Fatigue

Je suis fatiguée d'expliquer la vérité.
Je n'en veux plus.
Je suis écœurée des personnes qui aiment parler beaucoup.
Je voudrais arrêter ça.
Je suis dégoûtée des "amies" qui prétendent qu'elles sont parfaites.
J'éspère qu'elles peuvent réfléchir bien à eux-mêmes.

Si tu ne me connaissais pas bien,
ne prétendrais pas que tu es mon amie.
Tu n'est pas maintenant, dans le passé.
Jamais dans le futur.

Ma vie, c'est à moi seulement.
C'est pas pour tes commentaires negatifs, merci beaucoup.

Je serai heureuse que tu disparaisses.
Ta belle vie ne m'interesse pas du tout.
Merci beaucoup.

L'amour

Moi, j'aime ça beaucoup.
C'est vrai, l'ironie dans la vie.
Quand tout semble parfait, pourquoi on veut partir?
Parce que l'on sait qu'il ya a plusieurs choses qui ne vont pas bien.

Les mots ne sont pas assez pour décrire cette carte postale.

C'est une carte postale de www.postsecretfrance.blogspot.com.

La Pluie

Like you it's of irony like to is flow why because that

how don't alright how kiss alright and but is

sometimes feel like life i your like i it's alright i

the the same is forget lips how i don't

blood but a how it but the

flows i guess carousel is it pearls know guess how it


ends

And so it's confirmed...

.... i've gone mad.
Rushing this essay across a span of five days,
Battling my dumb anaemia,
Sleeping little with a sore neck,
Weaving the paper together tiresomely,

And I think that the paper still sucks.

It is really disheartening when you are in your last semester,
and you are supposedly looking down from the summit of the past 4 years accumulated,
feeling contented and enlightened.

I'm nowhere near.

At most, probably in a pile of debris at the bottom of the summit.

Rien

Je suis très très fatiguée. Il y a beaucoup de chose à faire, mais il semble que il n'ya pas le temps. Je ne sais pas où le temps s'était passer. J'ai faire rien. 

C'est la dernière semestre. Et alors?

J'ai peur d'être un raté.

À mon avis, je ne suis pas trop au loins.

Le symptôme de la dernière semestre? 

Peut-être.

Je pense que c'est parce que je manque la motivation de finir ma dernière semestre.

Aide-moi. 

DEADLINES... which render u dead if u don't meet them.

State-Society Relations Paper: Due 12 March

Contemp Presentation: 19 March

Contemp Paper: 26 March

GEM Poster: 1 April

ISM: Due 14 April

EXAMS: Late April

I hope I'd not have burnt out by then. 

Life: a never-ending journey of lessons

As May draws closer, I can't help but feel excited about my post graduation future!
True enough, there is still a lot of work to clear (read: millions of essays and tests),
but I can almost smell working life.
I know, many people have warned me that it's crappy to work and they'd prefer studying.
I am sure I would feel that way occasionally.
BUT how can I not be eager and excited about this new phase of life,
when I have been a student for almost 16 years of my life?
Having taken on several jobs before, I have tasted working life in a different way that the real world would be.
But I sure look forward to how my prospects will be.

Of course, my jaded days have seen me view this new beginning as a possible failure.
But oh well,
you'll never know until you try.

=)

You live, you learn, you love, you learn. - Alanis Morisette

Jeu d'enfant

If like me, you are into simulation/strategy games like SIMS 2, I would really suggest a few really really interesting simulation/strategy games that I have been playing.
(And I've been complaining that I've little time to study...)

1. KUDOS Rock Legend

This game is sadly a little one dimensioned, and the graphics not very exciting. But it rocks (no pun intended) to be a rock band manager! (Or at least pretend to be...)

This game allows you to control the rehearsals, the gigs as well as the types of merchandises available for the band to grow and gain fame. You can even help them 'practise' with your memory, and help them gain skills. Even when it comes to choosing members, proceed with caution as some of them clash in personality, and they can walk out on you anytime. Even on the day of your gig.


Quite an addictive game; my only grouse is that it is too one - dimensional. I have managed to allow my band to sign a contract, release albums and endorse products, but the game also ended too fast to see the potential.

3.5 stars out of 5 stars.

* This game actually has its own predecessor - Kudos, and it is not as fun as Rock Legend. Characters do not really have much development, and it's just plain clicking. You can try the trial versions - they can provide quite an insight.

2. Chocolatier and Chocolatier 2


This is really one of my favourite games - more of Chocolatier 2 actually. It allows u to purchase supplies, produce chocolates which look really yummy-scrumpti-delicious. And you go for quests and it is really interesting. It has gotten me hooked for very long! The ultimate aim is to become a Master Chocolatier, with a myriad of fancy chocolate recipes under your belt. =)

4.5 stars out of 5





3. Jojo Fashion Show



Okay, I wouldn't call this a mentally stimulating game but it is FUN for dreamers like me, who want to design my own fashion chain and have fanciful clothes to dress my models. It has 70 stages and it is addictive. My grouse is that at about 40+ stages, it gets abit boring, asking u to mix and match clothes according to colour. It is a little brainless then. Other than that, it is fun! My favourite ones are the futuristic and bridal wear. Drools. =)

3.5 stars out of 5

Mid Sem Break

It's the last mid-sem break; and it is really make it or break it.
It's supposed to be for us to catch a breather, but I don't know why it only serves as a reminder of how much backlog I have to clear and how much more work I have ahead of me.
Sure doesn't look good.
I do know, at least, my schedule for next week is fully packed. I have an interview, a test or an essay due from Mondays to Fridays.

Can one get interview burn-outs? I guess you can. I am a little tired of the rounds of interviews that I have had to go, not because I am not keen on the jobs, but really because they tend to be a full day session each and I always have to rush back to NUS for classes.
It's painful for my pockets. =(

The headache about the kinda jobs to apply for comes because I have very specific interests and goals in my jobs. They include being able to progress, being judged based on my own performances as well as hopefully travelling prospects.
My firm belief still stands that for one to really experience a certain country's culture, one has to work/study or both there. Travelling as a tourist or at best a back-packer will not suffice.

Then again, there are limited job choices for my passions. The headache does not even end here.

The competition is tough, and as fresh graduate reeking of sheer lack of experience, you have to stand out at least in other aspects. Going for several interviews have certainly toughed me up and made me less prone to being shaken, but that just makes my view more pessimistic.

Boy, it's a tough world out there.

It is a brand new stage of life, awaiting all of us. In Dan's words, EMBRACE is the key.

Back to hitting my webcast. I can't believe the mid-sem break is almost over.

What will I be?

This is one of my favourite songs, and one of those that has been resonating in my head for quite some time. 

Que Sera Sera

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said.

Que Sera Sera,

Whatever will be, will be.

The future's not ours to see. 

Que Sera Sera, 

What will be, will be.

With the mounting pressure in my head to decide my career prospects, this song keeps me going. 

Not to leave everything to fate and just waiting for options to pop up, I take it that it will iron out.

In due time =)

The Very Dreaded time of the year.

Yup, it's V Day again, 

i.e. the Very Dreaded time of the year of men and women, both alike.

For singles, the over zealousness of couples in the public on this day is a turn-off and too over-the-top.

Women, either get serenaded, bombarded with gifts or are left to wonder about the true meaning of this day.

Attached men (or men in want of women) grunt and complain about how this damned day is overly-commercialised.

To this, I get tired of this grumbling because it is often the prospects of giving gifts to the one you love that daunts them.

I think that as cliched as it sounds, the true value of a gift lies in the sincerity.

You can have a bouquet of flowers from a man, but if you knew he was doing it out of absolute obligation or otherwise, the flowers would mean nothing but a bundle of petals. 

At least for me, the above is true.

A gift is something which comes from the heart, i.e. it takes time to plan and execute.

If a man manages to find time out of his busy schedules to actually plan an outing, with or without gifts, it will be sweet.

Of course, gifts will be nice, but not absolutely necessary.

Gifting your heart away. 

Sometimes, the grunts of men about their partners' expectations of them during V day is totally understandable. 

But being an absolute romantic, I believe that if one has the heart to give something, it can be done.

There is no perfect gift, in my view. 

It can be a little of your time, to spend just a little while walking with your darling on the beach.

It can be a little of your money, to splurge a little on a nice little dinner.

It can be a little effort, to plan a romantic dinner at home, perhaps with your own concocted (even burnt) dinner for her.

It can even be a girl doing the same thing for the guy. Love is about giving and receiving.

Whatever it is, it is about the heart. 

My guess is as much as a girl wants flowers, she would not appreciate it if it was done in a haste or with a lot of grumblings by the guy.

And the part about V Day being over-commercialised, I don't buy that crap.

Afterall, it becomes overdone IF you allow it to be.

I agree it is utterly sweet if a man treats you well, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

But V Day can be a day, a tad more special.

Just you and her, ignoring the world, celebrating the day of amour your own way.

:)

Just my two cents' worth.

Of course, V day is not just about mushy "coupley love", it's about remembering why you were together in the first place, why you all stood together amidst all obstacles, and why this person still means so much to you.

Happy Valentine's Day, my friends. 

J'éspere que cet jour va très bien pour vous. =)

A break

To take a break, it's to ensure that one can walk even further.
When things around get you down, it will be good if you can take a backseat, observe your surroundings, get detached, and take a momentary break.
Not because you concede defeat, but it's because you know this break will help you to prepare yourself for more down the road and be more determined to cross every obstacle.

Afterall, the light at the end of the tunnel
is the light from an oncoming train.
=)

Sometimes, being the jaded and pessimist me, this is the best I can think to push myself.
And yes, I need a break. A Europe trip to be exact. =)

Been speaking to a few friends about this graduation trip recently, and decided to suss out the alternatives of travelling cheap and easy to Europe.
Here's my 2 cent worth on back packing cheaply. Literally, since my ideas are fuss-free and inexpensive.

1. Accomodation

Because most of the time will be spent travelling, it will be more practical and realistic to stay in a cheap hostel, instead of a hotel. For obvious economic reasons, the accomodation place will probably be used in the night. And contrary to beliefs, most hostels are really quite comfortable.

To book your hostels, these are the following reliable sites:

a. www.hostelworld.com

Personally, having booked hostels numerous times from this site, it has never failed me and has a good feedback system you can check out before booking. With a STA student card, you can also save the $2 booking fee each time you book. It's quite a good website and I rely on it quite a lot. In terms of the booking, the practice is to pay around 10% downpayment online first, and you pay the rest after you check in at the hostel itself.

For example, my personal experience with St. Athans Guesthouse in London has left me with good memories. As advertised in www.hostelworld.com, it made us feel very welcome with a very filling and generous English breakfast. The place was a little dilapidated, but it was in a good location. It has sure motivated us to return.


b. www.hostelbookers.com
Having not used this personally myself, the feedback from my friend was that the website is just as user-friendly as Hostel World. Will probably use it myself the next time.

c. www.couchsurfing.com
My friend introduced me to this website which apparently allows you to have intercultural exchanges with people all over the world by bunking with them. Sounds too good to be true? Maybe. But I believe in the goodwill of travellers - the guideline is to give back to your hosts who allow you to well, couchsurf. For example by doing the dishes, share a special skill. It's really an intriguing idea to me, and I am just waiting to try it out.

That's at least what I can offer so far about accomodation. =) Hope that I have more to share in days to come.

2. Travelling

If you're like me, planning a cheap backpacking trip and saving time desperately as I only have approximately 3 weeks to cover the exotic places in Europe, I am looking for a time-saving travelling method. Sure, there are so many ways but I will only cover certain aspects for now such as buses and planes as the others such as rail transport is a little more complicated and I do not have the material with me now.

a. Buses are a wonderful and cheap way, albeit sometimes uncomfortable. But what's a poor traveller to do, except to make do with the inexpensive but practical way. One good example will be www.megabus.com. Megabus apparently now runs in US too.

Why Megabus? Because it is cheap. The price to travel from Newcastle to London can be 1 pound (SGD 3 dollars) IF you book early. If not, it can be more but if you plan in advance, you can really save quite a fortune. It also goes to Edinburgh. The trip from Newcastle to London is approximately 6 hours and sometimes, the seats can get a little uncomfortable. Just a cautionary word: some bus passengers can be rather inconsiderate by taking up 2 seats, and you end up sitting on a cramped seat. One bus ticket also limits you to one hand carry, for those who have heavy luggages, and thus, it can be quite problematic. But generally, cheap and reliable.

b. Airplanes

Airplanes can help save time if you want to be ambitious and carry out the exploring of as many cities as possible. Sure, it's no fun jetting to one place to another, not being able to stay and really tour the place. But budget airlines can be rather time-saving.

www.easyjet.com

Generally, I enjoy my travels with them as the airline crew are very friendly, and professional. I feel more at ease with them honestly, than Ryanair and my travels with EasyJet have so far been good. The only memorably unhappy time was when I was stuck in Paris Charles de Gaulle Airport - my flight was supposed to be at 9pm but because the flight was delayed due to a person in cast was flying and was having difficulties, I only flew at 12 amand reached Newcastle at 1.30am, hungry, tired and very grumpy as I had to edit my essays due next day 9am. It was a shocker for me, but I decided against complaining as they were really professional and apologized for the delay. This shows how important service and damage control are.

www.ryanair.com

Personally, I do not really like Ryanair. I have met several cabin crew who were rude and rowdy, but I give it to them that they pride themselves on being the most punctual budget airline. But mostly, I felt that the seats were uncomfortable. But Ryanair wins forhaving cheap tickets, very important for poor travellers like me. Sometimes, if you book early enough, you can get flights at 0 Euros, exclusive of airport tax. So a trip from Paris to Barcelona cost me about 80 singapore dollars (40 Euros). Quite a good deal, if you consider that the trips are fast and well, cheap, though sometimes uncomfortable.

Another very helpful website if you are planning your flight itinerary will be www.whichbudget.com - this allows you to check out most of the time the cheapest flights and it is highly reliable. Very useful and fuss-free. Saves you the trouble of going though different airline companies to check if they offer flights to specific destinations.

I guess that's all for now. Typing all these is very therapeutic. =)

Nightmares

While I could bore you to tears by rambling about how unlucky I've been recently, I decided to spare myself the pain of reliving the nightmares and remember to stay positive in these times of gloom.

I just hope that my dearest ones around me and their families and friends are safe and sound. Please take care, my dear friend.

Accident

Un accident, toi et moi.

Il pleut dans le ciel

vous, n'arretez pas!

mais trop tard -

je pense.


ce moment,

j'ai fermé mes yeux, nos cœurs se sont rencontrés, le temp s'est passé... et j'ai oublié.

nous sommes blessés, mais c'est pas grave.

Un accident, toi et moi.

In the mood for travelling

Been contemplating if I should embark on a graduation trip to Europe. With obvious obstacles such as the lack of money, it's been bugging me quite a lot. I guess I just have to save up and decide after that. Undeniably, it is good to have a motivation to look forward to. May, the month of wonderful possibilities: graduation with a second upper, travelling in europe, a challenging job and my birthday.

My 23rd birthday. Well, not very enthusiastic to look forward to because I am growing too old, way too fast. I was just complaining to Loon the other day that when I was seventeen, I always wanted to be twenty. And once you are twenty, time flies and there's no end to that. You just keep growing very old. 20, 21, 22, 23... and it just goes on. It gets depressing sometimes. 23. I can't believe I've stayed so long on this earth. And sometimes, I really wonder what I have truly achieved. Not in terms of solid achievements, but personal ones.

When I was 21, I told myself that I must accomplish certain stuff in the entire year I turned 21. And I guess I did. I got my driving license, after 3 attempts no less (!!), dug out my guts to apply for exchange in Europe, took up Jazz Dance and Guitar classes.

After 21, I feel empty somehow. I have no idea why. It is funny how you meet your secondary friends and you exclaim that you have known the person for a good whole 10 years. And then you count. And you realise, yes, indeed, you are THAT old.

Back to travelling in Europe. These are the places I truly want to visit, before I die, or possibly for my Graduation trip. Someone give me strength to conquer all my tuition assignments and save incessantly.

1. Northern Lights (Scandinavian countries)



What can I say? Transcient, breath taking, gorgeous. I remembered reading that they can be found once a year, in places like Sweden and Iceland. I would totally love to stand underneath those azure skies, soak in the beauty and remember it for the rest of my life.

2. Eiffel Tower (Paris, France)



This stunning tower amazes me always. Even though I have stood underneath this gigantic monument both in the day and night, I will never cease wanting to visit this French national monument. In the night, it aptly appropriates the title "City of Lights" to Paris. A perfect spot for lovers, yet an individual will never feel lonely in the midst of these shimmering stars. The queue to go up to the highest point can be a bit frustrating and expensive, but I would highly recommend it.




You can always get a kick out of finding Singapore in the viewing tower and knowing that you are really, really far away =)

3. Neuswanstein Castle (Munich, Germany)



Too beautiful that it looks almost unreal. A real castle once habited by King Ludwig, the view of the Disney castle from Marion bridge is awesome. Not for those afraid of heights as you are suspended high above the ground and you can see the sea below. But worth the challenge. I know because I was trying not to cringe as I shot the above picture. The inner decorations of the castle is a disappointment as opposed to the outer façade but it is a must visit! Especially beautiful when travelling in the winter as the mountains are snow-capped and it looks all too ravishing. However, be careful of the shoes you wear. I know because me and Loon almost slipped to our deaths as the paths were icy and slippery and we almost disappeared from the face of the earth.

4. Berlin Wall (Berlin, Germany)


My fascination with European history demanded me to visit the remnants of the wall. There were actually different locations of the Berlin wall, cutting across East and West Berlin. This array is the artists' constructions on the wall - one can often spot cries for peace on this whole stretch of wall. It is so beautiful that you can just stand there in utter amazement.


This is a very interesting slab of wall where you can see many many people writing on their birth years. Finding whatever pen we had, of course we left our marks.

The other sections of the wall is rather old and destroyed, and I guess it is a more vivid and true depiction of how the Wall separated the Germans in the Cold War. A must visit. I would also recommend the Free Walking Tour in Berlin which I went for two times. They meet at the Starbucks in the morning, near the Brandenburg Gate. Very informational. A historical tour that you experience with your eyes. A must go for history buffs.


5. The Colosseum (Rome, Italy)

Colosseum by day



Colosseum by night

All roads lead to Rome. I guess that is true. A trip to Europe must encompass a visit to this beautiful monument. I would recommend a visit to this place in the night as the lights which light up this gargantuan landmark are truly magnificent. A pity we did not manage to enter this place as it was midnight by the time we reached there. A must-go for us again!

6. Venice, Italy

Who can forget this beautiful place after just a mere visit? Not me. The canals are quite an awesome sight, and a boat ride through the Grand Canals is very delightful. The views are simply indescribable. Caution about the gondola rides though - they may seem romantic but they can hurt quite a lot in the pocket. I remember the prices range about 60 Euros. I skipped it because I prefer the good old boat rides. Oh well, you can pretend you are on the gondola while on the boat travelling through the Grand Canals. =)







According to what we read, they are building a fourth bridge for Venice. The bridges are individually beautiful and unique. I remember that I was busy taking pictures in the cold.


The splendid Venetian costumes. For keepsakes, I purchased a small little Venetian mask. And their Murano glass ornaments are simply cute!



I have a weakness for these jewellery, especially those which are very unique. I had to be dragged away by Loon before I spend my entire fortune in those shops. I bought a few goldfish ball ornaments which I do not bear to wear yet. However, beware of some shops which may be selling non-genuine Murano glass goods. It is common to see fake goods being peddled around, especially outside the branded stores such as Gucci, Louis Vuitton. The peddlars can be seen peddling their wares such as bags, belts and shades blatantly outside these shops. Quite an amusing sight.




St Mark's Square, Venice. Very romantic, and quaint. Excellent for an euro-centric person like me.

7. Athens, Greece


One of the world's oldest cities - how to resist? I have not been there personally, but I would sure love to experience one of the oldest remnants of civilisations.

The Olympics Stadium in Athens.

8. St Charles Bridge (Prague, Czech Republic)

Misty and mysterious. You almost cannot believe your sights. This bridge is my favourite. By the side, artists display their work and it is very tempting to stop by every stall.


This is no exaggeration of how the sights look like. It is that charming. An eastern europe tourist spot, St Charles Bridge has the perfect mise-en-scene for great photographs and makes you never want to leave.


After writing all these, it makes me realise that I have visited some of these places and want to go there again. A very boring person maybe, but it speaks a lot about the captivating sights they behold. =)

Aliens vs Predator 2

For those who have caught the prequel AVP, this film is the exact reason why sequels are never worth your time. Watched it at Tampines Mall yesterday, and the only redeeming factor of the film is the fascinating cinematic effects. Other than that, I feel for my poor pocket.


AVP 2 is a confusing, erratic combination of poorly scripted plot, a myriad of characters and weak directions which leaves you wondering why you bothered paying money for the film. To start off with, the human characters are there for no sure reason.





You wonder whether they are there for the sex factor (with this cleavage revealing babe) or just to be killed off. The fight scenes are contrived, almost as if they are there to scare or gross you. No plot, no link, no thing. Nothing.




The only best part, and I emphasize this with only, is the aggressive sparring scenes between the Predator and Aliens. However, this is sadly interrupted with abrupt intrusions of human characters with no plot whatsoever.



And amusing enough, throughout the WHOLE entire film, there was only one Predator against innumerable Aliens. And you wonder why.

No wonder our friend joked that it was already stated explicitly in the film title that it was: AlienS vs Predator 2.

I guess what one of the critics mentioned abt AVP 2 is true: "The only winner in Aliens versus Predator 2? The one who avoids watching it."

Rating: 1.5 out of 5 stars

Elizabeth: The Golden Age

Harbouring a deep love for Europe's history, this show was a must-watch for me.

Having watched the prequel in my JC years, I was keen to find out how the sequel would turn out, fully aware that more often than not, sequels were not worth the time.

Cate Blanchett is reinstated in her role as Queen Elizabeth, and in all glory at that. I must say that the effects are overwhelmingly powerful in furiously driving the plot forward, and some scenes beautifully etched in my mind. The movie captured poignant moments of Elizabeth, as a benevolent ruler - melancholic but beautiful.



Seemingly manipulative and driven by absolute power, Elizabeth is anything but that as subtly and brilliantly portrayed. I feel her loneliness as the virgin queen, not able to be loved as a person other than her status as a queen. Overwhelmed by pressure to marry and marriage proposals, she did not succumb. Intermingled with themes of love, friendship and war, this movie weaves them prettily into a neat set of storyline.




The charming seaman came along, charmed her heart but left her heartbroken. Trust broken and faced with an impending attack from the Spanish, Elizabeth's temper rears its ugly head. Ironically, the manipulation of effects only made it easier to emphatize with her. She yearned to be free, contrary to how one would expect a monarch to behave.




I enjoyed the tremendous effort in recreating the scenes of the monarchy, despite detractors criticisms of how all the magnificent effects only served to veil the powerful acting. After all, an epic movie would only be an empty shell without them.


My favourite snapshot of the movie - the depiction of how small she was in the world.
Merely a chess piece in the infinity of politics.


With strokes of luck, the Spanish were defeated in a surprising turn of fate with Elizabeth proclaiming to her people that she would meet them in heaven or the battlefield of success.



A very rich piece of work I would recommend.

4 out of 5 stars.

I am Legend

Initially viewed with my keen suspicion as just another movie with the same forgettable recurring theme of the destruction of mankind, I am Legend took me by surprise by being anything but that. The mise-en-scene sets Will Smith in a destroyed world, delivering his monologues to himself or his dog.
The movie does not state the obvious: you sense how the loneliness drives him almost delirious when he starts setting up mannequins in the local DVD rental store and visits it daily. Not knowing when his day is the last, he starts his day with a routine to keep sane. His sudden burst of fury and insanity - we can understand and even sympathise with - as it signifies his lack of control over the chaotic situation. His pursuit of a cure, though fleetingly slim, says more than anything else.




Flirting with danger, Smith steals the limelight and commands the movie with his solo performance. The pace of the show is set almost perfectly until a twist wrings away all the respect I had for the movie. A pity as it would have earned quite a high rating if not for the ending which stands out like a sore thumb.



The explanations become contrived and confusing, leaving questions unanswered. The end is rightly touted as a sheer disappointment; other than that, a show worth watching.

3.5 out of 5 stars

The time of the year.

Scouting for jobs can be the most exhilarating time or the worst depressing time.
Exhilarating because you feel that you have so much lined up ahead for you but devastating when you realise you do not qualify for the jobs that you are eyeing for.
One life, live it.
That is the way I see it.
There are no definite full-stops for you to put an end to, and yet there are infinite choices ahead.
My dream job will be one that is endlessly challenging as I cannot sit still,
stimulating and allows me to travel alot.
I can only hope that I can achieve this crazy dream of mine of working in Europe one day.

On a brighter note, I am looking forward to graduating although it can be immensely intimidating for a small being like me in this infinite universe.
Sometimes, I really thirst for exploring this world, where maybe something beautiful ahead lies for me.
And I know I must fight for it.
The contemplative mood is hovering above me.

I truly wonder what is ahead for me.

Sometimes I forget what I wake up for.
And sometimes I forget the nightmares I have had.
And when the eyelids flutter open,
the stream of sunlight hearkens to me.
Like the beginning of the end,
it ironically ends and begins at the same time.
Like how a new year behaves too.

Sometimes I forget how I cried
and sometimes I forget how we shared laughters
And when my fingers caress those waxy papers
the smiles call back to me
Like the beginning of the end,
it has ended and started.
Like how we all do not know each other now.

Sometimes I forget how I lived
but sometimes I remember how I struggled
And when my tear streaked eyes get less misty
i wipe the pearls with a toothy grin
Like the beginning of the end
we embrace it nonetheless
Like how life has in store for us - millions of treasures.
=)

Une nouvelle annee

:)

Of shining stars in the dash

It never fails to remind me how every traffic jam in the morning, afternoon or night
Resembles that of the human rat race to me.
While we zoom by holding on to dear life on a dependable RXZ,
the neighbours snort at us with sideway glances
with flashy cars and hungry engines
each only too hungry to knock us out.
RXZ does not disappoint with its utility,
we zig zag our way out of the factory production lines of sardine cans
missing the bumper or boot by a nook and cranny
and wave a careless goodbye to the fat shiny thugs behind.

we may be small and cheap,
but at least we get to our destination.
:)
Remember to think about the poor motorcyclist in the sweltering hot sun while you inconsiderably edge your way into their lanes.

The one on Wisdom

I just had my two petite wisdom teeth and i am in great pain.
The worst thing is I can't eat solid food, of all the biggest deprivations in the world.
Smart me wanted to prevent twice the pain, thus I asked for both lower teeth on left and right to be extracted at the same time,
ignorant to the inconveniences I would be brought about.
And the local anaesthesia was so unforgettable.
Being someone totally against injections of any sorts, i swear I almost fainted at the sight of the long syringe, about to penetrate my gums before the extractions were carried on.



Why?
Wisdom teeth operation during term break, which utterly utterly ruined my mood.
:(
Mauvais dents.

The one on learning to breathe

A gasp
Inhaling nothing but
clouds of grey

Grips tighten
only to fall lower

Loosen your hold
and you may find yourself
in an other space

le feu
swirls, whirls, twirls.

The one about lessons in life

Noone told me another over-staying year in NUS was going to be so tough, so hectic.
And how most of my friends would have left school and moved on to their own working lives.

6 modules a semester, crippled with readings so thick that i dread even carrying around,
tuition kids with up coming exams and outside commitments that I feel overwhelmed by.
One more year of this - and all in the sweet name of honours.
It really spells HELL for me.

I dont know how I am going to cope, with French 2 getting more and more difficult.

I did not work in the months of June and July for the first time in my undergrad year,
but I learned the most about lessons in life.
Learned about how the harder u throw, the further it bounces away.

And my little favourite neighbourhood cat as mentioned in my previous entry is dead.
She has been culled away and put to death, amidst piles of other little cats.
Goodbye paw paw. I will miss you and your endearing ways.
And how ur paws would reach out for my laps and you will rest your head on me.
I hope you find your heaven.

Feline friend

Meet paw paw :) the cutest cat with the roundest eyes and no fears around human beans.

She's the neighbourhood cat who always yearns for a hug, a cuddle and love.

When I feel down, hugging her and looking into her eyes make me feel she understands.

Such a lovely baby. =)

tortue

comme une tortue

avec un sac lourde

il faut courir.

Est-ce que tu cours vite?

On ne sait pas.

Peut-etre tu sais.

Seulement peut-etre.

coin - see then? (coincident)

a knock
and the palette spills all over
almost perfectly
the colours spill
liminalities abound
mixing in hues
yet distinct lines sound

red oozes; unseen not forgotten
blue bleeds; untold not unseen
green splashes; unstoppable not felt
white evaporates; unconditional not ungrateful
black stains; undermined not abandoned

mindless rubbing
endless scrubbing

the palette; an entropy
the spaces; an emptiness
the edges; an end.

An end-trophy
or an entropy?

when all is said and done.

the wind leaves its trail
our hair blowing
your smile etched
like
the footsteps in the sand
dancing in the rain
seeing Life
smelling knowledge
eyes twinkled
feet touching
nary anger
hardly frustration
twinkling windows
mischief brimming
melancholy discarded
love taught
life lived

inconsistent rain

last breath
your tears
our eyes
your warmth
our pain
your frost
our worry
your shiver
our loss

you came
and left

my tears
your eyes

your smile

our pain

the wind leaves its trail

to my angel (1963 - 2005)

la belle langue de francais

Ils pleure dans mon coeur,
comme il pleut sur la ville.

Time

I seem to have run out of time.
It's like money,
u never know where you spend your money or your time for that matter.
Sometimes i feel like i drift around like a piece of debris in the waters
and only when i hit the shores
'wham'
and i wake up from my daze to realize
its already night
that i have been milling about in the crowd,
going to a lecture after another
and despite having huge loads of work to do
i just want to sleep.

And that's exactly what i do.
I need to learn how to stop procrastinate.

French is killing me!
Feel like my tongue has been twisted in ridiculous manner after French class.
But I really do want to get it mastered and work on my European languages.
Such a beauty, those languages.
Even saying something mundane like 'I have a car' is so sexy
'J'ai une voiture'
See what I mean?

Okay, apart from German, which, personally I feel, can sound a tad too grumpy and harsh,
European languages are great to learn.
But when u have all three in ur brain,
where, in my case, my brain is filled with other daydreams like things i want to be next time, new stuff i wanna learn...
i get them all mixed up..

A case in point:
My french tutor was reciting the numbers 'treize' when suddenly a memory loss gripped me and I started looking wondrously at my classmate who said that it meant 13 in French
when the only 'treize' i remembered was 'tres' in Spanish.
My mind is really screwed up sometimes.

French time coming up soon; the pressure is upon myself to study and do well.
I hate being an all-time perfectionist.
Sometimes it really drives me up the wall.

Je n'aime pas stress.

I have realised that I have been losing myself in endless tangential thoughts recently.
Someone help me.

Why does it not snow...

Why why why?
Just when I left Newcastle,
its gonna snow there this week!!!
*pulls out hair in utmost annoyance*

Stupid, stupid, stupid...
I should have stayed there for one more week...
Just one more week...

So near yet so far!!
Stupid me. =(
Now I'll never taste snowflakes with my tongue :(
I know its gonna burn...
but still...
*argh*

Home is where the heart and soul belong...

...and also where the humid sticky weather gets to me.

I am finally home - I have been home for a week already,
and slowly getting used to being home.
Looks like Singapore can change quite a lot in just half a year,
it sure takes some getting used to.

Vivo City, Sentosa, Arts canteen down, quirky food tents set up -
its like a whirlwind change for me.
And I even forgot to tap my Ez-link card when I alighted from the bus.
Now, I feel like a tourist. =)

I got a little jet lag problems, coupled with insomnia and lethargy.
Now recovering,
but sometimes it really feels like I've never left home before.
Is it good or bad?
I dont know.
Feels like I just went missing for a couple of months
and now that I am back
I am mis-placed AND dis-placed.
Feels weird.
Feels like I didnt even experience those fun months in Newcastle.

And the weather here is grrrrr.. atrocious!
Sticky and hot.
Yeap, and I was still complaining I'd rather have it hot when I was freezing my nose off in Europe.
Seems like I forgot about the humid part.
=)
But I am still getting accustomed to it :)

Coming back has made me appreciate my mummy and family more.
Nothing better than home-cooked food or looking at my dearest mummy sleep.
Looking at her hair, and her sleepy face,
thanking her quietly for everything,
including having me.
=)

I have learned somehow to be much more polite (not that I was not.. :P )
when I am served (like in a taxi, coffeeshop, etc)
and I do miss the cold nice weather.
Now donning six layers of clothes is NOT that intimidating and irritating,

except that it can be troublesome when i am out shopping for clothes,
and depressing when the sun sets early.

But I guess the independence and freedom I got overseas
is unparalleled in Europe.
Here I am afterall in comfort zone,
my family is within an arm's length,
i dont get to travel out of UK every other weekend,
Paris is not accessible to me jus like that.

That is the beauty of Europe,
to me =)

Will update more when I try to settle down.
Am taking Japanese and French lessons now -
I got inspired to learn many languages in Europe because
I saw the importance and the flexibility that comes with the knowledge of different languages while in Europe,
it gets you anywhere and everywhere.
Of course, I will further my studies on them,
including German and Spanish =)

This SEP trip has made me positive =)
with lots of energy to look towards the future!

Good things dont last...

... why don't they?

Its now 6am here in Newcastle and I just finished packing.
I have been packing since 1am and its killing me.
My bags are humongous-ly big, fat and ugly;
but i really can't be bothered.
I havent had a single wink and something tells me that
for the next 24 hours i will be having a very hard time lugging all 3 luggages
around in London and on the 13 hour flights
and without a proper place to rest.


because....



I am going home now!!!
=)


Yes, I decided to change my air ticket weeks ago and I'm on my way home now.
Back to Singapore.
Didnt tell a single soul yet until recently - was too excited and let the cat outta the bag!
Miss everyone so much.
It is one of the craziest things I have done;
but then again,
in this SEP trip,
I have done many crazy stuff.
I would never imagine my impromptu trips to London, Amsterdam, Glasgow and Paris for the whole of my life.
Anyway, before I digress..
My original date was 27th January;
but I have too much to catch up in NUS
and I really miss home terribly.
and I have no exams in newcastle because sociology modules are assessed by essays.
Loads of them - I finished 2 of them, 4000 words each a day ago.
=(

I cant wait to go home cos I cant imagine being all alone and lugging all the heavy souvenirs home.

The best and craziest thing now
is that
I havent told anyone at home that I am on my way home
and they are not expecting me at midnight on Saturday!
AND i have no keys.
Call me crazy but I hope this will make my mum and family smile...
especially my mum cos i missed her birthday last year.

I am going home!

I really cant believe it,
especially when I am deliriously tired after packing and having no sleep...

But still,
I am leaving! and on a very hurried note too :(

Goodbye land of cottage chicken, cheap thrills like Primark, Wilkinson, Food Co, Tyne Bridge, Leazes Park, days which are short and darken far too easily,
and hello to the home of yummy food like minced meat noodles, seafood, hokkien mee, mos burger and my mum's cooking...

Honestly, I will miss this place so much.
The Sing Soc guys were very nice to attend my impromptu farewell dinner at Big Mussels and were very sweet too. Very thankful to know them cos they often rendered us help and of course squabbled with me and called me 'Tiger Beer' girl because they think I look sleazy and can work as those servers in kopi tiam selling Tiger Beers to uncles.

Seriously. -_-
Haha.

But I really really love all the times we all hung out and life was so peaceful and just for the moment.

I am going home...
I still can't believe it.

I have to write some goodbye cards now,
will update once I reach Singapore...
home.
=)

Wish me luck that I am not locked out on Sat nite ;)
and I am going to eat prata!!!

Goodness, that is one big deprivation I have here in Europe =(

All roads lead to Rome...

... do they?

I am now in Rome, Italy with Loon to try and experience the Christmas near the holy city of Vatican City.
It is quite an eye opener except that the streets are really quite dead and not very happening.
It is quite dangerous here because you have strange men looking into your eyes, fiercely or just lecherously and it is definitely not as safe as even Newcastle.
The internet cafes charge at exhorbitant prices and we have almost emptied our pockets trying to go online to settle academic stuff as well as confirm flights.
But Vatican City is a real eye opener for those who are planning on an Italy trip.


Will post pictures up when i reach france - meanwhile Rome has 1.5 days to impress us before we move onto Venice.

And not to mention, we had authentic Italian pastas and pizzas - albeit expensively - but the real thang! =)

The glass is half empty.

Heard of a saying 'The light ahead is that of an oncoming train in a tunnel?'
I find it really funny because when u realise there may be hope, you find more crap coming your way, where its like the train approaching you full-speed when you think its a light in darkness.
Sure, I used to think the glass is half full,
but now, no - its half empty, by any measures.
Maybe my pessimism comes with this cynical feeling that the days dont seem to come better.
How does one finish 4 essays (2 of 4000 words each, 1 of 1000 and 1 of 2500 words with complete referencing of minimum 15 books each), pack room and move out, travel in europe, study for spanish test?
Just when I thought i had finished one essay on identities and things would get smoother.
Bleah.

This is my room, with my little decorations to make it more warm and cosy.

















Pretty right? It's these beautiful lights that cheer me up amidst dreary afternoons which become so dark, so soon.

Don't be fooled though, the only reason my room looks pretty ok is because its in the dark.
Here is the truth:
















Yup, I know my room is a little too pinky but I seem to have taken a fancy to that colour since my room's paint is in sickly green. This is me - my mess. I think you can pretty much see I am not an organized person.

But I have my own order in the mess - luan(4) zhong(1) you(3) xu (4). That is probably why I can find my stuff in the disorder, cos I probably know which area I threw my stuff. =) Heh.

Anyway, here is the broader view of my humble room, which I really love. It's been with me throughout this whole Exchange trip.













My lovely room boasts of:

1. a comfortable bound-to-make-you-fall-asleep-once-you-are-on-it bed
(or maybe i am just perpetually sleepy)

2. a big workspace of three tables

3. a floor that is constantly missing because my books and notes are strewn all over the place and i cant seem to see the floor

4. my good old laptop with its itunes playing melodiously and lulling me to sleep

5. a bear i bought to accompany me (people do get very lonely sometimes, you know)

6. souvenirs i got from germany, austria, czech republic, paris, london, dublin, amsterdam, glasgow

7. many slippers and a pair of boots to keep the cold frosty winds away

8. lots of Coke (i am a coke freak; and i prefer my glass of coke with ice filled to the brim, thank you very much)

9. library books (gender, class, freud, urban sociology, spanish - its a mini library here)

10. my coats and layers of clothes that make me feel so fat and big

11. of course me, without whom there'd be no messy room in the first place. :)



Anyway, I was telling Loon how much I miss Singapore food - that which you can get 24/7, not like here where I have to bear with my own cooking when i get hungry at midnight
:(
And he agrees, cos Singapore is so convenient with lots of yummy delicious food.

And so I sent him this picture I drew of food we both liked.
















And he started laughing.
I thought it was cos my food looks awful or the cockles ('ham' here) look weird.
But apparently, he had been reading too much of my Freud' s essay
and he says it somehow looks very wrong.
=(
See how too much Freud turns me into a repressed little monster?