for all my cherished friends

sometimes i think that life may never seem to be how we want it to be.
while we may grieve, get depressed, feel infuriated,
and more often that not,
this happens to me with my temper,
i must say on retrospect (thanks to KJ for empowering my vocab),
things sometimes do happen for a reason.
and for what reason, we never know.

but until you realise that on hindsight,
some doors have to be closed, and sometimes unfortunately slammed in our faces,
in order for new doors to be opened.
cliched, maybe, but true.
and in a weird way, i am testimony to this fact of life.
while all seemed to go wrong,
and Murphy's laws were taking strong likings to me,
somehow, somewhere, after numerous tumbleblocks and tears and what have you...
when u are in deep trouble and in the pits,
you can't go any deeper (as eliz has kindly enlightened me..)
and the only way out is the way UP.

and in a way, after several years of struggles and angst,
i see my life moving in a better direction,
and i know whatever had happened, was a test of my strength
(although I must say I would have loved not going through them)
and the old-age adage of 'what doesn't kill makes you stronger'
still rings true, doesn't it?
I guess what matters eventually is the fact that
you live, you learn... of course along with you love, you learn...

why am i being so philosophical?
maybe becos my results are being released soon...
and i hope i can use this advice i preach here...

... or hopefully i dont need to...

to the kind soul who read my post Pendulum Bobs

Thanks for the comments, I only just saw it this morning.
I m so sorry I didnt see your msg and i didnt pick up the G.D. phone becos i was on a plane.
Could you please let me know who are you? Becuse you didnt leave any name.
Thanks again. I appreciate it. =)

Milano, Italy

Second day here in Milan!
This place is pretty fun, lotsa walking, not much shopping because I'm a poor girl.
So far, we have seen the Duomo, quite impressive indeed... followed by the European people watching in the cafes outside, window shopping, the cemetries of famous Italians...
Maybe it's been a year plus since we toured Europe, still not quite used to the idea that i am in Europe and that it is a grad trip!
I am so gonna make wishes in all the wishing wells I see here, that I MUST pass my exams, and retain my second upper!
What a spoiler to think about, in Europe on a vacation.
But I sure know what to wish for my 23rd birthday =)

Au Revoir

Leaving on a jet plane tonight, towards the azure seas of the Mediterranean.

Leaving all behind, and embarking on a graduation trip.

Milan, Italy: first stop. 

Pendulum bobs

Refused to start on this entry, until everything has been crashing.

If I can describe how I feel, it's like having everything splattered in the drain.

Long kang, yes.

You tell me I should be rejoicing about the fact that my exams are over.

Everything's far from over.

This week has been the worst week ever.

Does it feel good to be pondering about the future,

with a stick in hand,

looking aimlessly in the horizon,

unknowingly in the future?

When nothing is for sure.

And I do know this juncture brings changes.

I wasn't told this before I started my uni life,

and now I learned the hard way.

People come and go, would you stay?

Does it feel good to let sleeping dogs lie,

only to have them waking up and prancing around you,

unearthing everything you have repressed,

and even having nightmares about them?

People come and go, would you please go away?

Does it feel good to feel like the loneliest person

in the crowd with smiles plastered on their faces?

And you are aware that your life is supposedly planned out

while others' are not

but you know deep down, there's more to it

People come and go, would you stay and understand?

Does it feel good to enter the exam hall

look at 200 MCQs only to realise you can only 

answer 50 and guessing for the 150 others are a chore

because there are 5 choices for each

People come and go, would you see that my tears are not from joy?

Does it feel good to have your hormones run wild

and you cannot stop the pendulum from swinging 

from one peak to another, stopping at the debris of your heart

People come and go, would you know why?

Does it feel good to not know what you want,

and because you pre-planned ahead

it's simply because you fear the future

and you grab the earlier opportunities available

shutting off all others

because choice is a bloody curse

People come and go, would you see all these?

Does it feel good to sit in the dungeon,

looking like you are in post-exam joy

only if they knew that you would miss everything

and yet you cannot wait to abandon all these and leave

People come and go, would you be the one to stay?

Does it feel good to feel your joy and happiness

and I am but an empty soul devoid of empathy

the deepest emotions possible are jadedness and pain

Purest of pain, they call it

Often underestimated, I feel it in my soul

People come and go, would you see me for who I am?

Does it feel good to not have a soul and laugh along

having heard of encouragements of strength

and you know u ain't like that at all

the irony of it all is that you're filled with unsaid pain

People come and go, would you ever know?

Does it feel good that your overwhelming joy and concern

seep into the darkest realms of my life

blocking out everything else

my words do not always have to be hurtful

most of the time they are cries of help

the line between the past and before have been demarcated

People come and go, would you not be one of them?

Does it feel good to read all your past entries,

feeling all the passion and fervour

which are now sorely lacking in your life

you can only laugh at your own stupidity

People come and go, would you please stay?

Because I need you.

Over.

If it's over, let it be over.
Can we keep it this way?
Do I need to be reminded of the haunting past,
everytime I see or hear about you or one of your random friends?
Whatever has left and been abandoned,
please stay that way.
Please.
I have no qualms about leaving it behind,
and I'm very happy with my life,
thank you very much.
I have nothing left in the past that I'd like to cherish or keep,
so please let it be.

It's been six years,
haven't you grown up?
i've said and done all i should or should not have
and let's just leave it that.
there's nothing i want from the past,
and i don't give a damn about what your life is.


And before you and your inquisitive insensitive "friends" come to me
and rattle off nonsense
that you guys don't even know about
just stay the way u are,
in my past.
You don't even know me,
you don't know what kind of freaking struggle these 6 years have been.
You don't even deserve my attention.


Stop haunting me.

La Fin [The End]

This is IT. I finished my final paper in NUS, survived it (though not well) but this is the end of my four years in NUS, where i spent endless nights coming back to school to mug/play games :) with the beautiful and soothing night in sight.

At this cross junction, what does one do? what is ahead? what does one lose? and what can one gain?

Without any sign post and in a state of transition, i call upon Durkheim's notion of anomie and apply it to myself now.

Is there an end at all?

Last Two

I survived the first two exams, and two more...
The greatest bane of my life.... Uncle Chua's module...

*pulls hair out*

Izzy, this will be over soon... *repeats 100000 times*

i can't believe...

.... that the freaking exams for me start tomorrow!!

*takes deep breaths*

Like how I began my first sem in NUS, this last sem will see me going thru consecutive exams within a span of a week....

... and see me lose sleep, have panic attacks, and forget why I even bothered going to uni.

I hope I have the strength to pull through.

What doesn't kill makes us stronger...

wait.... "uncle" chua's module is a killer...

sigh.

A Sneak Preview

After an exhilarating rush of essays, I will now reward myself [and the readers] with a preview of the places we plan to visit in about... 19 days time... hopefully, this is motivational enough, for my next heap of readings and preparations for my exams....

First Stop: Milan

One of the largest cities in Italy, she is known as one of the world's capital of fashion and design.

The Commune di Milano (Duomo)

View from the top of the dome

Naviglio

Second Stop: Pisa

Known for its Leaning Tower, it's popular as day trips for tourists. We intend to stay here for one night, just to take it slower.

Leaning Tower of Pisa

Piazza del Miracoli

Third Stop: Florence

The municipal coat of arms of Florence. So pretty right?

According to our dearest friend, Wiki, the "Historic Centre of Florence" was declared a heritage site by UNESCO in 1982.

Ponte Vecchio, where it is the symbol of Florence. Apparently, it was the only bridge not destroyed by the Nazis when the Italians withdrew in 1944.

That's all for now. Lesson of the day? According to Arjun Appadurai, the power of the imagination is made possible by mass migration and electronic media in modernity. Therefore, I am imagining a life possible in Europe, and I am going to migrate there in the future!

=)

I'm so happy...

... I can jump for joy!!!!

I finally, finally, finally finished my last bloody term paper of NUS =)
Previously, this paper caused me so much pain in the posterior [in KJ's words] that I was so depressed about it.... words began running in my head, prancing and dancing and taunting me, i had absolutely no idea what to write, how to begin....

Now that I've gotten it over and done with,
I have the exams.
Sigh =(

Oh well, two more weeks... just two more... after which,
when thou has done, thou has no more.

=)

La fin!

It has been a hell week, for all of us in school.
Having two essays due a day,
topping that with a random high weightage test,
having to sleep on the benches in the dungeon,
been there, done that.

Finally churned out a semi-coherent paper on Second Life, and it is more of a relief to get it over and done with, than pure satisfaction with the high level of quality.
It is total madness going through day by day, in this cookie cutter.
And worse still, it's to get a freaking grade back.
I need an average of A- to maintain my CAP and my sanity, as well as everyone else's.
Please, let all these be worth it.
I'm sacrificing my darling sleep for work!

AND the most beautiful part is:
this is just the beginning. One more reading week, and the exams would have descended upon us.
How the hell did the past 7 semesters go by and why did I not remember the misery I put myself through?


Note to self: This misery will end. Repeat to self 10000000 times.
If convincing myself doesn't work, try to knock myself out.

ESFJ

The Portait of the Provider (ESFJ)

Provider Guardians take it upon themselves to arrange for the health and welfare of those in their care, but they are also the most sociable of all the Guardians, and thus are the great nurturers of established institutions such as schools, businesses, churches, social clubs, and civic groups. Wherever they go, Providers take up the role of social contributor, happily giving their time and energy to make sure that the needs of others are met, that traditions are supported and developed, and that social functions are a success.

Providers are very likely more than ten percent of the population, and this is very fortunate for the rest of us, because friendly social service is a key to their nature. Highly cooperative themselves, Providers are skilled in maintaining teamwork among their helpers, and are also tireless in their attention to the details of furnishing goods and services. They make excellent chairpersons in charge of social events. They are without peer as masters of ceremonies, able to approach others with ease and confidence, and seemingly aware of what everyone's been doing. And they are outstanding hosts or hostesses, able to remember people's names, usually after one introduction, and always concerned about the needs of their guests, wanting to insure that all are involved and provided for.

Providers are extremely sensitive to the feelings of others, which makes them perhaps the most sympathetic of all the types, but which also leaves them rather self-conscious, that is, highly sensitive to what others think of them. Because of this Providers can be crushed by personal criticism, and will work most effectively when given ample appreciation both for themselves personally and for the service they give to others. This is not to say that Providers are afraid to express their own emotional reactions. They are quick to like and dislike-and don't mind saying so-tending to put on a pedestal whatever or whoever they admire, and to come down hard on those people and issues they don't care for.

In their choice of careers, Providers may lean toward sales and service occupations. They have such pleasant, outgoing personalities that they are far and away the best sales reps, not only regularly winning sales contests, but earning seniority in any sales group within an organization. Observing Providers at work in a sales transaction reveals clearly how this type personalizes the sale. They are visibly-and honestly-concerned with their customer's welfare, and thus the customer is not simply buying the product, but is buying personally from the Provider. This same characteristic causes them to be good in many people-to-people jobs, as teachers, clergy, coaches, social workers, office receptionists, and so on. Providers seldom become a source of irritation in the workplace; on the contrary, they are unflagging in their devotion to their company, and show such personal loyalty to their immediate superiors that they make invaluable personal secretaries.

the way i am

it's the last lap, u tell urself incessantly
but u know the flames are wavering
you've burnt out
you've flickered
you've quivered
you've bowed down to the winds

you've thought of just not existing.

the wax glides down
drip by drip
and you


can't find yourself

Moi

360 Degree Personality

Your Personality Reading

You are a person prone to bouts of real self-examination. This is in sharp contrast to a striking ability you have developed to appear socially very engaged, even the life and soul of the party; but in a way that only convinces others. You are all too aware of it being a facade.

You will often be at a gathering and find yourself playing a part. While on the one hand you'll be talkative and funny, you'll be detaching yourself to the point where you will find yourself watching everything going on around you and feeling utterly unable to engage. You'll play conversations back to yourself in your head and wonder what that person really meant when he said such-and-such - conversations that other people wouldn't give a second thought to.

How have you learned to deal with this conflict? Though exercising control. You like to show a calm, self-assured, fluid kind of stability (but because this is self-consciously created, it will create bouts of frustrated silliness and a delight in extremes, or at least a delight in being seen to be extreme). You most easily recognize this control in how you are with people around you. You have learned to protect yourself by keeping people at bay. Because in the past you have learned to be disappointed by people (and because there were issues with you adjusting to your sexuality), you instinctively keep people at arms' length, until you decide they are to be allowed over that magic line into your group of close friends. However, once across that line, the problem is that an emotional dependency kicks in which leaves you feeling very hurt or rejected if it appears that they have betrayed that status.

Because you are prone to self-examination, you will be aware of these traits. However, you are unusually able to examine even that self-examination, which means that you have become concerned about what the real you is. You have become all too aware of facades, of sides of yourself which you present to the world, and you wonder if you have lost touch with the real and spontaneous you.

You are very creative, and have tried different avenues to utilize that ability. It may not be that you specifically, say, paint; it may be that your creativity shows itself in more subtle ways, but you will certainly find yourself having vivid and well-formed ideas which others will find hard to grasp. You set high standards for yourself, though, and in many ways are a bit of a perfectionist. The problem is, though, that it means you often don't get stuff done, because you are frustrated by the idea of mediocrity and are wearied by the idea of starting something afresh. However, once your brain is engaged you'll find yourself sailing. Very likely this will lead to you having considered writing a novel or some such, but a fear that you won't be able to achieve quite what you want stops you from getting on with it. But you have a real vision for things, which others fall short of. Particularly in your work situation, you are currently fighting against restraints upon your desire to express yourself freely.

Your relationsihp with your parents (there is a sense that one is no longer around, or at least emotionally very absent) is under some strain. You wish to remain fond of them but recent issues are causing frustration - from your side far more than theirs. In fact they seem unaware of your thoughts on the matter.

Partly this is because there are ways in which you have been made to feel isolated from certain groups in the past - something of an outsider. Now what is happening is that you are taking that outsider role and defending it to the point of consciously avoiding creative and work pursuits. You have an enormous cynicism towards those who prefer to be part of a group or who exhibit any cliquey behavior, and you always feel a pang of disappointment when you see your 'close' friends seeming to follow that route. Deep down it feels like rejection.

For all that introspection, you have developed a sensational, dry sense of humour that makes connections quickly and wittily and will leave you making jokes that go right over the heads of others. You delight in it so much that you'll often rehearse jokes or amusing voices to understand yourself in order to 'spontaneously' impress others with them. But this is a healthy desire to impress, and although you hate catching yourself at it, it's nothing to be so worried about.

You're naturally a little disorganized. A look around your living space would likely show a box of photos, unorganized into albums, out-of-date medicines, broken items not thrown out, and notes to yourself significantly out of date. Something related to this is that you tend to lack motivation. Because you're resourceful and talented enough to be pretty successful when you put your mind to things, this encourages you to procrastinate and put them off. Equally, you've given up dreams a little easily when your mind flitted elsewhere. There are signs of an excursion into playing a musical instrument, which you have since abandoned, or are finding yourself less interested in. You have a real capacity for deciding that such-and-such a thing (or so-and-so a person) will be the be all and end all of everything and be with you for ever. But you'd rather try and fail, and swing from one extreme to the other, than settle for the little that you see others content with.

Conclusion: You present something of a conundrum, which won't surprise you. You are certainly bright, but unusually open to life's possibiliites - something not normally found among achieving people. You would do well to be less self-absorbed, as it tends to distance you a little, and to relinquish some of the control you exercise when you present that stylized version of yourself to others. You could let people in a little more.

Nus (read: Noose)

The noose hangs
loosely
and
you
t
h
i
n
k
but
.. WHAT
ARD GOES
ARD AROUND
AND COMES
AROUND

Des etoiles? J'en veux plusieurs.

If I could measure the level of stress my friends and I are going through now,
I'd say it will overflow like billions of measuring beakers.

The end of school term is like this imminent bomb,
waiting to explode in your face,
before you can say,
"I-haven't-even-finished-my-essays!"

I've got so much readings to cover,
I wish I could just disappear.

In this pressure cooker,
I'm sure we'd all be fried alive.

Someone please stop the time.
Or
help me do my work.

Rewinding the days of my life

If I were to press "backwards" on the vcr playing the snippets of my life,
I would stop in my JC days.

True enough, JC days were unexpectedly fraught with ups and downs,
with major changes in my life,
but they were the best of my life.

I seldom comment on this part of my life,
which sometimes I really wish I can forget
because it's way too painful despite its sweetness.

It's hard to figure out how and why things turn out the way they do.
And just because I avoid meeting and talking,
it does not mean I have forgotten.

My JC times have made me who I am:
a melting pot of jadedness, craziness, courage and fear

I guess it has taken me too long
Way too long to remember
everything I have selectively forgotten.

I know things can never go back the same
I am no fool
But I would like a chance to apologize

It's too late for me to ramble on and on about my mistakes
but
I still am apologetic.

So if you know you are that person,
I'm sorry.
Let me say this to you in person.

Bonbons!

Wee Loon: J.O.A.T©®™ says: (3:09:10 PM)
"quand il pleut dans ton coeur, il pleut dans le mien"

C'est assez de me rendre rire =)
Merci!

Fatigue

Je suis fatiguée d'expliquer la vérité.
Je n'en veux plus.
Je suis écœurée des personnes qui aiment parler beaucoup.
Je voudrais arrêter ça.
Je suis dégoûtée des "amies" qui prétendent qu'elles sont parfaites.
J'éspère qu'elles peuvent réfléchir bien à eux-mêmes.

Si tu ne me connaissais pas bien,
ne prétendrais pas que tu es mon amie.
Tu n'est pas maintenant, dans le passé.
Jamais dans le futur.

Ma vie, c'est à moi seulement.
C'est pas pour tes commentaires negatifs, merci beaucoup.

Je serai heureuse que tu disparaisses.
Ta belle vie ne m'interesse pas du tout.
Merci beaucoup.

L'amour

Moi, j'aime ça beaucoup.
C'est vrai, l'ironie dans la vie.
Quand tout semble parfait, pourquoi on veut partir?
Parce que l'on sait qu'il ya a plusieurs choses qui ne vont pas bien.

Les mots ne sont pas assez pour décrire cette carte postale.

C'est une carte postale de www.postsecretfrance.blogspot.com.

La Pluie

Like you it's of irony like to is flow why because that

how don't alright how kiss alright and but is

sometimes feel like life i your like i it's alright i

the the same is forget lips how i don't

blood but a how it but the

flows i guess carousel is it pearls know guess how it


ends

And so it's confirmed...

.... i've gone mad.
Rushing this essay across a span of five days,
Battling my dumb anaemia,
Sleeping little with a sore neck,
Weaving the paper together tiresomely,

And I think that the paper still sucks.

It is really disheartening when you are in your last semester,
and you are supposedly looking down from the summit of the past 4 years accumulated,
feeling contented and enlightened.

I'm nowhere near.

At most, probably in a pile of debris at the bottom of the summit.

Rien

Je suis très très fatiguée. Il y a beaucoup de chose à faire, mais il semble que il n'ya pas le temps. Je ne sais pas où le temps s'était passer. J'ai faire rien. 

C'est la dernière semestre. Et alors?

J'ai peur d'être un raté.

À mon avis, je ne suis pas trop au loins.

Le symptôme de la dernière semestre? 

Peut-être.

Je pense que c'est parce que je manque la motivation de finir ma dernière semestre.

Aide-moi. 

DEADLINES... which render u dead if u don't meet them.

State-Society Relations Paper: Due 12 March

Contemp Presentation: 19 March

Contemp Paper: 26 March

GEM Poster: 1 April

ISM: Due 14 April

EXAMS: Late April

I hope I'd not have burnt out by then. 

Life: a never-ending journey of lessons

As May draws closer, I can't help but feel excited about my post graduation future!
True enough, there is still a lot of work to clear (read: millions of essays and tests),
but I can almost smell working life.
I know, many people have warned me that it's crappy to work and they'd prefer studying.
I am sure I would feel that way occasionally.
BUT how can I not be eager and excited about this new phase of life,
when I have been a student for almost 16 years of my life?
Having taken on several jobs before, I have tasted working life in a different way that the real world would be.
But I sure look forward to how my prospects will be.

Of course, my jaded days have seen me view this new beginning as a possible failure.
But oh well,
you'll never know until you try.

=)

You live, you learn, you love, you learn. - Alanis Morisette

Jeu d'enfant

If like me, you are into simulation/strategy games like SIMS 2, I would really suggest a few really really interesting simulation/strategy games that I have been playing.
(And I've been complaining that I've little time to study...)

1. KUDOS Rock Legend

This game is sadly a little one dimensioned, and the graphics not very exciting. But it rocks (no pun intended) to be a rock band manager! (Or at least pretend to be...)

This game allows you to control the rehearsals, the gigs as well as the types of merchandises available for the band to grow and gain fame. You can even help them 'practise' with your memory, and help them gain skills. Even when it comes to choosing members, proceed with caution as some of them clash in personality, and they can walk out on you anytime. Even on the day of your gig.


Quite an addictive game; my only grouse is that it is too one - dimensional. I have managed to allow my band to sign a contract, release albums and endorse products, but the game also ended too fast to see the potential.

3.5 stars out of 5 stars.

* This game actually has its own predecessor - Kudos, and it is not as fun as Rock Legend. Characters do not really have much development, and it's just plain clicking. You can try the trial versions - they can provide quite an insight.

2. Chocolatier and Chocolatier 2


This is really one of my favourite games - more of Chocolatier 2 actually. It allows u to purchase supplies, produce chocolates which look really yummy-scrumpti-delicious. And you go for quests and it is really interesting. It has gotten me hooked for very long! The ultimate aim is to become a Master Chocolatier, with a myriad of fancy chocolate recipes under your belt. =)

4.5 stars out of 5





3. Jojo Fashion Show



Okay, I wouldn't call this a mentally stimulating game but it is FUN for dreamers like me, who want to design my own fashion chain and have fanciful clothes to dress my models. It has 70 stages and it is addictive. My grouse is that at about 40+ stages, it gets abit boring, asking u to mix and match clothes according to colour. It is a little brainless then. Other than that, it is fun! My favourite ones are the futuristic and bridal wear. Drools. =)

3.5 stars out of 5

Mid Sem Break

It's the last mid-sem break; and it is really make it or break it.
It's supposed to be for us to catch a breather, but I don't know why it only serves as a reminder of how much backlog I have to clear and how much more work I have ahead of me.
Sure doesn't look good.
I do know, at least, my schedule for next week is fully packed. I have an interview, a test or an essay due from Mondays to Fridays.

Can one get interview burn-outs? I guess you can. I am a little tired of the rounds of interviews that I have had to go, not because I am not keen on the jobs, but really because they tend to be a full day session each and I always have to rush back to NUS for classes.
It's painful for my pockets. =(

The headache about the kinda jobs to apply for comes because I have very specific interests and goals in my jobs. They include being able to progress, being judged based on my own performances as well as hopefully travelling prospects.
My firm belief still stands that for one to really experience a certain country's culture, one has to work/study or both there. Travelling as a tourist or at best a back-packer will not suffice.

Then again, there are limited job choices for my passions. The headache does not even end here.

The competition is tough, and as fresh graduate reeking of sheer lack of experience, you have to stand out at least in other aspects. Going for several interviews have certainly toughed me up and made me less prone to being shaken, but that just makes my view more pessimistic.

Boy, it's a tough world out there.

It is a brand new stage of life, awaiting all of us. In Dan's words, EMBRACE is the key.

Back to hitting my webcast. I can't believe the mid-sem break is almost over.

What will I be?

This is one of my favourite songs, and one of those that has been resonating in my head for quite some time. 

Que Sera Sera

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said.

Que Sera Sera,

Whatever will be, will be.

The future's not ours to see. 

Que Sera Sera, 

What will be, will be.

With the mounting pressure in my head to decide my career prospects, this song keeps me going. 

Not to leave everything to fate and just waiting for options to pop up, I take it that it will iron out.

In due time =)

The Very Dreaded time of the year.

Yup, it's V Day again, 

i.e. the Very Dreaded time of the year of men and women, both alike.

For singles, the over zealousness of couples in the public on this day is a turn-off and too over-the-top.

Women, either get serenaded, bombarded with gifts or are left to wonder about the true meaning of this day.

Attached men (or men in want of women) grunt and complain about how this damned day is overly-commercialised.

To this, I get tired of this grumbling because it is often the prospects of giving gifts to the one you love that daunts them.

I think that as cliched as it sounds, the true value of a gift lies in the sincerity.

You can have a bouquet of flowers from a man, but if you knew he was doing it out of absolute obligation or otherwise, the flowers would mean nothing but a bundle of petals. 

At least for me, the above is true.

A gift is something which comes from the heart, i.e. it takes time to plan and execute.

If a man manages to find time out of his busy schedules to actually plan an outing, with or without gifts, it will be sweet.

Of course, gifts will be nice, but not absolutely necessary.

Gifting your heart away. 

Sometimes, the grunts of men about their partners' expectations of them during V day is totally understandable. 

But being an absolute romantic, I believe that if one has the heart to give something, it can be done.

There is no perfect gift, in my view. 

It can be a little of your time, to spend just a little while walking with your darling on the beach.

It can be a little of your money, to splurge a little on a nice little dinner.

It can be a little effort, to plan a romantic dinner at home, perhaps with your own concocted (even burnt) dinner for her.

It can even be a girl doing the same thing for the guy. Love is about giving and receiving.

Whatever it is, it is about the heart. 

My guess is as much as a girl wants flowers, she would not appreciate it if it was done in a haste or with a lot of grumblings by the guy.

And the part about V Day being over-commercialised, I don't buy that crap.

Afterall, it becomes overdone IF you allow it to be.

I agree it is utterly sweet if a man treats you well, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

But V Day can be a day, a tad more special.

Just you and her, ignoring the world, celebrating the day of amour your own way.

:)

Just my two cents' worth.

Of course, V day is not just about mushy "coupley love", it's about remembering why you were together in the first place, why you all stood together amidst all obstacles, and why this person still means so much to you.

Happy Valentine's Day, my friends. 

J'éspere que cet jour va très bien pour vous. =)

A break

To take a break, it's to ensure that one can walk even further.
When things around get you down, it will be good if you can take a backseat, observe your surroundings, get detached, and take a momentary break.
Not because you concede defeat, but it's because you know this break will help you to prepare yourself for more down the road and be more determined to cross every obstacle.

Afterall, the light at the end of the tunnel
is the light from an oncoming train.
=)

Sometimes, being the jaded and pessimist me, this is the best I can think to push myself.
And yes, I need a break. A Europe trip to be exact. =)

Been speaking to a few friends about this graduation trip recently, and decided to suss out the alternatives of travelling cheap and easy to Europe.
Here's my 2 cent worth on back packing cheaply. Literally, since my ideas are fuss-free and inexpensive.

1. Accomodation

Because most of the time will be spent travelling, it will be more practical and realistic to stay in a cheap hostel, instead of a hotel. For obvious economic reasons, the accomodation place will probably be used in the night. And contrary to beliefs, most hostels are really quite comfortable.

To book your hostels, these are the following reliable sites:

a. www.hostelworld.com

Personally, having booked hostels numerous times from this site, it has never failed me and has a good feedback system you can check out before booking. With a STA student card, you can also save the $2 booking fee each time you book. It's quite a good website and I rely on it quite a lot. In terms of the booking, the practice is to pay around 10% downpayment online first, and you pay the rest after you check in at the hostel itself.

For example, my personal experience with St. Athans Guesthouse in London has left me with good memories. As advertised in www.hostelworld.com, it made us feel very welcome with a very filling and generous English breakfast. The place was a little dilapidated, but it was in a good location. It has sure motivated us to return.


b. www.hostelbookers.com
Having not used this personally myself, the feedback from my friend was that the website is just as user-friendly as Hostel World. Will probably use it myself the next time.

c. www.couchsurfing.com
My friend introduced me to this website which apparently allows you to have intercultural exchanges with people all over the world by bunking with them. Sounds too good to be true? Maybe. But I believe in the goodwill of travellers - the guideline is to give back to your hosts who allow you to well, couchsurf. For example by doing the dishes, share a special skill. It's really an intriguing idea to me, and I am just waiting to try it out.

That's at least what I can offer so far about accomodation. =) Hope that I have more to share in days to come.

2. Travelling

If you're like me, planning a cheap backpacking trip and saving time desperately as I only have approximately 3 weeks to cover the exotic places in Europe, I am looking for a time-saving travelling method. Sure, there are so many ways but I will only cover certain aspects for now such as buses and planes as the others such as rail transport is a little more complicated and I do not have the material with me now.

a. Buses are a wonderful and cheap way, albeit sometimes uncomfortable. But what's a poor traveller to do, except to make do with the inexpensive but practical way. One good example will be www.megabus.com. Megabus apparently now runs in US too.

Why Megabus? Because it is cheap. The price to travel from Newcastle to London can be 1 pound (SGD 3 dollars) IF you book early. If not, it can be more but if you plan in advance, you can really save quite a fortune. It also goes to Edinburgh. The trip from Newcastle to London is approximately 6 hours and sometimes, the seats can get a little uncomfortable. Just a cautionary word: some bus passengers can be rather inconsiderate by taking up 2 seats, and you end up sitting on a cramped seat. One bus ticket also limits you to one hand carry, for those who have heavy luggages, and thus, it can be quite problematic. But generally, cheap and reliable.

b. Airplanes

Airplanes can help save time if you want to be ambitious and carry out the exploring of as many cities as possible. Sure, it's no fun jetting to one place to another, not being able to stay and really tour the place. But budget airlines can be rather time-saving.

www.easyjet.com

Generally, I enjoy my travels with them as the airline crew are very friendly, and professional. I feel more at ease with them honestly, than Ryanair and my travels with EasyJet have so far been good. The only memorably unhappy time was when I was stuck in Paris Charles de Gaulle Airport - my flight was supposed to be at 9pm but because the flight was delayed due to a person in cast was flying and was having difficulties, I only flew at 12 amand reached Newcastle at 1.30am, hungry, tired and very grumpy as I had to edit my essays due next day 9am. It was a shocker for me, but I decided against complaining as they were really professional and apologized for the delay. This shows how important service and damage control are.

www.ryanair.com

Personally, I do not really like Ryanair. I have met several cabin crew who were rude and rowdy, but I give it to them that they pride themselves on being the most punctual budget airline. But mostly, I felt that the seats were uncomfortable. But Ryanair wins forhaving cheap tickets, very important for poor travellers like me. Sometimes, if you book early enough, you can get flights at 0 Euros, exclusive of airport tax. So a trip from Paris to Barcelona cost me about 80 singapore dollars (40 Euros). Quite a good deal, if you consider that the trips are fast and well, cheap, though sometimes uncomfortable.

Another very helpful website if you are planning your flight itinerary will be www.whichbudget.com - this allows you to check out most of the time the cheapest flights and it is highly reliable. Very useful and fuss-free. Saves you the trouble of going though different airline companies to check if they offer flights to specific destinations.

I guess that's all for now. Typing all these is very therapeutic. =)

Nightmares

While I could bore you to tears by rambling about how unlucky I've been recently, I decided to spare myself the pain of reliving the nightmares and remember to stay positive in these times of gloom.

I just hope that my dearest ones around me and their families and friends are safe and sound. Please take care, my dear friend.

Accident

Un accident, toi et moi.

Il pleut dans le ciel

vous, n'arretez pas!

mais trop tard -

je pense.


ce moment,

j'ai fermé mes yeux, nos cœurs se sont rencontrés, le temp s'est passé... et j'ai oublié.

nous sommes blessés, mais c'est pas grave.

Un accident, toi et moi.

In the mood for travelling

Been contemplating if I should embark on a graduation trip to Europe. With obvious obstacles such as the lack of money, it's been bugging me quite a lot. I guess I just have to save up and decide after that. Undeniably, it is good to have a motivation to look forward to. May, the month of wonderful possibilities: graduation with a second upper, travelling in europe, a challenging job and my birthday.

My 23rd birthday. Well, not very enthusiastic to look forward to because I am growing too old, way too fast. I was just complaining to Loon the other day that when I was seventeen, I always wanted to be twenty. And once you are twenty, time flies and there's no end to that. You just keep growing very old. 20, 21, 22, 23... and it just goes on. It gets depressing sometimes. 23. I can't believe I've stayed so long on this earth. And sometimes, I really wonder what I have truly achieved. Not in terms of solid achievements, but personal ones.

When I was 21, I told myself that I must accomplish certain stuff in the entire year I turned 21. And I guess I did. I got my driving license, after 3 attempts no less (!!), dug out my guts to apply for exchange in Europe, took up Jazz Dance and Guitar classes.

After 21, I feel empty somehow. I have no idea why. It is funny how you meet your secondary friends and you exclaim that you have known the person for a good whole 10 years. And then you count. And you realise, yes, indeed, you are THAT old.

Back to travelling in Europe. These are the places I truly want to visit, before I die, or possibly for my Graduation trip. Someone give me strength to conquer all my tuition assignments and save incessantly.

1. Northern Lights (Scandinavian countries)



What can I say? Transcient, breath taking, gorgeous. I remembered reading that they can be found once a year, in places like Sweden and Iceland. I would totally love to stand underneath those azure skies, soak in the beauty and remember it for the rest of my life.

2. Eiffel Tower (Paris, France)



This stunning tower amazes me always. Even though I have stood underneath this gigantic monument both in the day and night, I will never cease wanting to visit this French national monument. In the night, it aptly appropriates the title "City of Lights" to Paris. A perfect spot for lovers, yet an individual will never feel lonely in the midst of these shimmering stars. The queue to go up to the highest point can be a bit frustrating and expensive, but I would highly recommend it.




You can always get a kick out of finding Singapore in the viewing tower and knowing that you are really, really far away =)

3. Neuswanstein Castle (Munich, Germany)



Too beautiful that it looks almost unreal. A real castle once habited by King Ludwig, the view of the Disney castle from Marion bridge is awesome. Not for those afraid of heights as you are suspended high above the ground and you can see the sea below. But worth the challenge. I know because I was trying not to cringe as I shot the above picture. The inner decorations of the castle is a disappointment as opposed to the outer façade but it is a must visit! Especially beautiful when travelling in the winter as the mountains are snow-capped and it looks all too ravishing. However, be careful of the shoes you wear. I know because me and Loon almost slipped to our deaths as the paths were icy and slippery and we almost disappeared from the face of the earth.

4. Berlin Wall (Berlin, Germany)


My fascination with European history demanded me to visit the remnants of the wall. There were actually different locations of the Berlin wall, cutting across East and West Berlin. This array is the artists' constructions on the wall - one can often spot cries for peace on this whole stretch of wall. It is so beautiful that you can just stand there in utter amazement.


This is a very interesting slab of wall where you can see many many people writing on their birth years. Finding whatever pen we had, of course we left our marks.

The other sections of the wall is rather old and destroyed, and I guess it is a more vivid and true depiction of how the Wall separated the Germans in the Cold War. A must visit. I would also recommend the Free Walking Tour in Berlin which I went for two times. They meet at the Starbucks in the morning, near the Brandenburg Gate. Very informational. A historical tour that you experience with your eyes. A must go for history buffs.


5. The Colosseum (Rome, Italy)

Colosseum by day



Colosseum by night

All roads lead to Rome. I guess that is true. A trip to Europe must encompass a visit to this beautiful monument. I would recommend a visit to this place in the night as the lights which light up this gargantuan landmark are truly magnificent. A pity we did not manage to enter this place as it was midnight by the time we reached there. A must-go for us again!

6. Venice, Italy

Who can forget this beautiful place after just a mere visit? Not me. The canals are quite an awesome sight, and a boat ride through the Grand Canals is very delightful. The views are simply indescribable. Caution about the gondola rides though - they may seem romantic but they can hurt quite a lot in the pocket. I remember the prices range about 60 Euros. I skipped it because I prefer the good old boat rides. Oh well, you can pretend you are on the gondola while on the boat travelling through the Grand Canals. =)







According to what we read, they are building a fourth bridge for Venice. The bridges are individually beautiful and unique. I remember that I was busy taking pictures in the cold.


The splendid Venetian costumes. For keepsakes, I purchased a small little Venetian mask. And their Murano glass ornaments are simply cute!



I have a weakness for these jewellery, especially those which are very unique. I had to be dragged away by Loon before I spend my entire fortune in those shops. I bought a few goldfish ball ornaments which I do not bear to wear yet. However, beware of some shops which may be selling non-genuine Murano glass goods. It is common to see fake goods being peddled around, especially outside the branded stores such as Gucci, Louis Vuitton. The peddlars can be seen peddling their wares such as bags, belts and shades blatantly outside these shops. Quite an amusing sight.




St Mark's Square, Venice. Very romantic, and quaint. Excellent for an euro-centric person like me.

7. Athens, Greece


One of the world's oldest cities - how to resist? I have not been there personally, but I would sure love to experience one of the oldest remnants of civilisations.

The Olympics Stadium in Athens.

8. St Charles Bridge (Prague, Czech Republic)

Misty and mysterious. You almost cannot believe your sights. This bridge is my favourite. By the side, artists display their work and it is very tempting to stop by every stall.


This is no exaggeration of how the sights look like. It is that charming. An eastern europe tourist spot, St Charles Bridge has the perfect mise-en-scene for great photographs and makes you never want to leave.


After writing all these, it makes me realise that I have visited some of these places and want to go there again. A very boring person maybe, but it speaks a lot about the captivating sights they behold. =)

Aliens vs Predator 2

For those who have caught the prequel AVP, this film is the exact reason why sequels are never worth your time. Watched it at Tampines Mall yesterday, and the only redeeming factor of the film is the fascinating cinematic effects. Other than that, I feel for my poor pocket.


AVP 2 is a confusing, erratic combination of poorly scripted plot, a myriad of characters and weak directions which leaves you wondering why you bothered paying money for the film. To start off with, the human characters are there for no sure reason.





You wonder whether they are there for the sex factor (with this cleavage revealing babe) or just to be killed off. The fight scenes are contrived, almost as if they are there to scare or gross you. No plot, no link, no thing. Nothing.




The only best part, and I emphasize this with only, is the aggressive sparring scenes between the Predator and Aliens. However, this is sadly interrupted with abrupt intrusions of human characters with no plot whatsoever.



And amusing enough, throughout the WHOLE entire film, there was only one Predator against innumerable Aliens. And you wonder why.

No wonder our friend joked that it was already stated explicitly in the film title that it was: AlienS vs Predator 2.

I guess what one of the critics mentioned abt AVP 2 is true: "The only winner in Aliens versus Predator 2? The one who avoids watching it."

Rating: 1.5 out of 5 stars

Elizabeth: The Golden Age

Harbouring a deep love for Europe's history, this show was a must-watch for me.

Having watched the prequel in my JC years, I was keen to find out how the sequel would turn out, fully aware that more often than not, sequels were not worth the time.

Cate Blanchett is reinstated in her role as Queen Elizabeth, and in all glory at that. I must say that the effects are overwhelmingly powerful in furiously driving the plot forward, and some scenes beautifully etched in my mind. The movie captured poignant moments of Elizabeth, as a benevolent ruler - melancholic but beautiful.



Seemingly manipulative and driven by absolute power, Elizabeth is anything but that as subtly and brilliantly portrayed. I feel her loneliness as the virgin queen, not able to be loved as a person other than her status as a queen. Overwhelmed by pressure to marry and marriage proposals, she did not succumb. Intermingled with themes of love, friendship and war, this movie weaves them prettily into a neat set of storyline.




The charming seaman came along, charmed her heart but left her heartbroken. Trust broken and faced with an impending attack from the Spanish, Elizabeth's temper rears its ugly head. Ironically, the manipulation of effects only made it easier to emphatize with her. She yearned to be free, contrary to how one would expect a monarch to behave.




I enjoyed the tremendous effort in recreating the scenes of the monarchy, despite detractors criticisms of how all the magnificent effects only served to veil the powerful acting. After all, an epic movie would only be an empty shell without them.


My favourite snapshot of the movie - the depiction of how small she was in the world.
Merely a chess piece in the infinity of politics.


With strokes of luck, the Spanish were defeated in a surprising turn of fate with Elizabeth proclaiming to her people that she would meet them in heaven or the battlefield of success.



A very rich piece of work I would recommend.

4 out of 5 stars.