It's been a long hiatus from blogging.
I've been too lazy to update my blog cos I've been wanting to get a new skin and new tag board, but excuses, excuses and excuses..
I will get down to doing it next week.
Or the next week.
Or the next.
Hopefully, before I fly.
=)

So far, everything's been finalised.
Air ticket, checked.
Itinerary - Germany, Austria, Czech, more or less checked.
Accomodation, nuh. So far no accomodation cos of part year exchange. But hopefully, as they have told us.. they will arrange something.


What a bleak and gloomy saturday night.
I didnt quite plan on updating a rather dark entry.

Back to driving again.
Hitting the roads has been a problem for me cos I feel this fear of being incapacitated in my seat when it crashes...
Really.
This explains my fear of changing lanes, amidst having to do a gazillion things at a time, checking rear mirror, blindspot, rear mirror, signal on, accelerate and all.
But today amidst half opened eyes and perhaps a chirpy mood,
this was quite a breeze for me.
I guess keeping my cool and not losing it in fear of not being in control helps.
Innate control freak :(

Suddenly feel that everything is just so temporary,
that it scares me.
In spots we sit, chill, talk, wait...
I see shadows of past, present and future.

Unsure?
Maybe, maybe its cos of working my fried brains out.
Sometimes I really hate having to be quick thinking and find a way to raise 15,000 SGD for the trip, and coming with all kinds of ideas to work incessantly to go for my dream of the europe trip.
I know they always said 'Chase your dreams'
but I bet they never said '... only if you arent a super woman wannabe.'

I guess I am only good at wanting to try just about everything, and
being doubly stubborn and insistent on my way,
I want to get things done to the best of what I think is the standard,
I really wear myself thin.
Like chewing gum thin.

There are mornings I really really really hate waking up
to an office of cold mundane faces,
or worst, hypocritical smiles
condescending attitudes
unreasonable demands
that I know with my quick temper
I cant take it lying down
There are mornings where my headache gets to me,
and I wake up on the wrong side of bed
But I know this is some sort of responsibility
or maybe its the unfinished deals at work waiting
and the pending emails i have to read
or maybe the unpleasant environment i just have to deal with
all and all
i wish i could just stop the time
and breathe.
and maybe not feel that guilty.

and sometimes i wonder why u insist i try to be a super woman.

i feel frustrated sometimes,

cos i see so much

and i feel so much

but i am just not able to do that much.

i need to learn.

sometimes feeling and sensing so much,

is such a pain.

And sometimes,

I still wonder why u tell me i cant be a superwoman.