Pendulum bobs

Refused to start on this entry, until everything has been crashing.

If I can describe how I feel, it's like having everything splattered in the drain.

Long kang, yes.

You tell me I should be rejoicing about the fact that my exams are over.

Everything's far from over.

This week has been the worst week ever.

Does it feel good to be pondering about the future,

with a stick in hand,

looking aimlessly in the horizon,

unknowingly in the future?

When nothing is for sure.

And I do know this juncture brings changes.

I wasn't told this before I started my uni life,

and now I learned the hard way.

People come and go, would you stay?

Does it feel good to let sleeping dogs lie,

only to have them waking up and prancing around you,

unearthing everything you have repressed,

and even having nightmares about them?

People come and go, would you please go away?

Does it feel good to feel like the loneliest person

in the crowd with smiles plastered on their faces?

And you are aware that your life is supposedly planned out

while others' are not

but you know deep down, there's more to it

People come and go, would you stay and understand?

Does it feel good to enter the exam hall

look at 200 MCQs only to realise you can only 

answer 50 and guessing for the 150 others are a chore

because there are 5 choices for each

People come and go, would you see that my tears are not from joy?

Does it feel good to have your hormones run wild

and you cannot stop the pendulum from swinging 

from one peak to another, stopping at the debris of your heart

People come and go, would you know why?

Does it feel good to not know what you want,

and because you pre-planned ahead

it's simply because you fear the future

and you grab the earlier opportunities available

shutting off all others

because choice is a bloody curse

People come and go, would you see all these?

Does it feel good to sit in the dungeon,

looking like you are in post-exam joy

only if they knew that you would miss everything

and yet you cannot wait to abandon all these and leave

People come and go, would you be the one to stay?

Does it feel good to feel your joy and happiness

and I am but an empty soul devoid of empathy

the deepest emotions possible are jadedness and pain

Purest of pain, they call it

Often underestimated, I feel it in my soul

People come and go, would you see me for who I am?

Does it feel good to not have a soul and laugh along

having heard of encouragements of strength

and you know u ain't like that at all

the irony of it all is that you're filled with unsaid pain

People come and go, would you ever know?

Does it feel good that your overwhelming joy and concern

seep into the darkest realms of my life

blocking out everything else

my words do not always have to be hurtful

most of the time they are cries of help

the line between the past and before have been demarcated

People come and go, would you not be one of them?

Does it feel good to read all your past entries,

feeling all the passion and fervour

which are now sorely lacking in your life

you can only laugh at your own stupidity

People come and go, would you please stay?

Because I need you.