the near breaking of dawn
the beautiful stillness of the night
the deep symphony of breathing
the soundness of sleep

but
u seemed to be sleeping too peacefully
did you forget about us
or me?

the curtains were drawn around your bed
i couldnt see anything more
my legs shaking
did not know what to think or pray.

the angel in white came
with his deep accent and told me in a way
'u are normal'
and that made me smile

but mummy wasnt sure;
she asked me to ask the angel again
'no more'
this time, clearly accentuated
and the angel walked away
leaving the air still
and me with bated breath

my legs dragged me to the waiting area
mummy just lay on my shoulders and cried
i didnt know what to think
my fingers found my sisters' numbers
and i found a tiny voice
that murmured weakly to them

that
you
had
slept
forever.

do you know everyone rushed down to see you?

after everyone arrived in the hall
dawn broke
and i cuddled into a ball
by the side of the room

my body started shivering
and
i dont know why
only tears came from my eyes.

i remembered your body at rest
stiff and cold
not like half an hour before,
ur body was heaving sighs heavily,
together with painful breathing.

im sorry i didnt pray hard enough to keep u by my side
i know u just had to go
and i didnt want to keep u here
together with me every night
in unvoiced pain
because
u never could speak after the fever u got when u were young
and i never knew how much u hurt inside.

im sorry i didnt pray hard enough daddy.

i didnt make u stay.

i love u still.

sorry that u have already left us 3 years already.