On getting it right all the time

Photo credit: www.notonthehighstreet.com

I've been thinking quite a lot, and wondering if this fixation with perfection seems to originate from the control freak inside me, or something that the society perpetuates through its various platforms - media, norms and the like.

Is it more important to be right all the time, or is it better to make mistakes and learn along the way?

Say, is there something called Mr Right?

Having been through waves of ups and downs in relationships, I think I have figured out my answer...

...which is no.

From the way I see it, it's always about a balance of compromise and acceptance.

Compromise to strike a balance between both parties' needs/wants/interests/desires, while accepting that the other party is different.

I have to say that it's always easier to compromise than to accept, because acknowledging that our significant others are really different from us, and we cannot change this fact nor change their personalities is a huge, huge challenge.

I link this to the incessant search for perfection, often selfishly to suit our own individual needs.

Dan and I are worlds apart, if you know us personally.

I itch to travel ever so often, I cannot sit still and I get bored within a snap of the fingers. I love to read and write, and my idea of a good time is getting out of the house.

He loves cars, games, and all things gadgets. Extremely homely, he is contented to have his loved ones with him at his personal comfort zone at home.

But we find a common line - where we enjoy each other's company and keep our individuality :)

Along the years, I have come to appreciate this... more than I ever did in my young, dramatic years... and something tells me that I have become better in this aspect and have learned to let things go more easily...

If anything, Dan has taught me not to fret over things I am not able to control, to keep my chins up no matter how daunting things can be, not to glare at people who walk too slowly...  learn to organise my stuff better (I'm appalled and ashamed at how neat and organised he is, compared to me!) and more importantly, to not want to control everything.

It's quite tough really, but along the years, he has also learned the best way to help me understand and relax, the only way he knows how (and the way that miffs me always) - make me laugh at how silly my fears are.

Sometimes, I really wish I could live life like him, bravely in the face of adversity, unfaltering in the faces of naysayers, while I put on a pretense that I'm really brave, only to grab off this mask at the comfort of my home and feeling extremely exhausted at the facades that I'm capable of pulling through (but draining me entirely...).

Recently, he has put his apron on again, and whipped up a lot of yummy dishes which have surprised me and made me very blessed.  

Sadly, I know that I do not have the patience like he has... to whip up lovely yummies, and therefore I am always grateful for his love. One day, I hope that with our new house coming, I can surprise him with some simple (read: won't cause me to burn the house down) food!

In the past, I used to think that loving someone seems to be very easy... but as I grow older, I realise that it must be a combined effort...and I'm happy to say that I've kinda gotten the hang of it :)

"My face in thine eye, thine in mine appears,And true plain hearts do in the faces rest;

Where can we find two better hemispheres,

Without sharp north, without declining west?

Whatever dies, was not mixed equally;

If our two loves be one, or, thou and I

Love so alike, that none do slacken, none can die."

~ John Donne

Alles gut!

When anyone asks me to go for a full body check up, this is my reaction:

Image credit: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Health-Place/350144495057144

Although I do wish I look this hideously cute when I wince at the thought of a full body check up.

After my 28th birthday, I decided to grab hold of the opportunity to go for the much feared body check up offered to my company (Norwegian companies have good welfare!) by ignoring the many obstacles I knew I would face.

1. I am afraid of needles (big or small, thin or thick)
2. I hate seeing blood
3. I hate small talk during the time of anguish when my blood is being drawn into the many test tubes (just get it over and done with!)
4. I hate people laughing at me when I overreact during the drawing of the blood

But the biggest obstacle is the fact that I do not want to know the results of the test.

Call this a death wish/counter intuitive/ironic, if you want... but having lost my father and my bro in law to cancer... the innate fear of checking my health and finding out the underlying problems scares me than all the ABOVE four reasons. Proof that this is a normal behaviour? Prof Stella Quah's medical sociology tutorial - apparently, family members who have had loved ones with medical issues (i.e. cancer) are less willing to go for health tests themselves, due to the fear as well as the pain of having seen their loved ones go through the treatments.... I'm not justifying my behaviour.

But anyway, the results are out today (but I hardly slept last night with the hypochondriac me imagining all the possible statements that the doctor would say..."I'm sorry but...", "I hate to be the one to break the news but..." or "Did you bring a family member with you...")!

It's all good! Okay, save for the fact that my cholesterol is sliggggggggggggggghtly higher than what it should be... BUT, I'm doing something about it! And I tried to impress the doctor by telling him I'm adopting a healthier lifestyle and all... my bad habit of not wanting to ever seem to be at fault/wrong/not perfect.

I'm really thankful that the results are actually better than I thought - except for my slight high cholesterol and the darn Thalassemia bugging me... The former, I can change, the doctor says... but Thalassemia-wise, he shrugged and told me to live with it and eat more livers... *shudders*

Now my corneas have fully recovered and my health screening a-okay, I feel less burdened and heavy (no pun intended) now, without having to sweep the worries of my health status under the carpet... I've been getting sick too often, the back hurting too much, whining like an old lady, but doing nothing about it...

Should have done my health check up earlier (my headstrong perfectionistic self speaking again...)!

But as always, hindsight is always 20/20. :)

Blessed,
Belly

To Pray...

Dear God,
if you can hear me,
could you take away the pain,
the bruises, the swollen-ness,
the disappointment, the memories,
the very remnants of haunting snippets
for my beloved grandma pls?

Dear God, if you can hear me -

could you -

unbreak this heart of mine?

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Ferociously Fast

The first few days of the lunar new year has just come and gone.
This year's festive season has lost its grandeur and mood, it has become so watered-down.

Is this part of growing up,
where the visiting relatives become more distant and the relatives haunt you with the same old questions?

This year's new year has only become simpler, with a mini gathering, a steam boat with family, hanging out and talking.

Maybe being a kid was so much easier and happier.

Purrry,
Izzy <3>

Credits to: www.flickr.com/photos/ualymerj

Til Death Do Us Part

I am in awe of a wedding blog that my primary school best friend created with her other half, chronicling the small bits before, during and after their solemnization.

The blog is filled with small sweet details of their photo shoot, their life after marriage (the first meal my friend cooked as a new bride/wife), their mini honey moons, how they met (yes, they even made a video at the secondary school they met), their ring choosing and customizing their rings. And most importantly, they continue to write this blog together, 4 months after they have ROM-ed.

They even count down to their next steps after their solemnization - that is, getting a flat, finding an auspicious Chinese wedding date.

It's really very sweet and heart warming, and I know she's in good hands with him.

To many others, marriage could probably be only a hassle or a once-in-a-lifetime experience of shopping for the most gorgeous heels and wedding dress, but somehow, from their blog, I know it's more than that.

It's the amount of significance they attribute to their pre-wedding preparations, on-going solemnization and post-solemnization life, that portrays the amount of commitment they have put in, to their shared lives, to the marriage until the end.

The blog's tagline reads "Falling in love is easy, staying in love is special." How sweet :) I can only agree, since being attracted to someone new (the entire courtship period for both) is definitely easier than making committed effort to stay together.

How many of us would remember the vows "Til Death Do Us Part" and stay true to them?

I've not been married yet (and probably am gonna stay that way for quite some time.. ) but this post hopefully will remind me that one day, the day comes, I will live true to the vow.

Misty-eyed,

Izzy

Surprised

A very meaningful surprise I got from the playful bunny =)
I can't resist putting it up here.

Thank you dearie.
It is really very sweet.

Cheered up,
Izzy

Created by OnePlusYou

Contentment

Had the worst day ever today - everything that could go wrong all went wrong.

Even the simplest things could screw up.

Thank you for giving me countless hugs and assurances,

and organizing my favourite seafood dinner,

and sitting down with me to listen, and not simply hear.

You drove all the headeggs and grumpy monsters away.

=)

Loved,

Izzy

Freedom

The freedom to fly
Bound by unfettered chains

The freedom to love
Convinced by unbinding contracts

The freedom to live
Enshrined in the temporal impermanence

The freedom to see
Tainted by the spilled palette of colours

The freedom to be
Protected by your love for me.


Woozy,
Izzy

Gastroenteritis

Au revoir, throat inflammation;
Welcome gastroenteritis!

My dear body has become a favourite breeding ground for these damned germs;
clutching my tummy throughout the day is a hellish activity,
with all the mad rush in the office and meetings...

And now dearie has also caught a fever and flu...
Illnesses love company, don't they?

We're like two sick kittens, wrapped in blankets, shivering,
while Tiger stares at us with his huge eyes and makes us feel bad about not being able to walk him.
=(

Shivers and wriggles,
Izzy

Dearest Daniel

Thank you for loving me, like I'm yours. =) No, wait, I'm yours.

Every night, you never fail to walk me around the estate, no matter how tired you are.

Even when you are broke, you'd rather spend money on me than see me starve or have no fishy toy =)

Even if I am naughty sometimes and make you hug me countless times before you sleep,

I know you will always always love me!

Okay, I admit sometimes I act cute so that you won't be angry with me for long,

so I shake my butt when I walk down the streets and chase after cats,

but you know what,

you're the best owner and I'm so blessed to have someone like you to love me so much!

<3

Woofs and wurves,
Tiger

Fur rug

How to resist hugging my favourite boy?
=)

loved,
izzy

Lazy weekend

Finally, the weekend is here, having scurried through an excruciatingly busy week.

Weekends are always welcomed, especially during rainy seasons.

This weekend was spent with a night-over, listening to ghost stories, discussing about tarot cards and laughing our hearts out over beer.

Last night, we even spent a lazy night just building ridiculously insane roller coasters on Roller Coaster Tycoon 2.

Aptly named "The Last Ride", the ride ends with no platform but a sudden drop that lands all the passengers in the middle of the platform with a huge explosion and fire works to celebrate this finale ride.

See what three stressed out people can do?


An overdue picture from my birthday - thank you for everything.


Everything will smoothen out okay? We'll wait for the next weekend to come =)


Cheered up,
Izzy

My Love

This is Tiger, the much loved mongrel we are taking care of.
He loves shaking his paws with us, evident from the picture above and
he has beautiful tiger stripes.
Therefore, the name "Tiger" has stuck comfortably.

He doesn't like strangers, cars, prams, basement carparks, noises, knocking.
He seldom barks and loves affection.

Every night he needs to be hugged to sleep.
I'd snuggle up to him, kiss his foreheaad (if that's what you call it)
and stroke his nose.

He's gorgeous.

This is my love =)

Wuffles,
Izzy

Life's little surprises

Life likes to play funny jokes on us, especially when we least expect it.

I realise the current job I am holding is something I applied for when I was in 3rd year in NUS. And at that point of time, I hadn't thought of doing an additional Honours year -

I was only contemplating what to do with my life but somehow, I decided to take on honours and just bumped my way along the 4th year.

After which, I applied for a graduate scheme in an airline company, following by a short editing stint. Then I realised those weren't me.

When I decided to tidy up my life, there was an opening in the main agency that I was keen on.

However, not armed with a Psychology degree but instead a Sociology one, I was offered other options in the other arms of the main agency.

And at that point of time during the second interview, I learned of the opening of my current position - which I was keen on. I took it on, and here I am,

Yet, it is strange it never rang a bell.

And here I am, in a full circle right from where I began.

x x x x x x x x x x x

Similarly, Dan's the man I met a couple of years ago, in an uncanny situation where I was visiting my ex boyfriend (who happens to be Dan's good friend) in a hospital. Our eyes met briefly but it all ended there.

Fast forward 4 years, we had an unexpected and unplanned encounter, this time with my ex boyfriend organizing a gathering, on a July evening.

And somehow, things bumped and collided and worked itself out.

And ironically, it was only during our first few meetings that I mentioned to Dan that he really looked familiar from a 4-year-ago encounter.

And there we were, realizing that we had met years ago.

Moral of the story: If you are meant to be, you are meant to be.

If you are meant to meet, there's no running away from it.

That's cos life brings you back to a full circle - unexpected, unplanned, unknowingly-

and while we never know what what's up for us in the future (distant or far), the best we can do is cherish what we have, be it our careers, our loved ones, our families, our life.

Spooked,

Izzy

What makes us who we are?

Scanned through letters of 5-6 years ago,

familiar yet distant wordings,

brought comfort but now reminiscence of the love long time past,

a precious memory then and now almost chucked away.

Better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved before -

that was what you said.

While I didn't agree with you then, I concur with you now.

It made me who I was, and who I am and who I will be.

While loving and losing seems almost inevitable,

it is a part of our lives,

a phase we go through.

Change is the only thing constant.

And it is with this mentality that life still goes on,

with the hope that better things come along the way,

and the past makes us stronger. =)

And hence, thank you for having loved and lost me.

Finding Love

Some of us look for love.
Some in the wrong places,
some at the wrong time.
Some don't find any at all.

He comes from a torn apart family,
constantly caught between distant parents,
a house; not a home.
His constant search for love -
Or perhaps a nurturing ground to find warmth and care,
once and again broken into shards of glass;
He swore that he'd never have his own family end up like the one he was born in.
Perhaps noone understood what it feels like to be battling alone
Against others,
against himself.
One after another, a serial monogamist?
He thinks not -
just that love came aknocking, one after another.
Truth is, who does he love?
All of them? None of them? Or maybe, just maybe,
Some of them.
Or has love become an emotional crutch,
for him to be able to give and receive love?
An age too young to ponder about the complications of life
Delves deep into the sea without knowing the depth
Cuts himself with broken bottles and stabs himself in the feet with each step on the rocky slabs

Do we find love? Or does love find us?

Ringing in the heart

What makes our lives beautiful?

Is it just the academic achievements and the accolades that one collects?

Is it the fancy car you drive or the numerous presents you receive?

I believe it's the love that we receive.

The ability to find someone,

who loves you, despite being hurt countless times,

despite being taunted by endless memories,

despite being the giver for the upteenth times,

the ability to be loved by this someone.

Watched Marley and Me,

and an apt phrase kept resounding in my head...

"How many of us can find someone who love you,

despite you being rich or poor,

despite you owning a big or small house,

despite you ranting at him/her...

And loves you everyday,

despite everything you do?"

Indeed, who can?

Listening and Hearing

Sometimes, I really think there is a difference between being heard and being listened to.

Everyone can hear -
But not everyone listens.

Just like in my current line of work, not everyone is suitable for this job because not everyone listens.
We all think we can understand, but do we really?

And here comes a super difficult trying time for me,
faced with choices, choices and more choices -
or maybe the truth is, the lack of choices -
I know as much as I can be there for my friends,
I need a listening ear now.

Someone who bothers to sit down with me,
listens to my multi perspectives (and grumbles)
and understands where I'm coming from and why I'm stuck in a rut,
and most importantly, offers advice but only after understanding the complete picture.

And yes, thank you my best friend for having done that for me.

I am really thankful I have you.

An article I found on msn.com, which is very inspiring. It is a collection of "Is This What Romance Looks Like?", and I leave here one of the stories, as food for thought.

What is love, really?

Sickness and Health


"Is that your husband?" The ER nurse is pointing to you, the fever-spiked lump who is snoring softly and muttering beside me. We've been here for hours, and for hours I've returned my lips over and over to your scalding forehead, as if to cool it, or, perhaps, to comfort myself. In just a little while longer, we'll find out that what you have is a severe case of strep, and you will swallow the prescribed pills, and I will finally put my lips to your quietly sleeping forehead and feel a welcome coolness.

But for now the nurse's face is creased with compassion and weariness — she is waiting — and it's not really the right time to tell her about your gentle strength: the way you rocked our baby in the sling for hours on end while you graded papers, rocked another baby three years later while you did your anatomy homework, babies peacefully asleep across your broad chest for what feels like my entire adult life. It's not the right time to explain what a funny contradiction you are, a hockey-playing massage therapist, or how just last week you lay your hands on a friend's father while he lay dying in hospice.

She wouldn't understand how funny it is that you gave me bedtime coupons — promising to turn in early on the nights I redeem them — because you're a night owl and I miss you in bed, or how it feels when I come down in the morning to a toasty kitchen because you've already lit a fire in our wood stove. She doesn't know that I'm strangely euphoric, sitting here thinking about how lucky I am to have so much to lose — my rock, my mystery, the love of my life — that I'm sitting here thinking in sickness and in health. I will, I think. I do. But all I can say is yes. "Yes. That's my husband."

- Catherine Newman is the author of Waiting for Birdy.