is often associated with the early 19th century poetry and writings of famous literary figures, like William Wordsworth.
My biggest regret when I was in England was that I didn't manage to make it for the road trip to Lake District.



The capital of Hungary, it is also the largest city in the country.
It became a single city on 17 November 1873 with the unification of Buda and Pest.

No wonder that it is widely regarded as one of the most beautiful cities in Europe.

Labels: travelling, world

TGIF!

Once again, my favourite day of the week :)

We brought Kellye, from UK, to Holland V to chill at Harry's and it was a very enjoyable time. Sitting down, sipping down amidst the thin rolls wedged between the fingers, a few small bites of finger food, infectious laughter, nothing too heavy.

=) I haven't been this happy for quite some time.

The wonders Fridays bring to you once you start work.


Bring on the happy spirit,

Izzy

Labels: friends, happiness, life, weekends, work

My Current FaceBook Status:

Isabelle Oh
has found her drive again =) after almost a year of hiatus.3 hours ago

Yup, this is what my facebook reads now.

It's amazing how I feel so much more refreshed and driven about my life now.

I was told that I'm handing the portfolio of the Economics section,
and not forgetting my roots in Sociology,
I suggested that we could focus a little more on this aspect.


Let's see how it goes, and hopefully I will be able to help contribute in these ways.
=)

Blown away.
Izzy

Labels: happiness, life, work

Mightier is the pen than the sword

With a generous stroke of luck, I just landed myself in a job as an editor.

One of my numerous dream job is to be an editor, amongst many others, like being a fashion designer, a script writer, a film maker, a director, a marketer, an events manager and even running my cafe and tour guides.

I must admit that I've been pretty apprehensive about this -
I'm considerably new to the industry and I still need to hone my customer service skills.

While I may not have the relevant background experience in the publishing industry and am filled with trepidation and anxiety about not being able to do well in the job, I am increasingly excited as days pass into the job because I learn more and more cool aspects about this job.

I viewed the pre-press and press processes and I am never going to look at books or journals the same way again.

A huge load of tedious labour (both manual and automatic) go into the innocent looking book one holds.
From the manuscript which passes through the hands of the editor and editorial assistants many times, to the carefully alligned papers prepared by the type setters, the blue prints where the officers have to breathe in all kinds of chemicals (including ammonia) to the binded copy we hated to read in our university days.

That's a process of almost 9-10 months, almost as good as being pregnant with a foetus.
And I guess all publications are babies to the editors, who see through the job from its conception to the production.
Holding your final copy of the ready-to-publish book is almost like carrying your newborn.
I used "almost" because I don't know how it feels like yet.

As days pass and I slowly learn the technicalities of the job, it really psyches me up to think that I'll have my very first assignment soon.
Imagine having to comb through drafts and of course helping to decide about the book cover design to the thickness of the papers...
Sends tingling through my toes.

=) While it may not be the fashion or lifestyle industry I am hoping to be an editor for in the future, it's a baby step still, isn't it?

Wish me luck! (and lots of wisdom) =)

Scribbling away,
Izzy

Labels: job

Quote of the Day

"Belle,

You could have fallen on your knees and scraped your knees,
But you fell from the plane, standing up.

This is a new opportunity and it's not a bad thing at all.
In fact, it's a brand new start with promising prospects.
I'm very happy for you."

Thank you KJ.
For always being there and offering very sound advice and encouraging words.
Your quote about falling but landing on my knees inspired me a lot. =)

Labels: crazy world, falling, life, work

Convocation 2008 pictures

Melvin and Me Daniel, Me and Shawn

Labels: convocation, friends, NUS

Family

Labels: family, life, photographs

What makes us who we are?

Scanned through letters of 5-6 years ago,

Labels: love, past, relationships

Finding Love

Some of us look for love.
Some in the wrong places,
some at the wrong time.
Some don't find any at all.

He comes from a torn apart family,
constantly caught between distant parents,
a house; not a home.
His constant search for love -
Or perhaps a nurturing ground to find warmth and care,
once and again broken into shards of glass;
He swore that he'd never have his own family end up like the one he was born in.
Perhaps noone understood what it feels like to be battling alone
Against others,
against himself.
One after another, a serial monogamist?
He thinks not -
just that love came aknocking, one after another.
Truth is, who does he love?
All of them? None of them? Or maybe, just maybe,
Some of them.
Or has love become an emotional crutch,
for him to be able to give and receive love?
An age too young to ponder about the complications of life
Delves deep into the sea without knowing the depth
Cuts himself with broken bottles and stabs himself in the feet with each step on the rocky slabs

Do we find love? Or does love find us?

Labels: love, ramblings, relationships, thoughts

Colorgenics Test

Name: isabelle
Date: 3/23/2009
Colorgenics Number: 71036254

Enough is enough - you feel frustrated and rejected. You are fighting back and the going is tough. It would be just wonderful if you could be left in peace.
You are experiencing considerable difficulty trying to achieve your goals. As a consequence of this you are becoming more and more irritable. Your friends and acquaintances are finding it increasingly more difficult to appease or to reason with you. You are the cause of your own problems. Don't be so impulsive. It is your vacillation that can lead to problems and uncertainties. Ease up a little.

The way things are, you feel that you are stuck in a rut and there is not much you can do about it. You feel frustrated and inhibited but if you can find a way to let yourself go, you may find that things aren't quite so bad as perhaps you thought they were. One consolation is that since you are an extremely emotional individual, with the right person you may be able to release some of that frustration and tension with some mutual tender loving care.

For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and restrained you have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people, as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust nobody - until they can prove themselves to you.

At this time you don't particularly like yourself. Everything that you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong. This makes you feel that there is no point in trying to start again. Apart from being stressed and tense, you are angry with yourself and have unadmitted self-contempt. Your refusal to admit that you and you alone is the basic cause of your problems leads to you adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude. If you take stock of yourself, smile a little and let go, everything will turn out OK. Have you not heard of the cliche 'smile and the world smiles with you - cry and you cry alone!'?

Credits to: http://www.goldinuniverse.com/

Labels: feelings, life, mood, personality tests

1 day and 1 night in Manchester, United Kingdom

And so my little escapade to my favourite country began on 27th February 2009, when I boarded SQ327, a direct flight at 11.55pm from Changi Airport Terminal 3 from SIN - MAN.

It certainly was a little of a mad rush, from my work that Friday evening, to packing for my trip (including some time to panic here and there...) and prepping myself for the trip.

And then the car trip to the airport just felt like it was just another day, almost as if I was due for another night audit in the transit area.

However, this time it was different.

I was with my good old worn-out pink backpack, which housed my winter essentials (black leather gloves, checked; favourite army-like jacket, checked; camera charger for a shutter happy me, checked, good brown boots which lasted my exchange days in Newcastle in winter 2006, checked...)

Almost the same, but yet different.

I was travelling alone for the first time on a long-haul flight (discounting those adhoc EasyJet flights from Newcastle to Paris, London etc),

Also my first flight to Europe alone and a monumental one at that since it was my second SQ flight to Manchester (my first SQ flight was to Brisbane way back in 2002),

Most importantly, I had never been to Manchester and a normal rational me would never fly alone to a European city, with no inkling of where to go, what to do, where to sleep... at such a short notice.

I decided within.... a day? After hearing my colleague suggest that I might as well use my privilege tix to somewhere I love.

London was fully booked, and Manchester was my next immediate choice.

Knowing fully well I'd depart SIN at 2355 hours local time on 27 February 2009, arriving at 0615 hours local time on 28 February in Manchester and leaving at 0915 hours local time on 29 February 2009, reaching Singapore at 0600 hours local time on 1 March 2009.... taking into consideration the time difference, I would only have about one day and one night on ground in Manchester, and I'd have burnt most of my time onboard the aircraft.

Thank goodness for inflight entertainment. Never the kind to hanker over such inflight service, I found my time well spent onboard the two flights to and fro Manchester.

I watched Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amelie with the Audio-video on demand, and finally I understood the whole plot. For the longest time since I watched this in JC during a lit lesson, I couldnt understand and didnt have time to rewatch this film for years. And now, I am really beginning to feel that several French films are really.. fun and eccentric, many a times unreplicable by other kinda films. They have this twist that keeps the audience just enthralled with the interesting puns and philosophies of life. Think Hors de Prix, 48 Heures Par Jour, Jeux d'enfants... These films never fail to amaze me and the closet film maker wanna-be hopes to find inspiration one day to be able to think of a plot like that... just someday.

I also watched Madagascar 2 and laughed so heartily the other British passengers were looking at me. How can anyone not love Alex and his antics and his illusions of seeing his friends as pork chops, really?

That said, I arrived at Manchester Airport on 28th February at approximately 0615am local time in the blistering cold of 5 degrees.

Labels: backpacking, england, Europe, holidays, travelling

Ringing in the heart

Labels: life, love, relationships

Everything with its own consequence

The first part of my last-minute trip/get-away/rejuvenating measure was pulled off successfully.

I am now in Manchester, backpacking and staying in a youth hostel.

In less than 24 hours, I'll be on a plane back to Singapore again.

That said, it was a real experience travelling to Manchester alone.

Fingers crossed, I need my flight to arrive on time on Monday.

*Crossed extra tightly*

Labels: Europe, life, travelling, weekends

When all's said and done

The question is...

Somewhere... but where?

Labels: life

Listening and Hearing

Sometimes, I really think there is a difference between being heard and being listened to.

Everyone can hear -
But not everyone listens.

Just like in my current line of work, not everyone is suitable for this job because not everyone listens.
We all think we can understand, but do we really?

And here comes a super difficult trying time for me,
faced with choices, choices and more choices -
or maybe the truth is, the lack of choices -
I know as much as I can be there for my friends,
I need a listening ear now.

Someone who bothers to sit down with me,
listens to my multi perspectives (and grumbles)
and understands where I'm coming from and why I'm stuck in a rut,
and most importantly, offers advice but only after understanding the complete picture.

And yes, thank you my best friend for having done that for me.

I am really thankful I have you.

Labels: friends, life, love

Labels: food, french, places

Labels: inspiration, love, soul

Valentine's Day

And it is the time of the year where couples show their affection/love/wealth in a display...
However, this year it feels a little downplayed and cold...
Could be due to the recession...
Or maybe I'm getting too old for all this hype.

I remembered I penned an entry on Valentine's Day a year ago...
On how I think V Day is a horror day for men (and women, sometimes)
And it continues to amuse me, how our perspectives change within a span of the year.

To be clear, I was grousing about how men should make an effort for Valentine's Day (no matter how commercialized it was..)
This year, I took a step back and thought it through.

I still think efforts matter, no doubt. Even more than ever.

But I think it's also who you spend it with, that determine the importance of marking this date and making an effort.

A tiring day from work on a Saturday, coupled with a shot of indecision and two pints of market woes... is quickly made better with someone who makes an effort to listen, be there, present sincere displays of patience and understanding, seeks to understand your preferred food/flowers/art, is sensitive to your feelings and apologizes for lapses (i can't believe im using a work jargon...) and importantly, despite being absolutely tired.

That being said, I guess effort really really does count, despite in gloomy times.

Happy times don't last forever, but effort made is seen and recognized and appreciated very much.

My friends, Happy Valentine's Day.
I hope that all of you are spending quality time with your loved ones (family, friends, partners).
=)


And I still stand by this theory:


And maybe next year my entry will be a shift in perspective again. =)

Labels: love, special days

Liminal

Should I Stay - Dreamz Fm

Had a drive
Driven by your love
But when you messed around
I lost the drive I found

Thought you needed
Needed someone true
But you changed your mind
Or had I failed you?

Wish you would been
Careful with my heart
But you tore it apart
And broke an angel´s heart

The kiss was true
Has to end somehow
But I´m livin´ proof of what love´s about

*Chorus

It is hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It is sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I do not know (I do not know)
I´ve got to know
Should I stay or should I go?

You played me on
Played me like a clown
But I feel for you
Even though I am down

My heart´s heavy
Heavy like a rock
But I´m so amused
You are still in my thoughts

*Chorus

It is hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It is sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I do not know (I do not know)
I´ve got to know
Should I stay or should I go?

This time its done
It will never feel the same
But we had some good times
Guess it is sad just the same

I guess the truth
Doesn´t matter somehow
But you were livin´ proof of what love´s about…

Labels: lyrics

An overturned grin

Had an absolute rubbish day today... Was on the verge of tears...
I promised myself I'd stay in control... And that I'd stay resilient against all odds...

But sometimes the safety net breaks... and all hell breaks loose...

And as I braved myself for what's coming ahead...
I wonder if I'm holding on to prove myself wrong...
... or if i even have anything to stay for...

It brings me back to square one... where daunting choices overwhelm me...

I hate to choose... don't make me choose...
Taureans love their comfort zones...
And absolutely abhor changes...
or so I believe.

The light at the end of the tunnel, is that of an oncoming train?

Highly possibly, since I can't see anyway out...
I need a breather but ironically I can't...

Nasty days... they seem to outlast me..
And my solace is listening to music...
Inspiring ones, at least like the one below..





These Days - Jennifer Paige / Bardot

Some days
I couldnt get up
Couldnt get down
Im bored of everything

Somehow a little black cloud would rain over me
Someone was making me mad
Good turned bad
And Id lose everything
To get you back
Just to get you back but...

*Chorus

These days
The worlds alright
The sun shines bright
Im kicking out the dreams
These days
I dont think twice
I walk on ice
Im positively somewhere

These days go on
Long after youve gone
These days go on
Long after youve gone
These days go on and on...

Im out of the fire and into the swimming pool
Sometimes Id drown my tears
But the same old fears come back

Someones been making me ill
I bet youre still
A 2,3,4 letter word
Yes, you heard
The pretty little birds fly home, cause...

*Chorus
These days
The sun kicks in
The good guys win
Im illegal in the back seat
These days
Im safe and sound
Not dragged down
You wanna know the reason?

These days go on
Long after youve gone
These days go on
Long after youve gone
These days go on and on...

**
Thank you for not being here
I feel better when youre not
Sleeping in my head
Tossing and turning
And messing up the sheets
The love we made was incomplete

Like the shoes on your feet
Same stuff Ive heard before
That philosophy starting to bore me now
Now you wont have to smile and ignore me

*Chorus
These days
The karmas right
The sun shines bright
Im kicking out the bad dreams
These days
I dont think twice
I walk on light
Im positively somewhere

Labels: days, emotions

A Carebear A Day, Keeps The Gloom Away

At least that's what I want to believe.
While it can be pretty dreary and high stressing in the office,
we all have our little ways to cheer up our own workstations.

Especially for someone like me, who's exceptionally "organized",
i have my care bears to brighten up my space.
Especially when I have a huge Night time bear sitting opposite me,
always ready for a cuddle when I'm feeling down.

And that's why my colleague said I looked like I was a little kid in a kindergarten,
hugging my huge care bear and typing away.

To each his own, I guess. =)

Labels: work

Twinkling of an eye

It's amazing how time flies. It's been almost 8 months since I commenced work and before you know it, it's going to be one year. As usual, work's hectic and always mad. Hardly any time for breather, and by the time work ends, I take a little rest and it's time to sleep and prepare for another day of stress... This job is certainly making me have a shorter life, with the pressure and deadlines... And it has made me abhor writing. Seriously.

24 this year, and I set myself several goals that I have to meet - just like when I was 21.

Sometimes I really wonder...24 and what have I achieved?

I guess it's an answer I'll get when it gets to December... End of year and the time for self-reflection...

Meanwhile, it's back to the usual mundane grind of life, biting my lips and holding on to work... And I still have my contemplations amidst the stability...

I seem to have lost energy for things I enjoy doing... The pressure of work is turning me into a words-churning machine... Need a space for creativity and imagination...

Time to take a breather before I burn out.

Labels: life, time, work

Together

That day, I was just thinking...
Some people stay together, some just don't...

And why so?

It got me puzzled a little while...

Sometimes, as an outsider,
it's like looking down at a maze
where you see a lost soul trapped in the neverending walls
searching for an exit but never finding it

While we can point out the exit from where we stand
since we are able to see things much clearer,
when the soul is trapped,
the soul is damned and condemned to wonder...

...unless the soul desires to break out of the fetters...

leaves me wondering still...

Labels: friendships, ramblings, relationships

I hate this part - PCD

We're driving slow
Through the snow
On fifth avenue
And right now radio's
All that we can hear

Now we ain't talked since we left
It's so overdue
It's cold outside
But between us its worse in here

The world slows down
But my heart beats fast right now
I know this is the part
Where the end starts

I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through my fingers

I don't want to try now
All that's lefts goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you

I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here

Everyday seven takes of the same old scene
Seems we're bound by the laws of the same routine
Gotta talk to you now fore we go to sleep
But will we sleep once I tell you what's hurting me

The world slows down
But my heart beats fast right now
I know (i know) this is (this is) the part where the end starts

I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through my fingers

I don't want to try now
All that's lefts goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you

I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here

I know you'll ask me to hold on
And carry on like nothings wrong
But there is no more time for lies
Cause I see sunset in your eyes

I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through our fingers

I don't want to try now
All that's lefts goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you

But I gotta do it
I gotta do it
I gotta do it
I hate this part

I gotta do it
I gotta do it
I gotta do it

Oh
I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take these tears
I hate this part right here

Labels: lyrics, music

Psychedelic

Ecstatic when I take a whiff of your aroma
Delirious when the thin roll is wedged between our fingers
Delighted with a promising night of endless liquors

Sunken when your tears roll
Unsettled when your mind maps up its branches
Keeled over when you change your mind

With the ups come along the downs
The wall carefreely splashed with myriads of colours
Yes, someone overspilled the palette
And it's you -

I'm colourblind -
I can't tell between the hues of blue
Neither the tones of purple
Nor the tints of green
And smudged together,
they casually create the perfect piece of art.

Labels: colours, life

Terminal Velocity

There are some days I really do love my job,
And today it is one of them.

The most interesting aspect of this job is to whizz past the milling crowd of travellers on a travellator, sensing their excitement (and fatigue at times) and recounting in my head the destinations they are travelling to..

Awaiting fervently as they stream in from their destinations, many happy to meet their loved ones...
Counting anxiously as the time is running out and the need to locate the forgetful traveller becomes increasing pressing....
Observing carefully as an imagined traveller and stepping into the shoes of them...

Travel does wonders for the soul.
I wish I was the one leaving on a jetplane though.

I remember my last flight from Paris to Newcastle in 2006 where I was stuck in Paris Charles de Gaulle Airport due flight delay and it was reaching the end of my exchange days in Europe..
I was finishing my 3rd year of university and was wondering what to do with my life...

Then I was looking around and found several globetrotters, on their PDAs, laptops, working furiously as the plane was further delayed...
And I told myself I would definitely have a job that requires me to travel around a fair bit... and work even when I am travelling in the airport...

It appears I am relatively close to my dream... In a certain funny way...
Life brings you in a large circle, here I am...

Nevertheless, I certainly hope one day I would be closer to this dream of mine.

Labels: work

说好的幸福呢

Labels: lyrics

L'enseignement à distance

Avec la proximité, rien est appris

Rien va changer, rien va améliorer

Tu pense que tu sais, mais je crois pas

Avec ta douceur, ta douleur a révélé

Avec tes rires, la mort de ton amour te faisait pleurer

Avec tes mots, j'ai découvert tes petits mensonges pieux

Avec toi, ton âme est morte.


Tu es perdu, tu es cassé -

Tes yeux ne veulent pas voir

Ton coeur ne peut pas sentir

Ta lèvre ne veut pas sourire.

Ton âme sœur, je suis pas.

Quel que soit le prix, je suis ici pour toi.


Je veux rien,

Je veux seulement que tu cicatrises

Je veux seulement que tu puisses tomber dans l'amour dans le futur

Je veux seulement que tu puisses être aimé

Seulement parce que tu es précieux.


C'est tout, c'est simple, non?

Labels: french, life, ramblings

One hundred and fifty-five, their fingers say
Wilting flowers on the grave where the cadavers lay
Her impaled visage, their nails will flay
The petite metallic musical box continues to play.

Twenty weeks into the game,
It all remains the same.
They burst into flames,
Or so she thought was the aim.

Five times the charm, she prays
Against the lifeless worn-out frays
Enumerating each trudging day
Eventually thrown into disarray

Countless floating apparitions
7 takes of a different rendition
A bitter taste of the blazing concoction
Irrepressible consternation obscured by capricious circumlocution

The sarcophagus devours the flesh inside
Specks of the sanguine fluid - proof of what lived before
The coffin lid perceptibly shut tight, without a gleam of sunlight
Time to allow the corpses to rest in peace before night falls

Labels: life, Poems

A little well-deserved holiday

Finally, after my last trip to Europe in May,
it's been six months since I am going away from Singapore.

Promised myself a little get-away, and it has finally arrived,
though very last-minute.
It was hell trying to clear my work, and i'm constantly worried about my backlogs.

I made it through these five months of work and it was no easy feat,
nursing a leg wound, trying to bridge the school-work transition,
and with the millions thoughts mounting in my head :)

A reward for me, and an early birthday prezzie for my darling mum.
She's turning 59, and means the world to me.

And since I've combed Europe,
it's time for me to bring her to Taipei, where she's never been to
and let her relax (finally, after the littlest baby monster has graduated from NUS).

Truth be told, I've never researched on an entire city/country that I backpack to alone
because I suck at directions.
(And I mean it - I walk towards Taka when I am looking for Cine)
and because I am reliant on directions given and I am pretty much too protected and sheltered by people who travel with me.

As there is a first for everything, this shall be the first =)

And as I had planned for this trip since July,
I shall take a breather and sort my life out.
Sort 'em in the respective drawers and bins.

And learn to live all over again.

"We never felt the presence, but now we feel the absence."

Labels: Asia, family, travelling

Yet another restless Friday night,
time spent together around a green table,
with fidgety legs and darting eyes,
roaming fingers and with the bated breath of anticipation
all to look for the very one, to complete the set.

Sounds very much like love, to me.

Sometimes, when you are close to winning and you are just anticipating, awaiting one tile,
and you glance at the table and realise that two tiles of the same particular colour and design are strewn there,
do you keep waiting for that tentatively "dead" tile or move on and pick a new tile which you have higher possibilities of waiting for?

Is waiting at an almost sure dead end a sign of tenacity or pure stubbornness?

That, I don't know. For many do get lucky and wait for what they want. But what about those that don't?

And for those who have fantastic tiles, is it wrong for them to try and win a higher set? Or is it simple greed that blinds them and ties them to an endless chase for a higher set, when they can simple win earlier albeit with a smaller set?

So what is life really about? Is it about perserverance? Or is it about being able to see the big picture and knowing on hindsight that the very one tile you were waiting for was hidden at the last stack of tiles, which you will never get?

My friend, if you are reading this, I hope you understand what I mean. I don't wish to see you get hurt again.

x x x x x x x x

On another note (typing this reminds me of my professional hazards...), it was really nice meeting up and playing 3 rounds of mahjong until the wee hours at 4am... we started at 9pm...
By the end of the 2nd round, I was half dead, and my brain went on auto mode...

But it was nice, cos in the end, both of us accumulated an earning of $120... and while this is like not a huge amount, it is an accumulative effort to do damage control... because the bets are high and sometimes, losing is inevitable.... so it's about knowing when to cut your losses....

Sometimes, I think working makes me think too much for my own good..

Labels: friends, fun, life, weekends

Facades

Clearing skies, a mere facade.
Just when she thought the skies were clearing,
after bouts of thunder and bolts of lightning flashing by,
Apparently she was wrong.

Just when she wished to wait for the magnificent rainbow
At the end of the rainy days
Something she became less and less certain of being able to see
Afterall, the rain didn't seem to want to cease.

But the skies were just,
Just about to clear...

Just when she thought
Just when she felt
Just when she believed...

Someone up there must be laughing at her.
Having a huge chuckle indeed.

Labels: jokes, life

Labels: travelling, world

On days when all things go awry...

Labels: life, people

Labels: drawings, life

Clueless

Yes, this is how bad my parking is. Goodness.

And this was done after several struggling turns.

Well at least it was my favourite Swift. =)

Labels: cars, driving

Labels: drawings, laughter, life

Therapeutic effect of drawing

Thanks for making me smile with this drawing of yours. =)

While it looks slightly rounder than how I'd normally draw Ah Bui,
it looks great nonetheless....

Merci beaucoup! =)

Labels: drawings

On tiptoes

Toes pointed to the ground,
a graceful move to the left,
her fingers follow her swift movement
as her dainty steps leave the audience dazzled.

x x x x x x x


Back to my dancing days,
which always give me strength and determination to pull through everything.

Labels: dance, life, love, passion

我不配 - Jay Chou

Labels: lyrics, songs

My Way - 张敬轩

Labels: family, lyrics

Sad-a-day (Saturday)

It's a bright and lazy Saturday afternoon,
and I'm the only one typing away in my office
while most people are sleeping, shopping or chatting away.

While this is my first Saturday spent working in office and I doubt it will be the last,
I pretty much enjoy being left alone with the huge office to myself and
doing my work slowly and independently.
It's quite a different feeling, and even my work doesn't look so scary anymore.

At the end of a day,
it's a matter of perspective. =)
Saturdays with work don't have to be 'Sad-a-days'...

Most importantly, it is to love what you are doing,
because it takes the difficulties out of your work.

Back to work, until I take a breather later.

Labels: life, weekends, work

Palette of colours

Someone overturned the palette again,
and the different hues splashed all over
like a piece of fine art
All intermixed without thought
but all pieced as one.

My painter must have been trying to remind me
how beautiful life can be =)

Only against a dark background,
do vibrant colours stand out.
Only upon having gone through struggles and throes
do people truly live.

Having a life is certainly different from living a life.

Read something meaningful today:

Labels: colours, happiness, life

Found this poem and nice picture to go along with it...


-Anonymous

Labels: Poems

Running

This morning, I dragged my lazy butt out of my bed and forced myself to wake up with the big beautiful sun shining, casting light into my room.

Because I decided to go running on a lovely Sunday morning.

My mum was pretty surprised cos she knows I only start running when it's a new phase of my life. But I'm sure she's glad I'm doing something positive and waking up early. I think my body has gotten used to waking up at unearthly hours on weekends.

And I woke up in cold sweat last night at 4.55am as I had a nightmare that sent me sitting up and looking around the room.

While I wasn't like running 3 or 4 km, I was making small baby footsteps!

of course, this time,
I ran towards the sun, because I always want to run towards the sunlight. =)

Had a fantastic time catching up with my friends during the weekend, catching up on old times and sipping coffee and updating each other on our lives.
And of course, memories of how simple uni life was then... orientation camps... celebrating each others' birthdays and random chalets...guitar and jazz dance classes on weekdays and weekends, coffee sessions at fong seng, munchy monkey pasta and ice cream...
what beautiful memories...

and at the end of the day, its being able to chat with these friends despite not catching up for so long that makes the friendships precious... =)
thank you all my dearest friends =) to each and everyone of you...

Labels: friends, life, weekends

Boracay Island

Breathtaking view, isn't it? Looks like a great way to spend the holidays, on the beach, suntanning (though honestly, i doubt i need any more...), sipping a cold beer.. chilling out and forgetting about... work!


And let the tranquility clear waters take you away... =)
Just the thought makes me smile!
Now, its time to save up my vitamin M and make this a reality...

Labels: Asia, chilling, holidays, travelling

Crush - David Archuleta

Labels: love, lyrics

Bottoms Up

Chilled out at IndoChine @Wisma yesterday after work with Shiang...
Had a few glasses to unwind, coupled with rusty jokes and hilarious jabs at each other...

Quote of the night:
"this guy friend of mine... is a guy..."
how enlightening... haha...

But you really get different perspectives talking to different people...
And having worked for a couple of months, people do change, I guess.
The conversation topics seem to slide away from mugging in NUS to work, money, love etc...
At least 40 more years of working? Sad but true.

But the chill out session was good... lets have more of such sessions k! =)

Labels: chilling, drinks, hangouts

Labels: flowers

Labels: hangouts, rain

Labels: life, weather

Labels: life, night, Poems, ramblings, weather

This has been my frequent hang out,
after work chilling with Su,
sitting at the seats outside the departure hall,
watching the sunset,
seeing the day go by,
with nary a worry,
and just enjoying the sights of travellers and backpackers.


I miss my backpacking days where airports were often stops to link me from one city to another.
Airports are beautiful places with complicated operations
and I've come to appreciate it more.
=)

Labels: friends, hangouts

Labels: drawings

Labels: life, people, Poems

走火入魔- 丁噹+阿信

对不起　刚才我　是不是听错
还是我　想太多　想到了昏头

天气不错　开了窗吹走脸红

进一步　退一步　都害怕打破
更不想　再和你　永远做朋友

给你线索　也给我勇敢藉口

下定决心　沉默
想让沉默为我们追究
你和我　这一刻　无声的　而交流
却突然震耳欲聋


*一字一句一瞬间　走了火
一天一点一转眼　入了魔
忘了我从什么时候
忘了你为什么能够让我
一步一步走火入魔（和我）*

一直猜　一直想　一直的揣摹
一直到　你变成　甜美的心痛

如果可以　把如果变成结果

下定决心　执着
想让执着为我们突破
我和你　很想说　这时候　
出现烟火让心间充满感动

*一字一句一瞬间　走了火
一天一点一转眼　入了魔
忘了我从什么时候
忘了你为什么能够让我
一步一步走火入魔　　（和我）

一字一句一瞬间　走了火
一天一点一转眼　入了魔
如果你有相同感受
感受到有种突然的冲动
放肆一次走火入魔　　（和我）

一字一句一瞬间　走了火
一天一点一转眼　入了魔
忘了我从什么时候
忘了你为什么能够让我
一步一步走火入魔　　（和我）

#一字一句一瞬间　走了火
一天一点一转眼　入了魔
如果你有相同感受
感受到有种突然的冲动
放肆一次走火入魔　　（和我）

Labels: lyrics

A Good Weekend

Labels: life, weekends, work

I love the whole world...

A Discovery Channel video, very well made.


The world is indeed awesome.

Labels: adventure, life, videos, world

... and my heart stopped for a while...

Labels: ramblings

Labels: life

The songs on my playlist nowadays... too much KTV's influence... =)

只对你有感觉 - Farenheit and Hebe

無解的眼神　心像海底針
光是猜測　　我食慾不振
有點煩人　　又有點迷人


浪漫沒天份　反應夠遲鈍
不夠謹慎　花挑錯顏色
但很矛盾　喜歡你的笨

*微笑　再美　再甜　不是妳的　都不特別
眼淚　再苦　再鹹　有你安慰　又是晴天
靠的　再進　再貼　少了擁抱　就算太遠
全世界只對你［妳］有感覺


玩的　再疯　再野　妳瞪一眼　我就收斂
馬路　再寬　再遠　只要你牽　就很安全
我會　又乖　又黏　溫柔體貼　絕不敷衍
我只對你［妳］有感覺*

體貼卻黏人　愛哭卻溫順
有時天真　有時很邪惡
對你耍很　就是捨不得

請吸收養分　讓腦袋平衡
要你現身　動作慢吞吞
怎麼承認　我非你不可

Labels: lyrics

Labels: lyrics

Labels: drawings

Memorabilia

Labels: advice, life, quotes

Labels: crazy world, life, ramblings

Procrastination

Procrastination - I'll do that tomorrow.

Labels: crazy world, life

Seeing Stars

After numerous hours of tiresome typing,

my eyes are beginning to tear and

i'm starting to see stars...

Labels: work

Love Song - Sara Bareilles

Labels: lyrics

No food and all work make Izzy a grouch

Labels: food, tiredness, work

Madness begins with a "M"

... and so do Mondays.

Monday madness.
It's 7.07pm and I'm still in office.
Hardly had a time for breather throughout the day,
and even when I went for my occasional break, my work was in my hands.

Technically, I've been in office for almost more than 12 hours...
And from the looks of it, I don't think I can leave any time soon.

This is self-induced Over Time due to overwhelming workload.
I believe, I've never been so hardworking even when I was in school.

In view of how I sometimes even dream about my work, the thin fine line between sanity and insanity seems to be quite blurred.

I think I can start moving into my office soon.
I'll save lots of moo-lah on my transport, food, and most importantly, accomodation.

Perfect.

Labels: life, work

Daydreams

Labels: dreams, life

The Break of the Dawn

Watched The Next Wave at UCC with my uni mates on Saturday
and there were several beautiful pieces of dance performances.


The beauty of dance is such that few words are spoken,
unlike in a play performance,
and every body language -
every turn, every pirouette, every graceful move of the hands,
represent a certain emotion.
And that is why I think that dance performances are much harder to decipher, to understand...
As an audience, one has to focus and let the music take you away and imagine what the choreographer has in mind.
Most importantly, it is to let yourself go, feel the music, hear the passion and flow wherever the piece takes you to.

The beauty of performances is that -
everything can be read from different perspectives.

Just like life where
Everything is subjective...

Labels: dance, dawn, life, music

Labels: life, teaching, teenagers

One Step At A Time

If anything my job has taught me,
it would be definitely patience and learning to manage my emotions.

Being bombarded with a heavy workload every day,
work never ends.
It is impossible to finish work when the very next day,
it all piles up again.
So after a while, I learned to take things one step at a time.
Taking it easy, handling it as it comes.
Things don't get so overwhelming this way.

I've always been the kind who needs to talk to others when I have a bad day
Especially when I face a lot of pressure, I need to talk about it.

This job has taught me self-discipline, something which I feel has made me grow in these 2 months.

I stopped talking about all the troubling matters in my life to others
And learned to handle it on my own,
be it talking to myself or in my head.
All in my own stride, and I have been able to handle it much better myself.
And I definitely share less about my life now.

In fact, I think I stopped talking much now.

A bad thing because I start keeping things to myself?
Maybe.
But this is how I've grown for the better. :)

Labels: life, work

Labels: life

Anniversary

Dear Pa,

How have you been? I've been staring at the skies, and the stars have been beautiful.
The moon shines, clear and bright tonight.
It's beautiful, just like your love.

Today, I almost forgot it was your chinese anniversary.
Until Mum reminded me.

Time flies, doesn't it?

6 years in the twinkling of an eye.

6 years without your presence,
6 years with your absence.

I just remenbered,
I only held your hands once in your life.

When your face was sunken in,
when your body became boney,
when your time was running out
and when your life was wasting away.

Pa, it's been 6 years since you're gone.

My mind seem to be failing me -
day by day, my memories of you fade away.

Bit by bit, the photographs turn yellow,
they turn at the edges,
until the flame consumes them all
until there's no more.

I'm afraid I'll forget how you'll look like..
But I'm more afraid how I'll remember your pain...

Pa, I love you.

Forever and ever. Always.

Love,
your littlest daughter.

Labels: death, family, life

Labels: life, work

Rubber band

Stretched until it's taut,

Inching every way you can,

In all directions

Until the breaking point -

And then you let go.

And the rubber band lays there lifeless

Devoid of expression

Drained of energy

Denied of life.

The harder you throw, the further it bounces.

I'll remember.

Labels: crazy world, Humans, life

A stress ball a day, keeps izzy the grouch away...

yes, this is exactly what i need now...
and just the thing to have,
with a wide grin plastered all over it...
wish i had one right now...

somehow, only these can keep ur sanity at this point of time..
or so i think...

Labels: laughter, stress

Talk is cheap

... it indeed is cheap.

And surely, actions speak louder than words..
... do they?
Or are they even easier to stage...

... or perhaps, reading minds is tiring...

Labels: Humans, life

Labels: life

Condemning choices

Here I am, once again, ranting about the curse to have to choose.

Having a choice, sometimes, is a damning task.

Stuck in a rut, at the cross junctions.

... or so as the above poster says,

Let go of the power of choice, or the power of fear.

But how come in the tunnel, the only light i see...

... is that of another coming train?

Labels: choices, life

Labels: life, love

Labels: Europe, life, seasons

Pasta mania

I love to eat spaghetti, especially white-wine based seafood fusilli.
I was very spoiled for choices when I went to Italy and tasted lotsa pastas...

Not a keen fan of cabonara, this dish tasted really good.
Simple imgredients and warmed up, this appealed to my palate...
Certainly drove away the week blues and drove the curl of the lips into a smile...

Thanks a lot!

Labels: food

Fast Cars Fancy Women

Thanks to the endless conversations and oglings of cars,
it has ignited this desire for me to own my little machine.

To weather sun and rain... to bear the distance between two ends of Singapore...
to stay with me through my good and bad days...

So far, a few cars have caught my eye and my heart's been stolen ever since...



Nissan March

Looks like a little lady bug, and it's very round, hence aesthetically pleasing to me.

Suzuki Swift

Recently I saw like millions of them on the road, and the pearl white colour is inded drool worthy.... Love hatchbacks which are easy for parking and driving... I can go on and on about how I love its look...

I just can't wait to get my hands on a swift... a tad more affordable than March...

Mazda MX5

For this beauty, I can only dream about it.... so stop tempting and instigating me to buy it jian huo!

Labels: cars

Labels: life, work

Labels: crazy world, life, ramblings

Heard a really nice duet by Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown.

It's now the first song playing on my blog.

No Air

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?

If I should die before I wake

Because you took my breath away

Losing you is like living in a world without no air, oh

I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave

My heart won't move, it's incomplete

Is there an other way I can make you understand?

(Hook)

But how

Do you expect me, to live alone with just me?

'Cause my world revolves around you

It's so hard for me to breathe

(Chorus)

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?

Can't live, can't breathe with no air

That's how I feel whenever you ain't there

There's no air, no air

Got me out here in the water so deep

Tell me how you gonna be here without me?

If you ain't here I just can't breathe

There's no air, no air

No air air, No air air

I walked, I ran, I jumped,

I took right off the ground to float to you

There's no gravity to hold me down, for real

But somehow I'm still alive inside

You took my breath but I survived

I don't know how but I don't even care

(Hook)

So how do you expect me to live alone with just me?

'Cause my world revolves around you

It's so hard for me to breathe

(Chorus)

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?

Can't live, can't breath with no air

That's how I feel whenever ain't there

There's no air, no air

Got me here out in the water so deep

Tell me how you gon' be here without me?

If you ain't here I just can't breathe

There's no air, no air

No air air, No air air

(Chorus)

Labels: lyrics

Breathless

Slightly 2 months into the job,
Yet it feels like it’s been eons.

Here, the mad morning rush doesn’t end on the buses
The jostling and shoving linger in our cages
A nudge in the ribcage, a kick in the shin
Once a seat is taken
The heavy weight of the passenger falls onto you

No time to breathe
Everyone yearns to get out of the bus
The caged bird wants to fly
But she was the one who locked herself in.

I try to pace myself every time the madness kicks in,
Going to my favourite balcony with the breathless view
Perhaps to catch a breather.

There’s no air sometimes.

Labels: life, work

Labels: drinks, work

Labels: days, life, work

Labels: love, Poems

Labels: life, work

Meeting up with an old time friend inspired this entry.

I thought to myself:
All of us have our own love stories,
some are heart wrenching,
some are filled with joy,
some are twisted with complications
some are simply unforgettable.

Love, then, is a game.

All of us are the same, you and me, all alike.
We all yearn to give a part of ourselves to love that someone,
And we all yearn to be loved, for who we are.

And if all of us are the same,
Why do love stories turn out differently, with dissimilar endings for all?
Why do some end up jaded, hurt and broken,
While others have a happily ever ending?

Love, as I liken it to be, is a game.

We all begin as characters, going about our every day lives.
Be it starting off as strangers, friends, colleagues, neighbours, or even flings
The characters are caught by surprise in one way or another
And they will want to spend time together, do romantic things and progress further.

It's all a matter of configuration, really, I think.
How you play your character, the scenario the lovers met, the subsequent encounters,
It may be just one small different thing you do this time,
Like being brave and express your love,
It will change your ending.

A game of love,
which most of us have played, are playing or shall be playing.
Our love stories may all be different.
Maybe you wish that your love story is more exciting or inspiring enough to be engrave into your hearts forever,
But remember:
Every character is different,
Every love is unique,
Every ending is beautiful.

Labels: games, life, love

冷冷的夜晚

Whenever I start to see a continuous strand of blog entries written by me in consecutive days,
I begin to ponder if I'm inspired or simply contemplative of my life.
Guess what? I have no idea.
Now my life is like a derailed rail track, and I'm trying to figure how to piece it together.
School has officially ended for me,
at least for now.
This is where life begins, not ends, because a whole world of possibilities just lie in front of me.
And it is overwhelming.

Like what Uncle Chua says, the fact that you have a choice is that which damns you.
When you have a choice, you compare the best, the so-so and the worst options
and you weigh the consequences.
The ability to choose is a curse.
Maybe you argue that life without choices may not necessarily be better off.
Agreed, but when you have no choice, you can only brace yourself and just plod deeper along
your fated path.
The converse is not so true for people with (at least a sense of belief that they do have a choice).
When you have made a decision,
you think about how you may regret.

If there is one thing I hate, it must be regrets,
simply because they are the worst to live down.
Regrets are like shadows, you can't shake them off.
Regrets, I've had more than a few.
It makes me feel more human, because I know I'm prone to err.
But it makes me feel like the lousiest human on earth.

And I really wonder,
when can we ever be content?

When can I ever live at ease with every decision that I make, small or big and know for a fact that I won't regret?

Is this a enigma of modernity? (I can so sense Bianca and Dorcas cringing at this line... =p)

Labels: career, choices, life

If your lover betrayed you, what would your reaction be? sometimes, women forgive but never forget. otherwise, they never forgive and they pack their bags and go. i'm one of them.

If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be? spend at least two years of my life working and studying in Europe.

What will your dream wedding to be like? beach wedding, listening to the crashing of the waves on the rocks, carried away by the wind breeze and being lost in his eyes. okay, and a simple chapel wedding in Europe. =)

What’s your ideal lover like? he's gotta have a good sense of humour, able to carry himself well, with a thirst for knowledge and always able to teach me a thing or do, magnanimous, sexy, smart, able to carry things in his stride and most importantly, charming. sounds familiar? :)

Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone? being loved wins hands down. loving someone is when u give a part of yourself, but loving someone is when you receive a part of someone else. And when u take, it is always good isn't it? who wouldn't want to be loved more?

How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love? stubborn and headstrong, i tend to be very wilful when i love. and until that someone proves he's not worthy of even my last bit of perseverance, i intend to wait for a long time. hopeless romantic? je sais pas. probably too influenced by hollywood love stories of undying love. =P

If the person you secretly liked is already attached, what would you do? two words: back off.

Is being tagged fun? when you are just bored at 3am in the morning, yes.

How do you see yourself in ten years time? prodding ahead in my career hopefully, and much more wiser.

Who are currently most important people to you? Family, loon, close friends.

What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

Artistic and savvy babe who's cool with herself and everything else =)

Would you rather to be single and rich or married but poor? Married but poor. To satisfy my sense of need to be happily married in love.

What’s the first thing you do every morning? That's assuming I wake up at all in the morning. =) And if I do wake up in the morning, I like to laze in bed and ponder about the many dreams I get during the night.

What is one thing you wished you are made to learn since young? Technically, I was taught to save money, but I never succeeded. I wish I learned harder on my own accord.

If you fall in love with two person simultaneously, who would you pick? it depends. on many things. feelings, whoever you feel more for? memories, whoever had shared strong memories. But I probably would choose none and walk away.

If given the chance to turn back time, will you? I will. To the times of junior college, where nothing mattered and friendships forged were strong. I wish we had all remained innocent or at least maintained those bonds.

What is the last thing you would do before you die? Do something that I normally wouldn't do, since I'm dying anyway. Sounds like a good way to break social norms ;)

8 people to be tagged:
Jon

Derek

Bianca

Ben

Mabel

Mike

Dorcas

Bets

Labels: tags

Labels: life, love, songs

Labels: accident, life, love

Perhaps, you will never get to know what I'm thinking
Perhaps, you will never get to know who I'm missing
Perhaps, you will never get to know how I'm living
Perhaps, you will never get to know where I'm heading
Perhaps, I will never get to know when I'll see you again.





Pa,
Feels funny to call you that since you have probably never heard these words.
I'm not sure if you heard me mouth those words in the hospital
Those articulating my love for you, my father
It's been 6 years since you departed.
How have you been?
Every time I have a bad day,
I look up at the starry sky
And I pretend you are one of the shining angels.
And I talk to you in my heart.
Can you hear me?
I'm sure you can.
Because you have answered my prayers for good health for everyone in the family
as well as the 2 beautiful children blessed to 1 Jie.
Thank you Pa.

I remember watching Lion King eons ago,
and when the little lion was scared,
he would look into the water,
and see the reflection of his father

And so very often,
when I miss you,
I stare into the wide horizon of the starry sky
I know you are there.
You are.

6 years, and never forgotten.
Your little girl has grown up.
=)
Still a spendthrift, still love to eat chicken wings,
still love to talk,
like how we used to communicate in the living room
when I couldn't sleep.

And today,
while I view others celebrating Father's Day,
I know some thing's missing.
We may not have had the most communicative or closest father,
But our lives were shaped by you, good and bad.

Happy Father's Day, Pa.
I love you still.
Always.

Hi Kor,

How are you?
I bet you know that all of us still miss you a lot.
I know because,
every time your name's mentioned,
a soft smile would curl up on everyone's lips.

Did I tell you?
I'm graduating this July,
and I managed to make Mummy and family proud
because I obtained a Second Upper Honours.
=)
I know you'd have been proud of me.

My NUS Life is coming to an end,
and on hindsight,
it has not been smooth at all.
If anything, I remember having to lose you in my second year of studies.
It was not easy for all of us.
And after 3 years,
you are still sorely missed by us.

Remember I told you at the window,
that you must recover,
because I want you to be present at my convocation and wedding?
Well, my convocation will happen in this July,
and I know you will still be my side,
with your jovial smile
I know I will be able to feel your presence.
And that is enough for me.

Happy Father's Day, Kor.
You have been a wonderful father to your two boys.
They are now grown up, but I'm sure they're always little boys in your eyes.

We all miss you.
Thanks for being more than a brother to me.
I miss you a lot.

Take care Pa and Kor,
I hope to see you all again one day.

*Dedicated to the two most impt men in my life, who departed on 24 Sept 2002, and 28 February 2005.

Labels: family, life, loss, love

Deep into the night
where tired bodies lay resting
lonely minds stay wandering
I lie awake, flipping through the collages of my life
Bit by bit, chapter by chapter,
with theme songs to match every phase of my life.

Have been no angel,
and won't try to pretend to be one.
As I trudge along my life,
the footprints that have entered and left my world
good and bad, joy and pain, laughters and tears,
all made me who I was, who I am and who I will be.

While memories may haunt,
I have no need to ask to erase all of you away.
Days come and go where I get reminded of
the naivety of us, the love we all shared, the hurt we felt and the life we lived.

To you, you, you and all of you.
Thank you.
You have made me learn so much,
out from academic textbooks,
away from the beautiful sheltered life I was in.


To you.
I learned the art of self-defence,
To guard my heart from the madness
To forgive and forget
To grieve
To distrust
One year was short, but nothing short of the following struggling years
I learned the ugly sides that people embodied
I learned that
pounding hands don't hurt
shedding tears do lie
loving words don't cost a thing
being together does haunt
sharing affinity doesn't matter
loving me does hurt
being young doesn't mean being naive
at all

Thank you
for the closing of our chapter.


To you.
You made me learn about how love could be so simple.
How nothing said and all, and the littlest things in life,
such as helping me collect notes, tutoring me in Math, shielding me from the rain,
taking the same buses, waiting at the basketball court for you, not saying too much
All amounts to so much.
I wrote a poem for you during my Lit class,
I never knew I could write like this.
Until today,
I wish to forget what has happened.
Let sleeping dogs lie.
But life turns itself in amusing ways,
and somehow your name gets mentioned even after 6 years.
I am sorry for all I've done.
And believe me when I say I never meant to be hurting.
The reason why I've been consciously changing, forgetting, avoiding, escaping
is clear.
But thank you.
You made me stronger, forced me to cherish.
Thank you.

To you.
Two and a half years officially together do not mean nothing to me.
We spent much more time together,
frolicking in youth
embracing life
relishing arts
polishing our craft
bracing the winds
learning the ropes
falling down
bruising ourselves
lying down on the green pastures of life
challenging rules

All those separation pain seem so much like games, don't they?
We were
too young,
too naîve,
too trusting,
too ambitious,
too pleasure-seeking,
too blind.

Footsteps you left behind are like seasons left and gone,
Like summer,
our love was warm,
flowers bloomed
and
two lovers perched upon a tree.
Like autumn,
everything froze,
they gained clear vision
retracting their steps
built higher walls
preparing
Like winter,
the trees blew dry
the rustling of the leaves no more
perhaps, a twig or leaf
but all crushed and buried.

Spring arrives.
Bringing in new joy
Fresh crispy leaves
Another tree,
a restart.
Tears of joy and pain, forgotten.

Like the shadow,
unshaken off and lingering
Like the glimmering glisten of the silver bits
Edged deeply into the red pounding apple
It beats no more
and sometimes it beats a little more.

Thank you.
You taught me self-love,
how to never ever let another automaton take over me,
a doll never again.
Sincerity and love, were all I offered.
Swiftly trust and love were all you took away.

My mask, you never ripped apart,
A thicker unrecognizable mask ensued.
Someday, somehow, you were gonna make it alright
But just not then.

Bitterness never lingers,
Emptiness it left.
Thank you,
for when a door of happiness truly slams shut
another door creaks open silently
until she bumps again and again into it.

My craft, you probably cease to relish
Nevertheless, my most heartfelt
Thank you,
I learned the most.
I learned to walk, to nurse the cuts and bruises
I learned to dance, to embrace the blizzards and storms
I learned to sing, to chase the blues away
I learned to laugh, to have the truest smiles from my heart
I learned to live, to carpe diem and to travel the world
I learned to love, to be myself, to let myself go and love fierily

Thank you, you all.

For you.
Thank you.
Like a never grown-up kid,
I had to learn all over to trust, love, and run for help.
The warm steady hand
Never falters, never disappoints
The rain or shine
Shelters me, protects me
The beautiful eyes
Never lie, never hurt
You are beautiful the way you are.
Because I am loved for everything I am.
Every inch.

I am but a shield.
But now
no more.

Labels: life, love, memories, past, school

sometimes i think that life may never seem to be how we want it to be.
while we may grieve, get depressed, feel infuriated,
and more often that not,
this happens to me with my temper,
i must say on retrospect (thanks to KJ for empowering my vocab),
things sometimes do happen for a reason.
and for what reason, we never know.

but until you realise that on hindsight,
some doors have to be closed, and sometimes unfortunately slammed in our faces,
in order for new doors to be opened.
cliched, maybe, but true.
and in a weird way, i am testimony to this fact of life.
while all seemed to go wrong,
and Murphy's laws were taking strong likings to me,
somehow, somewhere, after numerous tumbleblocks and tears and what have you...
when u are in deep trouble and in the pits,
you can't go any deeper (as eliz has kindly enlightened me..)
and the only way out is the way UP.

and in a way, after several years of struggles and angst,
i see my life moving in a better direction,
and i know whatever had happened, was a test of my strength
(although I must say I would have loved not going through them)
and the old-age adage of 'what doesn't kill makes you stronger'
still rings true, doesn't it?
I guess what matters eventually is the fact that
you live, you learn... of course along with you love, you learn...

why am i being so philosophical?
maybe becos my results are being released soon...
and i hope i can use this advice i preach here...

... or hopefully i dont need to...

Labels: friends, life, loss, love, school

Thanks for the comments, I only just saw it this morning.
I m so sorry I didnt see your msg and i didnt pick up the G.D. phone becos i was on a plane.
Could you please let me know who are you? Becuse you didnt leave any name.
Thanks again. I appreciate it. =) Second day here in Milan!
This place is pretty fun, lotsa walking, not much shopping because I'm a poor girl.
So far, we have seen the Duomo, quite impressive indeed... followed by the European people watching in the cafes outside, window shopping, the cemetries of famous Italians...
Maybe it's been a year plus since we toured Europe, still not quite used to the idea that i am in Europe and that it is a grad trip!
I am so gonna make wishes in all the wishing wells I see here, that I MUST pass my exams, and retain my second upper!
What a spoiler to think about, in Europe on a vacation.
But I sure know what to wish for my 23rd birthday =)

Labels: Europe, life, school

Leaving on a jet plane tonight, towards the azure seas of the Mediterranean.

Labels: Europe, life, love, school, travelling

Labels: emotions, life, loss, love, school

If it's over, let it be over.
Can we keep it this way?
Do I need to be reminded of the haunting past,
everytime I see or hear about you or one of your random friends?
Whatever has left and been abandoned,
please stay that way.
Please.
I have no qualms about leaving it behind,
and I'm very happy with my life,
thank you very much.
I have nothing left in the past that I'd like to cherish or keep,
so please let it be.

It's been six years,
haven't you grown up?
i've said and done all i should or should not have
and let's just leave it that.
there's nothing i want from the past,
and i don't give a damn about what your life is.


And before you and your inquisitive insensitive "friends" come to me
and rattle off nonsense
that you guys don't even know about
just stay the way u are,
in my past.
You don't even know me,
you don't know what kind of freaking struggle these 6 years have been.
You don't even deserve my attention.


Stop haunting me.

Labels: life, past

This is IT. I finished my final paper in NUS, survived it (though not well) but this is the end of my four years in NUS, where i spent endless nights coming back to school to mug/play games :) with the beautiful and soothing night in sight.

At this cross junction, what does one do? what is ahead? what does one lose? and what can one gain?

Without any sign post and in a state of transition, i call upon Durkheim's notion of anomie and apply it to myself now.

Is there an end at all?

Labels: life, school

I survived the first two exams, and two more...
The greatest bane of my life.... Uncle Chua's module...

*pulls hair out*

Izzy, this will be over soon... *repeats 100000 times*

Labels: life, school

.... that the freaking exams for me start tomorrow!!

*takes deep breaths*

Like how I began my first sem in NUS, this last sem will see me going thru consecutive exams within a span of a week....

... and see me lose sleep, have panic attacks, and forget why I even bothered going to uni.

I hope I have the strength to pull through.

What doesn't kill makes us stronger...

wait.... "uncle" chua's module is a killer...

sigh.

Labels: life, school

After an exhilarating rush of essays, I will now reward myself [and the readers] with a preview of the places we plan to visit in about... 19 days time... hopefully, this is motivational enough, for my next heap of readings and preparations for my exams....

First Stop: Milan

One of the largest cities in Italy, she is known as one of the world's capital of fashion and design.

Labels: Europe, life, school

... I can jump for joy!!!!

I finally, finally, finally finished my last bloody term paper of NUS =)
Previously, this paper caused me so much pain in the posterior [in KJ's words] that I was so depressed about it.... words began running in my head, prancing and dancing and taunting me, i had absolutely no idea what to write, how to begin....

Now that I've gotten it over and done with,
I have the exams.
Sigh =(

Oh well, two more weeks... just two more... after which,
when thou has done, thou has no more.

=)

Labels: life, school

It has been a hell week, for all of us in school.
Having two essays due a day,
topping that with a random high weightage test,
having to sleep on the benches in the dungeon,
been there, done that.

Finally churned out a semi-coherent paper on Second Life, and it is more of a relief to get it over and done with, than pure satisfaction with the high level of quality.
It is total madness going through day by day, in this cookie cutter.
And worse still, it's to get a freaking grade back.
I need an average of A- to maintain my CAP and my sanity, as well as everyone else's.
Please, let all these be worth it.
I'm sacrificing my darling sleep for work!

AND the most beautiful part is:
this is just the beginning. One more reading week, and the exams would have descended upon us.
How the hell did the past 7 semesters go by and why did I not remember the misery I put myself through?


Note to self: This misery will end. Repeat to self 10000000 times.
If convincing myself doesn't work, try to knock myself out.

Labels: life, school

The Portait of the Provider (ESFJ)

Provider Guardians take it upon themselves to arrange for the health and welfare of those in their care, but they are also the most sociable of all the Guardians, and thus are the great nurturers of established institutions such as schools, businesses, churches, social clubs, and civic groups. Wherever they go, Providers take up the role of social contributor, happily giving their time and energy to make sure that the needs of others are met, that traditions are supported and developed, and that social functions are a success.

Providers are very likely more than ten percent of the population, and this is very fortunate for the rest of us, because friendly social service is a key to their nature. Highly cooperative themselves, Providers are skilled in maintaining teamwork among their helpers, and are also tireless in their attention to the details of furnishing goods and services. They make excellent chairpersons in charge of social events. They are without peer as masters of ceremonies, able to approach others with ease and confidence, and seemingly aware of what everyone's been doing. And they are outstanding hosts or hostesses, able to remember people's names, usually after one introduction, and always concerned about the needs of their guests, wanting to insure that all are involved and provided for.

Providers are extremely sensitive to the feelings of others, which makes them perhaps the most sympathetic of all the types, but which also leaves them rather self-conscious, that is, highly sensitive to what others think of them. Because of this Providers can be crushed by personal criticism, and will work most effectively when given ample appreciation both for themselves personally and for the service they give to others. This is not to say that Providers are afraid to express their own emotional reactions. They are quick to like and dislike-and don't mind saying so-tending to put on a pedestal whatever or whoever they admire, and to come down hard on those people and issues they don't care for.

In their choice of careers, Providers may lean toward sales and service occupations. They have such pleasant, outgoing personalities that they are far and away the best sales reps, not only regularly winning sales contests, but earning seniority in any sales group within an organization. Observing Providers at work in a sales transaction reveals clearly how this type personalizes the sale. They are visibly-and honestly-concerned with their customer's welfare, and thus the customer is not simply buying the product, but is buying personally from the Provider. This same characteristic causes them to be good in many people-to-people jobs, as teachers, clergy, coaches, social workers, office receptionists, and so on. Providers seldom become a source of irritation in the workplace; on the contrary, they are unflagging in their devotion to their company, and show such personal loyalty to their immediate superiors that they make invaluable personal secretaries.

Labels: life, me

it's the last lap, u tell urself incessantly
but u know the flames are wavering
you've burnt out
you've flickered
you've quivered
you've bowed down to the winds

you've thought of just not existing.

the wax glides down
drip by drip
and you


can't find yourself

Labels: life, me

Your Personality Reading

You are a person prone to bouts of real self-examination. This is in sharp contrast to a striking ability you have developed to appear socially very engaged, even the life and soul of the party; but in a way that only convinces others. You are all too aware of it being a facade.

You will often be at a gathering and find yourself playing a part. While on the one hand you'll be talkative and funny, you'll be detaching yourself to the point where you will find yourself watching everything going on around you and feeling utterly unable to engage. You'll play conversations back to yourself in your head and wonder what that person really meant when he said such-and-such - conversations that other people wouldn't give a second thought to.

How have you learned to deal with this conflict? Though exercising control. You like to show a calm, self-assured, fluid kind of stability (but because this is self-consciously created, it will create bouts of frustrated silliness and a delight in extremes, or at least a delight in being seen to be extreme). You most easily recognize this control in how you are with people around you. You have learned to protect yourself by keeping people at bay. Because in the past you have learned to be disappointed by people (and because there were issues with you adjusting to your sexuality), you instinctively keep people at arms' length, until you decide they are to be allowed over that magic line into your group of close friends. However, once across that line, the problem is that an emotional dependency kicks in which leaves you feeling very hurt or rejected if it appears that they have betrayed that status.

Because you are prone to self-examination, you will be aware of these traits. However, you are unusually able to examine even that self-examination, which means that you have become concerned about what the real you is. You have become all too aware of facades, of sides of yourself which you present to the world, and you wonder if you have lost touch with the real and spontaneous you.

You are very creative, and have tried different avenues to utilize that ability. It may not be that you specifically, say, paint; it may be that your creativity shows itself in more subtle ways, but you will certainly find yourself having vivid and well-formed ideas which others will find hard to grasp. You set high standards for yourself, though, and in many ways are a bit of a perfectionist. The problem is, though, that it means you often don't get stuff done, because you are frustrated by the idea of mediocrity and are wearied by the idea of starting something afresh. However, once your brain is engaged you'll find yourself sailing. Very likely this will lead to you having considered writing a novel or some such, but a fear that you won't be able to achieve quite what you want stops you from getting on with it. But you have a real vision for things, which others fall short of. Particularly in your work situation, you are currently fighting against restraints upon your desire to express yourself freely.

Your relationsihp with your parents (there is a sense that one is no longer around, or at least emotionally very absent) is under some strain. You wish to remain fond of them but recent issues are causing frustration - from your side far more than theirs. In fact they seem unaware of your thoughts on the matter.

Partly this is because there are ways in which you have been made to feel isolated from certain groups in the past - something of an outsider. Now what is happening is that you are taking that outsider role and defending it to the point of consciously avoiding creative and work pursuits. You have an enormous cynicism towards those who prefer to be part of a group or who exhibit any cliquey behavior, and you always feel a pang of disappointment when you see your 'close' friends seeming to follow that route. Deep down it feels like rejection.

For all that introspection, you have developed a sensational, dry sense of humour that makes connections quickly and wittily and will leave you making jokes that go right over the heads of others. You delight in it so much that you'll often rehearse jokes or amusing voices to understand yourself in order to 'spontaneously' impress others with them. But this is a healthy desire to impress, and although you hate catching yourself at it, it's nothing to be so worried about.

You're naturally a little disorganized. A look around your living space would likely show a box of photos, unorganized into albums, out-of-date medicines, broken items not thrown out, and notes to yourself significantly out of date. Something related to this is that you tend to lack motivation. Because you're resourceful and talented enough to be pretty successful when you put your mind to things, this encourages you to procrastinate and put them off. Equally, you've given up dreams a little easily when your mind flitted elsewhere. There are signs of an excursion into playing a musical instrument, which you have since abandoned, or are finding yourself less interested in. You have a real capacity for deciding that such-and-such a thing (or so-and-so a person) will be the be all and end all of everything and be with you for ever. But you'd rather try and fail, and swing from one extreme to the other, than settle for the little that you see others content with.

Conclusion: You present something of a conundrum, which won't surprise you. You are certainly bright, but unusually open to life's possibiliites - something not normally found among achieving people. You would do well to be less self-absorbed, as it tends to distance you a little, and to relinquish some of the control you exercise when you present that stylized version of yourself to others. You could let people in a little more.

The noose hangs
loosely
and
you
t
h
i
n
k
but
.. WHAT
ARD GOES
ARD AROUND
AND COMES
AROUND

Labels: life, school

If I could measure the level of stress my friends and I are going through now,
I'd say it will overflow like billions of measuring beakers.

The end of school term is like this imminent bomb,
waiting to explode in your face,
before you can say,
"I-haven't-even-finished-my-essays!"

I've got so much readings to cover,
I wish I could just disappear.

In this pressure cooker,
I'm sure we'd all be fried alive.

Someone please stop the time.
Or
help me do my work.

Labels: life, pain, school

If I were to press "backwards" on the vcr playing the snippets of my life,
I would stop in my JC days.

True enough, JC days were unexpectedly fraught with ups and downs,
with major changes in my life,
but they were the best of my life.

I seldom comment on this part of my life,
which sometimes I really wish I can forget
because it's way too painful despite its sweetness.

It's hard to figure out how and why things turn out the way they do.
And just because I avoid meeting and talking,
it does not mean I have forgotten.

My JC times have made me who I am:
a melting pot of jadedness, craziness, courage and fear

I guess it has taken me too long
Way too long to remember
everything I have selectively forgotten.

I know things can never go back the same
I am no fool
But I would like a chance to apologize

It's too late for me to ramble on and on about my mistakes
but
I still am apologetic.

So if you know you are that person,
I'm sorry.
Let me say this to you in person.

Labels: friends, life, school

Wee Loon: J.O.A.T©®™ says: (3:09:10 PM)
"quand il pleut dans ton coeur, il pleut dans le mien"

C'est assez de me rendre rire =)
Merci!

Labels: life, love

Je suis fatiguée d'expliquer la vérité.
Je n'en veux plus.
Je suis écœurée des personnes qui aiment parler beaucoup.
Je voudrais arrêter ça.
Je suis dégoûtée des "amies" qui prétendent qu'elles sont parfaites.
J'éspère qu'elles peuvent réfléchir bien à eux-mêmes.

Si tu ne me connaissais pas bien,
ne prétendrais pas que tu es mon amie.
Tu n'est pas maintenant, dans le passé.
Jamais dans le futur.

Ma vie, c'est à moi seulement.
C'est pas pour tes commentaires negatifs, merci beaucoup.

Je serai heureuse que tu disparaisses.
Ta belle vie ne m'interesse pas du tout.
Merci beaucoup.

Labels: life, love, people

Moi, j'aime ça beaucoup.
C'est vrai, l'ironie dans la vie.
Quand tout semble parfait, pourquoi on veut partir?
Parce que l'on sait qu'il ya a plusieurs choses qui ne vont pas bien.

Les mots ne sont pas assez pour décrire cette carte postale.

C'est une carte postale de www.postsecretfrance.blogspot.com.

Labels: french, life, love

Like you it's of irony like to is flow why because that

how don't alright how kiss alright and but is

sometimes feel like life i your like i it's alright i

the the same is forget lips how i don't

blood but a how it but the

flows i guess carousel is it pearls know guess how it


ends

Labels: life

.... i've gone mad.
Rushing this essay across a span of five days,
Battling my dumb anaemia,
Sleeping little with a sore neck,
Weaving the paper together tiresomely,

And I think that the paper still sucks.

It is really disheartening when you are in your last semester,
and you are supposedly looking down from the summit of the past 4 years accumulated,
feeling contented and enlightened.

I'm nowhere near.

At most, probably in a pile of debris at the bottom of the summit.

Labels: life, school

Je suis très très fatiguée. Il y a beaucoup de chose à faire, mais il semble que il n'ya pas le temps. Je ne sais pas où le temps s'était passer. J'ai faire rien. 

Labels: life, school

State-Society Relations Paper: Due 12 March

Labels: school

As May draws closer, I can't help but feel excited about my post graduation future!
True enough, there is still a lot of work to clear (read: millions of essays and tests),
but I can almost smell working life.
I know, many people have warned me that it's crappy to work and they'd prefer studying.
I am sure I would feel that way occasionally.
BUT how can I not be eager and excited about this new phase of life,
when I have been a student for almost 16 years of my life?
Having taken on several jobs before, I have tasted working life in a different way that the real world would be.
But I sure look forward to how my prospects will be.

Of course, my jaded days have seen me view this new beginning as a possible failure.
But oh well,
you'll never know until you try.

=)

You live, you learn, you love, you learn. - Alanis Morisette

Labels: life, work

If like me, you are into simulation/strategy games like SIMS 2, I would really suggest a few really really interesting simulation/strategy games that I have been playing.
(And I've been complaining that I've little time to study...)

1. KUDOS Rock Legend

This game is sadly a little one dimensioned, and the graphics not very exciting. But it rocks (no pun intended) to be a rock band manager! (Or at least pretend to be...)

This game allows you to control the rehearsals, the gigs as well as the types of merchandises available for the band to grow and gain fame. You can even help them 'practise' with your memory, and help them gain skills. Even when it comes to choosing members, proceed with caution as some of them clash in personality, and they can walk out on you anytime. Even on the day of your gig.


Quite an addictive game; my only grouse is that it is too one - dimensional. I have managed to allow my band to sign a contract, release albums and endorse products, but the game also ended too fast to see the potential.

3.5 stars out of 5 stars.

* This game actually has its own predecessor - Kudos, and it is not as fun as Rock Legend. Characters do not really have much development, and it's just plain clicking. You can try the trial versions - they can provide quite an insight.

2. Chocolatier and Chocolatier 2


This is really one of my favourite games - more of Chocolatier 2 actually. It allows u to purchase supplies, produce chocolates which look really yummy-scrumpti-delicious. And you go for quests and it is really interesting. It has gotten me hooked for very long! The ultimate aim is to become a Master Chocolatier, with a myriad of fancy chocolate recipes under your belt. =)

4.5 stars out of 5





3. Jojo Fashion Show



Okay, I wouldn't call this a mentally stimulating game but it is FUN for dreamers like me, who want to design my own fashion chain and have fanciful clothes to dress my models. It has 70 stages and it is addictive. My grouse is that at about 40+ stages, it gets abit boring, asking u to mix and match clothes according to colour. It is a little brainless then. Other than that, it is fun! My favourite ones are the futuristic and bridal wear. Drools. =)

3.5 stars out of 5

Labels: games

It's the last mid-sem break; and it is really make it or break it.
It's supposed to be for us to catch a breather, but I don't know why it only serves as a reminder of how much backlog I have to clear and how much more work I have ahead of me.
Sure doesn't look good.
I do know, at least, my schedule for next week is fully packed. I have an interview, a test or an essay due from Mondays to Fridays.

Can one get interview burn-outs? I guess you can. I am a little tired of the rounds of interviews that I have had to go, not because I am not keen on the jobs, but really because they tend to be a full day session each and I always have to rush back to NUS for classes.
It's painful for my pockets. =(

The headache about the kinda jobs to apply for comes because I have very specific interests and goals in my jobs. They include being able to progress, being judged based on my own performances as well as hopefully travelling prospects.
My firm belief still stands that for one to really experience a certain country's culture, one has to work/study or both there. Travelling as a tourist or at best a back-packer will not suffice.

Then again, there are limited job choices for my passions. The headache does not even end here.

The competition is tough, and as fresh graduate reeking of sheer lack of experience, you have to stand out at least in other aspects. Going for several interviews have certainly toughed me up and made me less prone to being shaken, but that just makes my view more pessimistic.

Boy, it's a tough world out there.

It is a brand new stage of life, awaiting all of us. In Dan's words, EMBRACE is the key.

Back to hitting my webcast. I can't believe the mid-sem break is almost over.

Labels: life, school, work

Que Sera Sera,

Labels: career, future, life, quotes

Yup, it's V Day again, 

Labels: life, love, people, ramblings

To take a break, it's to ensure that one can walk even further.
When things around get you down, it will be good if you can take a backseat, observe your surroundings, get detached, and take a momentary break.
Not because you concede defeat, but it's because you know this break will help you to prepare yourself for more down the road and be more determined to cross every obstacle.

Afterall, the light at the end of the tunnel
is the light from an oncoming train.
=)

Sometimes, being the jaded and pessimist me, this is the best I can think to push myself.
And yes, I need a break. A Europe trip to be exact. =)

Been speaking to a few friends about this graduation trip recently, and decided to suss out the alternatives of travelling cheap and easy to Europe.
Here's my 2 cent worth on back packing cheaply. Literally, since my ideas are fuss-free and inexpensive.

1. Accomodation

Because most of the time will be spent travelling, it will be more practical and realistic to stay in a cheap hostel, instead of a hotel. For obvious economic reasons, the accomodation place will probably be used in the night. And contrary to beliefs, most hostels are really quite comfortable.

To book your hostels, these are the following reliable sites:

a. www.hostelworld.com

Personally, having booked hostels numerous times from this site, it has never failed me and has a good feedback system you can check out before booking. With a STA student card, you can also save the $2 booking fee each time you book. It's quite a good website and I rely on it quite a lot. In terms of the booking, the practice is to pay around 10% downpayment online first, and you pay the rest after you check in at the hostel itself.

For example, my personal experience with St. Athans Guesthouse in London has left me with good memories. As advertised in www.hostelworld.com, it made us feel very welcome with a very filling and generous English breakfast. The place was a little dilapidated, but it was in a good location. It has sure motivated us to return.


b. www.hostelbookers.com
Having not used this personally myself, the feedback from my friend was that the website is just as user-friendly as Hostel World. Will probably use it myself the next time.

c. www.couchsurfing.com
My friend introduced me to this website which apparently allows you to have intercultural exchanges with people all over the world by bunking with them. Sounds too good to be true? Maybe. But I believe in the goodwill of travellers - the guideline is to give back to your hosts who allow you to well, couchsurf. For example by doing the dishes, share a special skill. It's really an intriguing idea to me, and I am just waiting to try it out.

That's at least what I can offer so far about accomodation. =) Hope that I have more to share in days to come.

2. Travelling

If you're like me, planning a cheap backpacking trip and saving time desperately as I only have approximately 3 weeks to cover the exotic places in Europe, I am looking for a time-saving travelling method. Sure, there are so many ways but I will only cover certain aspects for now such as buses and planes as the others such as rail transport is a little more complicated and I do not have the material with me now.

a. Buses are a wonderful and cheap way, albeit sometimes uncomfortable. But what's a poor traveller to do, except to make do with the inexpensive but practical way. One good example will be www.megabus.com. Megabus apparently now runs in US too.

Why Megabus? Because it is cheap. The price to travel from Newcastle to London can be 1 pound (SGD 3 dollars) IF you book early. If not, it can be more but if you plan in advance, you can really save quite a fortune. It also goes to Edinburgh. The trip from Newcastle to London is approximately 6 hours and sometimes, the seats can get a little uncomfortable. Just a cautionary word: some bus passengers can be rather inconsiderate by taking up 2 seats, and you end up sitting on a cramped seat. One bus ticket also limits you to one hand carry, for those who have heavy luggages, and thus, it can be quite problematic. But generally, cheap and reliable.

b. Airplanes

Airplanes can help save time if you want to be ambitious and carry out the exploring of as many cities as possible. Sure, it's no fun jetting to one place to another, not being able to stay and really tour the place. But budget airlines can be rather time-saving.

www.easyjet.com

Generally, I enjoy my travels with them as the airline crew are very friendly, and professional. I feel more at ease with them honestly, than Ryanair and my travels with EasyJet have so far been good. The only memorably unhappy time was when I was stuck in Paris Charles de Gaulle Airport - my flight was supposed to be at 9pm but because the flight was delayed due to a person in cast was flying and was having difficulties, I only flew at 12 amand reached Newcastle at 1.30am, hungry, tired and very grumpy as I had to edit my essays due next day 9am. It was a shocker for me, but I decided against complaining as they were really professional and apologized for the delay. This shows how important service and damage control are.

www.ryanair.com

Personally, I do not really like Ryanair. I have met several cabin crew who were rude and rowdy, but I give it to them that they pride themselves on being the most punctual budget airline. But mostly, I felt that the seats were uncomfortable. But Ryanair wins forhaving cheap tickets, very important for poor travellers like me. Sometimes, if you book early enough, you can get flights at 0 Euros, exclusive of airport tax. So a trip from Paris to Barcelona cost me about 80 singapore dollars (40 Euros). Quite a good deal, if you consider that the trips are fast and well, cheap, though sometimes uncomfortable.

Another very helpful website if you are planning your flight itinerary will be www.whichbudget.com - this allows you to check out most of the time the cheapest flights and it is highly reliable. Very useful and fuss-free. Saves you the trouble of going though different airline companies to check if they offer flights to specific destinations.

I guess that's all for now. Typing all these is very therapeutic. =)

Labels: backpacking, Europe, life, saving money, travelling

While I could bore you to tears by rambling about how unlucky I've been recently, I decided to spare myself the pain of reliving the nightmares and remember to stay positive in these times of gloom.

I just hope that my dearest ones around me and their families and friends are safe and sound. Please take care, my dear friend. Un accident, toi et moi.

Il pleut dans le ciel

vous, n'arretez pas!

mais trop tard -

je pense.


ce moment,

j'ai fermé mes yeux, nos cœurs se sont rencontrés, le temp s'est passé... et j'ai oublié.

nous sommes blessés, mais c'est pas grave.

Un accident, toi et moi.

Been contemplating if I should embark on a graduation trip to Europe. With obvious obstacles such as the lack of money, it's been bugging me quite a lot. I guess I just have to save up and decide after that. Undeniably, it is good to have a motivation to look forward to. May, the month of wonderful possibilities: graduation with a second upper, travelling in europe, a challenging job and my birthday.

My 23rd birthday. Well, not very enthusiastic to look forward to because I am growing too old, way too fast. I was just complaining to Loon the other day that when I was seventeen, I always wanted to be twenty. And once you are twenty, time flies and there's no end to that. You just keep growing very old. 20, 21, 22, 23... and it just goes on. It gets depressing sometimes. 23. I can't believe I've stayed so long on this earth. And sometimes, I really wonder what I have truly achieved. Not in terms of solid achievements, but personal ones.

When I was 21, I told myself that I must accomplish certain stuff in the entire year I turned 21. And I guess I did. I got my driving license, after 3 attempts no less (!!), dug out my guts to apply for exchange in Europe, took up Jazz Dance and Guitar classes.

After 21, I feel empty somehow. I have no idea why. It is funny how you meet your secondary friends and you exclaim that you have known the person for a good whole 10 years. And then you count. And you realise, yes, indeed, you are THAT old.

Back to travelling in Europe. These are the places I truly want to visit, before I die, or possibly for my Graduation trip. Someone give me strength to conquer all my tuition assignments and save incessantly.

1. Northern Lights (Scandinavian countries)



What can I say? Transcient, breath taking, gorgeous. I remembered reading that they can be found once a year, in places like Sweden and Iceland. I would totally love to stand underneath those azure skies, soak in the beauty and remember it for the rest of my life.

2. Eiffel Tower (Paris, France)



This stunning tower amazes me always. Even though I have stood underneath this gigantic monument both in the day and night, I will never cease wanting to visit this French national monument. In the night, it aptly appropriates the title "City of Lights" to Paris. A perfect spot for lovers, yet an individual will never feel lonely in the midst of these shimmering stars. The queue to go up to the highest point can be a bit frustrating and expensive, but I would highly recommend it.




You can always get a kick out of finding Singapore in the viewing tower and knowing that you are really, really far away =)

3. Neuswanstein Castle (Munich, Germany)



Too beautiful that it looks almost unreal. A real castle once habited by King Ludwig, the view of the Disney castle from Marion bridge is awesome. Not for those afraid of heights as you are suspended high above the ground and you can see the sea below. But worth the challenge. I know because I was trying not to cringe as I shot the above picture. The inner decorations of the castle is a disappointment as opposed to the outer façade but it is a must visit! Especially beautiful when travelling in the winter as the mountains are snow-capped and it looks all too ravishing. However, be careful of the shoes you wear. I know because me and Loon almost slipped to our deaths as the paths were icy and slippery and we almost disappeared from the face of the earth.

4. Berlin Wall (Berlin, Germany)


My fascination with European history demanded me to visit the remnants of the wall. There were actually different locations of the Berlin wall, cutting across East and West Berlin. This array is the artists' constructions on the wall - one can often spot cries for peace on this whole stretch of wall. It is so beautiful that you can just stand there in utter amazement.


This is a very interesting slab of wall where you can see many many people writing on their birth years. Finding whatever pen we had, of course we left our marks.

The other sections of the wall is rather old and destroyed, and I guess it is a more vivid and true depiction of how the Wall separated the Germans in the Cold War. A must visit. I would also recommend the Free Walking Tour in Berlin which I went for two times. They meet at the Starbucks in the morning, near the Brandenburg Gate. Very informational. A historical tour that you experience with your eyes. A must go for history buffs.


5. The Colosseum (Rome, Italy)

Colosseum by day



Colosseum by night

All roads lead to Rome. I guess that is true. A trip to Europe must encompass a visit to this beautiful monument. I would recommend a visit to this place in the night as the lights which light up this gargantuan landmark are truly magnificent. A pity we did not manage to enter this place as it was midnight by the time we reached there. A must-go for us again!

6. Venice, Italy

Who can forget this beautiful place after just a mere visit? Not me. The canals are quite an awesome sight, and a boat ride through the Grand Canals is very delightful. The views are simply indescribable. Caution about the gondola rides though - they may seem romantic but they can hurt quite a lot in the pocket. I remember the prices range about 60 Euros. I skipped it because I prefer the good old boat rides. Oh well, you can pretend you are on the gondola while on the boat travelling through the Grand Canals. =)







According to what we read, they are building a fourth bridge for Venice. The bridges are individually beautiful and unique. I remember that I was busy taking pictures in the cold.


The splendid Venetian costumes. For keepsakes, I purchased a small little Venetian mask. And their Murano glass ornaments are simply cute!



I have a weakness for these jewellery, especially those which are very unique. I had to be dragged away by Loon before I spend my entire fortune in those shops. I bought a few goldfish ball ornaments which I do not bear to wear yet. However, beware of some shops which may be selling non-genuine Murano glass goods. It is common to see fake goods being peddled around, especially outside the branded stores such as Gucci, Louis Vuitton. The peddlars can be seen peddling their wares such as bags, belts and shades blatantly outside these shops. Quite an amusing sight.




St Mark's Square, Venice. Very romantic, and quaint. Excellent for an euro-centric person like me.

7. Athens, Greece


One of the world's oldest cities - how to resist? I have not been there personally, but I would sure love to experience one of the oldest remnants of civilisations.

The Olympics Stadium in Athens.

8. St Charles Bridge (Prague, Czech Republic)

Misty and mysterious. You almost cannot believe your sights. This bridge is my favourite. By the side, artists display their work and it is very tempting to stop by every stall.


This is no exaggeration of how the sights look like. It is that charming. An eastern europe tourist spot, St Charles Bridge has the perfect mise-en-scene for great photographs and makes you never want to leave.


After writing all these, it makes me realise that I have visited some of these places and want to go there again. A very boring person maybe, but it speaks a lot about the captivating sights they behold. =)

Labels: Europe, life, travelling

For those who have caught the prequel AVP, this film is the exact reason why sequels are never worth your time. Watched it at Tampines Mall yesterday, and the only redeeming factor of the film is the fascinating cinematic effects. Other than that, I feel for my poor pocket.


AVP 2 is a confusing, erratic combination of poorly scripted plot, a myriad of characters and weak directions which leaves you wondering why you bothered paying money for the film. To start off with, the human characters are there for no sure reason.





You wonder whether they are there for the sex factor (with this cleavage revealing babe) or just to be killed off. The fight scenes are contrived, almost as if they are there to scare or gross you. No plot, no link, no thing. Nothing.




The only best part, and I emphasize this with only, is the aggressive sparring scenes between the Predator and Aliens. However, this is sadly interrupted with abrupt intrusions of human characters with no plot whatsoever.



And amusing enough, throughout the WHOLE entire film, there was only one Predator against innumerable Aliens. And you wonder why.

No wonder our friend joked that it was already stated explicitly in the film title that it was: AlienS vs Predator 2.

I guess what one of the critics mentioned abt AVP 2 is true: "The only winner in Aliens versus Predator 2? The one who avoids watching it."

Rating: 1.5 out of 5 stars

Labels: movies

Harbouring a deep love for Europe's history, this show was a must-watch for me.

Having watched the prequel in my JC years, I was keen to find out how the sequel would turn out, fully aware that more often than not, sequels were not worth the time.

Cate Blanchett is reinstated in her role as Queen Elizabeth, and in all glory at that. I must say that the effects are overwhelmingly powerful in furiously driving the plot forward, and some scenes beautifully etched in my mind. The movie captured poignant moments of Elizabeth, as a benevolent ruler - melancholic but beautiful.



Seemingly manipulative and driven by absolute power, Elizabeth is anything but that as subtly and brilliantly portrayed. I feel her loneliness as the virgin queen, not able to be loved as a person other than her status as a queen. Overwhelmed by pressure to marry and marriage proposals, she did not succumb. Intermingled with themes of love, friendship and war, this movie weaves them prettily into a neat set of storyline.




The charming seaman came along, charmed her heart but left her heartbroken. Trust broken and faced with an impending attack from the Spanish, Elizabeth's temper rears its ugly head. Ironically, the manipulation of effects only made it easier to emphatize with her. She yearned to be free, contrary to how one would expect a monarch to behave.




I enjoyed the tremendous effort in recreating the scenes of the monarchy, despite detractors criticisms of how all the magnificent effects only served to veil the powerful acting. After all, an epic movie would only be an empty shell without them.


My favourite snapshot of the movie - the depiction of how small she was in the world.
Merely a chess piece in the infinity of politics.


With strokes of luck, the Spanish were defeated in a surprising turn of fate with Elizabeth proclaiming to her people that she would meet them in heaven or the battlefield of success.



A very rich piece of work I would recommend.

4 out of 5 stars.




Initially viewed with my keen suspicion as just another movie with the same forgettable recurring theme of the destruction of mankind, I am Legend took me by surprise by being anything but that. The mise-en-scene sets Will Smith in a destroyed world, delivering his monologues to himself or his dog.
The movie does not state the obvious: you sense how the loneliness drives him almost delirious when he starts setting up mannequins in the local DVD rental store and visits it daily. Not knowing when his day is the last, he starts his day with a routine to keep sane. His sudden burst of fury and insanity - we can understand and even sympathise with - as it signifies his lack of control over the chaotic situation. His pursuit of a cure, though fleetingly slim, says more than anything else.




Flirting with danger, Smith steals the limelight and commands the movie with his solo performance. The pace of the show is set almost perfectly until a twist wrings away all the respect I had for the movie. A pity as it would have earned quite a high rating if not for the ending which stands out like a sore thumb.



The explanations become contrived and confusing, leaving questions unanswered. The end is rightly touted as a sheer disappointment; other than that, a show worth watching.

3.5 out of 5 stars

Labels: movies

Scouting for jobs can be the most exhilarating time or the worst depressing time.
Exhilarating because you feel that you have so much lined up ahead for you but devastating when you realise you do not qualify for the jobs that you are eyeing for.
One life, live it.
That is the way I see it.
There are no definite full-stops for you to put an end to, and yet there are infinite choices ahead.
My dream job will be one that is endlessly challenging as I cannot sit still,
stimulating and allows me to travel alot.
I can only hope that I can achieve this crazy dream of mine of working in Europe one day.

On a brighter note, I am looking forward to graduating although it can be immensely intimidating for a small being like me in this infinite universe.
Sometimes, I really thirst for exploring this world, where maybe something beautiful ahead lies for me.
And I know I must fight for it.
The contemplative mood is hovering above me.

I truly wonder what is ahead for me.

Labels: future, life

Sometimes I forget what I wake up for.
And sometimes I forget the nightmares I have had.
And when the eyelids flutter open,
the stream of sunlight hearkens to me.
Like the beginning of the end,
it ironically ends and begins at the same time.
Like how a new year behaves too.

Sometimes I forget how I cried
and sometimes I forget how we shared laughters
And when my fingers caress those waxy papers
the smiles call back to me
Like the beginning of the end,
it has ended and started.
Like how we all do not know each other now.

Sometimes I forget how I lived
but sometimes I remember how I struggled
And when my tear streaked eyes get less misty
i wipe the pearls with a toothy grin
Like the beginning of the end
we embrace it nonetheless
Like how life has in store for us - millions of treasures.
=)

Labels: life

:)

Labels: Beginnings

It never fails to remind me how every traffic jam in the morning, afternoon or night
Resembles that of the human rat race to me.
While we zoom by holding on to dear life on a dependable RXZ,
the neighbours snort at us with sideway glances
with flashy cars and hungry engines
each only too hungry to knock us out.
RXZ does not disappoint with its utility,
we zig zag our way out of the factory production lines of sardine cans
missing the bumper or boot by a nook and cranny
and wave a careless goodbye to the fat shiny thugs behind.

we may be small and cheap,
but at least we get to our destination.
:)
Remember to think about the poor motorcyclist in the sweltering hot sun while you inconsiderably edge your way into their lanes.

Labels: life

I just had my two petite wisdom teeth and i am in great pain.
The worst thing is I can't eat solid food, of all the biggest deprivations in the world.
Smart me wanted to prevent twice the pain, thus I asked for both lower teeth on left and right to be extracted at the same time,
ignorant to the inconveniences I would be brought about.
And the local anaesthesia was so unforgettable.
Being someone totally against injections of any sorts, i swear I almost fainted at the sight of the long syringe, about to penetrate my gums before the extractions were carried on.



Why?
Wisdom teeth operation during term break, which utterly utterly ruined my mood.
:(
Mauvais dents. A gasp
Inhaling nothing but
clouds of grey

Grips tighten
only to fall lower

Loosen your hold
and you may find yourself
in an other space

le feu
swirls, whirls, twirls. Noone told me another over-staying year in NUS was going to be so tough, so hectic.
And how most of my friends would have left school and moved on to their own working lives.

6 modules a semester, crippled with readings so thick that i dread even carrying around,
tuition kids with up coming exams and outside commitments that I feel overwhelmed by.
One more year of this - and all in the sweet name of honours.
It really spells HELL for me.

I dont know how I am going to cope, with French 2 getting more and more difficult.

I did not work in the months of June and July for the first time in my undergrad year,
but I learned the most about lessons in life.
Learned about how the harder u throw, the further it bounces away.

And my little favourite neighbourhood cat as mentioned in my previous entry is dead.
She has been culled away and put to death, amidst piles of other little cats.
Goodbye paw paw. I will miss you and your endearing ways.
And how ur paws would reach out for my laps and you will rest your head on me.
I hope you find your heaven.

Labels: love

Labels: mazes

a knock
and the palette spills all over
almost perfectly
the colours spill
liminalities abound
mixing in hues
yet distinct lines sound

red oozes; unseen not forgotten
blue bleeds; untold not unseen
green splashes; unstoppable not felt
white evaporates; unconditional not ungrateful
black stains; undermined not abandoned

mindless rubbing
endless scrubbing

the palette; an entropy
the spaces; an emptiness
the edges; an end.

An end-trophy
or an entropy?

Labels: mazes

you came
and left

my tears
your eyes

your smile

our pain

the wind leaves its trail

Labels: loss

Ils pleure dans mon coeur,
comme il pleut sur la ville. I seem to have run out of time.
It's like money,
u never know where you spend your money or your time for that matter.
Sometimes i feel like i drift around like a piece of debris in the waters
and only when i hit the shores
'wham'
and i wake up from my daze to realize
its already night
that i have been milling about in the crowd,
going to a lecture after another
and despite having huge loads of work to do
i just want to sleep.

And that's exactly what i do.
I need to learn how to stop procrastinate.

French is killing me!
Feel like my tongue has been twisted in ridiculous manner after French class.
But I really do want to get it mastered and work on my European languages.
Such a beauty, those languages.
Even saying something mundane like 'I have a car' is so sexy
'J'ai une voiture'
See what I mean?

Okay, apart from German, which, personally I feel, can sound a tad too grumpy and harsh,
European languages are great to learn.
But when u have all three in ur brain,
where, in my case, my brain is filled with other daydreams like things i want to be next time, new stuff i wanna learn...
i get them all mixed up..

A case in point:
My french tutor was reciting the numbers 'treize' when suddenly a memory loss gripped me and I started looking wondrously at my classmate who said that it meant 13 in French
when the only 'treize' i remembered was 'tres' in Spanish.
My mind is really screwed up sometimes.

French time coming up soon; the pressure is upon myself to study and do well.
I hate being an all-time perfectionist.
Sometimes it really drives me up the wall.

Je n'aime pas stress.

I have realised that I have been losing myself in endless tangential thoughts recently.
Someone help me.

Labels: life

Why why why?
Just when I left Newcastle,
its gonna snow there this week!!!
*pulls out hair in utmost annoyance*

Stupid, stupid, stupid...
I should have stayed there for one more week...
Just one more week...

So near yet so far!!
Stupid me. =(
Now I'll never taste snowflakes with my tongue :(
I know its gonna burn...
but still...
*argh* ...and also where the humid sticky weather gets to me.

I am finally home - I have been home for a week already,
and slowly getting used to being home.
Looks like Singapore can change quite a lot in just half a year,
it sure takes some getting used to.

Vivo City, Sentosa, Arts canteen down, quirky food tents set up -
its like a whirlwind change for me.
And I even forgot to tap my Ez-link card when I alighted from the bus.
Now, I feel like a tourist. =)

I got a little jet lag problems, coupled with insomnia and lethargy.
Now recovering,
but sometimes it really feels like I've never left home before.
Is it good or bad?
I dont know.
Feels like I just went missing for a couple of months
and now that I am back
I am mis-placed AND dis-placed.
Feels weird.
Feels like I didnt even experience those fun months in Newcastle.

And the weather here is grrrrr.. atrocious!
Sticky and hot.
Yeap, and I was still complaining I'd rather have it hot when I was freezing my nose off in Europe.
Seems like I forgot about the humid part.
=)
But I am still getting accustomed to it :)

Coming back has made me appreciate my mummy and family more.
Nothing better than home-cooked food or looking at my dearest mummy sleep.
Looking at her hair, and her sleepy face,
thanking her quietly for everything,
including having me.
=)

I have learned somehow to be much more polite (not that I was not.. :P )
when I am served (like in a taxi, coffeeshop, etc)
and I do miss the cold nice weather.
Now donning six layers of clothes is NOT that intimidating and irritating,

except that it can be troublesome when i am out shopping for clothes,
and depressing when the sun sets early.

But I guess the independence and freedom I got overseas
is unparalleled in Europe.
Here I am afterall in comfort zone,
my family is within an arm's length,
i dont get to travel out of UK every other weekend,
Paris is not accessible to me jus like that.

That is the beauty of Europe,
to me =)

Will update more when I try to settle down.
Am taking Japanese and French lessons now -
I got inspired to learn many languages in Europe because
I saw the importance and the flexibility that comes with the knowledge of different languages while in Europe,
it gets you anywhere and everywhere.
Of course, I will further my studies on them,
including German and Spanish =)

This SEP trip has made me positive =)
with lots of energy to look towards the future! ... why don't they?

Its now 6am here in Newcastle and I just finished packing.
I have been packing since 1am and its killing me.
My bags are humongous-ly big, fat and ugly;
but i really can't be bothered.
I havent had a single wink and something tells me that
for the next 24 hours i will be having a very hard time lugging all 3 luggages
around in London and on the 13 hour flights
and without a proper place to rest.


because....



I am going home now!!!
=)


Yes, I decided to change my air ticket weeks ago and I'm on my way home now.
Back to Singapore.
Didnt tell a single soul yet until recently - was too excited and let the cat outta the bag!
Miss everyone so much.
It is one of the craziest things I have done;
but then again,
in this SEP trip,
I have done many crazy stuff.
I would never imagine my impromptu trips to London, Amsterdam, Glasgow and Paris for the whole of my life.
Anyway, before I digress..
My original date was 27th January;
but I have too much to catch up in NUS
and I really miss home terribly.
and I have no exams in newcastle because sociology modules are assessed by essays.
Loads of them - I finished 2 of them, 4000 words each a day ago.
=(

I cant wait to go home cos I cant imagine being all alone and lugging all the heavy souvenirs home.

The best and craziest thing now
is that
I havent told anyone at home that I am on my way home
and they are not expecting me at midnight on Saturday!
AND i have no keys.
Call me crazy but I hope this will make my mum and family smile...
especially my mum cos i missed her birthday last year.

I am going home!

I really cant believe it,
especially when I am deliriously tired after packing and having no sleep...

But still,
I am leaving! and on a very hurried note too :(

Goodbye land of cottage chicken, cheap thrills like Primark, Wilkinson, Food Co, Tyne Bridge, Leazes Park, days which are short and darken far too easily,
and hello to the home of yummy food like minced meat noodles, seafood, hokkien mee, mos burger and my mum's cooking...

Honestly, I will miss this place so much.
The Sing Soc guys were very nice to attend my impromptu farewell dinner at Big Mussels and were very sweet too. Very thankful to know them cos they often rendered us help and of course squabbled with me and called me 'Tiger Beer' girl because they think I look sleazy and can work as those servers in kopi tiam selling Tiger Beers to uncles.

Seriously. -_-
Haha.

But I really really love all the times we all hung out and life was so peaceful and just for the moment.

I am going home...
I still can't believe it.

I have to write some goodbye cards now,
will update once I reach Singapore...
home.
=)

Wish me luck that I am not locked out on Sat nite ;)
and I am going to eat prata!!!

Goodness, that is one big deprivation I have here in Europe =(
... do they?

I am now in Rome, Italy with Loon to try and experience the Christmas near the holy city of Vatican City.
It is quite an eye opener except that the streets are really quite dead and not very happening.
It is quite dangerous here because you have strange men looking into your eyes, fiercely or just lecherously and it is definitely not as safe as even Newcastle.
The internet cafes charge at exhorbitant prices and we have almost emptied our pockets trying to go online to settle academic stuff as well as confirm flights.
But Vatican City is a real eye opener for those who are planning on an Italy trip.


Will post pictures up when i reach france - meanwhile Rome has 1.5 days to impress us before we move onto Venice.

And not to mention, we had authentic Italian pastas and pizzas - albeit expensively - but the real thang! =) Heard of a saying 'The light ahead is that of an oncoming train in a tunnel?'
I find it really funny because when u realise there may be hope, you find more crap coming your way, where its like the train approaching you full-speed when you think its a light in darkness.
Sure, I used to think the glass is half full,
but now, no - its half empty, by any measures.
Maybe my pessimism comes with this cynical feeling that the days dont seem to come better.
How does one finish 4 essays (2 of 4000 words each, 1 of 1000 and 1 of 2500 words with complete referencing of minimum 15 books each), pack room and move out, travel in europe, study for spanish test?
Just when I thought i had finished one essay on identities and things would get smoother.
Bleah.

This is my room, with my little decorations to make it more warm and cosy.

















Pretty right? It's these beautiful lights that cheer me up amidst dreary afternoons which become so dark, so soon.

Don't be fooled though, the only reason my room looks pretty ok is because its in the dark.
Here is the truth:
















Yup, I know my room is a little too pinky but I seem to have taken a fancy to that colour since my room's paint is in sickly green. This is me - my mess. I think you can pretty much see I am not an organized person.

But I have my own order in the mess - luan(4) zhong(1) you(3) xu (4). That is probably why I can find my stuff in the disorder, cos I probably know which area I threw my stuff. =) Heh.

Anyway, here is the broader view of my humble room, which I really love. It's been with me throughout this whole Exchange trip.













My lovely room boasts of:

1. a comfortable bound-to-make-you-fall-asleep-once-you-are-on-it bed
(or maybe i am just perpetually sleepy)

2. a big workspace of three tables

3. a floor that is constantly missing because my books and notes are strewn all over the place and i cant seem to see the floor

4. my good old laptop with its itunes playing melodiously and lulling me to sleep

5. a bear i bought to accompany me (people do get very lonely sometimes, you know)

6. souvenirs i got from germany, austria, czech republic, paris, london, dublin, amsterdam, glasgow

7. many slippers and a pair of boots to keep the cold frosty winds away

8. lots of Coke (i am a coke freak; and i prefer my glass of coke with ice filled to the brim, thank you very much)

9. library books (gender, class, freud, urban sociology, spanish - its a mini library here)

10. my coats and layers of clothes that make me feel so fat and big

11. of course me, without whom there'd be no messy room in the first place. :)



Anyway, I was telling Loon how much I miss Singapore food - that which you can get 24/7, not like here where I have to bear with my own cooking when i get hungry at midnight
:(
And he agrees, cos Singapore is so convenient with lots of yummy delicious food.

And so I sent him this picture I drew of food we both liked.
















And he started laughing.
I thought it was cos my food looks awful or the cockles ('ham' here) look weird.
But apparently, he had been reading too much of my Freud' s essay
and he says it somehow looks very wrong.
=(
See how too much Freud turns me into a repressed little monster? Time flies too fast, too furious, faster than you can say 'Whaaaat?'
It's the end of term for me already, and for this week, I've attended almost all my last lectures and seminars,
notwithstanding the last Sociology of Identities lecture tomorrow, which is a module I truly adore because it gives me such a depth of understanding of myself, and possibly because there's Freud. Who could possibly hate Freud when his psychoanalytic theories are so captivating and intriguing?
Well, I guess I could possibly hate him now that I am doing a 2500 word essay on him and the pressure is on doing well because I really like this topic but I am bogged with issues like moving out, packing,other 4 essays and such.
It's mind boggling cos I've got Freud's theories on my mind all day long and I really spend every waking moment thinking about how to answer that essay with depth and in a highly stylistic way.
It's stressful and I can concur with Loon that I am a stressful and perfectionist freak.
:(
It's hard to think when the pressure is caving in... and its 100% assessed.
and the other day, I just fell asleep reading his theories when I woke up dreaming about triangles, shapes and strawberries.
I wonder what Freud would say to that.

That said, its the last Spanish lecture I had today and I took pictures with my friends.
It's such a whirlwind affair with the Spanish language that I cannot believe I have had attended a whole year course cramped into half a year and the irony is,
I can't remember much.
Estoy no feliz.


I am so going to miss Newcastle.
Someone tell me how to stop time from slipping away,
I need to learn. I'm going home soon.
Ironically, that scares me quite abit.
Just when I finally settle down,
with my room routinely messed up and me forcing myself to be responsible by cleaning it up in the spurs of moment (read: very very good mood)
with my modules seemingly become easier and more understandable
with my Spanish getting slightly better (¿Hablas Español? Si, hablo un poquito Español y ¡ es bastante malo!)
with me being more and more familiar with the many routes I take to school, in particular the morning walks with the breeze in my hair which awakens sleepy moi,
with me being more and more in love with newcastle, a small but quaint and lively city.

And as I am now currently on exchange,
at this very moment I take my breath,
everything seems to be on a stand still.
Isabelle's clock seems to stop ticking.
She doesn't have to worry about tests, exams, grades (not so much anyway since it's S/U)
and she doesnt have to worry about when to graduate, or even to graduate at all
she doesnt have to worry about what she will be in the future
if she ever becomes somebody, at all
she doesnt have to worry about rushing here and there, to shuttle between giving tuition, working and being a student...
she doesnt have to have lack of sleep rushing projects
she doesnt have to start thinking.
or maybe, she still does.
Just not that much. For now.

Don't you love it when time seems to just stop for you, at this very moment? Was on a rush to my last Soci of Identities seminar;
ironically, it was my first seminar as I had missed previous ones and there are relatively few seminars in the department

After munching a home made toasted sandwich with melted cheese and prawns with honey mustard and gulping down a glass of milk for my breakfast/lunch...

(note: i dont eat breakfast usually, but i was so hungry after last nite's work of poring through an academically written book on Making the Unborn Patient about fetal surgery for many hours until 5am)

i was in a hurry to go to the Bedson Building for my seminar when I saw a familiar person with a walking stick trying to find her way
It was someone who had always been seen on campus, with that familiar thud of walking stick
Many walked past her, including me
I knew I was gonna be late and it was not nice to be late for the first and last semester
and I was very unfamiliar with the directions.
but I had to stop immediately in my tracks because he/she was knocking into the parked cars at Ricky Road where I live

Never having helped anyone who was visually handicapped before
it honestly took a lot of courage to extend my help because I really didnt know what to do.
There were so many times I wanted to help
but I just didnt know how to and often wondered if my help was more trouble

But today, I made a little time to stop
and extended my arm for the person to hold my hand
I could not tell his/her gender, for the person had short cropped hair, dressed quite androgynously and had quite a feminine voice
but i know i had a nice time leading the person with my arm
The person wanted to go to Winsor Terrace but to not trouble me,
suggested that I led him/her to the Medical School instead where he/she would make his way along to Winsor Terrace
Since it was on my way, and I was not going to be very late,
I decided to lead him/her across the road and asked a mother with a child if she could assist the person as it was a little far off and I was not sure where Winsor Terrace was.
And the kind mother was a very helpful, and I am thankful for that.

The person is a third year History undergrad at Newcastle Uni and aims to do a Masters in History of medicine - we just chatted along and despite looks, it just became so natural leading him/her that it was like being with a new friend.

Everytime we went down a slope or were about to be very near some sharp shrubs,
I almost forget to let him/her know because
it had become second nature to me
because I can see
and it was just so natural for me to slow down in case of slopes, avoid the lane with the thorny shrubs or just skip away when there is a puddle of water
but I had taken for granted what I have
that I was reminded of my gift of sight when I reminded the person that we were going to go down a slope/in the direction of shrubs.

Sometimes, all it takes is a little time to stop
to be reminded of how lucky I am. Did some real thinking today after watching 15
and i really realised that I have to get down to thinking
about what i was gonna do after i graduated

i wanted to be teacher
partly cos i really like teaching
but mostly because i really feel the need to connect to youngsters
that was the reason why i chose to take up the teaching award

but part of me gave it up cos
i was not sure i was going to stay in singapore then
as i was in a previous long term relationship
where he was not gonna stay in singapore
maybe i thought too far, too ahead


and partly cos i was really interested to take up a job in the corporate world or in
events management
to discover what i was really supposed to be good for
i wanted to graduate first and just find myself


but after i gave up the teaching award
i stopped myself from thinking about it
cos it made me guilty that i chose to give it up

i watched roystan tan's 15 just now
and it brought up waves of feelings in me
that i knew
deep down
i really really still want to be a counsellor
to the young people
in neighbourhood schools

i dont look down on them
in fact, i sort of grew up with them
when i was in a supposedly prestigious secondary school
where my fellow school mates were seemingly pursuing these academic goals
but i felt like there was something more to life

and so,
in the arcades
me and my besties from rv
just hung around
i observed the lives of the people who came from the neighbourhood schools
their lives were more than just doing well
they had real worries,
maybe they just didnt do well in school
but they were human
they were real.
maybe i was just biased against ppl in my school
but i felt they could never understand how the neighbourhood kids felt
neither could i
i could never
but i wanted to.

and now as i grow up
and look fondly back at the times
where we would just sit and chat
and look at some of them smoke
drink
and possibly live their lives 'decadently' as people would seem to feel
i wish i could talk to them

and now,
i feel that calling again
getting stronger and deeper
that i really really want to do social work
or even teach them

i dont want to teach in a prestigious good school
cos i know i have nothing to offer them
they are bright kids

but i know i want to share
i want to listen to the kids who feel noone cares
i want to feel
i want to help
i want them to know people do care.

the cases of people i have seen
cutting themselves
hurting themselves
being in crowds but still being alone
crying out but noone hears
make me feel very sad.

i know people think that i cant do anything much
maybe people will laugh at my dreams
but i so believe in the starfish story
i cant save all the starfish on the beach
but if i pick them one by one,
at least one will be saved.

and similarly for the kids
i dont expect me to dramatically change their lives
but i just have this yearning to be there.

i really hope that someday,
i will know if i should pursue this calling. Oh yes I am.
Cursed.
Utterly.
Totally.
I just have no luck with handing in essays on time in Newcastle.

For two consecutive times,
when I have to turn in 3000 word essays to the Sociology department here
which is about 15 mins walk away from my place
at 12pm promptly,
I always fail to make it miserably.
And thats when I have already spent a whole night toiling away and finished it abt 2 hours before the deadline.
I know, I am supposed to have prepared and done it like days before
but honestly, I dont work that way and I have so much more inspiration when I work hours before deadline.
I know, i know
i'm just plain weird.
Or maybe its just plain procrastination.

But anyway,
the first time when I went to hand in my Gene Wars essay,
I was happily proud that I was gonna be early as I went out at 11pm to print.
I went to the nearest computer cluster in my faculty and
wham!
it was closed.
And being a fresh freshie here,
I was not acquainted with other departments or faculties
but I had to scramble to other faculties
like the dreary and crreeeppy looking Engineering and Maths and Stats dept
which claimed to have computer clusters on third floor
but actually inside looked like hospital wards or psychological patients' wards
for reasons obvious,
i dont like hospitals and i hate being stuck in a foreign old dodgy and creepy place alone
in corridors and staircases i suspect there was not a single soul
and a very smart aleck me tried to be gungho and explore the place
in my desperation to hand in the brainchild of mine
grrrrr i was lost.
okay, im not known to have the best direction sense.
sigh.
and the sign stated that the com cluster was on 3rd floor
but i forgot that here in UK,
the first floor referred to 2nd floor actually for those of us who come from Singapore
simply because our first floor is their ground floor.
confused?
me too.
go figure.
sigh.

anyway
i climbed so many creepy squeaky stairs and went to wrong floors
only to have found the correct place
printed my essay
and was late for one hour.
i was so irritated because i was theoretically early until my brilliant sense of direction decided to fail me.
and so, when i had a paper to submit this morning,
i made it a point to let it not happen.

And yes, after hours of working at my paper on Sociology of work about
how understanding social divisions is vital to understanding work and how it is experienced,
i was slightly late because i overslept cos it had been a hell week
but i still rushed to the com lab that i was sure was confirmed to be free and not closed
and ta-da!
i was so proud to print my essay
and it hit me then
that i had ran out of credits
now, here they dont practise the normal standard of cash card
u are given 10 pounds to print .. and 10 pounds allowance of over draft..
after much printing in the past 2 months
i have used up i think 23.40 pounds of credit
that means i have limited my 10 pounds over draft right?
and yes, it is freaking expensive
almost 70 Sing dollars to print readings
so for those who are so lucky to be able to print notes so cheaply and without any hassle in Singapore,
pls kiss or hug your notes or something :(

back to my story,
i couldnt print anything and i was freaking out
as this essay was 50% of my term grade
and i was late late late..
it was like 12.25pm
and i tried topping up 5 pounds online
but to no avail
the printer kept gaving me blank stuff
i realised i was so clever as to not realise i had to top up for my overdraft limit!
and meanwhile before i figured that out,
i asked this british guy beside me if he could help me print and i'd pay him back
he looked kinda lost,
and when i sent my work to him THREE times via THREE emails
somehow they just didnt get thru
and he was just clueless.
sigh.
when the day gets bad,
it gets really bad
but after i topped up another 15 pounds,
8 pages of my hard work was printed.
*sweat*

and i was already 50 minutes late when i reached the department.
yes, they are that particular about deadlines
and the clerk told me curtly that the lecturer can refuse to mark my paper since it is late

whaa---aaat?

i was not gonna take that cos honestly i dont think i deserve it.
and so i went to the lecturer's office
and explained to her my condition
and she was sooooooo nice about it.
and i explained to her about my essay which went over the limit.
yeah, what's new?
sometimes i think i write too much nonsense
but i really cant keep to the limit.
bad habit i know but it is just my drive to just keep writing and present the best.
im mad.
=)

anyway the clerk was so shocked to see me when she took my paper into my lecturer's office.
haha. i felt a lil embarrassed too, cos it felt like a little weird. but i was not like pleading with her to not penalise me for the lateness, but i went to explain in the hope that she would mark my work. i am okay with being penalised, because i was late.
but i wanted my work marked.
haha, i think its my sense of pride in my work.
crazy right? shld have taken opportunity to ask her not to penalise,
but oh well, i know i am not in the position to do that, and it was not really my interest to do that.

anyway, im glad i took time to explain to her.
she surprised me with a good news that
the Erasmus (european union) exchange coordinator decided that:
exchange students are exempted from exams this time
and only have to do a max of 4000 word essays!

sounds too good to be true right?
Means for my module, Soci of identities, i only have one essay to hand in instead of an addition of 1 written exam.
And yes, the pressure is there cos it means that the essay is 100% of my grade for that module
but i dont really mind cos its on my favourite topic...
FREUD!
i can go on and on about him. i love that man. =)

and for my other module, soci of work, which i painstakingly wrote 3500 words instead of 2500-3000 words,
its actually 2 essays both 50% and each 2500-3000 words
now for us, its cut to only 3000 words (1st essay as we had already handed in when she told us this morning in the email by the erasmus coordinator) and the next essay is 1000 word.
hurray right?
but no, i think im in trouble
1000 words is probably gonna be like my intro and conclusion combined.
sigh.
where got enough space for me to write everything?
so much for being long-winded.
O.o

anyway,
its still a good twist to a sucky day.
i just wrote an email to confirm that this lucky news applies
to not just erasmus student, but normal exchange students too.
*hopes hard*
cos this means that january,
i wont have exams to worry about and can take days off to travel in uk
before i go back to Singapore.
=)

going glasgow this weekend!
will update about amsterdam.
=) oh yups, if u guys wanna read more about our europe trip we had before going to newcastle, drop by www.escababes.blogspot.com
im supposed to be the next to update it - its long over due :)
drop me a tag there if u have read it
and enjoy the galore of pics.
europe is really a beauty.
oh no, loon is gonna say im eurocentric again haha
:D What a nice change right.
My blog is all bright and cheery -
hasn't been like this for eons.
Its always been so dark and melancholic.
Hope it remains cheery =)
Off I go to Amsterdam already,
will blog when I am back =)

Adios amigos.
Con amor. Eiffel Tower, revisited.

Here's a very long overdue video posting of the Eiffel Tower,
which I went to with Loon last month.



The video really doesn't do justice to the true beauty of the Eiffel Tower.
As cliched as it sounds, it is REALLY a very romantic place
but not just for lovers to meet underneath the towering guiding light
but for families and the children to gasp in delight
for friends who enjoy each other's company
or even for the individual whose soul needs some comfort and solace.
It is really a pretty sight.
Sigh. So nice =)



And last week, I went down to London with Loon to catch Shakespeare's Globe Theatre, Big Ben, London Eye and his love of his life - Arsenal's Emirates Stadium.
With the look on his face when he saw that huge huge globe sized stadium,
I can't help but feel in awe of the power of football teams.
Sadly, we were standing right outside the stadium, with no tickets and it was a big match (Arsenal vs Liverpool) and as much as we tried looking disappointed,
no touters came to look for us.
Could it be that there were so many policemen around?
I wonder WHY. ;)


And that very night Arsenal won 3-0.
Haha, imagine Loon's face.
O.o


Alright before I continue blabbering,
here is the video of Big Ben and a far far away London Eye.
Apologies for the quality - it was so cold by the river bank and my hands were shaking.
But no complaints ok, it comes fully equipped with the chiming of the Ben Ben at 9pm.
=D



We went to the London Eye but I guess all that excitement was pretty shortlived. It is pretty and u get to see a bird eye's view of London's night landscape.
But it is just very much like that.
=(
Maybe I expected too much.
Plus I have acrophobia in that London Observatory but honestly, you can hardly realise you are spinning up there cos its so-ooooo slow. But when I looked down, it was scary.
Scaredy cat me.


Its 3:15am now and another weekend...
I just finished my Spanish homework and i swear it kills me every time i do my deberes (homework) because there is just so much and I can never seem to finish it.
But the huge sense of achievement once I have completed it way before class on Monday and before I travel feels damn good.
Roars. =)


In 2 hours, I am off to Amsterdam, Netherlands, the city of vices and sins.
We have this crazy thing to travel every weekend while I still have this teeny weeny bit of time left in Europe until 2 months later
and we are going on real budget trips.
Like a ticket to London (bus) cost 6 pounds? Thats real value for money :)
And I am so glad cos I am going to watch Phantom of Opera in London, Her Majesty's Theatre!
Yes I do know that they are coming to Singapore but what is watching a play without watching it in England man? =D
I am sooo looking forward to it!
And I just watched Romeo and Juliet by the Royal Shakespeare Company and they were really good. I will blog about it once I am back from Amsterdams.
I am really glad about these weekend trips (though they are short and very budgeted) because it takes away the blah and dreariness of my weekedays in uni :( School is tougher here - believe it or not? I have never done so much work in NUS (homework) as compared to Newcastle and its really ironic, cos my engine exchange friends here say they have a better slacker life in Newcastle. Sounds weird but oh well, I can't complain much.
It's the mid terms now.. and very soon it will be
Goodbye Newcastle,
Hello sunny Singapore.
So carpe diem, I shall.
=)
Here's to many more travelling, plays and cheap beer! ;) While walking back home alone,
along this quiet but peaceful road just moments ago
as my singapore exchange students are at amsterdam at the very moment,
near the leazes park in my estate
i began to wonder and marvel at the amazing world we have
at the very moment i was enjoying the slight breeze and chilly winds
with my hands safely snug in my pocket
and my hair blowing softly
at one part of the world when its only 720pm here in newcastle...


the other parts of the world is probably asleep
like in singapore at 3.20am at this very moment
where my mum would be fast asleep
my nephew would be sleeping peacefully like a baby
there may be people mugging in the quiet stillness of the night in nus lt 11
people finding their way to fong seng to grab a prata or two for an energy booster
some rushing to finish up their revision
a few watching youtube.com for a break they needed
others collapse in tiredness


and perhaps in australia where
my dearest ming would have to wake up in a few hours time
and face another new bright day


when i was just slowly taking my walk down the lane
enjoying the scenery
taking in the sights of the neighbourhood in newcastle
looking at old and young couples in leazes park holding hands


what an amazing beautiful world.
at each opposite end of the world,
things are always happening =)
i smile to passers-by whom i rub shoulders with
they smile to me back.


the day is about to break there,
the sun has set here.


the beauty of life.
what a wonderful world =)

i love these quiet solo walks home, i do.
makes me appreciate Life
and be thankful to be able to see everything so beautifully. =)
You know, I was looking out of my room's window
and began to let my thoughts ramble.
I miss home so much.
And I thought I'd not be the one to do that.
I always pride myself on being very happy about venturing out on my own
Sure, I am this time
I have seen so many sights on this trip to Europe
and I guess it has made me tougher in so many ways.
For one, I cant be afraid of the dark anymore - i live in a hostel where my roomies come back really late

But this SEP has started me thinking on even the smallest and most precious things I have back home.
Like for example, the most simplest thing like opening my eyes in the morning and being able to see my mum, my little precious nephews and niece
and maybe the most quarrelsome sister
but it is home afterall.
My home.


The weather here is so bleak and cold that when I am in my room, I do a lot of thinking.
Well, I think, therefore I am, isn't it?
I am very thankful to be alive up to this very moment
to able to feel the rain drops descending
to hear the chuckles of people when they play with sprinklers
to listen to songs that evoke so many fond memories
We have all come a long way, havent we?

Sometimes I really dont understand why I do what I do...
It's only human, isn't it?


Maybe because it hasnt snowed yet,
that's why I am feeling a little moody..
=) I miss home.
I miss bedok's ba chor mee,
fong seng's seafood maggi,
pasir panjang's sea food,
holland v's zhi char,
sakae sushi's buffet,
thai express' tomyam noodle soup,
arts' canteen's japanese food, fish meat noodle soup, western food
and most of all,
i miss home cooked food.

i miss everyone at home.
the weather's so bleak and gloomy,
not to mention cold.
its so cold that my nose, my fingers and face
are so frozen
my face feels like its gonna crack anytime
and its crazily ranging from -4 degrees to 5 degrees
and not even winter yet i think
if i had a tail, it would have fallen off.
=(

the autumn leaves are hanging loosely on the branches
slowly making its way to the ground
to be trodden hard upon
marked onto the concrete floor

i dreamt of u that night kor
it felt so real
u were talking to me in the bathroom
and when i woke up
it felt like u were right beside me
makes me miss u even more.


today i saw the fireworks
its the bonfire night to commemorate some Guy Fawkes night to
celebrate the failure of the Gunpowder plot to blow up the House of
Parliament in Westminister
it was so peacefully beautiful,
because everyone was so excited like little children
playing with fireworks
and having them soar in the sky
i remember the beautiful fireworks we saw with u, kor,
the last one with u,
the opening of the esplanade
so beautiful
so long ago
so soon that u are gone
too fast
beautiful things dont last too long, do they?


i saw sparklers too
and i remembered u kor..
i always had a fear of fire
and u assured me to hold that sparkler when i was so young
and i held it in glee
and in fear
but u made me feel safe.


thanks kor for always making me feel brave.
the singapore society ppl tried handing me some sparklers and fireworks
but i never took them


because the sparklers and fireworks can never be beautiful anymore now that u are gone...


Charming Paris II

Following the entry below where me, Loon and Shian went to have very good seafood at Wepler (Paris), this time on my last night in Paris which was yesterday, me and Loon decided to be crazy and go there to order the seafood platter for two (Plateau Wepler for Two) which cost 99 Euros. This was because I was going to leave for Newcastle and two of us would never grow sick of seafood =) Always an excuse to indulge and grow fat, isnt it? =)




Before our food came, we noticed this adorable little French baby with his mum and grandmum and he was crawling all over the seat beside me. Looks so cute you'd wanna bring him home. And his family was really kind enough to let me hold him and play with him. Undaunted by strangers, the innocent big round eyes are definitely the assets to melt any lady's heart. His mum and grandma even let me take pictures and videos with him and were really nice and friendly.


They even teased and joked that I could be the new mum and perhaps, Loon could be the dad. Me and loon couldnt help laughing.


Really nice and warm people. His little fingers were nice to touch and he was so huggable :) Made me melt.


We were quite distracted by the sweet baby but we didnt forget our dinner. =D
We decided to order 6 escargots each. Each. This was only the beginning.


The escargots were too good to resist. =) Need I say more?

When hoisted out of its shell =)





Here's me looking really happy =) Shell food is my best friend. Always :)

Loon holding escargots :)

And of course, not to forget the main attraction - presenting the 99 Euros seafood platter for 2 =)








Needless to say, this was a total blessing for both of us. Hordes of seafood - crabs, lobsters, oystrers, clams, mussels, prawns, mini sweet shrimps, snails - all within reach on a platter served to us. We were the envy of many in the restaurant ;)




The oysters were really fresh - living true to the name of the restaurant as it was the Oysters Restaurant (loosely translated from French)

Juicy oysters

Wholesome clams




Salivating crabs and lobsters

Now you see them - tempting to the tastebuds

Now you dont!

Absoolutely Guilty as charged of devouring all the seafood!

And of course, a warm picture taken after the dinner :) My last night in Paris ended with a good sumptuous dinner *burp*

I give Wepler six stars out of six for the excellent ambience, variety of seafood and service.
Any VIP card for me? =)

Charming Paris.


I just came back from an unplanned trip to Paris for five days and I am still very much amazed by how pretty it is. =)
I went there to find Loon and stayed with him and Shian at their place at Rue Chaptal, which is near Moulin Rouge. This trip is something that I must blog about. =)


On Wednesday night, I reached Paris (Charles de Gauille airport) at around 7 pm and we went for dinner at Wepler, which is at Place de Clichy and of walking distance from their place. This was going to be my favourite restaurant of all time and has become so. I will tell you why.




We stepped into the restaurant and having never tried escargots before, we ordered 6 for us.


This is how a platter of six of them looks like. They taste just wonderful, melting into our mouths with a tinge of garlic aftertaste. *rubs tummy in glee*


After tasting them, I felt that they were the most wondrous creations in the world :)
I can't help it that I adore shell food to the core. (no pun intended) =)

And dinner kicked off with us exploring these beautiful snails one by one, leaving them to melt on our tastebuds. =)

Next, we had the seafood platter (plateau ecailler) for 28 Euros. There were all kinds of tantalising and mouth-watering seafood such as oysters, clams, mussels, prawns. And being avid seafood lovers, that dish was only a natural choice. Imagine our joy at being served with the seafood platter.

This is the seafood platter for the three of us. We chose this cos it was the cheapest and we wanted to order other main course too.

Enough to make any sea food lover go crazy :)

This is what me and Shian had for our main course - a very nice medium rare steak. Never a fan of steaks, I found the restaurant's steak a quite nice choice. Juicy and succulent. =)

This was what Loon had for his main course. Looks like chicken kebab and pasta but being someone who enjoys flavoured food, this was a little too bland for him.

Nonetheless, we had a very happy dinner that very first night I was in Paris.

A very satisfied us. Though I was probably feeling that I could very well finish another seafood platter :)

Its the first sunday here in Newcastle, UK and its not too bad :)
Today's the day everyone moved in and i happen to only see one of the three guys staying in my flat.
Went out to do some shopping (finally!) and came back to see my flat with beer bottles and food and funky posters outside my roomies' door
And all of them were out partying at the beach party for Fresher's Week while me and the singaporean gang decided to retire to our rooms early for the registration we have tomorrow.
And as unpacking, i heard this loud banging on the flat's door
and opened it to see this tall guy asking if i wanted to join the drinking downstairs
and he wouldnt let me close the door until i agreed
i just smiled and told him i had some unpacking and would join him shortly after and went back to my room
And being the drunk dude that he was, he prolly wouldnt remember where I stayed.
its really noisy downstairs and richardson is not overrated as the noisy freshies hostel as they claim to be.


tomorrow's the headache where i had to register my modules where i foresee huge problems :(
and the weather's really getting me down and im feeling tired, cold and aching..
:(
and its raining and gloomy :( Hello there from the University of Newcastle upon Tyne, or Newcastle University which is what its called now.

We finally arrived at the school and had to do at least 2-3 days of running around to settle registration, banking and even groceries
and to my horror, my faculty is so far from my hostel
and im living separately far apart from 3 of my singapore friends whom ive been travelling with
and im staying with three other guys (possibly unhygienic and inconvenient)
and noone has moved in yet and its freaky
and its so freaking cold that i feel my nose and toes are falling off
and i may only be able to take 3 sociology modules here instead of 5 so this means that im possibly wasting a good semester
and im not used to the water here because when boiled, it STILL has white precipitate and im a very particular person when it comes to drinking water
and its too cold to sleep even with my blanket
and the security here is so bad that we have been warned that burglars climb in to steal stuff
and the things are expensive cos 1 coke is at least 1.5 pounds which amounts to abt 4.5 SGD
and laundry here is enough to make my pockets become empty. each wash is abt more than 2 pounds and drying is 1.4 pounds... that amounts to almost 10 SGD
and im not used to the food here..its expensive (10 pounds for a modest pasta) and even when we shop for groceries, the food stuff is expensive
and buses become a form of luxury cos walking is predominantly a form of transport here
and im so tired and i miss home really. its been a really tiring 3-4 days trying to settle down =(


But of course

the people here are really warm and nice; we've met very warm spanish guys who extend invitation for us to join their parties and we bump into them everywhere and tonight they brought us to the student union house for drinks
the shoes here are cheap at selected stores like Primark: i saw a really nice pair of wedges for 1 pound!! thats like 3 sing dollars.. and i saw really cute socks and all.. i must say the brits have very fanciful stuff
the school here is pretty relaxing... pace of life is slooooow.. good for me... good without the mid term exams and even if there were, i wouldnt mind.. cos im here on exchange!! :P
the view is pretty... and i saw the tyne river with the 3 bridges: millenium bridge, tyne bridge and some other ones... its not exactly spectacular given the fact that we've seen other more beautiful bridges in Prague but still it beats not having a nice scenic view at all
and ive discovered that we all can survive cooking! we made minced meat marcaroni with fried meat and we will be making dumpling soup and oil veggies.. and guess wat? ive been one of the main chefs and my cooking isnt as bad as i thought it would be.. in fact, i know i enjoy cooking but there's pretty not much opportunities for me to put whatever little skills i have to use since my mum is an excellent cook and she mans the wok everyday :)
and people here drink like nobody's business. the uni's court yard is like this playground for frolickers with alcohol bottles in the morning and they even have an alcohol's prayer.


we went to pub crawl just now in the city, near quayside and it was really packed... and because we were early, there werent much dancing, but there were sleazy people around, clad in the tiniest tops and skirts, and well, just hanging out. as the spanish people said, the night is still young, and probably will stay that way for most of us for this sem. the music in the pubs were cool and the poor dj was trying to get people to the dance floor. the drinks are cheaper than singapore too, and people were drinking away. i guess thats the only thing they could do since nightlife is very much limited in uk.


we've tried quite some cocktails in our europe trip and i must recommend orgasmus, which we had in a nice warm pub in prague. its really creamy, nice and tastes like milk shake. :) not too rich in alcohol but very much a lady's drink.


and people have started moving into richardson road where i live with the 3 other singapore friends, though i live alone in my apartment. and looks like the partying has begun as booze and music can be heard all over, though not in my aprtment. i still live pretty much alone, except for the new girl who has moved in beside me but there's not much movement from here tonight. she's probably partying away at freshers' week.


been feeling kinda sick cos was caught in the windy, rainy, cold, wet weather yesterday while lugging back hordes of supply from the supermart with the gang. went back with a bad chill but had to start cooking our first meal (i.e the marcaroni with minced meat and fried meat) in the cold, shivering... and the amusing thing is, while laughing hard at one of the gang's joke, a slice of pork slipped out under my knife, hit the plastic bag at the window and flew right out. :P i could never multi task well :) and now i think the effects have hit me and im feeling very sick :(


tomorrow's a sunday - finally FINALLY a relaxing day without lugging luggage, groceries, documents... finally... since 5 september.. everyday spelled lugging of things.. honestly, my jeans have grown looser, my muscles have grown bulgingly bigger (its really getting fitter in view of all the things i had to carry, including 40kg worth of luggage) and we all agree we lost weight cos we walk a huge amount of distance everyday. remember that buses, trains and taxis are really luxury here in europe? its like losing weight the hard way :( i just hope that when next week comes, everything gets a little easier.


oh, and cos we forgot to bring our O and A level certs, and prior to leaving for Newcastle, we didnt know that everyone had to go for some stupid english language test, we were forced to take a 2 hour test which was touted as 'easy' by a shoving and irritating man. It was a listening compre with strong British accent and an essay in the morning about whether university lectures should be made compulsory cos if not, there will be negative impact on education. i felt angry that with at least 10 years of education in english, and being once a lit major and now a soci major and with my university transcript of lit, history, theatre studies and sociology modules passed, i couldnt escape an english test. Urgh. And some of my singaporean friends from the Singaporean Society could. Just because i dont have my O and A level certs and even with my uni transcript, its just no use at all. *pulls hair* Talk about flexibility.


Anyway, hope all of you are doing fine and great :) I had to rant about my days... its been quite frustrating sometimes... i hate admin redtape which happens everywhere. and my business modules still have not been approved by nus and i need to register for my modules like on monday morning 9am, by queuing. suddenly, i am thankful for cors. really. i cant imagine running around in nus, the way we had to in newcastle uni.

chelsea, hope all is great for u :) remember to write me emails often cos i prolly cant catch u on msn due to time differences. miss u lots and take care :)
valerie, good to know that u are on a new job and having lots of fun :) wish u all the best and remember to stay positive and remain the bright and cheery angel that u always are.

i gotta hit the showers, got caught in the drizzle again here just now. its quite foggy misty and scary, with all the old buildings. no wonder they say that it gets gloomy with the weather. :( Today is our last night at Green Eggs and Ham, Berlin.
Catching a breather before we go out for dinner later on.
Earlier on, we lost each other in the museum and then again, on the streets.
It was not a nice feeling at all because all the streets looked the same.
And we had a four hour walking tour in Berlin and I twisted my ankle again for the fifth time.
I suspect its going to come off some day - me and my limp ankle.


Have to pack everything in my luggage again before we hit Newcastle tomorrow.
Hopefully the airport regulations to UK arent too strict.
We all have too much luggage.

Good night.
Here's one of the Berlin Wall for you. It's not towering but it stretches, like way long and reaches to the end of the horizon. Okay, not thaat long but you hardly want to walk from one end to the other. I picked this particular wall cos it is aptly poignant.


Dancing to freedom. No more wars. No more walls. A United World.


Achievable? I dont know. Seems like its too much to ask for in today's world. =(



The summary of today's travel - the Berlin Wall. Or what's left of it in the East Side Gallery. Its long stretching and does not look like the grim, dreary wall of division of a country that I had expected. In fact, it looked so artistically filled with graffitti. It surprised us. And of course, I left my paw prints :)







I know that if you had a chance to see this beautiful historic monument, you would definitely be here. So I left a mark on your behalf and took many pictures. Hallo from Berlin, Germany!
I finally have a chance to use the internet, albeit legitimately, in this cafe in Berlin near my hostel.

This is my very last stop before i move on to Newcastle, where I officially begin my SEP
but after travelling for 2 weeks, it feels like Ive already started my exchange.
Been to Cologne, Munich, Salsburg, Vienna, Prague and now Berlin and so far its been awesomely beautiful.
I have seen magnificent castles, palaces, extravagant decors, awe-inspiring churches and I will never forget them =)
I will update the pictures in a few day's time after I settle down in Newcastle and will update accordingly.

Of course, my German vocabulary has expanded extensively apart from my favourite 'ich habe einen barenhunger' (which derek will be very proud of me) and ive tried all the food that the german course taught us.. like wiener schnitzel, schweinhacker, bratwurst, potato dumplings, saurkraut... and the wine and beer here are cheap and good.. the drinking environment in the bierhaus (beer house) like the one we went called Hofbrauhaus is really very happening and fun =) too bad we have to miss OktoberFest but we managed to go to the very site and just snapped pictures right away. Germans are generally very warm and nice and they greet us Konichiwa and even think we know Kungfu. Its quite amusing and makes us laugh cos they try spouting bits and pieces of Korean, Japanese and then Chinese to surprise us.
The train rides here are rather scenic and we can actually catch quite a sight on the trains.

And we got into some trouble in Prague with some fishy police who extorted money from us.. its really scary cos we were stuck in a foreign environment with no familiar language. Anyway, ill delve deeper the next time when the internet is more accessible. Most importantly, i got to see this really really ravishingly beautiful disney-like castle near the alps. pictures dont do any justice to the things i have seen at all but thats the best choice.

I went to the berlin wall today or wat is left of it.. its called the east side gallery. its done up via drawings from artists from 22 countries and we left our marks there. guess its the icon of freedom and life and it is very inspiring to just take a walk down the lane.

i also went to the Reichstag (parliament house) and its quite a strange yet beautiful feeling of visiting the site that i have been studying all about. tomorrow we are going on a free tour to visit that, as well as the SS headquarters. this is all like a dream come true for me =)

so much said, i miss home a lot. really a lot. we were so happy to find a chinese restaurant amidst the most unfamiliar prague and dug in heartily to normal chinese cuisine, which i have taken for granted. i miss my family a lot.. the smiles from all the angels in my home. i miss my friends too and all the hangouts we used to go =(

school is about to start in a few days time and its gonna fly by real soon. i wish time stops. and this trip is gonna help me take a breather where i learn to stand up for myself and away from things that i actually dont want.

heres to an unknown but exciting 5 months in uk! =) Today is my last day at work in Raffles Place.
I must say its a different feeling when I was dreading the fact that I had one more left after completing my two months.
Granted I was working to raise 15,000 SGD (read: 5000 pounds) for the SEP and I learned new stuff this time as well
But I hated the working environment so much that it made me really dread work
Working environment is the number one important factor to me
and even though the job is satisfying with me helping my clients
I felt I was capitalising on something that I really detested.
But I guess its really hard to explain.
Sigh.

Anyway
I got a little depressed recently cos things around me were falling apart..
relationships as one.
we were discussing how men could just change their faces once it all ended,
and i even had someone tell me in the face that
'look everything i told u, including me loving u, was said last week. it does not apply to today and after this anymore.'
it just scares me that people totally become another, once its over.
guess thats the difference between women and men
men are just more resolute, firm and bent on moving on
women just like torturing themselves.
no, just kidding of course.
women just are more prone to moments of weaknesses, beautiful memories and soft spots for the past which is actually really the past (read: never to happen again)
i may seem like im generalising but this is true for most women, and vice versas.

But its definitely scary how people can be very vulnerable once the big R is called off.
Big R, being Relationship..
And how we often feel we are stumped to the ground, unable tol move on because at that very particular moment, we feel that only that particular one person is capable of being The One, the one who has been with us at seemingly every moment..
and we dont realise at that moment, we forget all the quarrels, arguments, anger, flaws; all things negative are all thrown out of our mind..
and in the event that some of us find someone new, we dont realise whatever we felt has totally been disproved.
and if this cycle of break up and moving on continues,
u realise that after all
people do find someone better (or worst, in some really really special cases)
as they move on.

and yes, in 2 weeks' time,
ill be leaving for Frankfurt, Germany
and its my tour of Germany, Czech, Austria, UK, France, Italy, Spain and all
Its been a damn tough working time cos i have to raise 15000 dollars SGD which i am still desperately trying to do...
but its the satisfaction of getting what i chased after for.

i wish someday, that our hearts wouldnt hurt
when someone chooses to leave us
cos we'd realise that we need to love ourselves more
and that someone much much better is out there
waiting to see and love u the way
the person who left
didnt.

What a long day.
It started off with me waking up to a nice cold morning
All alone in the house,
Made me not feel like moving out.
But procra