frustrated

i try not to get affected by the things he says
or the things that happen
i try to tell myself everything will be ok
and i dont have to worry
that even if i were to send him a sweet sms
it would just be pacification to him

it just makes me feel like i cant even make a relxnship work
i can listen, care and even try to cheer u up
but u are just too caught up in it
that whatever i do
it just seems unconnected and unneeded

if i were to just let u be
to u, wouldnt it just be me
not interested
if i were to be upset u are so nonchalent and generous with your ''ok...''
because u cannot be 'bothered'
it would just seem like
i am easily upset again

i dare say i am living my life properly without hanging in the air for you
but why is it that that there's this bitter aftertaste
even when i feel exasperated with all these?

even tho we just feel so pissed
and even annoyed
and ''pointless''
maybe the tot of just ending it all does flicker in ur mind,
maybe even mine

but why is there a bitter aftertaste in my mouth?
a deep
pulsating
gashing
pain
thumping
hurting
throbbing?
like a sorethroat.
painful and hard
bitter and just


nothing can describe it.