Photo credits to http://www.bildfind.com/bilder_dead_any_any__378.html

Dead

This blog has been dead for quite some time,
and the tress has run dry of ideas and inspiration.
Will be doing up a revamp and get it going.

It's finally 2010, and I can't help but feel older and older.
Hitting the mid 20s soon *ouch, it hurts to hear the numbers*

Things that I have to accomplish before 26th birthday

1. Get a car!
It's been already almost 2 years since I've graduated and not even a scrap metal has landed on my hands. Sigh. So much so for wanting to drive and feel the breeze in my hair. But it looks like I have to make do with a very practical car. Or perhaps, someone would want to lend his Civic Type R for me to drive *wink wink* at the risk of murdering plants, animals and humans.

2. Go for further studies!
I'm honestly contemplating, deliberating, considering a Masters degree. In psychology, law or business. Call me an escapist from reality if you wish, but I really want to further my studies.

3. Start a business!
... though I have really no idea what to do. Compile all the comics that I've drawn into a book and as my love has suggested, publish them into a children's book? Hah.

4. Write a book/play
I never had the time to sit down at Starbucks and start writing scenes/chapters. What a pleasure it would be.

5. Go and see aurora lights!
Seems like I'm never gonna do that :(

6. Make enough money to buy a cat!
But there's no space for cats :(

I'd better stop now before my dreams get bigger and more ridiculous. Sigh.

Dreaming,
Izzy

A wakening.

Woke up on a bright Sunday morning, with lots of reflections whirling in my head.
Seems like I have been asleep for far too long.

It's almost like I have separate compartments, flagged with Post-it notes,
and my brain inconspicuously attempting to shove them deeper and deeper into the "Archived" sections.
I believe some matters are tucked into the "Let's pretend these issues are not there, maybe she'll forget" section.

Hence, woke up with this nagging feeling that certain matters were not exactly put right, with my friends' constant reminders that I need not settle for the most basic requirements and that I ought to have "higher than rock-bottom expectations".

It's weird how these things don't usually surface when I'm fully conscious and going about my usual stuff.

It's disturbing to know how humans are good at repression, suppressing all the awful and hard to make decisions,
And the day they surface,
it appears like we've been in deep sleep, for the longest time.

At least that's how I feel.

In the labyrinths of life,
where there are unseen and sudden twists and turns,
it feels like I'm being swept about by these phases of life,
whereby decisions are only made then and there,
with fingers crossed that things would ultimately work out.


It dawns on me that it shouldn't be this way.

I guess at the end of the day, we all need to have a sense of control -
maybe we can't control where our life is going to be heading,
but surely, at least... we should be able to control how it is going to be.


In a confident, self-assured manner that everything, no matter how unforeseen and unexpected (and sometimes undesired), would turn out well
or with a "que sera sera, what will be, will be" attitude and only deciding when the key point of time arrives and hopefully hoping that such a day won't come.

Or maybe self-reflection is loaded with so much tangential thoughts and thus explaining my gibberish and complicated writings.
But I have finally come to a few conclusions.

1. I deserve much better, and not the very least whereby things merely touch my basic expectations.
2. Goals are merely d-r-e-a-m-s unless they are planned.
3. I don't need to answer to anyone for my life and how I plan it to be.
4. Being soft-hearted doesn't ensure that you don't get hurt in the end.
5. While we all can be as accomodating as possible and understanding, at the end of the day, we are all left to face the music ourselves.

Pretty heavy thoughts for the last day of the weekend.
Perhaps some breakfast can provide more insights.

But at least, thankfully,
I feel like I'm a lot lighter.
My brain, at least.

Pondering,
Izzy

Daydreams

Made of fluffy cotton candies
Or constructed by metallic steel realities?
The tangential train of thoughts,
Badgering the perennially revolving carousel
Occasionally derailed but
Often hauled back into its place on track –

Towering bells, Perilous labyrinths,
Macabre catacombs, Sublime sceneries
Snow-capped spires, Timeworn ruins,
Artic chilliness, Torrid glow
Sets the imagination in flames
A cascade of roses burgeoning across the fields.

When does a daydream become significant enough

To be considered a real dream?

Dreaming,

Izzy