this is exactly how I feel.
Despondent, lost, and just not wanting to say a single word more.
Maybe because I hear my voice all the time now, so whatever leaves my lips after work is just superfluous because (1) I get tired of my voice (2) it doesn't change the facts and (3) it is not income-generating (ha! thinking like one in my profession - being profit driven).
But jokes aside on (3), I guess I have never felt such strong urge to hide in reclusion and live like a you-guessed-it hermit.
This is somewhat ironic, thinking of how I always try to yank my loved ones out from their nothing-box/hermit shell/behind their gargantuan walls... and now, I build my own walls.
The truth is, these long hours are draining me and while I stress again that I was aware of what I was getting myself into, I did expect a certain level of self-discipline and determination - and self-discipline I did show - to the extent that I even tried organising my schedule in a disciplined way (one must understand that organising and being neat are very foreign notions to me - and pardon the lack of vocabulary... discipline is not a very intriguing word for me to conceive its synonyms).
And the worst part is though I gather I do need a breather/break/off/leave, I feel guilty that I am even going to take one day off.
What happened to preparing myself to work even on weekends.. and now consecutive weekends are even wearing me thin and I am taking off (thanks to a very understanding boss who provided all of us one day off each)?
It's not as if I will be doing anything productive on this much-craved-for day... In fact, if any, I would be just couch/bed potatoing my hours way...
belle, u need to be better than this..
Wilting,
belle
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