When all's said and done

The question is...

Somewhere... but where?

Listening and Hearing

Sometimes, I really think there is a difference between being heard and being listened to.

Everyone can hear -
But not everyone listens.

Just like in my current line of work, not everyone is suitable for this job because not everyone listens.
We all think we can understand, but do we really?

And here comes a super difficult trying time for me,
faced with choices, choices and more choices -
or maybe the truth is, the lack of choices -
I know as much as I can be there for my friends,
I need a listening ear now.

Someone who bothers to sit down with me,
listens to my multi perspectives (and grumbles)
and understands where I'm coming from and why I'm stuck in a rut,
and most importantly, offers advice but only after understanding the complete picture.

And yes, thank you my best friend for having done that for me.

I am really thankful I have you.

The French Stall

With a sudden craving for french food today, and as a post V day celebration / chill out session, we proceeded to the French Stall at 544 Serangoon Road.

It was my 2nd time there since 2007 and it's been a long time since I tasted French food.

Nostalgic, yes, as I missed the cheesy chunky warm onion soup I had in the cold winters of France.

Yum yum, it still makes me smile when I think of the onion soup at Wepler, Paris.

Anyway, we ordered 2 set meals, inclusive of appetisers, main course and desserts.

I opened the menu and realised my command of French has gone down the drain...

While I do try to speak as much French as possible, it's in bits and pieces and sometimes I'm appalled when I try to express myself and it no longer comes so easily anymore.

Sigh.

So we went to have different appetisers since he hasn't tried French food before...

Onion Soup

It's still a disappointment, because the cheese is too little, the soup is a little bland.. and the bread is soggy.

Having said that, I'm judging it based on the hopefully authentic onion soup in Paris and while I ain't any expert on French food, it personally doesn't tickle my palate. But then, in Singapore and with its humid weather, I guess it is really hard to please all the customers' taste... You can't please everyone.

Chicken Liver

I think eating the livers of geese, chickens... is an acquired taste.. It does take some courage to taste strange eating / smelling gooey stuff... But ever since I tasted the fois gras years ago, I decided to give this another try...

It was nice and even though he didnt enjoy it as much and with the emphasis that the liver is fattening and gives high cholestrol, I enjoyed it all the same =)

These were our main courses - the first being the chicken leg and followed by the pork chop. I personally found the chicken quite tasty and the pork chop, while being a little tough, it was quite delicious. =) And he fell in love with the orgasmic baked potato that came along with my pork chop.

It was prepared with slices of potato, with a dash of cheese in between, and baked to perfection. Parfait, even though I don't like potatos. =)

Dessert came and mine was home made tiramisu. It was rich, and moist - very tantalizing.

And he fell in love (again) with the honey cheese cake, which I reckon is a treat for cheese lovers.

While it wasn't fabulous fare, it was a very beautiful night. =)

An article I found on msn.com, which is very inspiring. It is a collection of "Is This What Romance Looks Like?", and I leave here one of the stories, as food for thought.

What is love, really?

Sickness and Health


"Is that your husband?" The ER nurse is pointing to you, the fever-spiked lump who is snoring softly and muttering beside me. We've been here for hours, and for hours I've returned my lips over and over to your scalding forehead, as if to cool it, or, perhaps, to comfort myself. In just a little while longer, we'll find out that what you have is a severe case of strep, and you will swallow the prescribed pills, and I will finally put my lips to your quietly sleeping forehead and feel a welcome coolness.

But for now the nurse's face is creased with compassion and weariness — she is waiting — and it's not really the right time to tell her about your gentle strength: the way you rocked our baby in the sling for hours on end while you graded papers, rocked another baby three years later while you did your anatomy homework, babies peacefully asleep across your broad chest for what feels like my entire adult life. It's not the right time to explain what a funny contradiction you are, a hockey-playing massage therapist, or how just last week you lay your hands on a friend's father while he lay dying in hospice.

She wouldn't understand how funny it is that you gave me bedtime coupons — promising to turn in early on the nights I redeem them — because you're a night owl and I miss you in bed, or how it feels when I come down in the morning to a toasty kitchen because you've already lit a fire in our wood stove. She doesn't know that I'm strangely euphoric, sitting here thinking about how lucky I am to have so much to lose — my rock, my mystery, the love of my life — that I'm sitting here thinking in sickness and in health. I will, I think. I do. But all I can say is yes. "Yes. That's my husband."

- Catherine Newman is the author of Waiting for Birdy.

Valentine's Day

And it is the time of the year where couples show their affection/love/wealth in a display...
However, this year it feels a little downplayed and cold...
Could be due to the recession...
Or maybe I'm getting too old for all this hype.

I remembered I penned an entry on Valentine's Day a year ago...
On how I think V Day is a horror day for men (and women, sometimes)
And it continues to amuse me, how our perspectives change within a span of the year.

To be clear, I was grousing about how men should make an effort for Valentine's Day (no matter how commercialized it was..)
This year, I took a step back and thought it through.

I still think efforts matter, no doubt. Even more than ever.

But I think it's also who you spend it with, that determine the importance of marking this date and making an effort.

A tiring day from work on a Saturday, coupled with a shot of indecision and two pints of market woes... is quickly made better with someone who makes an effort to listen, be there, present sincere displays of patience and understanding, seeks to understand your preferred food/flowers/art, is sensitive to your feelings and apologizes for lapses (i can't believe im using a work jargon...) and importantly, despite being absolutely tired.

That being said, I guess effort really really does count, despite in gloomy times.

Happy times don't last forever, but effort made is seen and recognized and appreciated very much.

My friends, Happy Valentine's Day.
I hope that all of you are spending quality time with your loved ones (family, friends, partners).
=)


And I still stand by this theory:


And maybe next year my entry will be a shift in perspective again. =)

Liminal

Should I Stay - Dreamz Fm

Had a drive
Driven by your love
But when you messed around
I lost the drive I found

Thought you needed
Needed someone true
But you changed your mind
Or had I failed you?

Wish you would been
Careful with my heart
But you tore it apart
And broke an angel´s heart

The kiss was true
Has to end somehow
But I´m livin´ proof of what love´s about

*Chorus

It is hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It is sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I do not know (I do not know)
I´ve got to know
Should I stay or should I go?

You played me on
Played me like a clown
But I feel for you
Even though I am down

My heart´s heavy
Heavy like a rock
But I´m so amused
You are still in my thoughts

*Chorus

It is hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It is sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I do not know (I do not know)
I´ve got to know
Should I stay or should I go?

This time its done
It will never feel the same
But we had some good times
Guess it is sad just the same

I guess the truth
Doesn´t matter somehow
But you were livin´ proof of what love´s about…

An overturned grin

Had an absolute rubbish day today... Was on the verge of tears...
I promised myself I'd stay in control... And that I'd stay resilient against all odds...

But sometimes the safety net breaks... and all hell breaks loose...

And as I braved myself for what's coming ahead...
I wonder if I'm holding on to prove myself wrong...
... or if i even have anything to stay for...

It brings me back to square one... where daunting choices overwhelm me...

I hate to choose... don't make me choose...
Taureans love their comfort zones...
And absolutely abhor changes...
or so I believe.

The light at the end of the tunnel, is that of an oncoming train?

Highly possibly, since I can't see anyway out...
I need a breather but ironically I can't...

Nasty days... they seem to outlast me..
And my solace is listening to music...
Inspiring ones, at least like the one below..





These Days - Jennifer Paige / Bardot

Some days
I couldnt get up
Couldnt get down
Im bored of everything

Somehow a little black cloud would rain over me
Someone was making me mad
Good turned bad
And Id lose everything
To get you back
Just to get you back but...

*Chorus

These days
The worlds alright
The sun shines bright
Im kicking out the dreams
These days
I dont think twice
I walk on ice
Im positively somewhere

These days go on
Long after youve gone
These days go on
Long after youve gone
These days go on and on...

Im out of the fire and into the swimming pool
Sometimes Id drown my tears
But the same old fears come back

Someones been making me ill
I bet youre still
A 2,3,4 letter word
Yes, you heard
The pretty little birds fly home, cause...

*Chorus
These days
The sun kicks in
The good guys win
Im illegal in the back seat
These days
Im safe and sound
Not dragged down
You wanna know the reason?

These days go on
Long after youve gone
These days go on
Long after youve gone
These days go on and on...

**
Thank you for not being here
I feel better when youre not
Sleeping in my head
Tossing and turning
And messing up the sheets
The love we made was incomplete

Like the shoes on your feet
Same stuff Ive heard before
That philosophy starting to bore me now
Now you wont have to smile and ignore me

*Chorus
These days
The karmas right
The sun shines bright
Im kicking out the bad dreams
These days
I dont think twice
I walk on light
Im positively somewhere

A Carebear A Day, Keeps The Gloom Away

At least that's what I want to believe.
While it can be pretty dreary and high stressing in the office,
we all have our little ways to cheer up our own workstations.

Especially for someone like me, who's exceptionally "organized",
i have my care bears to brighten up my space.
Especially when I have a huge Night time bear sitting opposite me,
always ready for a cuddle when I'm feeling down.

And that's why my colleague said I looked like I was a little kid in a kindergarten,
hugging my huge care bear and typing away.

To each his own, I guess. =)

Twinkling of an eye

It's amazing how time flies. It's been almost 8 months since I commenced work and before you know it, it's going to be one year. As usual, work's hectic and always mad. Hardly any time for breather, and by the time work ends, I take a little rest and it's time to sleep and prepare for another day of stress... This job is certainly making me have a shorter life, with the pressure and deadlines... And it has made me abhor writing. Seriously.

24 this year, and I set myself several goals that I have to meet - just like when I was 21.

Sometimes I really wonder...24 and what have I achieved?

I guess it's an answer I'll get when it gets to December... End of year and the time for self-reflection...

Meanwhile, it's back to the usual mundane grind of life, biting my lips and holding on to work... And I still have my contemplations amidst the stability...

I seem to have lost energy for things I enjoy doing... The pressure of work is turning me into a words-churning machine... Need a space for creativity and imagination...

Time to take a breather before I burn out.

Together

That day, I was just thinking...
Some people stay together, some just don't...

And why so?

It got me puzzled a little while...

Sometimes, as an outsider,
it's like looking down at a maze
where you see a lost soul trapped in the neverending walls
searching for an exit but never finding it

While we can point out the exit from where we stand
since we are able to see things much clearer,
when the soul is trapped,
the soul is damned and condemned to wonder...

...unless the soul desires to break out of the fetters...

leaves me wondering still...