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Ferociously Fast

The first few days of the lunar new year has just come and gone.
This year's festive season has lost its grandeur and mood, it has become so watered-down.

Is this part of growing up,
where the visiting relatives become more distant and the relatives haunt you with the same old questions?

This year's new year has only become simpler, with a mini gathering, a steam boat with family, hanging out and talking.

Maybe being a kid was so much easier and happier.

Purrry,
Izzy <3>

Photo credits to: http://willthomasonline.wordpress.com/tag/churches

Spread thin like butter

You know how sometimes, you end work, and have not eaten for past 12 hours,

but you just end up collapsing on the bed, snuggling in the blanket and enjoying the air-con,

without feeling a single pang of hunger?

That's exactly how I feel now, and how I felt for the past few days.

It's been one hell of a week! Those cursed paperwork, high heels and non-stop computer screen staring.

How come work never gets done? After you put your focus on one task, and complete it after gobbling a sandwich (yucks) and having a super thick and concentrated tea, you find yourself drowning in 5 more assignments, targeted to be completed by next week?

I ended up this big grumpy grouch, perched in front of my computer, staring at files and websites, typing incessantly and quickly as if my life depended on it, and then, shit happens and you end up having to find the files, to fill up the gaps in your tasks, having to liaise with vendors, picking up phonecalls, dealing with last minute crap and before you know it, it's 8pm *gulps*

One ranting post, and I foresee many to come. I'd thought after the club campaign I completed in Dec, things would be a little less hectic (meaning, I no longer have to voluntarily work on Sat, Sun, afterwork, bring work home, sleep at 2am, type non-stop, have no time to even do things I like).

Apparently, life has its awesome surprises for us, and the next few months certainly don't look any rosier.

Dear God, if you can't make me less busy or tired, can you at least increase my salary?

At least, my cursed life has more monetary value than my educational investments.

P.S: Daniel said life's a slut. Why? Cos a bitch screws everyone but you, but a slut screws everyone, including you.

Succumbing to the heavy eyelids,

Izzy

Credits to: www.flickr.com/photos/ualymerj

Til Death Do Us Part

I am in awe of a wedding blog that my primary school best friend created with her other half, chronicling the small bits before, during and after their solemnization.

The blog is filled with small sweet details of their photo shoot, their life after marriage (the first meal my friend cooked as a new bride/wife), their mini honey moons, how they met (yes, they even made a video at the secondary school they met), their ring choosing and customizing their rings. And most importantly, they continue to write this blog together, 4 months after they have ROM-ed.

They even count down to their next steps after their solemnization - that is, getting a flat, finding an auspicious Chinese wedding date.

It's really very sweet and heart warming, and I know she's in good hands with him.

To many others, marriage could probably be only a hassle or a once-in-a-lifetime experience of shopping for the most gorgeous heels and wedding dress, but somehow, from their blog, I know it's more than that.

It's the amount of significance they attribute to their pre-wedding preparations, on-going solemnization and post-solemnization life, that portrays the amount of commitment they have put in, to their shared lives, to the marriage until the end.

The blog's tagline reads "Falling in love is easy, staying in love is special." How sweet :) I can only agree, since being attracted to someone new (the entire courtship period for both) is definitely easier than making committed effort to stay together.

How many of us would remember the vows "Til Death Do Us Part" and stay true to them?

I've not been married yet (and probably am gonna stay that way for quite some time.. ) but this post hopefully will remind me that one day, the day comes, I will live true to the vow.

Misty-eyed,

Izzy

Photo credits to http://www.bildfind.com/bilder_dead_any_any__378.html

Dead

This blog has been dead for quite some time,
and the tress has run dry of ideas and inspiration.
Will be doing up a revamp and get it going.

It's finally 2010, and I can't help but feel older and older.
Hitting the mid 20s soon *ouch, it hurts to hear the numbers*

Things that I have to accomplish before 26th birthday

1. Get a car!
It's been already almost 2 years since I've graduated and not even a scrap metal has landed on my hands. Sigh. So much so for wanting to drive and feel the breeze in my hair. But it looks like I have to make do with a very practical car. Or perhaps, someone would want to lend his Civic Type R for me to drive *wink wink* at the risk of murdering plants, animals and humans.

2. Go for further studies!
I'm honestly contemplating, deliberating, considering a Masters degree. In psychology, law or business. Call me an escapist from reality if you wish, but I really want to further my studies.

3. Start a business!
... though I have really no idea what to do. Compile all the comics that I've drawn into a book and as my love has suggested, publish them into a children's book? Hah.

4. Write a book/play
I never had the time to sit down at Starbucks and start writing scenes/chapters. What a pleasure it would be.

5. Go and see aurora lights!
Seems like I'm never gonna do that :(

6. Make enough money to buy a cat!
But there's no space for cats :(

I'd better stop now before my dreams get bigger and more ridiculous. Sigh.

Dreaming,
Izzy

A Merry Christmas

Au Revoir et A Bientot! =)

Running out of time

It gets really freaking frustrating when you take one step forward and end up taking two steps backwards.
Despite all the meticulous planning and overtime doing,
it all boils down to freaking nothing.

At the rate this is going, we're never ever going to make it.

Thank you for the indecisiveness and uncalled-for condescending tones.

Courtesy of: http://www.flickr.com/photos/darkhairedgirl/2112355734/

Negativity is a real soul killer

Ever felt that your mood was sorely affected by the negativity of the others near you?
Apparently, it can happen.

Read an article on Cleo that mentions how we can catch the Angst Epidemic from friends near us, and that started me thinking.

It is certainly tough for us to keep chins up in times of adversity,
and harder still when people close to us are caving in.

The worse is to feel helpless when everything goes awry.

It's the end of the year, and the festive mood doesn't seem to be setting in.

=(

Such is life.

picture from reellifewisdom.com

Older, but none the wiser.

Misery loves company.

My lungs have officially joined my stomach and throat in this sweet enduring battle of illness, and I've been running fever non-stop.

It's God's way of telling me to stop...

Credits: http://open.24.net/Gif/Good_Collection/Celestial.Exploring/Blessing.html

Blessings

Every time I count my blessings, I count both you and Su.

Su, being sensitive and introspective, can detect my mood within a split second.
You, being playful but patient and giving, can be my pillar of support.

Thank you for being the 2 very important Cancerians in my life. =)

Loved,
Belle

'nuff said... Need a breather now...

Breathless,

Izzy

Surprised

A very meaningful surprise I got from the playful bunny =)
I can't resist putting it up here.

Thank you dearie.
It is really very sweet.

Cheered up,
Izzy

7 years

Dearest Daddy,

I never forget.

In fact, I find it so hard to forget.

24 September 2002, the day that one of your lungs collapsed.
It was also the day that you gave up breathing.

Maybe you didn't give up - maybe you had to - or maybe...
Maybe there are too many "maybes"...

It was the day I remember being so strong, holding onto Mummy while waiting for the rest of the sisters to arrive.
It was the day I remember collapsing in tears, once Mummy got a hold on herself.

It was the day I remember crying so hard that it was impossible to coax myself to sleep.

It was also the day I remember I never wanted to wake up after that to face the reality.

Nothing's been smooth since you left, Daddy.
It's been 7 years and you're still very much missed.

Love,

Belle

*Dedicated to my daddy who departed 24th September 2002 - in loving memory of his love for his littlest daughter*

The passion

To live, the passion to feel
The passion to live

Eludes my eyes

Created by OnePlusYou

Photocredits: Kristine May on flickr


Sticking together

Finally!
We found one sunday afternoon and started re-doing his room.
[Read: not my cup of tea :) ]

Having said that, it really took a lot of perseverance and strength (literally) to dismantle the bed boards and rearrange many of the cupboards, and mopping and cleaning and scrapping...
amidst a lot of breaks with pepsi and thin rolls of paper...

I'm proud to say we never gave up and just kept on scrubbing and moving like nobody's business :)

Now the room is squeaky clean, much airier, more beautiful and so much more roomier and homelier :)

We also got an air purifier which makes the room so much better, so nice that we don't want to leave the comfort of the room...

Will upload the pictures once the flu bug stops harrassing me :)

Happy,
Izzy

Contentment

Had the worst day ever today - everything that could go wrong all went wrong.

Even the simplest things could screw up.

Thank you for giving me countless hugs and assurances,

and organizing my favourite seafood dinner,

and sitting down with me to listen, and not simply hear.

You drove all the headeggs and grumpy monsters away.

=)

Loved,

Izzy

Freedom

The freedom to fly
Bound by unfettered chains

The freedom to love
Convinced by unbinding contracts

The freedom to live
Enshrined in the temporal impermanence

The freedom to see
Tainted by the spilled palette of colours

The freedom to be
Protected by your love for me.


Woozy,
Izzy

Gastroenteritis

Au revoir, throat inflammation;
Welcome gastroenteritis!

My dear body has become a favourite breeding ground for these damned germs;
clutching my tummy throughout the day is a hellish activity,
with all the mad rush in the office and meetings...

And now dearie has also caught a fever and flu...
Illnesses love company, don't they?

We're like two sick kittens, wrapped in blankets, shivering,
while Tiger stares at us with his huge eyes and makes us feel bad about not being able to walk him.
=(

Shivers and wriggles,
Izzy

Dearest Daniel

Thank you for loving me, like I'm yours. =) No, wait, I'm yours.

Every night, you never fail to walk me around the estate, no matter how tired you are.

Even when you are broke, you'd rather spend money on me than see me starve or have no fishy toy =)

Even if I am naughty sometimes and make you hug me countless times before you sleep,

I know you will always always love me!

Okay, I admit sometimes I act cute so that you won't be angry with me for long,

so I shake my butt when I walk down the streets and chase after cats,

but you know what,

you're the best owner and I'm so blessed to have someone like you to love me so much!

<3

Woofs and wurves,
Tiger

The only constant thing in Man is change

It amazes me how a small little accident can bring about such a drastic positive change in her life.
It unfazes me to learn how an innocent remark can bring out scathing revelations about him.

Change - being constant - seems to remind us of our own mortality,
and to carpe diem,
since nothing is permanent and everything temporally exists.

To let it take you down or bring you up,
is entirely a choice of yours.

Sleepy,
Izzy

Fur rug

How to resist hugging my favourite boy?
=)

loved,
izzy

Lazy weekend

Finally, the weekend is here, having scurried through an excruciatingly busy week.

Weekends are always welcomed, especially during rainy seasons.

This weekend was spent with a night-over, listening to ghost stories, discussing about tarot cards and laughing our hearts out over beer.

Last night, we even spent a lazy night just building ridiculously insane roller coasters on Roller Coaster Tycoon 2.

Aptly named "The Last Ride", the ride ends with no platform but a sudden drop that lands all the passengers in the middle of the platform with a huge explosion and fire works to celebrate this finale ride.

See what three stressed out people can do?


An overdue picture from my birthday - thank you for everything.


Everything will smoothen out okay? We'll wait for the next weekend to come =)


Cheered up,
Izzy

Credits: M Kort

What if...

your future lays crystal clear in your hand?

you could see your path distinctly indicated for you?

you knew that this was dictated in the stars above you?

you hear the calling for you to steer away from your current path?

you discovered that this would not be permanent?

Would you walk away or resist and fight against your destiny?

Or so, the soothsayer says... now, to resist fate or to allow the seemingly inevitable to occur?

The temporal impermanence of life - such is the destiny.

Would you run away and hide?

or would you be stubborn and believe you still have a say?

I would stay on and fight it heads on.

Because at the end of the day,

until the seemingly inevitable happens,

I still have a chance.

And I am not going to give up.

Mulling,

Izzy

My Love

This is Tiger, the much loved mongrel we are taking care of.
He loves shaking his paws with us, evident from the picture above and
he has beautiful tiger stripes.
Therefore, the name "Tiger" has stuck comfortably.

He doesn't like strangers, cars, prams, basement carparks, noises, knocking.
He seldom barks and loves affection.

Every night he needs to be hugged to sleep.
I'd snuggle up to him, kiss his foreheaad (if that's what you call it)
and stroke his nose.

He's gorgeous.

This is my love =)

Wuffles,
Izzy

The raucous cacophony
grinds its razors across the tympanic membrane
slices the flimsy husk
scrapes the remnant sinews
shreds into strips of rubble

disparaging derision dissolved into diminished delusion

Be careful of what you wish for...

... in case you rub the genie's lamp the wrong way.

Ask, and you shall receive.

Answers, indeed, sought
yet questions abound.

A dead end, with no light in sight,
or a self-fulfilling prophecy, giving up without a fight?

The devil and the hangman
towards the mystic they tend

A heart spoked with arrows
split at the end with sorrows

The wheel of fortune
anticipates the winds of change
relishing before gone too soon
offering a fork in the road
the comfort zone or a toss of the load.

Devilish death of a wandering mind.

Enlightened,
Izzy

Pencil shreds

Like a pencil sharpener,

you grate me, train me, tease me

in the hope of sharpening me...

Instead, i lose weight

in the incessant pressure of your razor sharp teeth

in fact i thin out, faster than ever,

lying in a debris with the other failed competitors.

Flattened, abandoned, forgotten,

i am just one of the many colourful pencil shreddings

that form part of your decoration and become your decorum.

The constant pulverizing, mincing, razing

leaves me no space to catch my breath amidst

your caustic and jagged fangs of rusty pearly-whites.

Thinning out,

izzy

When the going gets a little too tough...

The tough take a little rest before they embark further on the journey.

Someone once told me,

There's a time for work and there's a time for play.

When we've worked enough we should always take a rest.

It's good for our eyes, our body and it's good for our work.

Afterall,

休息是為了走更長遠的路.

For all the work weary souls out there, including myself
hang in there.

It will all work out, all in good time.

Sleepy,
Izzy

Life's little surprises

Life likes to play funny jokes on us, especially when we least expect it.

I realise the current job I am holding is something I applied for when I was in 3rd year in NUS. And at that point of time, I hadn't thought of doing an additional Honours year -

I was only contemplating what to do with my life but somehow, I decided to take on honours and just bumped my way along the 4th year.

After which, I applied for a graduate scheme in an airline company, following by a short editing stint. Then I realised those weren't me.

When I decided to tidy up my life, there was an opening in the main agency that I was keen on.

However, not armed with a Psychology degree but instead a Sociology one, I was offered other options in the other arms of the main agency.

And at that point of time during the second interview, I learned of the opening of my current position - which I was keen on. I took it on, and here I am,

Yet, it is strange it never rang a bell.

And here I am, in a full circle right from where I began.

x x x x x x x x x x x

Similarly, Dan's the man I met a couple of years ago, in an uncanny situation where I was visiting my ex boyfriend (who happens to be Dan's good friend) in a hospital. Our eyes met briefly but it all ended there.

Fast forward 4 years, we had an unexpected and unplanned encounter, this time with my ex boyfriend organizing a gathering, on a July evening.

And somehow, things bumped and collided and worked itself out.

And ironically, it was only during our first few meetings that I mentioned to Dan that he really looked familiar from a 4-year-ago encounter.

And there we were, realizing that we had met years ago.

Moral of the story: If you are meant to be, you are meant to be.

If you are meant to meet, there's no running away from it.

That's cos life brings you back to a full circle - unexpected, unplanned, unknowingly-

and while we never know what what's up for us in the future (distant or far), the best we can do is cherish what we have, be it our careers, our loved ones, our families, our life.

Spooked,

Izzy

Losing to Win

Sometimes I really wonder what it means to win.

Does it mean that the result brings about a triumphant ending?
Or could winning actually mean... not losing as much as anticipated in the end?

Does winning necessitate a happy fairytale ending for all?
Or could it be a win-win situation, where everyone backs down and takes back a piece of shattered soul but moves on to greater happiness?

Are we too fixated with the notion of winning this race,
that we can't see that by trying so hard to win,
we are the biggest losers in the end?

Or, maybe winning is not everything, eventually.
It is knowing when to say no.

Qu'est-ce qui s'est passe -

Quoi?

Quand?

Le temps est...

Ou?

La lieu, elle est...

Plus importante?

Jamais

Mais...

On ne sait pas.

Rien.

source: http://designflute.files.wordpress.com

Happiness

When people told you that it's the process, not the end that matters in life,

they were right.

Happiness is a long destination to arrive at,

and for some, they are never ever at peace.

=) After a series of smoke smouldering, beer guzzling, eye watering events across tremendous months,

somewhere along the way,

I finally finally found closure and happiness.

And it makes me laugh that I didn't see it sooner,

Laughing at how heinous copies of words can be transferred, almost like photocopies,

It makes me laugh that I was so caught up with what I wanted to see and feel,

Laughing at how I spent my life sitting on the same damn spot trying to mend the cracks,

It makes me grow stronger

Growing stronger when the path I walked led me to a dead end

and I learned that fixation and obsession of holding on to a lifeless past only made us blind to newly opened doors.

I laugh at how silly you are,

and how dumb I am and were -

and perhaps shall be.

Your myriad of emotions,

my foolishness,

your free flowing love,

my short sightedness,

your tender words,

my soft heart,

your sweetened lips,

my indecisiveness.

Love could be transferred like in an airport terminal

It makes the transit for you perhaps easier.

The smouldering words don't leave blazened marks on me

Instead the joke is on you

I opened a can of sweetened words

which wriggled out like mushy dirty worms.

The momentary softheartedness that set me in

Not something you shall ever be able to seek in devastated eyes.

After all the rain, the eyes see clearer now.

I am finally free.

From a rusty broken lock that shut the dungeon and forced the daylight out from the heart.

=)

Thank you for setting me free.

Happy (but tired) Feet

My soles are crying for help from the day long tottering about in killer heels.

And I guess I'm solely responsible. (couldn't resist the pun)

=)

Work just ended and it's been a mad mad rush for 12 whole hours.

Just got back after ending at 8pm.

Nonetheless, though I am too tired to eat dinner everyday, I find meaning in my work.

Seems like what a sociologist aims to find in life - meaning. =)

I'm finally happy, after a long time.

Maxed out,
Izzy

Poem from the past

Was thinking about when I started writing poems and all...
It appears that I'm often, if not always, inspired by my tangential thoughts and emotions...
This was the poem I wrote during Lit class in PJC,
and we were asked to display it on the wall.

I wrote it with a purpose then - because it reflected how pure and simple love could have been,
back in 2002.
One of the poems I really like: it is very simple yet, it explains my point above.

This was for the first guy I met during orientation in JC -
also the one that has many stuff that haunts me until now.
Sleeping dogs they shall be,
but always a part of me.

A Love Poem

The first time their eyes met
Fingers shyly touch; they never linger
Hand on her shoulder for a while, never longer
Awkward silence - nothing more than that.

A wobbly finger reaches out - Message sent
She pauses, she waits
She just anticipates
A friendly reply greets her - A new friend!

Conversations at the bus stop never ceased
A rainbow spotted one beautiful evening
Both of them sat side by side, lazing
Even when several buses they missed.

Second of February Two Thousand and Two
She handed him the blue heart pendent
Also meant for his birthday present
Finally together from Two-oh-two

Untidy doodlings on lecture notes,
Hard-to-understand Math theories,
Giving up halfway nearly
Strength comes along with his white coat.

Heart beating, faster every minute
At the bus stop for the last time.
He holds her back, and gives her warmth
Together, never again to be.

Tarot reading for belle:

Love:
Touchstone: Career: Love: The Pope
Touchstone: Death
Career: The Empress

This is a day of truth, dear belle…

Doubts and long-hidden conflicts are coming to the surface, and you want to dispel them, and see the clearly where you stand. If you are in a committed relationship it is unlikely you’ll be able to escape a critical analysis. So you might as well address the big questions and get them out of the way. If you’re single, you’re not going to feel good about it today.

But may be that is a necessary starting to point for you to realize that you need to start seeing your friends a bit more – and maybe make a few new ones.

As for work, there may be a few changes in the way you approach this. You may be about to change jobs or colleagues, reorganize your schedule, transfer to another department, get promoted, absolutely anything is possible when Death is holding the reins!

Luckily, the Empress will be there to guide you all day and she'll help you handle these changes with detachment and skill.

Wandering,
Izzy

Hope

Damn right that without hope, it's hard to go on in life when things go awry.

But perhaps that person who came up with the saying didn't think hard enough.

With more hope, the higher the expectations and
the harder the fall.

Hope is indeed for the hopeless.

Misery comes in pairs...

... or maybe even in batches...

Sometimes I think that the world is a pretty depressing place.

The economic crisis aptly named the Great Recession, worse since 1920s Great Depression;

The global warming that saw the ice bridge melt,

The perpetual mad weather that flits from hot uncomfortable heat to pouring wet days;

And now,

the swine flu, or rather now known as the H1N1 virus, that's causing people to panic worldwide.

Now, it's known to have infected Italy, UK, Germany, N. Korea, Hong Kong, New Zealand...

It's almost as if the world is not depressing enough.

On another note, Dan and I took his company's dog to the vet as it was limping badly.

The vet diagnosed it as bite wounds (thankfully, no broken bones) and the leg was shaven, cleaned and cream was applied on it.

The brave dog, Tiger, even took the injection without any whining.

It's indeed the most adorable dog ever as it does not even bark and it's very obedient.

The only time it resisted was when it had the stinging cream applied on it.

I couldn't help but tears fell when I saw it limping when we took it for a walk at midnight just now,

it's very heartbreaking to see a dog in pain.

Here's hoping that the world gets a little better.

It's sure not encouraging to read depressing news everyday.

iLost my iPhone - An Eulogy

Goodbye my friend.

Thank you for being with me, weathering through it all,
(Literally, because you always provided me with weather forecasts of cities all over the world.)

For bearing with my garbled fumbled incoherent typings amidst pints of beers,
For being music to my ears with the latest library of iTunes
For waking me up on mornings, though I didn't really want to.
For days that you snapped beautiful rainbows and my escapade to Manchester
For being the good old, trusty you.

Lost,
Izzy

Looks like my birthday present to myself shall be a new phone. =(

A very poignant and soothing song about getting the closure that people want in relationships. Click on the youtube video and read the lyrics - and you'll get what I mean.


You're Not Sorry - Taylor Swift

All this time I was wasting
Hoping you would come around
I've been giving out chances
Everytime and all you do is let me down

And it's taken me this long
Baby but I've figured you out
And you thinking we'll be fine again
But not this time around

*You don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't want to hurt anymore

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry
No, no, no, no*

Looking so innocent I might believe you
If I didn't know
Could have loved you all my life
If you hadn't left me waiting
In the cold

And you've got your share of secrets
And I'm tired of being last to know
And now you're asking me to listen
'Cause it's worked each time before

*But you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't want to hurt anymore

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry
No, no, oh

You're not sorry No, no, oh*

You had me crawling for you honey
And it never would have gone away, no
You used to shine so bright
But I watched all of it fade

*So you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
There's nothing left to beg for

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry
No, no, oh
You're not sorry