i'm back!
back from the craziest thing i've done in my whole life!
not quite the craziest actually, but nearly there..
=)
in a matter of less than 3 days, me and my sec sch gd fren corinne decided to embark on a 4 day trip to western australia, perth from 21 - 24 february
her to have a really good break and meet up with her fren
and me to really take a breather from all the work im buried in!
so it was such a sudden trip
and ticket and accomodation were settled by her first as the most impt thing was to plan and get there asap while mid term break was still in the midst of going on.

was really apprehensive abt going australia again, honestly
after the less than half a year trip to brisbane in july last year
to fulfil the craziest plan i designed to meet up with justin for 3 weeks
all alone
all arranged and booked myself
all crazy but very excited
i could almost feel the excitement tingling in my bones when i saw the glimmer in her eyes for an independent trip(at least without the parents) and i could see myself then.
looking at her plan everything was seeing myself back then again.
and it wasnt too long ago actually.
thats what made me feel the ache.
the little me all psyched up
it made me smile, perhaps a wry smile, but it just reminded me of things were just a short while ago.
things that i'd never have the energy or passion to do again.

i wasnt quite sure how i'd take this trip
wasnt sure if i was ready to go to aussie again
it might certainly sound silly
but being the sentimental fool i am, the evoking of blessed memories, all just to catch glimpses of my then bf, would not be too beneficial.
plus i never expected to go aussie again so soon after the break up,
and all the more i didnt expect to go aussie again, with us already broken up
and it reminded me how blissful things were in brisbane and
how i never realised my last hug and wave goodbye to him at the brisbane airport were really the last for us.
but i guess i still have to face up to reality
and probably my last aussie trip after the break up (less of a reason to go there, but not completely none) and my student exchange to uk in about half a year's time... simply because i will be way tooo broke after everything to travel
so well, yes i agreed to a mini trip where i really wanted to get away to clear my cluttered brains.
=)

so boarded a 1am flight- first time taking a Spore Airlines flight with previous trips to brisbane taking quantas (with family) and emirates(myself).
the flight was honestly an uneasy and queasy one.
i know i wasnt gonna meet him there, and i know it was not gonna be the sunny brisbane that would greet me.
but somehow...
deja vu, faded memories, whatever-u-call-it
just filled my mind.
i couldnt get to sleep just like the last time, but this time not because i was apprehensive how it was like to wonder how he'd react to my visit and how tear invoking it would be to see and embrace someone i loved at the brisbane air port
but more of a i-wish-i-could-forget-the-excitement-i-felt-since-its-all-over feeling.
it made me sad.
plus there were two meals served and i couldnt get any sleep in.
so i jus tossed and turned (not much though- how much could i move in a small seat with little breathing space?)
caught myself looking around for him when i reached the airport with corinne (i know i was silly) but its just deja-vu or the i-know-ive-been-thru-this kinda feeling.
its sort of hard to explain, unless u've been in my shoes
and plus im super sentimental
so it doesnt really help, i guess.

aaron, corinne's friend, came to pick us up and i gave a weak smile.
i guess i was worn out by the flight which was interrupted by flitting disturbing thoughts and incessant greetings to have a drink or my food by the trademark of SIA that wasnt very appreciated in my struggle to fall asleep...
but i kinda warmed up to him slowly
and he was the bestest host ive ever had, bringing us around the next 4 days in his coolest bmw 5 series with an awesome sunroof!
im totally amazed by it cos its so cool!
its got the coolest technology with acute sensors by the side, tracking devices and infrared sensing technology to sniff out speed cameras which will warn u aptly! how cool is that! plus the technology is 5 years old..... and so.. im so totally amazed.
and thru out the trip, i really felt like a ten year old kid
asking and gaping at sights that can never be found in singapore.

the scorching sun and cold nice weather and wind, 17 degrees temperature, beautiful rapids and awe-inspiring hills, the swan river, a slow yet nice pace of life, gracious service, beautiful beach with waves that wash me to the shore... all so nice.
i guess i could do with a huge amount of mugging in this mid term break but i did bring my work there to assuage my guilt of holidaying in a supposedly study break.
but seriously, this was really a much needed break required internally by ms superwoman-wannabe here because ive had too many things i tried to cope with plus ive been ignoring how i truly felt inside. just that i didnt know i needed a break away.
from school, from tuition which i spend a good 8 hours each on Sats and Sundays, the messy affairs of the heart, everything everything else which deserves my undivided attention but not now.

but most importantly,
i honestly can say this trip did me lots of good cos it gave me lots of air and liberation from whatever i had held too closely and helped me to think thru things and breathe with the time i had alone shopping or in the hotel studying.

i never had a clearer mind of what i ever wanted and what i needed to do.
that is to study, get my first class honours,
travel around the world, make a difference to ppl's lives.
that is what i envisage now.
and of course the most important thing is still my family and friends.

thats all that matter to me.

because if we go through our lives looking over our shoulders,
we end up missing what lies ahead.

and one thing i'm grateful is that im honest about how i feel finally, instead of hiding behind facades of masks which deny all my unhappiness.


ive left everything behind back in the hotel room in perth after revealing my feelings
and its all over.

im really recharged and all ready to face the challenges.
bring it on.
*roars*
a little more ready to face the intimidating chunks of essays and projects that await me.
=)