went back to pjc for alumni talk for juniors yesterday
i was kinda hesitant abt it initally,
knowing that i would have to talk about the passing of my dad
but i guess the fact mr yeo told mdm shafa that i might not be comfortable talking about my dad kinda told me something,
that perhaps its time to face my fears.

had to be in sch at 730am and the whole rush jus began like that..
passing to the vp tokens from the pac alumni,
then the talk started at 8am in lt 4..
and i was seated beside adam and mr yeo - felt comforting that i had ppl who understood what i went thru just beside me.
adam and another first batch senior were definitely candid and funny in their speeches, whilst i was racking my brains and trying not to be nervous.
i have a fear of public speaking.
and so adam began to tell the juniors abt his dad, and how crappy it was to have gone thru something in ur life that u never control..
so i began mine.. with the fact that my dad passed away barely one month after his.
and in the end, i would say that the talk went rather smoothly.
with a junior telling me in the end that i was speaking very soft.
shy mah.

then hung around in school abit, talked to the teachers..
the mood was jus not the same, things changed.
sometimes i wish i had been told how things, teachers, places and ppl u love and care about would jus change so diffrently once u step out of the school.
how ppl leave and go.. and change...

hung around til 1130 am as mr chia asked me to talk to the arts cohort, who were weak in maths like me, and how to not give up hope.
mdm angelina teo was there, egging me on to tell them how i passed my maths.
and they all thought that i was advertising for maths dept.
i think my fear of public speaking had been conquered twice in a day.

hung around in mr yeo's office- he showed me pics and videos of baby chloe.
very very blessed family..

perhaps,
im just drifting
drifting along with the choppy waves

waitin for it to bring me somewhere

perhaps,
ill just float
not quite aimlessly
but being pushed and devoured

perhaps,
just perhaps,
ill be able to find my way.

now that this portrait has finally reached my dear's room in australia after 9 days, i can post it on my blog =) beautiful right? i love the way the portrait captures the loving happy twinkle in my boy's eyes :)

my boy completes my life :)

-anyone interested in this street artist who drew the portrait? he is often seen busking on the roads of orchard, near meridien hotel :) -

lovely green turtle balloon tt justin got me :)
my boyfriend's uni! :) beautiful place! perfect weather! wish i was still there :(

=) took this on the bus on our 2 yr 2mth anniversary,
after my lulu buy the green turtle balloon for me!
im wearing the nice cap which brings him luck
everytime we play mahjong.. on the way back from town!


10 aug 2005

went to corrinne may's concert today - she is as good as her recorded songs, in fact she is better singing live. just with her songs, she moves me to tears with her -fly away- and today i discovered several more songs which she sang and moved my soul :)

S A M E S I D E O F T H E M O O N
Written by Corrinne May Ying Foo
Copyright 1998, Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP)

I'm looking out the window
Where we sat to watch the stars
There's a chill within the air
It makes my heart long for your touch

You may be miles away
But as I kneel to pray
I see the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon

And though you'll never see all my tears shine
know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon.

I picture you across the oceans
In your corner of the world
I pray the wind will blow my voice
And gently whisper in your ear

Your night may be my day
And though the seasons change
It's still the same side of the moon

It's still the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon

And though you'll never see all my tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon

corrinne may dedicated this song to people 'who might be in a long distance relationship' as she understands how difficult it is to be apart...

she probably knows best, having been away from singapore for 9 years...

beautiful lyrics right?

so my dear, we cant be too far apart, if we are both looking on the same side of the moon :)

on my way back home from esplanade, i took 97 and dropped @harbour front... her insightful lyrics brought a smile to my face and i called my dear.. believe it or not, this is probably the 4th time im calling him since he left :) pooor monster always ends up calling me.. and i guess my boyfriend was very surprised to get my call.. and so we talked.. :) it was a very good talk, felt that it brought us closer despite the distance [cos we are both lookin on the same side of the moon ;) ] of course partly cos of the gossips shared :)

was a pretty good day with the medical sociology lect, dont know anyone there but it helped me concentrate in class! wahaha... mugger side in me showing...

and i got my 6th module!!! muahahahahaha! thanks to my dearie who helped me check out my mail...

i end with corrinne may's [save me] and i dedicate it for my boyfriend :)

I drift I burn, I fly

When you sing lullabies

I 'm helpless, I'm yearning

I'm like putty in your hands

I laugh, I dream, I cry

When you take me on a rollercoaster ride

You see me through and through

You see just who I am

Just take my hand and

Save me from this place

Heaven knows I'm falling

For you, my sweet embrace

Heaven knows

Heaven knows I've been waiting for you

I had a dream that I

Was falling from the sky

At 90 miles an hour

I was bound to crash and die

But out of nowhere you came and rescued me

There must be some grace in the touch of your face

I'm so happy that I've found you

I'm no longer afraid

Oh 'cause you

Save me from this place

Heaven knows I'm falling

For you my sweet embrace

Heaven knows

Heaven knows I've been waiting

Before I met you

Life was slow-mo

So slow-mo

I thought I had it figured out

But you came and turned my whole world upside down

Save me from this place Heaven knows I'm falling

For you, my sweet embrace

Heaven knows

Heaven knows you've come to save me from this place

had a little talk with a friend about relationships.. and so random thoughts began to flow... negativity from the other set in... but i know why mine isnt negative...
the things that keep me going... :) and the list just can go on..
i really know that i feel very comfortable with him and he makes me feel that i can be myself.. he sees the way i sleep like a zhuglet and my deep breathing.. he knows i hate onions.. he knows how i react when im unhappy but i pretend im ok.. he knows how to make my lips curl into a smile when im having the worst days.. he knows i love his hugs and he is never stingy with them.. he takes very good care of me and makes sure im free from flu and all illnesses.. he is sensitive and knows when im upset... he knows i try very hard to shy away from people.. he knows that when i cry, all he has to do is just wipe away my tears and give me hugs.. he tucks me into bed and kisses me goodnight.. he bears with my irrational fears and loves me still... he knows me the best and i can never hide any things from him.. nothing has to be said.. but he knows all.. and the little raging monster in me always finds solace in his company :)

i feel completely safe and comfortable with him around cos i know there's nothing to feel insecure about.. i told my friend.. im amazed at how my heart still beats fast at being able to see him... never a moment of dullness with him.. a smile, a high pitched chuckle, a rub on my hair, a kelian gaga face, guitar playing tt brings my breath away still, and the sight of this boy just makes me smile.. and he is worth it :)

have u told the one u love u love him/her yet?
=)

i miss my lulu.. its a saturday tomorrow.. and i miss saturdays spent just watching nice meaningful movies like 'beautiful mind' and 'phantom of the opera' and just enjoyin such moments together in his hostel.. quiet... and nothing said... but it always felt like it was the best conversation ever with my best friend :)

im not that sure anymore, about missing school...
i went into ivle and i was swarmed... make that FLOODED with workbins, forums, website links all coming up with information..
sigh-
school.... termpapers.... midterms.... suddenly horrors of memories just floood back...
oh well
this busy semester is starting.. hopefully six modules... basic theory test on monday!! wee!! supposedly 23 sept, but by some lucky... twist of fate.. someone gave up 8 august's slot!
:)
tuition starting next week
thinking of joining some cca
probably gonna be so bz by marketing, which i reckon that i cant understand at all, despite having done marketing in work at eAngelz..
anyway,
bought some books to read from kino today after playing pool with gan, shiyang and belle..
the lulu of mine got me addicted to pool when i was bunking at international house cos its so fun... and he taught me how to play.. but i m still very thrashable and very lousy.... which will make my lulu roll with laughter at how i can miss some obvious shots..
and my lulu first taught me pool, bearing in mind how patient he has to be... and he actually was very very patient... teaching me my spider and how to stand.. he almost fainted.. but nice of him to be patient :)
yeps... and after pool me and belle and shiyang went for nice prata and milo dino @ bukit timah.. yums... but was so full... den we had some provocative conversations where shiyang tried very hard to pretend he wasnt there due to the chio girls behind him, but to no avail... they know how perverted he is! wahhaha!~ hmmm but conversation was like... pretty deep... so yeah... oh welll..
then went to town where he had to buy his jap dictionary from kino and me with my books.. and something really really very nice..
hmmmm
busy weekend ahead... start studying for basic theory test.. this ben girl will surely flunk if no studying is done.. organise photo album.. read.. print notes...
be as hardworking as my inspiring lulu! hhaha
my lulu is fast asleep now, my angel who helped me find info about bedbugs tt bite and harass me to no ends... arghhhhh... dont ever mention [dont let bedbugs bite] cos its not funny at all...
so sweet my angel! :)

im off to sleep... -out-

haizzzzz
i m so disappointed :(
been waiting for so long..

uh oh.
being the very bored me, i scrolled thru my empty ivle happily..
ur ivle is NEVER empty when school starts..
and here i find... the course outline and requirements already filled in conscientiously by my upcoming lecturer for Mass Media and Culture
and it is s c a r y.

READ THE FOLLOWING BEFORE YOU ENROL IN THIS MODULE. THE COURSE IS NOT SUITABLE FOR THE FOLLOWING PERSONS:
1. If you are a FIRST YEAR student, it is advisable that you wait till your second year to take this course. Past experience shows that first year students dont have the intellectual tools or maturity to read general second or third year modules. They have to compete with more advanced students in their second and third year (many of whom are single-majors in sociology), and as a result they feel lost in class, and do badly in grades. This course is offered every year, so be patient and wait till your 2nd or 3rd year to read the module.

2. If you are looking for HANDOUTS/NOTES, do not take this module. There are NO handouts in class, there are no power-point lecture notes for you to download, nothing for you to copy! Anyone taking this module has to listen and make your own notes. You may have to learn speed-dictation as lectures may be delivered at rapid fire.

3. If you are looking for "hip" aspects of mass media -- American Idol, Reality TV, talk shows, MTV, etc. -- you will be disappointed because this course DOES NOT cover these topics, which are likely to be found in the Popular Culture module. This course is mostly about news and politics.

4. If you are fishing for an EASY module, this is not it. The course syllabus changes every year, there is a new textbook, past year exam questions are no guide to the present, tutorials are demanding. Are you sure you want to go through all these ?

5. If you are looking for personal validation, this course is not the vehicle for that. In fact, you'll get the opposite: you will feel slighted or ignored as the lecturer cannot remember your name, very often doesnt give you eye contact, and doesnt have time to answer your email. Part of the reason is due to SIZE of the class: you cannot expect equal attention in a class of over 100 students. If you want to be remembered and loved by lecturers, you should take smaller classes of ten to thirty.

(c) When you take this module, be prepared to accept the demands placed by the lecturer. Past students in other modules taught by this lecturer characterized him as: sarcastic, opinionated (“he makes us feel that our way of seeing is wrong, because his way is correct and real”; “he is bent on imposing his opinions on his students”), strict (“he even scolds students for yawning”), critical (“he can be a bit intimidating and it makes going to his class a bit stressful”; “his tutorials often have a tense atmosphere”), disorganized (“tutorial very unstructured, tutor comes into class empty handed”), too politically liberal (“he is anti-govt”), technologically inept (“he refuses to use power point”), unresponsive (does not answer email inquiries).

sounds really intimidating enough huh?
this sociology class is going to be damn interesting
no notes for me to print, to photostate, im on my own...
and i'd better do my own notes conscientiously.
looking forward to THIS sociology class :)

its the monotony of a dreary morning again that almost lulls me to sleep, no matter what i do..
its raining, pitter patter, pitter patter
perhaps a little down my heart..
a big monster hug would bring the blues away :)

no tuition today, and the rest of the day is probably spent trying to figure out how it is to be spent..

add a little thunder like it is now,
and it perfectly portrays how i feel...
its the blueeeeesss

slow moving tuesday, like a turtle
little steps, crawling towards tomorrow, then tomorrow then tomorrow..
when will school start? :(

there's angelznite today, and grace managed to get free admission for first 100 with a new sponsor.. whoa.. really very cool.. im a little too lazy to drag my paws down to the event... a little too sleepy.. and maybe just no mood

yeps, i m a crampy grumpy sad zombish disoriented girl..
not really anymore tho :)
i had my fair share of sleep like a zhuglet as lulu will say..
im just BORRREEEDDD!
its my holidays.. or whats left of it..
i almost contemplated joining flag day - sense how bored i am yet?
but lazee me just decided to stay splat at home

some good news, received finally my uob debit and mini..
hohoho! not tt i will spend lavishly, but i think its always good to have a debit on hand.. yeps :)

rain rain...
the light patters of the tear drops from the sky
caressing down the walls
rain rain..
its cold, makes me shiver
unlike the cold which makes me smile :)

and the 5th module im bidding for... marketing..
is increasing every minute i swear
and bidding is open til tomorrow...
75 vacancies, 119 bidders, next min bid is hitting 200
i only have 1000+ points,
and what about the 6th module i have to bid for?
bidding sucks.. makes me feel small and... worried.

maybe i can go back to making some earrings again.. :)

[ i will stay by him and not speak or think of giving up so easily anymore]
this is what we both learned :)
its 1058pm, already 1258 am in lulu's place
he must be sleeping soundly, with early class of 10am tomorrow
heard from fei tt ih food was really bad today..
hope my baby is sleeping soundly and full :)
missing u is so hard..
i never knew walking away... or leaving the person u love was so hard
so stoned on the plane.. didnt know what to feel or say with the tears so stuck in my throat...
i missssss uuuuuuuuuuu
*sad kelian face*

if i could
i would pack u into my luggage
and bring u along when i left

if i could
i would hold u in my hands
and hide u safe and secure in my heart

if i could
i would hug u to sleep
every single night

if i could
i would sleep on the heartache and missing of you
and hope that it makes it easier for me

if i could
i would be beside u right now :)

i am back :) touched down at 2:15 am.
i am away from my darling again, but i will see him again, in simply 4 months time. the worst 5 mths have passed.. 4 mths is nothing when i have him locked safely in my heart =)
its too hot here.. i miss the nice beautiful cold weather, with the morning breezes waking u up like soft gentle kisses and after i bathe, the nice soothing feeling of jumping underneath the cosy blankets and melting in them is way toooooooo good. yes, i am beginning to miss brisbane :)
sleepy me was very unaccustomed to the endless towers of buildings and greenery in the cab back.. was really a little blur to take in the view of singapore, which i have missed for past 3 weeks.. brisbane is beautiful with its scenery, the cool weather, the calm brisbane river and everything... wish i could go back already..
only caught 4 hrs of sleep in total - but cant sleep at all anymore... its like im a zombie walking around aimlessly at home, figuring out my biological clock, feeling extremely hungry, yet my body is refusing food, feeling very sleepy yet being unable to catch any sleep at all, and of course missing him already yet being unable to hold his hand or even smell him for now.
i feel so much more closer to him after these 3 weeks and we've talked thru issues, ironing them out and instead of me always insisting that he doesnt tell me stuff.. i didnt look at myself... i didnt realise i no longer told him stuff about me anymore as i tot he wouldnt be interested and i always assumed... and i never gave him a chance.. and how would he know how unhappy i was if i never told him? i didnt open up to him... and what came after that just went down the hill..
we now know what went wrong in the past... communication is extremely important in any relationship... and TOUCH is essential when we talk (touch as in hold each other's hand, hold each other, touch his hair..) and the lack of trust i had in him (no fault of my monster but of past horror experience.. no matter how hard i tried to trust, the intense worrier monster in me couldnt stop my wild imaginations from flying all over and i didnt see... how much my lack of trust almost killed us.. how hurting it could be to have your love doubted... we depended on msn as communication gradually but it is essentially different from talking and sharing over the phone..and i have to make efforts too in calling my dearie... having been his gf for 2 yrs +, shouldnt tt make me more understanding that he is less of a words person and not insisting on him being vocal?
the first part of our long distance relationship has passed and there are so many lessons we can learn from it... and the next stage of 4 months has arrived faster than i'd have liked.. i wish i could stay there.. in his arms for three weeks, for eternity :)
before i boarded my plane, we hugged tightest and seeing the glistening tears in my eyes and my lips biting from crying, my monster told me not to cry and that he will be back to scoop me in 4 months... and if i were to cry, the customs wouldnt let me thru.. i couldnt say anything more but to give him a sudden big hug which i wish could last us thru eternity.. and i went down the escalator with red eyes, but no i dint cry... except when i was sleeping last night.. and the tears just rolled... they had a life of their own as they couldnt find the lovely brown eyes closed in deep sleep anymore..
this three weeks is definitely the best time of my life and once again, we have to move on with our lives :) studies for next 4 mths, and yes.. ill have my purple monster back in spore holdin my hands again. :) and he would be back to complete my life =) i feel definitely more driven and focused for the next four months.. hopefully i can take 6 modules to clear my mistakes in choosing modules... and do well.. a cap of 5? haha.. i never felt so motivated to work hard.. maybe all i need is a good cosy holiday to pour out all my unhappiness and i can let go of my burdens once i have cried my eyes out to my monster in the late night talks about my brother-in-law who has already left us... maybe its just being with my monster, who brings all the smiles back and wipes away all my tears, even those hidden ones.. he still knows me best.. me at my cranky, moody, piggish, sleepy and monsterish side..
cant wait for school to start! :) everything's working nicely for me finally, tuition jobs secured, 4 modules secured :) sorted things out, having a good and stable relationship with the bestest bf in the world. :)
trust and love my monster, all ways. always. :) brisbane is way beautiful. :)