i am back :) touched down at 2:15 am.
i am away from my darling again, but i will see him again, in simply 4 months time. the worst 5 mths have passed.. 4 mths is nothing when i have him locked safely in my heart =)
its too hot here.. i miss the nice beautiful cold weather, with the morning breezes waking u up like soft gentle kisses and after i bathe, the nice soothing feeling of jumping underneath the cosy blankets and melting in them is way toooooooo good. yes, i am beginning to miss brisbane :)
sleepy me was very unaccustomed to the endless towers of buildings and greenery in the cab back.. was really a little blur to take in the view of singapore, which i have missed for past 3 weeks.. brisbane is beautiful with its scenery, the cool weather, the calm brisbane river and everything... wish i could go back already..
only caught 4 hrs of sleep in total - but cant sleep at all anymore... its like im a zombie walking around aimlessly at home, figuring out my biological clock, feeling extremely hungry, yet my body is refusing food, feeling very sleepy yet being unable to catch any sleep at all, and of course missing him already yet being unable to hold his hand or even smell him for now.
i feel so much more closer to him after these 3 weeks and we've talked thru issues, ironing them out and instead of me always insisting that he doesnt tell me stuff.. i didnt look at myself... i didnt realise i no longer told him stuff about me anymore as i tot he wouldnt be interested and i always assumed... and i never gave him a chance.. and how would he know how unhappy i was if i never told him? i didnt open up to him... and what came after that just went down the hill..
we now know what went wrong in the past... communication is extremely important in any relationship... and TOUCH is essential when we talk (touch as in hold each other's hand, hold each other, touch his hair..) and the lack of trust i had in him (no fault of my monster but of past horror experience.. no matter how hard i tried to trust, the intense worrier monster in me couldnt stop my wild imaginations from flying all over and i didnt see... how much my lack of trust almost killed us.. how hurting it could be to have your love doubted... we depended on msn as communication gradually but it is essentially different from talking and sharing over the phone..and i have to make efforts too in calling my dearie... having been his gf for 2 yrs +, shouldnt tt make me more understanding that he is less of a words person and not insisting on him being vocal?
the first part of our long distance relationship has passed and there are so many lessons we can learn from it... and the next stage of 4 months has arrived faster than i'd have liked.. i wish i could stay there.. in his arms for three weeks, for eternity :)
before i boarded my plane, we hugged tightest and seeing the glistening tears in my eyes and my lips biting from crying, my monster told me not to cry and that he will be back to scoop me in 4 months... and if i were to cry, the customs wouldnt let me thru.. i couldnt say anything more but to give him a sudden big hug which i wish could last us thru eternity.. and i went down the escalator with red eyes, but no i dint cry... except when i was sleeping last night.. and the tears just rolled... they had a life of their own as they couldnt find the lovely brown eyes closed in deep sleep anymore..
this three weeks is definitely the best time of my life and once again, we have to move on with our lives :) studies for next 4 mths, and yes.. ill have my purple monster back in spore holdin my hands again. :) and he would be back to complete my life =) i feel definitely more driven and focused for the next four months.. hopefully i can take 6 modules to clear my mistakes in choosing modules... and do well.. a cap of 5? haha.. i never felt so motivated to work hard.. maybe all i need is a good cosy holiday to pour out all my unhappiness and i can let go of my burdens once i have cried my eyes out to my monster in the late night talks about my brother-in-law who has already left us... maybe its just being with my monster, who brings all the smiles back and wipes away all my tears, even those hidden ones.. he still knows me best.. me at my cranky, moody, piggish, sleepy and monsterish side..
cant wait for school to start! :) everything's working nicely for me finally, tuition jobs secured, 4 modules secured :) sorted things out, having a good and stable relationship with the bestest bf in the world. :)
trust and love my monster, all ways. always. :) brisbane is way beautiful. :)