Its the first sunday here in Newcastle, UK and its not too bad :)
Today's the day everyone moved in and i happen to only see one of the three guys staying in my flat.
Went out to do some shopping (finally!) and came back to see my flat with beer bottles and food and funky posters outside my roomies' door
And all of them were out partying at the beach party for Fresher's Week while me and the singaporean gang decided to retire to our rooms early for the registration we have tomorrow.
And as unpacking, i heard this loud banging on the flat's door
and opened it to see this tall guy asking if i wanted to join the drinking downstairs
and he wouldnt let me close the door until i agreed
i just smiled and told him i had some unpacking and would join him shortly after and went back to my room
And being the drunk dude that he was, he prolly wouldnt remember where I stayed.
its really noisy downstairs and richardson is not overrated as the noisy freshies hostel as they claim to be.
tomorrow's the headache where i had to register my modules where i foresee huge problems :(
and the weather's really getting me down and im feeling tired, cold and aching..
:(
and its raining and gloomy :(
Monday, September 25, 2006
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Hello there from the University of Newcastle upon Tyne, or Newcastle University which is what its called now.
We finally arrived at the school and had to do at least 2-3 days of running around to settle registration, banking and even groceries
and to my horror, my faculty is so far from my hostel
and im living separately far apart from 3 of my singapore friends whom ive been travelling with
and im staying with three other guys (possibly unhygienic and inconvenient)
and noone has moved in yet and its freaky
and its so freaking cold that i feel my nose and toes are falling off
and i may only be able to take 3 sociology modules here instead of 5 so this means that im possibly wasting a good semester
and im not used to the water here because when boiled, it STILL has white precipitate and im a very particular person when it comes to drinking water
and its too cold to sleep even with my blanket
and the security here is so bad that we have been warned that burglars climb in to steal stuff
and the things are expensive cos 1 coke is at least 1.5 pounds which amounts to abt 4.5 SGD
and laundry here is enough to make my pockets become empty. each wash is abt more than 2 pounds and drying is 1.4 pounds... that amounts to almost 10 SGD
and im not used to the food here..its expensive (10 pounds for a modest pasta) and even when we shop for groceries, the food stuff is expensive
and buses become a form of luxury cos walking is predominantly a form of transport here
and im so tired and i miss home really. its been a really tiring 3-4 days trying to settle down =(
But of course
the people here are really warm and nice; we've met very warm spanish guys who extend invitation for us to join their parties and we bump into them everywhere and tonight they brought us to the student union house for drinks
the shoes here are cheap at selected stores like Primark: i saw a really nice pair of wedges for 1 pound!! thats like 3 sing dollars.. and i saw really cute socks and all.. i must say the brits have very fanciful stuff
the school here is pretty relaxing... pace of life is slooooow.. good for me... good without the mid term exams and even if there were, i wouldnt mind.. cos im here on exchange!! :P
the view is pretty... and i saw the tyne river with the 3 bridges: millenium bridge, tyne bridge and some other ones... its not exactly spectacular given the fact that we've seen other more beautiful bridges in Prague but still it beats not having a nice scenic view at all
and ive discovered that we all can survive cooking! we made minced meat marcaroni with fried meat and we will be making dumpling soup and oil veggies.. and guess wat? ive been one of the main chefs and my cooking isnt as bad as i thought it would be.. in fact, i know i enjoy cooking but there's pretty not much opportunities for me to put whatever little skills i have to use since my mum is an excellent cook and she mans the wok everyday :)
and people here drink like nobody's business. the uni's court yard is like this playground for frolickers with alcohol bottles in the morning and they even have an alcohol's prayer.
we went to pub crawl just now in the city, near quayside and it was really packed... and because we were early, there werent much dancing, but there were sleazy people around, clad in the tiniest tops and skirts, and well, just hanging out. as the spanish people said, the night is still young, and probably will stay that way for most of us for this sem. the music in the pubs were cool and the poor dj was trying to get people to the dance floor. the drinks are cheaper than singapore too, and people were drinking away. i guess thats the only thing they could do since nightlife is very much limited in uk.
we've tried quite some cocktails in our europe trip and i must recommend orgasmus, which we had in a nice warm pub in prague. its really creamy, nice and tastes like milk shake. :) not too rich in alcohol but very much a lady's drink.
and people have started moving into richardson road where i live with the 3 other singapore friends, though i live alone in my apartment. and looks like the partying has begun as booze and music can be heard all over, though not in my aprtment. i still live pretty much alone, except for the new girl who has moved in beside me but there's not much movement from here tonight. she's probably partying away at freshers' week.
been feeling kinda sick cos was caught in the windy, rainy, cold, wet weather yesterday while lugging back hordes of supply from the supermart with the gang. went back with a bad chill but had to start cooking our first meal (i.e the marcaroni with minced meat and fried meat) in the cold, shivering... and the amusing thing is, while laughing hard at one of the gang's joke, a slice of pork slipped out under my knife, hit the plastic bag at the window and flew right out. :P i could never multi task well :) and now i think the effects have hit me and im feeling very sick :(
tomorrow's a sunday - finally FINALLY a relaxing day without lugging luggage, groceries, documents... finally... since 5 september.. everyday spelled lugging of things.. honestly, my jeans have grown looser, my muscles have grown bulgingly bigger (its really getting fitter in view of all the things i had to carry, including 40kg worth of luggage) and we all agree we lost weight cos we walk a huge amount of distance everyday. remember that buses, trains and taxis are really luxury here in europe? its like losing weight the hard way :( i just hope that when next week comes, everything gets a little easier.
oh, and cos we forgot to bring our O and A level certs, and prior to leaving for Newcastle, we didnt know that everyone had to go for some stupid english language test, we were forced to take a 2 hour test which was touted as 'easy' by a shoving and irritating man. It was a listening compre with strong British accent and an essay in the morning about whether university lectures should be made compulsory cos if not, there will be negative impact on education. i felt angry that with at least 10 years of education in english, and being once a lit major and now a soci major and with my university transcript of lit, history, theatre studies and sociology modules passed, i couldnt escape an english test. Urgh. And some of my singaporean friends from the Singaporean Society could. Just because i dont have my O and A level certs and even with my uni transcript, its just no use at all. *pulls hair* Talk about flexibility.
Anyway, hope all of you are doing fine and great :) I had to rant about my days... its been quite frustrating sometimes... i hate admin redtape which happens everywhere. and my business modules still have not been approved by nus and i need to register for my modules like on monday morning 9am, by queuing. suddenly, i am thankful for cors. really. i cant imagine running around in nus, the way we had to in newcastle uni.
chelsea, hope all is great for u :) remember to write me emails often cos i prolly cant catch u on msn due to time differences. miss u lots and take care :)
valerie, good to know that u are on a new job and having lots of fun :) wish u all the best and remember to stay positive and remain the bright and cheery angel that u always are.
i gotta hit the showers, got caught in the drizzle again here just now. its quite foggy misty and scary, with all the old buildings. no wonder they say that it gets gloomy with the weather. :(
We finally arrived at the school and had to do at least 2-3 days of running around to settle registration, banking and even groceries
and to my horror, my faculty is so far from my hostel
and im living separately far apart from 3 of my singapore friends whom ive been travelling with
and im staying with three other guys (possibly unhygienic and inconvenient)
and noone has moved in yet and its freaky
and its so freaking cold that i feel my nose and toes are falling off
and i may only be able to take 3 sociology modules here instead of 5 so this means that im possibly wasting a good semester
and im not used to the water here because when boiled, it STILL has white precipitate and im a very particular person when it comes to drinking water
and its too cold to sleep even with my blanket
and the security here is so bad that we have been warned that burglars climb in to steal stuff
and the things are expensive cos 1 coke is at least 1.5 pounds which amounts to abt 4.5 SGD
and laundry here is enough to make my pockets become empty. each wash is abt more than 2 pounds and drying is 1.4 pounds... that amounts to almost 10 SGD
and im not used to the food here..its expensive (10 pounds for a modest pasta) and even when we shop for groceries, the food stuff is expensive
and buses become a form of luxury cos walking is predominantly a form of transport here
and im so tired and i miss home really. its been a really tiring 3-4 days trying to settle down =(
But of course
the people here are really warm and nice; we've met very warm spanish guys who extend invitation for us to join their parties and we bump into them everywhere and tonight they brought us to the student union house for drinks
the shoes here are cheap at selected stores like Primark: i saw a really nice pair of wedges for 1 pound!! thats like 3 sing dollars.. and i saw really cute socks and all.. i must say the brits have very fanciful stuff
the school here is pretty relaxing... pace of life is slooooow.. good for me... good without the mid term exams and even if there were, i wouldnt mind.. cos im here on exchange!! :P
the view is pretty... and i saw the tyne river with the 3 bridges: millenium bridge, tyne bridge and some other ones... its not exactly spectacular given the fact that we've seen other more beautiful bridges in Prague but still it beats not having a nice scenic view at all
and ive discovered that we all can survive cooking! we made minced meat marcaroni with fried meat and we will be making dumpling soup and oil veggies.. and guess wat? ive been one of the main chefs and my cooking isnt as bad as i thought it would be.. in fact, i know i enjoy cooking but there's pretty not much opportunities for me to put whatever little skills i have to use since my mum is an excellent cook and she mans the wok everyday :)
and people here drink like nobody's business. the uni's court yard is like this playground for frolickers with alcohol bottles in the morning and they even have an alcohol's prayer.
we went to pub crawl just now in the city, near quayside and it was really packed... and because we were early, there werent much dancing, but there were sleazy people around, clad in the tiniest tops and skirts, and well, just hanging out. as the spanish people said, the night is still young, and probably will stay that way for most of us for this sem. the music in the pubs were cool and the poor dj was trying to get people to the dance floor. the drinks are cheaper than singapore too, and people were drinking away. i guess thats the only thing they could do since nightlife is very much limited in uk.
we've tried quite some cocktails in our europe trip and i must recommend orgasmus, which we had in a nice warm pub in prague. its really creamy, nice and tastes like milk shake. :) not too rich in alcohol but very much a lady's drink.
and people have started moving into richardson road where i live with the 3 other singapore friends, though i live alone in my apartment. and looks like the partying has begun as booze and music can be heard all over, though not in my aprtment. i still live pretty much alone, except for the new girl who has moved in beside me but there's not much movement from here tonight. she's probably partying away at freshers' week.
been feeling kinda sick cos was caught in the windy, rainy, cold, wet weather yesterday while lugging back hordes of supply from the supermart with the gang. went back with a bad chill but had to start cooking our first meal (i.e the marcaroni with minced meat and fried meat) in the cold, shivering... and the amusing thing is, while laughing hard at one of the gang's joke, a slice of pork slipped out under my knife, hit the plastic bag at the window and flew right out. :P i could never multi task well :) and now i think the effects have hit me and im feeling very sick :(
tomorrow's a sunday - finally FINALLY a relaxing day without lugging luggage, groceries, documents... finally... since 5 september.. everyday spelled lugging of things.. honestly, my jeans have grown looser, my muscles have grown bulgingly bigger (its really getting fitter in view of all the things i had to carry, including 40kg worth of luggage) and we all agree we lost weight cos we walk a huge amount of distance everyday. remember that buses, trains and taxis are really luxury here in europe? its like losing weight the hard way :( i just hope that when next week comes, everything gets a little easier.
oh, and cos we forgot to bring our O and A level certs, and prior to leaving for Newcastle, we didnt know that everyone had to go for some stupid english language test, we were forced to take a 2 hour test which was touted as 'easy' by a shoving and irritating man. It was a listening compre with strong British accent and an essay in the morning about whether university lectures should be made compulsory cos if not, there will be negative impact on education. i felt angry that with at least 10 years of education in english, and being once a lit major and now a soci major and with my university transcript of lit, history, theatre studies and sociology modules passed, i couldnt escape an english test. Urgh. And some of my singaporean friends from the Singaporean Society could. Just because i dont have my O and A level certs and even with my uni transcript, its just no use at all. *pulls hair* Talk about flexibility.
Anyway, hope all of you are doing fine and great :) I had to rant about my days... its been quite frustrating sometimes... i hate admin redtape which happens everywhere. and my business modules still have not been approved by nus and i need to register for my modules like on monday morning 9am, by queuing. suddenly, i am thankful for cors. really. i cant imagine running around in nus, the way we had to in newcastle uni.
chelsea, hope all is great for u :) remember to write me emails often cos i prolly cant catch u on msn due to time differences. miss u lots and take care :)
valerie, good to know that u are on a new job and having lots of fun :) wish u all the best and remember to stay positive and remain the bright and cheery angel that u always are.
i gotta hit the showers, got caught in the drizzle again here just now. its quite foggy misty and scary, with all the old buildings. no wonder they say that it gets gloomy with the weather. :(
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Today is our last night at Green Eggs and Ham, Berlin.
Catching a breather before we go out for dinner later on.
Earlier on, we lost each other in the museum and then again, on the streets.
It was not a nice feeling at all because all the streets looked the same.
And we had a four hour walking tour in Berlin and I twisted my ankle again for the fifth time.
I suspect its going to come off some day - me and my limp ankle.
Have to pack everything in my luggage again before we hit Newcastle tomorrow.
Hopefully the airport regulations to UK arent too strict.
We all have too much luggage.
Good night.
Catching a breather before we go out for dinner later on.
Earlier on, we lost each other in the museum and then again, on the streets.
It was not a nice feeling at all because all the streets looked the same.
And we had a four hour walking tour in Berlin and I twisted my ankle again for the fifth time.
I suspect its going to come off some day - me and my limp ankle.
Have to pack everything in my luggage again before we hit Newcastle tomorrow.
Hopefully the airport regulations to UK arent too strict.
We all have too much luggage.
Good night.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Here's one of the Berlin Wall for you. It's not towering but it stretches, like way long and reaches to the end of the horizon. Okay, not thaat long but you hardly want to walk from one end to the other. I picked this particular wall cos it is aptly poignant.
Dancing to freedom. No more wars. No more walls. A United World.
Achievable? I dont know. Seems like its too much to ask for in today's world. =(
The summary of today's travel - the Berlin Wall. Or what's left of it in the East Side Gallery. Its long stretching and does not look like the grim, dreary wall of division of a country that I had expected. In fact, it looked so artistically filled with graffitti. It surprised us. And of course, I left my paw prints :)
I know that if you had a chance to see this beautiful historic monument, you would definitely be here. So I left a mark on your behalf and took many pictures.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Hallo from Berlin, Germany!
I finally have a chance to use the internet, albeit legitimately, in this cafe in Berlin near my hostel.
This is my very last stop before i move on to Newcastle, where I officially begin my SEP
but after travelling for 2 weeks, it feels like Ive already started my exchange.
Been to Cologne, Munich, Salsburg, Vienna, Prague and now Berlin and so far its been awesomely beautiful.
I have seen magnificent castles, palaces, extravagant decors, awe-inspiring churches and I will never forget them =)
I will update the pictures in a few day's time after I settle down in Newcastle and will update accordingly.
Of course, my German vocabulary has expanded extensively apart from my favourite 'ich habe einen barenhunger' (which derek will be very proud of me) and ive tried all the food that the german course taught us.. like wiener schnitzel, schweinhacker, bratwurst, potato dumplings, saurkraut... and the wine and beer here are cheap and good.. the drinking environment in the bierhaus (beer house) like the one we went called Hofbrauhaus is really very happening and fun =) too bad we have to miss OktoberFest but we managed to go to the very site and just snapped pictures right away. Germans are generally very warm and nice and they greet us Konichiwa and even think we know Kungfu. Its quite amusing and makes us laugh cos they try spouting bits and pieces of Korean, Japanese and then Chinese to surprise us.
The train rides here are rather scenic and we can actually catch quite a sight on the trains.
And we got into some trouble in Prague with some fishy police who extorted money from us.. its really scary cos we were stuck in a foreign environment with no familiar language. Anyway, ill delve deeper the next time when the internet is more accessible. Most importantly, i got to see this really really ravishingly beautiful disney-like castle near the alps. pictures dont do any justice to the things i have seen at all but thats the best choice.
I went to the berlin wall today or wat is left of it.. its called the east side gallery. its done up via drawings from artists from 22 countries and we left our marks there. guess its the icon of freedom and life and it is very inspiring to just take a walk down the lane.
i also went to the Reichstag (parliament house) and its quite a strange yet beautiful feeling of visiting the site that i have been studying all about. tomorrow we are going on a free tour to visit that, as well as the SS headquarters. this is all like a dream come true for me =)
so much said, i miss home a lot. really a lot. we were so happy to find a chinese restaurant amidst the most unfamiliar prague and dug in heartily to normal chinese cuisine, which i have taken for granted. i miss my family a lot.. the smiles from all the angels in my home. i miss my friends too and all the hangouts we used to go =(
school is about to start in a few days time and its gonna fly by real soon. i wish time stops. and this trip is gonna help me take a breather where i learn to stand up for myself and away from things that i actually dont want.
heres to an unknown but exciting 5 months in uk! =)
I finally have a chance to use the internet, albeit legitimately, in this cafe in Berlin near my hostel.
This is my very last stop before i move on to Newcastle, where I officially begin my SEP
but after travelling for 2 weeks, it feels like Ive already started my exchange.
Been to Cologne, Munich, Salsburg, Vienna, Prague and now Berlin and so far its been awesomely beautiful.
I have seen magnificent castles, palaces, extravagant decors, awe-inspiring churches and I will never forget them =)
I will update the pictures in a few day's time after I settle down in Newcastle and will update accordingly.
Of course, my German vocabulary has expanded extensively apart from my favourite 'ich habe einen barenhunger' (which derek will be very proud of me) and ive tried all the food that the german course taught us.. like wiener schnitzel, schweinhacker, bratwurst, potato dumplings, saurkraut... and the wine and beer here are cheap and good.. the drinking environment in the bierhaus (beer house) like the one we went called Hofbrauhaus is really very happening and fun =) too bad we have to miss OktoberFest but we managed to go to the very site and just snapped pictures right away. Germans are generally very warm and nice and they greet us Konichiwa and even think we know Kungfu. Its quite amusing and makes us laugh cos they try spouting bits and pieces of Korean, Japanese and then Chinese to surprise us.
The train rides here are rather scenic and we can actually catch quite a sight on the trains.
And we got into some trouble in Prague with some fishy police who extorted money from us.. its really scary cos we were stuck in a foreign environment with no familiar language. Anyway, ill delve deeper the next time when the internet is more accessible. Most importantly, i got to see this really really ravishingly beautiful disney-like castle near the alps. pictures dont do any justice to the things i have seen at all but thats the best choice.
I went to the berlin wall today or wat is left of it.. its called the east side gallery. its done up via drawings from artists from 22 countries and we left our marks there. guess its the icon of freedom and life and it is very inspiring to just take a walk down the lane.
i also went to the Reichstag (parliament house) and its quite a strange yet beautiful feeling of visiting the site that i have been studying all about. tomorrow we are going on a free tour to visit that, as well as the SS headquarters. this is all like a dream come true for me =)
so much said, i miss home a lot. really a lot. we were so happy to find a chinese restaurant amidst the most unfamiliar prague and dug in heartily to normal chinese cuisine, which i have taken for granted. i miss my family a lot.. the smiles from all the angels in my home. i miss my friends too and all the hangouts we used to go =(
school is about to start in a few days time and its gonna fly by real soon. i wish time stops. and this trip is gonna help me take a breather where i learn to stand up for myself and away from things that i actually dont want.
heres to an unknown but exciting 5 months in uk! =)
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Today is my last day at work in Raffles Place.
I must say its a different feeling when I was dreading the fact that I had one more left after completing my two months.
Granted I was working to raise 15,000 SGD (read: 5000 pounds) for the SEP and I learned new stuff this time as well
But I hated the working environment so much that it made me really dread work
Working environment is the number one important factor to me
and even though the job is satisfying with me helping my clients
I felt I was capitalising on something that I really detested.
But I guess its really hard to explain.
Sigh.
Anyway
I got a little depressed recently cos things around me were falling apart..
relationships as one.
we were discussing how men could just change their faces once it all ended,
and i even had someone tell me in the face that
'look everything i told u, including me loving u, was said last week. it does not apply to today and after this anymore.'
it just scares me that people totally become another, once its over.
guess thats the difference between women and men
men are just more resolute, firm and bent on moving on
women just like torturing themselves.
no, just kidding of course.
women just are more prone to moments of weaknesses, beautiful memories and soft spots for the past which is actually really the past (read: never to happen again)
i may seem like im generalising but this is true for most women, and vice versas.
But its definitely scary how people can be very vulnerable once the big R is called off.
Big R, being Relationship..
And how we often feel we are stumped to the ground, unable tol move on because at that very particular moment, we feel that only that particular one person is capable of being The One, the one who has been with us at seemingly every moment..
and we dont realise at that moment, we forget all the quarrels, arguments, anger, flaws; all things negative are all thrown out of our mind..
and in the event that some of us find someone new, we dont realise whatever we felt has totally been disproved.
and if this cycle of break up and moving on continues,
u realise that after all
people do find someone better (or worst, in some really really special cases)
as they move on.
and yes, in 2 weeks' time,
ill be leaving for Frankfurt, Germany
and its my tour of Germany, Czech, Austria, UK, France, Italy, Spain and all
Its been a damn tough working time cos i have to raise 15000 dollars SGD which i am still desperately trying to do...
but its the satisfaction of getting what i chased after for.
i wish someday, that our hearts wouldnt hurt
when someone chooses to leave us
cos we'd realise that we need to love ourselves more
and that someone much much better is out there
waiting to see and love u the way
the person who left
didnt.
I must say its a different feeling when I was dreading the fact that I had one more left after completing my two months.
Granted I was working to raise 15,000 SGD (read: 5000 pounds) for the SEP and I learned new stuff this time as well
But I hated the working environment so much that it made me really dread work
Working environment is the number one important factor to me
and even though the job is satisfying with me helping my clients
I felt I was capitalising on something that I really detested.
But I guess its really hard to explain.
Sigh.
Anyway
I got a little depressed recently cos things around me were falling apart..
relationships as one.
we were discussing how men could just change their faces once it all ended,
and i even had someone tell me in the face that
'look everything i told u, including me loving u, was said last week. it does not apply to today and after this anymore.'
it just scares me that people totally become another, once its over.
guess thats the difference between women and men
men are just more resolute, firm and bent on moving on
women just like torturing themselves.
no, just kidding of course.
women just are more prone to moments of weaknesses, beautiful memories and soft spots for the past which is actually really the past (read: never to happen again)
i may seem like im generalising but this is true for most women, and vice versas.
But its definitely scary how people can be very vulnerable once the big R is called off.
Big R, being Relationship..
And how we often feel we are stumped to the ground, unable tol move on because at that very particular moment, we feel that only that particular one person is capable of being The One, the one who has been with us at seemingly every moment..
and we dont realise at that moment, we forget all the quarrels, arguments, anger, flaws; all things negative are all thrown out of our mind..
and in the event that some of us find someone new, we dont realise whatever we felt has totally been disproved.
and if this cycle of break up and moving on continues,
u realise that after all
people do find someone better (or worst, in some really really special cases)
as they move on.
and yes, in 2 weeks' time,
ill be leaving for Frankfurt, Germany
and its my tour of Germany, Czech, Austria, UK, France, Italy, Spain and all
Its been a damn tough working time cos i have to raise 15000 dollars SGD which i am still desperately trying to do...
but its the satisfaction of getting what i chased after for.
i wish someday, that our hearts wouldnt hurt
when someone chooses to leave us
cos we'd realise that we need to love ourselves more
and that someone much much better is out there
waiting to see and love u the way
the person who left
didnt.
Monday, July 31, 2006
What a long day.
It started off with me waking up to a nice cold morning
All alone in the house,
Made me not feel like moving out.
But procrastination aside,
I just had to move this lazy butt out to NUS to use the com lab to prepare the posters for union ball tomorrow.
Got frustrated that cos at the 'learning centre' there,
the guy in charge is either totally unfriendly, or just disinterested.
I asked for help with my totally-cannot-make-it Photoshop skills
but he just seemed so stoned and stood so still behind me
Until one kind soul came along and really helped me.
As in, literally took the mouse, explained printing procedures, lent me his cashcard, checked on me during intervals to see if i was coping.
This is help when some computer illiterate needs it.
I am so thankful for his help, which came along a good 10 mins before the lab closed.
And I was famished, caught in the rain, and grumpy cos only me and another girl were gonna be at the matric fair preparing.
Grabbed a subway, toasted, extra cheese, topped with a medium cup of coke
Felt so good :)
Talk abt me being a glutton.
Good food can cheer me up anytime.
And so, slogging began... from 3pm to 11pm... actually, 1am.
Judy, the girl who was me, had to leave at 11pm and i had to let her go though i needed help cos she stayed in pasir ris. (read: miles and miles away)
Thank goodness i had already asked my bf down for logistics support (buy dinner, drinks, listen to me grumble, make me laugh, help me set up the booth)
And so by the time it was 1am, it was just me and him in the matric fair. and a couple of others.
I know he is very very tired after a long working night at mos and i really really really appreciate all the effort he takes to travel down from bedok.
and being the sleepy person who can sleep anywhere, standing up, vertical, horizontal...
i thank him for being here for me always.
thru loreal competition, thru my publicity work that i rushed through the night, thru the exams where i mugged until 5am and he waited to send me home, thru all these when he had very little time.
and now after sending me home and waiting for me to complete my work for tomorrow's matric fair,
he has fallen asleep right beside me
his long eyelashes shut tight
sleeping peacefully like a baby.
Thank you my dear.
I can never thank you enough :)
It started off with me waking up to a nice cold morning
All alone in the house,
Made me not feel like moving out.
But procrastination aside,
I just had to move this lazy butt out to NUS to use the com lab to prepare the posters for union ball tomorrow.
Got frustrated that cos at the 'learning centre' there,
the guy in charge is either totally unfriendly, or just disinterested.
I asked for help with my totally-cannot-make-it Photoshop skills
but he just seemed so stoned and stood so still behind me
Until one kind soul came along and really helped me.
As in, literally took the mouse, explained printing procedures, lent me his cashcard, checked on me during intervals to see if i was coping.
This is help when some computer illiterate needs it.
I am so thankful for his help, which came along a good 10 mins before the lab closed.
And I was famished, caught in the rain, and grumpy cos only me and another girl were gonna be at the matric fair preparing.
Grabbed a subway, toasted, extra cheese, topped with a medium cup of coke
Felt so good :)
Talk abt me being a glutton.
Good food can cheer me up anytime.
And so, slogging began... from 3pm to 11pm... actually, 1am.
Judy, the girl who was me, had to leave at 11pm and i had to let her go though i needed help cos she stayed in pasir ris. (read: miles and miles away)
Thank goodness i had already asked my bf down for logistics support (buy dinner, drinks, listen to me grumble, make me laugh, help me set up the booth)
And so by the time it was 1am, it was just me and him in the matric fair. and a couple of others.
I know he is very very tired after a long working night at mos and i really really really appreciate all the effort he takes to travel down from bedok.
and being the sleepy person who can sleep anywhere, standing up, vertical, horizontal...
i thank him for being here for me always.
thru loreal competition, thru my publicity work that i rushed through the night, thru the exams where i mugged until 5am and he waited to send me home, thru all these when he had very little time.
and now after sending me home and waiting for me to complete my work for tomorrow's matric fair,
he has fallen asleep right beside me
his long eyelashes shut tight
sleeping peacefully like a baby.
Thank you my dear.
I can never thank you enough :)
Sunday, July 30, 2006
It's been a long hiatus from blogging.
I've been too lazy to update my blog cos I've been wanting to get a new skin and new tag board, but excuses, excuses and excuses..
I will get down to doing it next week.
Or the next week.
Or the next.
Hopefully, before I fly.
=)
So far, everything's been finalised.
Air ticket, checked.
Itinerary - Germany, Austria, Czech, more or less checked.
Accomodation, nuh. So far no accomodation cos of part year exchange. But hopefully, as they have told us.. they will arrange something.
What a bleak and gloomy saturday night.
I didnt quite plan on updating a rather dark entry.
Back to driving again.
Hitting the roads has been a problem for me cos I feel this fear of being incapacitated in my seat when it crashes...
Really.
This explains my fear of changing lanes, amidst having to do a gazillion things at a time, checking rear mirror, blindspot, rear mirror, signal on, accelerate and all.
But today amidst half opened eyes and perhaps a chirpy mood,
this was quite a breeze for me.
I guess keeping my cool and not losing it in fear of not being in control helps.
Innate control freak :(
Suddenly feel that everything is just so temporary,
that it scares me.
In spots we sit, chill, talk, wait...
I see shadows of past, present and future.
Unsure?
Maybe, maybe its cos of working my fried brains out.
Sometimes I really hate having to be quick thinking and find a way to raise 15,000 SGD for the trip, and coming with all kinds of ideas to work incessantly to go for my dream of the europe trip.
I know they always said 'Chase your dreams'
but I bet they never said '... only if you arent a super woman wannabe.'
I guess I am only good at wanting to try just about everything, and
being doubly stubborn and insistent on my way,
I want to get things done to the best of what I think is the standard,
I really wear myself thin.
Like chewing gum thin.
There are mornings I really really really hate waking up
to an office of cold mundane faces,
or worst, hypocritical smiles
condescending attitudes
unreasonable demands
that I know with my quick temper
I cant take it lying down
There are mornings where my headache gets to me,
and I wake up on the wrong side of bed
But I know this is some sort of responsibility
or maybe its the unfinished deals at work waiting
and the pending emails i have to read
or maybe the unpleasant environment i just have to deal with
all and all
i wish i could just stop the time
and breathe.
and maybe not feel that guilty.
and sometimes i wonder why u insist i try to be a super woman.
And sometimes,
I still wonder why u tell me i cant be a superwoman.
I've been too lazy to update my blog cos I've been wanting to get a new skin and new tag board, but excuses, excuses and excuses..
I will get down to doing it next week.
Or the next week.
Or the next.
Hopefully, before I fly.
=)
So far, everything's been finalised.
Air ticket, checked.
Itinerary - Germany, Austria, Czech, more or less checked.
Accomodation, nuh. So far no accomodation cos of part year exchange. But hopefully, as they have told us.. they will arrange something.
What a bleak and gloomy saturday night.
I didnt quite plan on updating a rather dark entry.
Back to driving again.
Hitting the roads has been a problem for me cos I feel this fear of being incapacitated in my seat when it crashes...
Really.
This explains my fear of changing lanes, amidst having to do a gazillion things at a time, checking rear mirror, blindspot, rear mirror, signal on, accelerate and all.
But today amidst half opened eyes and perhaps a chirpy mood,
this was quite a breeze for me.
I guess keeping my cool and not losing it in fear of not being in control helps.
Innate control freak :(
Suddenly feel that everything is just so temporary,
that it scares me.
In spots we sit, chill, talk, wait...
I see shadows of past, present and future.
Unsure?
Maybe, maybe its cos of working my fried brains out.
Sometimes I really hate having to be quick thinking and find a way to raise 15,000 SGD for the trip, and coming with all kinds of ideas to work incessantly to go for my dream of the europe trip.
I know they always said 'Chase your dreams'
but I bet they never said '... only if you arent a super woman wannabe.'
I guess I am only good at wanting to try just about everything, and
being doubly stubborn and insistent on my way,
I want to get things done to the best of what I think is the standard,
I really wear myself thin.
Like chewing gum thin.
There are mornings I really really really hate waking up
to an office of cold mundane faces,
or worst, hypocritical smiles
condescending attitudes
unreasonable demands
that I know with my quick temper
I cant take it lying down
There are mornings where my headache gets to me,
and I wake up on the wrong side of bed
But I know this is some sort of responsibility
or maybe its the unfinished deals at work waiting
and the pending emails i have to read
or maybe the unpleasant environment i just have to deal with
all and all
i wish i could just stop the time
and breathe.
and maybe not feel that guilty.
and sometimes i wonder why u insist i try to be a super woman.
i feel frustrated sometimes,
cos i see so much
and i feel so much
but i am just not able to do that much.
i need to learn.
sometimes feeling and sensing so much,
is such a pain.
And sometimes,
I still wonder why u tell me i cant be a superwoman.
Friday, July 07, 2006
its this elusive question that has popped up in my mind
i hate to face the possibility of it existing, all the more having to face it...
its true, isnt it?
only you can feel the rain on your skin
noone else can feel it for you
only you can let it in
noone else can speak the words on ur lips
today is where ur book begins
the rest is still unwritten
i hate to face the possibility of it existing, all the more having to face it...
its true, isnt it?
only you can feel the rain on your skin
noone else can feel it for you
only you can let it in
noone else can speak the words on ur lips
today is where ur book begins
the rest is still unwritten
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Saturday, May 20, 2006
in my dreams
ii stirred in my sleep this morning,
amidst lid-heavy eyes,
i knew i was terrified and scared
i was crying
my body started shaking,
and tears just flowed.
and flowed
and flowed.
it got out of control.
i was hugging my 2nd brother-in-law who was lying on his deathbed, who was hugged by my 2nd sister and 4th sister in the dream
when previously i was dreaming about some other stranger dying
and it spinned to my brother-in-law's death
how we had to say goodbye
it felt so real
i was pinned to the dream
i could not get out of it
suddenly
i blinked and flinched at the daylight shining on my eyes
i knew i was dreaming
i knew i felt like screaming
and as i opened my eyes
i was still crying
still shaking
still shaken by the pain the shock the horror the loss the realness of the past replaying in my mind
after regaining my consciousnes
tears just flowed
and i knew these tears had to come out
they had been buried in too deep
out of everyone's sight
she is but a shield.
i have never gotten over your death.
ii stirred in my sleep this morning,
amidst lid-heavy eyes,
i knew i was terrified and scared
i was crying
my body started shaking,
and tears just flowed.
and flowed
and flowed.
it got out of control.
i was hugging my 2nd brother-in-law who was lying on his deathbed, who was hugged by my 2nd sister and 4th sister in the dream
when previously i was dreaming about some other stranger dying
and it spinned to my brother-in-law's death
how we had to say goodbye
it felt so real
i was pinned to the dream
i could not get out of it
suddenly
i blinked and flinched at the daylight shining on my eyes
i knew i was dreaming
i knew i felt like screaming
and as i opened my eyes
i was still crying
still shaking
still shaken by the pain the shock the horror the loss the realness of the past replaying in my mind
after regaining my consciousnes
tears just flowed
and i knew these tears had to come out
they had been buried in too deep
out of everyone's sight
she is but a shield.
i have never gotten over your death.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Baby, please try to forgive me
Stay here dont put out the glow
Hold me now
Dont bother if every minute it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man that Ive become, oh yeah
Lookin back on the things Ive done
I was tryin to be someone
I played my part,
kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
Send in this beautiful loneliness thats tragical
So help me I cant win this war, oh no
Touch me now
Dont bother if every second it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man Ive become
Lookin back on the things Ive done
I was tryin to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
Im here with my confession
Got nothing to hide no more
I dont know where to start
But to show you the shape of my heart
Im lookin back on things Ive done
I never wanna play the same old part
Ill keep you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
Show you the shape of my heart
Stay here dont put out the glow
Hold me now
Dont bother if every minute it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man that Ive become, oh yeah
Lookin back on the things Ive done
I was tryin to be someone
I played my part,
kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
Send in this beautiful loneliness thats tragical
So help me I cant win this war, oh no
Touch me now
Dont bother if every second it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man Ive become
Lookin back on the things Ive done
I was tryin to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
Im here with my confession
Got nothing to hide no more
I dont know where to start
But to show you the shape of my heart
Im lookin back on things Ive done
I never wanna play the same old part
Ill keep you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
Show you the shape of my heart
Saturday, May 06, 2006
daddy, i remember those smiles that make the creases of your eyes stand out
those smiles which makes your eyes twinkle
they all say i have eyes which sparkle when i smile
i know i must have gotten them from you
who else, but you, would have given me eyes that could talk?
eyes like yours, which spoke of the fondness and love u look at me with,
that no language could ever speak
that made me forget always that you couldnt speak
that are etched in the debris of my mind forever.
kor, remember you used to carry me all around in the house?
i stood proudly on your feet, where u'd wriggle them all over
and during meals
where we would still eat as a family
and u would just grab my toes with your toes
underneath the table
and start squeezing them
and look out for the half-grimace, half peals of laughter i had to suppress?
they always thought i was ur little girl
but i guess we do have similarities
afterall u've been here since i was four.
and do u remember the times u'd hold me so high and even piggyback me
i have grown old, yes,
but not forgetful.
i used to scold little boys and squirm at the thought of marrying one
and you'd just laugh at me in amusement
perhaps u knew in ur wisdom that i'd have many romances?
i guess u did,
and u saw one at least.
ur constant teasing and bantering would just make me blush to no end
like a father u are to me,
having seen me all grown up.
u told me that i'll never let u carry the way u did after i grow old right?
im here to prove you wrong!
only that
only that
when i stretch out my arms
i grab thin air
u are not there.
kor kor and daddy,
im turning 21 soon.
ive lived almost 21 years old in that a little cramped 3 room flat in ours,
not boasting-big but nice and comfy
ive danced my childhood years in the living room hoping noone sees
ive been piggybacked and carried and known that ive been loved by the 2 most important man in my life
ive been brought to those night markets by you two(or u can call them pasar malams if u wish) to buy hot piping food in the cold nights
ive been brought the food i love most (chicken wings and clams) and savoured them as a little girl who was easily satisfied by delicacies
ive hugged bears and toys that kor bought for me even when u had children of ur own (i always knew i was ur little girl, even when u had ur 2 little boys)
ive shivered when i accidentally poured coke down ur passenger seat of ur car, kor... u know how much courage it took a 6 year old girl to admit?
ive thanked the stars above when u didnt scold me of course; u were all too nice, always
ive cried silently when i was sad in school and i hid myself in the living room, against the darkness and the flickering light of the silent tv.. and daddy u were there.. u always looked at me with knowing eyes and never asked... even when u did, i know u felt my pain...
and daddy, u were always the one who saw my silent tears.. and the one who understood..
ive laughed the happiest laughters in the whole span of my life kor, when u lift me up and carried me
ive been doted on by the nicest men on earth...
ive been loved...
and ive lost the two of you.
for my 21st birthday,
i want to thank the both of you
cos you all made me who i am
the littlest girl with
the loud peals of laughter that has seen me through my younger days
the dark skin that takes after u, daddy
the love for others that ive seen in u, kor
for my 21st birthday,
i want to thank the both of you
cos without you
your littlest 5th daughter, daddy, and ur smallest sister-in-law whom u've doted on like ur very own sister, kor
your smallest worries
the tiny darkskinned short hair girl with the toothy smile would never have a reflection and had such a happy childhood
thank you kor and daddy.
its been one year three months and three years plus since u've left her side.
there are always empty spaces, in the family
but my heart is always filled with the memories, laughter, happiness, sadness and love of both of you.
i love you two.
very much.
those smiles which makes your eyes twinkle
they all say i have eyes which sparkle when i smile
i know i must have gotten them from you
who else, but you, would have given me eyes that could talk?
eyes like yours, which spoke of the fondness and love u look at me with,
that no language could ever speak
that made me forget always that you couldnt speak
that are etched in the debris of my mind forever.
kor, remember you used to carry me all around in the house?
i stood proudly on your feet, where u'd wriggle them all over
and during meals
where we would still eat as a family
and u would just grab my toes with your toes
underneath the table
and start squeezing them
and look out for the half-grimace, half peals of laughter i had to suppress?
they always thought i was ur little girl
but i guess we do have similarities
afterall u've been here since i was four.
and do u remember the times u'd hold me so high and even piggyback me
i have grown old, yes,
but not forgetful.
i used to scold little boys and squirm at the thought of marrying one
and you'd just laugh at me in amusement
perhaps u knew in ur wisdom that i'd have many romances?
i guess u did,
and u saw one at least.
ur constant teasing and bantering would just make me blush to no end
like a father u are to me,
having seen me all grown up.
u told me that i'll never let u carry the way u did after i grow old right?
im here to prove you wrong!
only that
only that
when i stretch out my arms
i grab thin air
u are not there.
kor kor and daddy,
im turning 21 soon.
ive lived almost 21 years old in that a little cramped 3 room flat in ours,
not boasting-big but nice and comfy
ive danced my childhood years in the living room hoping noone sees
ive been piggybacked and carried and known that ive been loved by the 2 most important man in my life
ive been brought to those night markets by you two(or u can call them pasar malams if u wish) to buy hot piping food in the cold nights
ive been brought the food i love most (chicken wings and clams) and savoured them as a little girl who was easily satisfied by delicacies
ive hugged bears and toys that kor bought for me even when u had children of ur own (i always knew i was ur little girl, even when u had ur 2 little boys)
ive shivered when i accidentally poured coke down ur passenger seat of ur car, kor... u know how much courage it took a 6 year old girl to admit?
ive thanked the stars above when u didnt scold me of course; u were all too nice, always
ive cried silently when i was sad in school and i hid myself in the living room, against the darkness and the flickering light of the silent tv.. and daddy u were there.. u always looked at me with knowing eyes and never asked... even when u did, i know u felt my pain...
and daddy, u were always the one who saw my silent tears.. and the one who understood..
ive laughed the happiest laughters in the whole span of my life kor, when u lift me up and carried me
ive been doted on by the nicest men on earth...
ive been loved...
and ive lost the two of you.
for my 21st birthday,
i want to thank the both of you
cos you all made me who i am
the littlest girl with
the loud peals of laughter that has seen me through my younger days
the dark skin that takes after u, daddy
the love for others that ive seen in u, kor
for my 21st birthday,
i want to thank the both of you
cos without you
your littlest 5th daughter, daddy, and ur smallest sister-in-law whom u've doted on like ur very own sister, kor
your smallest worries
the tiny darkskinned short hair girl with the toothy smile would never have a reflection and had such a happy childhood
thank you kor and daddy.
its been one year three months and three years plus since u've left her side.
there are always empty spaces, in the family
but my heart is always filled with the memories, laughter, happiness, sadness and love of both of you.
i love you two.
very much.
Monday, April 17, 2006
5 projects down - all off my shoulder!
its the most wondrous feeling in the world,
of course until i realise its 7 days to exams =(
and i have my driving test tomorrow.. for the 2nd time...
i really really hope i get my license before i turn 21
*fingers crossed*
12 days to 4 months of holiday!
then its off to great britain, and to tour europe with my frens!
oh well..
=(
jus trying to convince myself to study hard...
its the most wondrous feeling in the world,
of course until i realise its 7 days to exams =(
and i have my driving test tomorrow.. for the 2nd time...
i really really hope i get my license before i turn 21
*fingers crossed*
12 days to 4 months of holiday!
then its off to great britain, and to tour europe with my frens!
oh well..
=(
jus trying to convince myself to study hard...
Monday, April 10, 2006
this is going to be one hell of a ranting post.
i have the best project mate ever.
very nice, very smart, very very responsible.
i thank you for telling me that we all ought to start asap,
and disappear for two weeks after that,
and after which, the day before we are supposed to hand in the work,
plop down a new piece of work thats really good
and say 'surprise'!
and look really serious.
and of course, while the past two weeks me and her have been trying to contact u,
and we started slogging for nights,
u of course were preparing this surprise for us.
i thank you for your kindness and sweetness.
you really shouldnt have.
and of course, just when u compile all the work
(the work of ur surprise, plus me and her frantic work)
of course our work pales in comparison to yours;
we never had any intentions of surprises,
we just wanted to save the butts of three of us.
u of course were sweet enough to think about how we felt.
and u wanted to pass this compilation on to us to edit it and rephrase all the words
and asks us to send to you to see if it has what u wanted to express...
u disappear to another part of the world
u never ask for the work
but its alright
u already give us such a pleasant surprise didnt u?
plus, u signed off with 'love';
what else could i ask for?
and very importantly
when i frantically cant get to sleep cos i got freaking many projects to rush
and i manage to finish collating all 28 pages of hard work
of not sleeping, of not even having enough time for other work,
and the printing shop uncle, while binding my thick pile of work,
destroyed the edges accidentally and in the end i had to photocopy my work
cos of the long Queue, i didnt have time to print again
i mean its all fine - ur surprise is enough to last me thru the weeks
no binding errors could spoil my day.
even if the edges of my binded work fell apart and i had to staple them
amidst half open eyes,
no worries, man.
and when i stepped into the prof's room
he gave me a quizzical look and asked if our grp had problems
and that u had written to him and said u were doing a report
whilst we had already expressed our concern that the previous one me and her was quite out of tangent.
wow.
is that ur second surprise?
is that why when i was rushing my butt off last nite
i cant get u on ur phone?
cant get ur matric number or ur bibliography?
ur phone is switched off still.
and my prof was so nice to ask me if i wanted him to send u a note that we had already handed in the copy.
and he asked me if this was all three of our work. equal?
i said yes.
one wrong (or many surprises, for ur case) does not beget another wrong
i dont see the point in telling on you
cos at least i believe in integrity in work
if u find this funny
if u find that u love giving surprises at the last freaking minute
please have the basic courtesy to tell us.
u freaking screwed up my day.
i have the best project mate ever.
very nice, very smart, very very responsible.
i thank you for telling me that we all ought to start asap,
and disappear for two weeks after that,
and after which, the day before we are supposed to hand in the work,
plop down a new piece of work thats really good
and say 'surprise'!
and look really serious.
and of course, while the past two weeks me and her have been trying to contact u,
and we started slogging for nights,
u of course were preparing this surprise for us.
i thank you for your kindness and sweetness.
you really shouldnt have.
and of course, just when u compile all the work
(the work of ur surprise, plus me and her frantic work)
of course our work pales in comparison to yours;
we never had any intentions of surprises,
we just wanted to save the butts of three of us.
u of course were sweet enough to think about how we felt.
and u wanted to pass this compilation on to us to edit it and rephrase all the words
and asks us to send to you to see if it has what u wanted to express...
u disappear to another part of the world
u never ask for the work
but its alright
u already give us such a pleasant surprise didnt u?
plus, u signed off with 'love';
what else could i ask for?
and very importantly
when i frantically cant get to sleep cos i got freaking many projects to rush
and i manage to finish collating all 28 pages of hard work
of not sleeping, of not even having enough time for other work,
and the printing shop uncle, while binding my thick pile of work,
destroyed the edges accidentally and in the end i had to photocopy my work
cos of the long Queue, i didnt have time to print again
i mean its all fine - ur surprise is enough to last me thru the weeks
no binding errors could spoil my day.
even if the edges of my binded work fell apart and i had to staple them
amidst half open eyes,
no worries, man.
and when i stepped into the prof's room
he gave me a quizzical look and asked if our grp had problems
and that u had written to him and said u were doing a report
whilst we had already expressed our concern that the previous one me and her was quite out of tangent.
wow.
is that ur second surprise?
is that why when i was rushing my butt off last nite
i cant get u on ur phone?
cant get ur matric number or ur bibliography?
ur phone is switched off still.
and my prof was so nice to ask me if i wanted him to send u a note that we had already handed in the copy.
and he asked me if this was all three of our work. equal?
i said yes.
one wrong (or many surprises, for ur case) does not beget another wrong
i dont see the point in telling on you
cos at least i believe in integrity in work
if u find this funny
if u find that u love giving surprises at the last freaking minute
please have the basic courtesy to tell us.
u freaking screwed up my day.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
YAY! I am so proud of myself!
so proud of myself! so proud of myself! =)
For the first time in my NUS history,
I finished a 12 page essay 10 hours before its due!
that is to say, I can sleep in peace tonight, not staying up to burn midnight oil for that sociology paper!
the question was 'state violence, a method of governance, can descend into state terrorism'
and last nite, i stayed up til 6am to prepare but no ideas came... and so even in my sleep, ideas started to jumble and this afternoon i sat down from 3pm and ended at 11pm to finish! =) Its weird how i can complete an essay within 6 hours in a hurry on the morning the paper its due, but if i prepare in advance, i cant get any ideas down and i spend like close to a week on one paper.
And this time, I actually started way early by a week!
Okay, maybe no big deal, but i am the biggest procrastinator on earth
so this is one big achievement =)
heh. *pinches my own cheeks cos im proud of my un~laziness*
but anyway,
i still cant sleep tonight cos ive got 4 more projects to rush
8 hours of staring into computer screen, and 8 more to go!
okay, i sound over-enthu but im buried way underneath my work!!!!!
:(
i am this close to the conclusion and i can kiss this misery goodbye. --> at 1120pm jus now.
so proud of myself! so proud of myself! =)
For the first time in my NUS history,
I finished a 12 page essay 10 hours before its due!
that is to say, I can sleep in peace tonight, not staying up to burn midnight oil for that sociology paper!
the question was 'state violence, a method of governance, can descend into state terrorism'
and last nite, i stayed up til 6am to prepare but no ideas came... and so even in my sleep, ideas started to jumble and this afternoon i sat down from 3pm and ended at 11pm to finish! =) Its weird how i can complete an essay within 6 hours in a hurry on the morning the paper its due, but if i prepare in advance, i cant get any ideas down and i spend like close to a week on one paper.
And this time, I actually started way early by a week!
Okay, maybe no big deal, but i am the biggest procrastinator on earth
so this is one big achievement =)
heh. *pinches my own cheeks cos im proud of my un~laziness*
but anyway,
i still cant sleep tonight cos ive got 4 more projects to rush
8 hours of staring into computer screen, and 8 more to go!
okay, i sound over-enthu but im buried way underneath my work!!!!!
:(
i am this close to the conclusion and i can kiss this misery goodbye. --> at 1120pm jus now.
Monday, March 20, 2006
work is piling in on me,
dragging me along with its unkind, unrelenting and impatient speed.
can hardly see my feet with all the work piling and piling
in addition to the procrastinator in me,
its no wonder i can hardly breathe.
every semester becomes another similar struggle to balance my work instead of a strive to do well.
last semester before i leave for uk,
better make the best out of it...
one last try,
one last time.
dragging me along with its unkind, unrelenting and impatient speed.
can hardly see my feet with all the work piling and piling
in addition to the procrastinator in me,
its no wonder i can hardly breathe.
every semester becomes another similar struggle to balance my work instead of a strive to do well.
last semester before i leave for uk,
better make the best out of it...
one last try,
one last time.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Monday, March 13, 2006
for the couples out there who have a few tiffs here and there...
Sometimes - Gabrielle (sound track of spiderman)
Weve come too far we cant turn back
Have our good days, have our bad
When Im feeling blue
You say that Im hurting you
We try so hard not to fight
But sometimes we cross the line
And I wanna leave
But you
Wont let me
We have our highs and lows
Just like everybody else
Doesnt mean that we walk away
We work through our mistakes
Chorus: Sometimes I love you
Sometimes I dont
But I never ever
Never want to let you go
The roads not easy
But the feelings strong
Its the little things that keep me holding on
We’re both guilty of mistakes
Though you rarely take the blame
Are you coming through
Sometimes I hate you
But it’s not mistakes in life you make
It’s the good you do along the way
The dues you pay
We have our highs and lows
Something everybody knows
Doesn’t mean that we run away
We work through our mistakes
Chorus
Ohhh Of all the crazy things in life there’s pain
It’s you and me
We’ve come so far sometimes I can’t believe
That I wouldn’t change a thing
Chorus x 3
Sometimes - Gabrielle (sound track of spiderman)
Weve come too far we cant turn back
Have our good days, have our bad
When Im feeling blue
You say that Im hurting you
We try so hard not to fight
But sometimes we cross the line
And I wanna leave
But you
Wont let me
We have our highs and lows
Just like everybody else
Doesnt mean that we walk away
We work through our mistakes
Chorus: Sometimes I love you
Sometimes I dont
But I never ever
Never want to let you go
The roads not easy
But the feelings strong
Its the little things that keep me holding on
We’re both guilty of mistakes
Though you rarely take the blame
Are you coming through
Sometimes I hate you
But it’s not mistakes in life you make
It’s the good you do along the way
The dues you pay
We have our highs and lows
Something everybody knows
Doesn’t mean that we run away
We work through our mistakes
Chorus
Ohhh Of all the crazy things in life there’s pain
It’s you and me
We’ve come so far sometimes I can’t believe
That I wouldn’t change a thing
Chorus x 3
Monday, March 06, 2006
Do try this test at http://www.drawahouse.com/TakeTheTest/. Very interesting =)
Based on your drawing and the 10 answers you gave this is a summary of your personality:
Your house tells the world that you ought to be a leader.
You are a freedom lover and a strong person.
You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible.
You love excitement and create it wherever you go.
You are very tidy person.
There's nothing wrong with that because you're pretty popular among friends.
Your life is always full of changes.
You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible.
You love excitement and create it wherever you go.
You see the world as it is, not as you believe it should be.
You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love.
It is also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt.
You don't think much about yourself.
Click here to view my house
Based on your drawing and the 10 answers you gave this is a summary of your personality:
Your house tells the world that you ought to be a leader.
You are a freedom lover and a strong person.
You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible.
You love excitement and create it wherever you go.
You are very tidy person.
There's nothing wrong with that because you're pretty popular among friends.
Your life is always full of changes.
You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible.
You love excitement and create it wherever you go.
You see the world as it is, not as you believe it should be.
You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love.
It is also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt.
You don't think much about yourself.
Click here to view my house
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
unconditional love
Know you not the meaning of silence
Is weariness too strong a word for you? Of course
Not, you answer, I want your presence!
But no, you just don't know my cause.
Words spoken from the mouth are only but such
Frivolity and rash impulsivity; maybe immature youth as well
For that moment I did care, yes, as you, just as much
But for now, a far cry from the past, I am not sure as hell.
Sight of you overturned the curves of my thick lips,
Just not now, it's all for your good, for now.
Centre of your universe, my wish is naught.
Then I did, but the only thing constant is change and things always sour.
Your love, care, concern and - are weighing me down -
Time, all deserving better, for empty-handed am I.
Shoved me closer to the edge, overwrought all around.
For simply, look in my eyes, the balance has overtilted to one side
My side of course, but my hand reached out once but got tired of holding.
Stepped into this ditch and another leg joined
Perhaps all the ditsy times of love and happiness in song and dance
Were only but flitting illusions of temporal impermanence.
Oh yes, my love is unconditional,
Just not now.
- Anonymous
Know you not the meaning of silence
Is weariness too strong a word for you? Of course
Not, you answer, I want your presence!
But no, you just don't know my cause.
Words spoken from the mouth are only but such
Frivolity and rash impulsivity; maybe immature youth as well
For that moment I did care, yes, as you, just as much
But for now, a far cry from the past, I am not sure as hell.
Sight of you overturned the curves of my thick lips,
Just not now, it's all for your good, for now.
Centre of your universe, my wish is naught.
Then I did, but the only thing constant is change and things always sour.
Your love, care, concern and - are weighing me down -
Time, all deserving better, for empty-handed am I.
Shoved me closer to the edge, overwrought all around.
For simply, look in my eyes, the balance has overtilted to one side
My side of course, but my hand reached out once but got tired of holding.
Stepped into this ditch and another leg joined
Perhaps all the ditsy times of love and happiness in song and dance
Were only but flitting illusions of temporal impermanence.
Oh yes, my love is unconditional,
Just not now.
- Anonymous
Monday, February 27, 2006
something made me smile today!
=) realised that i could apply for the Singapore Exchange Award
which can ease a huge load off my shoulders
with the award dishing out up to 4000 euros for my uk trip in september..
and if i get it *keeps fingers crossed*
it will be about 8000 dollars off my mind!
then ill have to slog for the rest of the 7000 dollars!
:)
good news still! :)
=) realised that i could apply for the Singapore Exchange Award
which can ease a huge load off my shoulders
with the award dishing out up to 4000 euros for my uk trip in september..
and if i get it *keeps fingers crossed*
it will be about 8000 dollars off my mind!
then ill have to slog for the rest of the 7000 dollars!
:)
good news still! :)
Sunday, February 26, 2006
i'm back!
back from the craziest thing i've done in my whole life!
not quite the craziest actually, but nearly there..
=)
in a matter of less than 3 days, me and my sec sch gd fren corinne decided to embark on a 4 day trip to western australia, perth from 21 - 24 february
her to have a really good break and meet up with her fren
and me to really take a breather from all the work im buried in!
so it was such a sudden trip
and ticket and accomodation were settled by her first as the most impt thing was to plan and get there asap while mid term break was still in the midst of going on.
was really apprehensive abt going australia again, honestly
after the less than half a year trip to brisbane in july last year
to fulfil the craziest plan i designed to meet up with justin for 3 weeks
all alone
all arranged and booked myself
all crazy but very excited
i could almost feel the excitement tingling in my bones when i saw the glimmer in her eyes for an independent trip(at least without the parents) and i could see myself then.
looking at her plan everything was seeing myself back then again.
and it wasnt too long ago actually.
thats what made me feel the ache.
the little me all psyched up
it made me smile, perhaps a wry smile, but it just reminded me of things were just a short while ago.
things that i'd never have the energy or passion to do again.
i wasnt quite sure how i'd take this trip
wasnt sure if i was ready to go to aussie again
it might certainly sound silly
but being the sentimental fool i am, the evoking of blessed memories, all just to catch glimpses of my then bf, would not be too beneficial.
plus i never expected to go aussie again so soon after the break up,
and all the more i didnt expect to go aussie again, with us already broken up
and it reminded me how blissful things were in brisbane and
how i never realised my last hug and wave goodbye to him at the brisbane airport were really the last for us.
but i guess i still have to face up to reality
and probably my last aussie trip after the break up (less of a reason to go there, but not completely none) and my student exchange to uk in about half a year's time... simply because i will be way tooo broke after everything to travel
so well, yes i agreed to a mini trip where i really wanted to get away to clear my cluttered brains.
=)
so boarded a 1am flight- first time taking a Spore Airlines flight with previous trips to brisbane taking quantas (with family) and emirates(myself).
the flight was honestly an uneasy and queasy one.
i know i wasnt gonna meet him there, and i know it was not gonna be the sunny brisbane that would greet me.
but somehow...
deja vu, faded memories, whatever-u-call-it
just filled my mind.
i couldnt get to sleep just like the last time, but this time not because i was apprehensive how it was like to wonder how he'd react to my visit and how tear invoking it would be to see and embrace someone i loved at the brisbane air port
but more of a i-wish-i-could-forget-the-excitement-i-felt-since-its-all-over feeling.
it made me sad.
plus there were two meals served and i couldnt get any sleep in.
so i jus tossed and turned (not much though- how much could i move in a small seat with little breathing space?)
caught myself looking around for him when i reached the airport with corinne (i know i was silly) but its just deja-vu or the i-know-ive-been-thru-this kinda feeling.
its sort of hard to explain, unless u've been in my shoes
and plus im super sentimental
so it doesnt really help, i guess.
aaron, corinne's friend, came to pick us up and i gave a weak smile.
i guess i was worn out by the flight which was interrupted by flitting disturbing thoughts and incessant greetings to have a drink or my food by the trademark of SIA that wasnt very appreciated in my struggle to fall asleep...
but i kinda warmed up to him slowly
and he was the bestest host ive ever had, bringing us around the next 4 days in his coolest bmw 5 series with an awesome sunroof!
im totally amazed by it cos its so cool!
its got the coolest technology with acute sensors by the side, tracking devices and infrared sensing technology to sniff out speed cameras which will warn u aptly! how cool is that! plus the technology is 5 years old..... and so.. im so totally amazed.
and thru out the trip, i really felt like a ten year old kid
asking and gaping at sights that can never be found in singapore.
the scorching sun and cold nice weather and wind, 17 degrees temperature, beautiful rapids and awe-inspiring hills, the swan river, a slow yet nice pace of life, gracious service, beautiful beach with waves that wash me to the shore... all so nice.
i guess i could do with a huge amount of mugging in this mid term break but i did bring my work there to assuage my guilt of holidaying in a supposedly study break.
but seriously, this was really a much needed break required internally by ms superwoman-wannabe here because ive had too many things i tried to cope with plus ive been ignoring how i truly felt inside. just that i didnt know i needed a break away.
from school, from tuition which i spend a good 8 hours each on Sats and Sundays, the messy affairs of the heart, everything everything else which deserves my undivided attention but not now.
but most importantly,
i honestly can say this trip did me lots of good cos it gave me lots of air and liberation from whatever i had held too closely and helped me to think thru things and breathe with the time i had alone shopping or in the hotel studying.
i never had a clearer mind of what i ever wanted and what i needed to do.
that is to study, get my first class honours,
travel around the world, make a difference to ppl's lives.
that is what i envisage now.
and of course the most important thing is still my family and friends.
thats all that matter to me.
because if we go through our lives looking over our shoulders,
we end up missing what lies ahead.
and one thing i'm grateful is that im honest about how i feel finally, instead of hiding behind facades of masks which deny all my unhappiness.
ive left everything behind back in the hotel room in perth after revealing my feelings
and its all over.
im really recharged and all ready to face the challenges.
bring it on.
*roars*
a little more ready to face the intimidating chunks of essays and projects that await me.
=)
back from the craziest thing i've done in my whole life!
not quite the craziest actually, but nearly there..
=)
in a matter of less than 3 days, me and my sec sch gd fren corinne decided to embark on a 4 day trip to western australia, perth from 21 - 24 february
her to have a really good break and meet up with her fren
and me to really take a breather from all the work im buried in!
so it was such a sudden trip
and ticket and accomodation were settled by her first as the most impt thing was to plan and get there asap while mid term break was still in the midst of going on.
was really apprehensive abt going australia again, honestly
after the less than half a year trip to brisbane in july last year
to fulfil the craziest plan i designed to meet up with justin for 3 weeks
all alone
all arranged and booked myself
all crazy but very excited
i could almost feel the excitement tingling in my bones when i saw the glimmer in her eyes for an independent trip(at least without the parents) and i could see myself then.
looking at her plan everything was seeing myself back then again.
and it wasnt too long ago actually.
thats what made me feel the ache.
the little me all psyched up
it made me smile, perhaps a wry smile, but it just reminded me of things were just a short while ago.
things that i'd never have the energy or passion to do again.
i wasnt quite sure how i'd take this trip
wasnt sure if i was ready to go to aussie again
it might certainly sound silly
but being the sentimental fool i am, the evoking of blessed memories, all just to catch glimpses of my then bf, would not be too beneficial.
plus i never expected to go aussie again so soon after the break up,
and all the more i didnt expect to go aussie again, with us already broken up
and it reminded me how blissful things were in brisbane and
how i never realised my last hug and wave goodbye to him at the brisbane airport were really the last for us.
but i guess i still have to face up to reality
and probably my last aussie trip after the break up (less of a reason to go there, but not completely none) and my student exchange to uk in about half a year's time... simply because i will be way tooo broke after everything to travel
so well, yes i agreed to a mini trip where i really wanted to get away to clear my cluttered brains.
=)
so boarded a 1am flight- first time taking a Spore Airlines flight with previous trips to brisbane taking quantas (with family) and emirates(myself).
the flight was honestly an uneasy and queasy one.
i know i wasnt gonna meet him there, and i know it was not gonna be the sunny brisbane that would greet me.
but somehow...
deja vu, faded memories, whatever-u-call-it
just filled my mind.
i couldnt get to sleep just like the last time, but this time not because i was apprehensive how it was like to wonder how he'd react to my visit and how tear invoking it would be to see and embrace someone i loved at the brisbane air port
but more of a i-wish-i-could-forget-the-excitement-i-felt-since-its-all-over feeling.
it made me sad.
plus there were two meals served and i couldnt get any sleep in.
so i jus tossed and turned (not much though- how much could i move in a small seat with little breathing space?)
caught myself looking around for him when i reached the airport with corinne (i know i was silly) but its just deja-vu or the i-know-ive-been-thru-this kinda feeling.
its sort of hard to explain, unless u've been in my shoes
and plus im super sentimental
so it doesnt really help, i guess.
aaron, corinne's friend, came to pick us up and i gave a weak smile.
i guess i was worn out by the flight which was interrupted by flitting disturbing thoughts and incessant greetings to have a drink or my food by the trademark of SIA that wasnt very appreciated in my struggle to fall asleep...
but i kinda warmed up to him slowly
and he was the bestest host ive ever had, bringing us around the next 4 days in his coolest bmw 5 series with an awesome sunroof!
im totally amazed by it cos its so cool!
its got the coolest technology with acute sensors by the side, tracking devices and infrared sensing technology to sniff out speed cameras which will warn u aptly! how cool is that! plus the technology is 5 years old..... and so.. im so totally amazed.
and thru out the trip, i really felt like a ten year old kid
asking and gaping at sights that can never be found in singapore.
the scorching sun and cold nice weather and wind, 17 degrees temperature, beautiful rapids and awe-inspiring hills, the swan river, a slow yet nice pace of life, gracious service, beautiful beach with waves that wash me to the shore... all so nice.
i guess i could do with a huge amount of mugging in this mid term break but i did bring my work there to assuage my guilt of holidaying in a supposedly study break.
but seriously, this was really a much needed break required internally by ms superwoman-wannabe here because ive had too many things i tried to cope with plus ive been ignoring how i truly felt inside. just that i didnt know i needed a break away.
from school, from tuition which i spend a good 8 hours each on Sats and Sundays, the messy affairs of the heart, everything everything else which deserves my undivided attention but not now.
but most importantly,
i honestly can say this trip did me lots of good cos it gave me lots of air and liberation from whatever i had held too closely and helped me to think thru things and breathe with the time i had alone shopping or in the hotel studying.
i never had a clearer mind of what i ever wanted and what i needed to do.
that is to study, get my first class honours,
travel around the world, make a difference to ppl's lives.
that is what i envisage now.
and of course the most important thing is still my family and friends.
thats all that matter to me.
because if we go through our lives looking over our shoulders,
we end up missing what lies ahead.
and one thing i'm grateful is that im honest about how i feel finally, instead of hiding behind facades of masks which deny all my unhappiness.
ive left everything behind back in the hotel room in perth after revealing my feelings
and its all over.
im really recharged and all ready to face the challenges.
bring it on.
*roars*
a little more ready to face the intimidating chunks of essays and projects that await me.
=)
Monday, February 20, 2006
:) everyone's doing this, but heck,
just for the fun of it, do this for me k? :)
http://kevan.org/johari?name=izzybelle
just for the fun of it, do this for me k? :)
http://kevan.org/johari?name=izzybelle
Friday, February 17, 2006
i fingered the petals of the orangy red daisies - beautiful.
i took a sniff- sweet smelling flowers.
u always, always loved flowers:
planting them, watering them, pruning them.
always a lover of nature, always a camera in hand to capture the most real and natural moments in life.
but what they say is correct:
tombstones cannot appreciate flowers.
whats the use of getting u flowers when u are gone, away from us?
my eyes caught a glimpse of a beautiful blooming rose, bursting with love and passion.
could recognise it was the much-hailed about Holland rose.
i smiled, and pointed to the guy in the shop.
one of this beauty, in pink, for my mum,
who loves me unconditionally, always and all ways. :)
i want to let her know i love her always
and it might not just be valentine's day (or post V day, for that matter)
but just one of the everyday i love and cherish her.
its ur one year anniversary kor.
i wish u were back here with us.
i really do wish.
i wish i was not the one buying ur favourite flowers,
only to put them on your altar
where u cannot smell the scent, or touch the soft silky petals or see for yourself with your bright kind eyes.
flowers for u in theory,
but only to make myself feel better that u get to have ur favourite things given to you.
i miss you very very much kor.
<3.
i took a sniff- sweet smelling flowers.
u always, always loved flowers:
planting them, watering them, pruning them.
always a lover of nature, always a camera in hand to capture the most real and natural moments in life.
but what they say is correct:
tombstones cannot appreciate flowers.
whats the use of getting u flowers when u are gone, away from us?
my eyes caught a glimpse of a beautiful blooming rose, bursting with love and passion.
could recognise it was the much-hailed about Holland rose.
i smiled, and pointed to the guy in the shop.
one of this beauty, in pink, for my mum,
who loves me unconditionally, always and all ways. :)
i want to let her know i love her always
and it might not just be valentine's day (or post V day, for that matter)
but just one of the everyday i love and cherish her.
its ur one year anniversary kor.
i wish u were back here with us.
i really do wish.
i wish i was not the one buying ur favourite flowers,
only to put them on your altar
where u cannot smell the scent, or touch the soft silky petals or see for yourself with your bright kind eyes.
flowers for u in theory,
but only to make myself feel better that u get to have ur favourite things given to you.
i miss you very very much kor.
<3.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
I'm really special.
How do I know I'm special?
Cos today my doc diagnosed me with Alpha Thalassemia Minor. With only 3% in countries like India, China and Singapore having this blood disease, I had better be special.
Here's Wikipedia's definition of Thalessemia:
___________________________________________________________________
(Thalassemia (American English) (or thalassaemia in British English) is an inherited disease of the red blood cells, classified as a hemoglobinopathy. The genetic defect results in synthesis of an abnormal hemoglobin molecule. The blood cells are vulnerable to mechanical injury and die easily. To survive, many people with thalassaemia need blood transfusions at regular intervals.
The disease's geographical association with the Mediterranean sea was responsible for its naming: Thalassa is Greek for the sea, Haima is Greek for blood. Thalassemia occurs in all populations and ethnic groups, however the prevalence differs among different populations. )
Thalassemia Minor:
Contrary to popular belief, Thalassemia Minor patients should not avoid iron-rich foods by default. A serum ferritin test can determine what their iron levels are and guide them to further treatment if necessary. Thalassemia Minor, although not life threatening on its own, can affect quality of life due to the effects of a mild to moderate anemia. Studies have shown that thalassemia Minor often coexists with other diseases such as asthma [2], and even bipolar disorder [3].
_____________________________________________________________
Thalessemia Minor patients should not avoid iron-rich foods and coincidentally, I live and breathe for seafood like mussels, oysters and clams :) Now an added excuse to eat my world's favouritest food and just shrug away Hepatitis possibilities.
The most amazing thing is my best bud happens to have Congenital Spherocytosis: a blood disease even much much more rarer than mine. It is caused by a molecular defect in one or more proteins of the red blood cells.
There is this joke between us now that we can NEVER get married cos our inherent blood diseases will cause defects in the poor child.
So as you can see, me and my best bud are very special indeed.
How do I know I'm special?
Cos today my doc diagnosed me with Alpha Thalassemia Minor. With only 3% in countries like India, China and Singapore having this blood disease, I had better be special.
Here's Wikipedia's definition of Thalessemia:
___________________________________________________________________
(Thalassemia (American English) (or thalassaemia in British English) is an inherited disease of the red blood cells, classified as a hemoglobinopathy. The genetic defect results in synthesis of an abnormal hemoglobin molecule. The blood cells are vulnerable to mechanical injury and die easily. To survive, many people with thalassaemia need blood transfusions at regular intervals.
The disease's geographical association with the Mediterranean sea was responsible for its naming: Thalassa is Greek for the sea, Haima is Greek for blood. Thalassemia occurs in all populations and ethnic groups, however the prevalence differs among different populations. )
Thalassemia Minor:
Contrary to popular belief, Thalassemia Minor patients should not avoid iron-rich foods by default. A serum ferritin test can determine what their iron levels are and guide them to further treatment if necessary. Thalassemia Minor, although not life threatening on its own, can affect quality of life due to the effects of a mild to moderate anemia. Studies have shown that thalassemia Minor often coexists with other diseases such as asthma [2], and even bipolar disorder [3].
_____________________________________________________________
Thalessemia Minor patients should not avoid iron-rich foods and coincidentally, I live and breathe for seafood like mussels, oysters and clams :) Now an added excuse to eat my world's favouritest food and just shrug away Hepatitis possibilities.
The most amazing thing is my best bud happens to have Congenital Spherocytosis: a blood disease even much much more rarer than mine. It is caused by a molecular defect in one or more proteins of the red blood cells.
There is this joke between us now that we can NEVER get married cos our inherent blood diseases will cause defects in the poor child.
So as you can see, me and my best bud are very special indeed.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
and with a limp twisted ankle,
i managed to arrive at ananda, paragon to await the news of the l'oreal brandstorm competition.
dressed confidently and smiling,
i knew i was alone as compared to other teams
but i knew my two girls were right beside me in spirit.
but our name wasnt called up and i hate to be the one to break the bad news :(
we didnt make it for the second round, but this time it was a real eye-opener.
the late night rush, fruits for breakfast lunch dinner (repeat 4 nites), the 100 pages report of our precious work..
not down the drain, but very disappointing :(
and next year i cant try again, cos i wont be in singapore.
been trying to do up my room, to give a fresh new touch to it.
first of all, i must start by staying home more. :)
be focused girl. im way behind school work.
okay, so maybe im not doing much about it.
but problem recognition will get me somewhere right?
haha.. i feel myself coming up with excuses again.
:)
procrastinator me.
i managed to arrive at ananda, paragon to await the news of the l'oreal brandstorm competition.
dressed confidently and smiling,
i knew i was alone as compared to other teams
but i knew my two girls were right beside me in spirit.
but our name wasnt called up and i hate to be the one to break the bad news :(
we didnt make it for the second round, but this time it was a real eye-opener.
the late night rush, fruits for breakfast lunch dinner (repeat 4 nites), the 100 pages report of our precious work..
not down the drain, but very disappointing :(
and next year i cant try again, cos i wont be in singapore.
been trying to do up my room, to give a fresh new touch to it.
first of all, i must start by staying home more. :)
be focused girl. im way behind school work.
okay, so maybe im not doing much about it.
but problem recognition will get me somewhere right?
haha.. i feel myself coming up with excuses again.
:)
procrastinator me.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
the kiss of the wind on my cheeks,
the orangy red sun which wants to say goodbye,
the sandy grains beneath my feet,
the calming beating of the waves upon the rocks
i ran towards the all too familiar bridge.
towards sunshine.
i smiled to mr sun,
u too know that i always want to be strong.
i want to be the one that runs towards the light,
and away from the darkness that frowns upon me.
i smiled to the sun
and paused running.
the wind carressed my cheeks gently,
patting my hair
telling me to continue in my journey..
no clear ending point,
but i am going somewhere.
the sun makes me smile.
i smile back at him - i want to grow stronger in the sun:)
just like a blooming sunflower.
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
the orangy red sun which wants to say goodbye,
the sandy grains beneath my feet,
the calming beating of the waves upon the rocks
i ran towards the all too familiar bridge.
towards sunshine.
i smiled to mr sun,
u too know that i always want to be strong.
i want to be the one that runs towards the light,
and away from the darkness that frowns upon me.
i smiled to the sun
and paused running.
the wind carressed my cheeks gently,
patting my hair
telling me to continue in my journey..
no clear ending point,
but i am going somewhere.
the sun makes me smile.
i smile back at him - i want to grow stronger in the sun:)
just like a blooming sunflower.
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
Saturday, January 21, 2006
the l'oreal brandstorm competition is finally over.
at least, the presentation is over :)
what a relief.
the past few weeks have whizzed past
with all 3 of us being high strung, stressed and grumpy
where we'd just bunk at chel's place, eat fruits for breakfast, lunch and dinner..
tag team to sleep for max four hours daily
skip lectures
be grumpy
rush powerpoint
edit notes
be grumpier
sleep lesser as the deadline drew closer
i think ive never been so quiet in my life
i just withdrew to myself and stared fiercely at the computer screen of
information abt biotherm and the survey results
boy, am i glad i took sc2101 module and i can use my quantitative analysis skills to use.
i talked so little and looked so grumpy
i think its scary.
but i am seldom like this,
so actually, i am quite nice, lah :)
the presentation was nerve-wrecking for me
cladded in professional executive suit and skirt and hair tied oh-so-neatly
with make-up
it was like THE professional corporate world of presentations
granted, ive been working as marketing and events before
but never had such a prestigious chance to present at a competition b4
esp being in arts, and not having formal presentations as such
a good experience though i ended up feeling very small
but i reall really did my entirely best
its like a little dream that i fulfilled
that is to join such competitions and to be able to present confidently.
yup, put a check list to that and we shall see if our dreams can be further worked on when 6 february comes.
the results will reveal if we have passed the first stage of pre-case sypnosis
and determine if we have a chance to fight to compete on national level at paris!
:)
i stood straight and confidently, without little movements.. so to aaron, who is most probably reading and grinning, thanks very very much for all the tech support and pointers :)
now with l'oreal competition down (for the time being),
with work down (for the time being)
we have the DRIVING TP test on 26 january! (horrors of all)
i swear i still drive into the wrong lanes, i cant cut lanes for nuts, i get so nervous that i change gear from gear 3 to neutral gear, my U-turns suck totally, my instructor wants to die laughing from guiding my driving, i drove into the opposite lanes... yes... and my test is in 5 days.. i must be outta my mind to even take up driving in the first place... :( i still dont know when and where to turn my car into.. sigh...
and next.. school.. i've been skipping too many lectures for the first two weeks..
time to get back in'sync with work.. tutorials.. lectures... projects...essays.. how nice.... what a 'big' change from wat im doing now..
at least, the presentation is over :)
what a relief.
the past few weeks have whizzed past
with all 3 of us being high strung, stressed and grumpy
where we'd just bunk at chel's place, eat fruits for breakfast, lunch and dinner..
tag team to sleep for max four hours daily
skip lectures
be grumpy
rush powerpoint
edit notes
be grumpier
sleep lesser as the deadline drew closer
i think ive never been so quiet in my life
i just withdrew to myself and stared fiercely at the computer screen of
information abt biotherm and the survey results
boy, am i glad i took sc2101 module and i can use my quantitative analysis skills to use.
i talked so little and looked so grumpy
i think its scary.
but i am seldom like this,
so actually, i am quite nice, lah :)
the presentation was nerve-wrecking for me
cladded in professional executive suit and skirt and hair tied oh-so-neatly
with make-up
it was like THE professional corporate world of presentations
granted, ive been working as marketing and events before
but never had such a prestigious chance to present at a competition b4
esp being in arts, and not having formal presentations as such
a good experience though i ended up feeling very small
but i reall really did my entirely best
its like a little dream that i fulfilled
that is to join such competitions and to be able to present confidently.
yup, put a check list to that and we shall see if our dreams can be further worked on when 6 february comes.
the results will reveal if we have passed the first stage of pre-case sypnosis
and determine if we have a chance to fight to compete on national level at paris!
:)
i stood straight and confidently, without little movements.. so to aaron, who is most probably reading and grinning, thanks very very much for all the tech support and pointers :)
now with l'oreal competition down (for the time being),
with work down (for the time being)
we have the DRIVING TP test on 26 january! (horrors of all)
i swear i still drive into the wrong lanes, i cant cut lanes for nuts, i get so nervous that i change gear from gear 3 to neutral gear, my U-turns suck totally, my instructor wants to die laughing from guiding my driving, i drove into the opposite lanes... yes... and my test is in 5 days.. i must be outta my mind to even take up driving in the first place... :( i still dont know when and where to turn my car into.. sigh...
and next.. school.. i've been skipping too many lectures for the first two weeks..
time to get back in'sync with work.. tutorials.. lectures... projects...essays.. how nice.... what a 'big' change from wat im doing now..
next in line: marketing project to rush for company
Singles' nite @ newsroom bar to be organized for company
guitar classes
jazz dance classes
school work... (read: tonnes of burying assignments, tutorials, deadlines..)
tuition of 7 kids
driving test and lessons!
i need a break... any short get-away anyone? :)
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
more than words. go figure.
collide- howie day.
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
YeahI'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
I'm quiet you know
You make a frist impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
collide- howie day.
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
YeahI'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
I'm quiet you know
You make a frist impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
Saturday, January 14, 2006
goodness.. its 3.54 am and for the consecutive 3 nights,
i think ive not slept for more than 4 hours..
the l'oreal brandstorm competition is killing all 3 of us..
and now im in pgp's common room trying to finish the remnants of my work
my mind is totally gone, my eyes are like small slits...
and tomorrow is jazz dance performance..
i am gonna look exactly and dance like a zombie too..
and blue blacks collection amount to 5 big one today..
pardon me for the incoherence..
ive been thinking, breathing, writing, reading all about loreal's products and brands until im not so sure what im talking or thinking abt anymore..
train of tots out of alignments...
should i jus hail a cab and go home to sleep before the performance or should i just bunk in at chel's room and pretend im very small sized and squeeze with her..
i need some shut eye....
hectic week ahead.. hang in there...
nightmare.
i think ive not slept for more than 4 hours..
the l'oreal brandstorm competition is killing all 3 of us..
and now im in pgp's common room trying to finish the remnants of my work
my mind is totally gone, my eyes are like small slits...
and tomorrow is jazz dance performance..
i am gonna look exactly and dance like a zombie too..
and blue blacks collection amount to 5 big one today..
pardon me for the incoherence..
ive been thinking, breathing, writing, reading all about loreal's products and brands until im not so sure what im talking or thinking abt anymore..
train of tots out of alignments...
should i jus hail a cab and go home to sleep before the performance or should i just bunk in at chel's room and pretend im very small sized and squeeze with her..
i need some shut eye....
hectic week ahead.. hang in there...
nightmare.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
i am tired.
i found out recently that ive lost passion in a lot of things i love.
work, research, dance, friends, family
everything and anything possible.
short tempered, tired, closed up, quiet
thats becoming me now.
i guess i need a lot of me-time cos im spread thinly like ice and school is just starting soon after work ends with lingering remnants of work to be done still.
dance performance on 14th, competition, work, school, tuition, family, friends, events
sometimes i remind myself i am not superwoman even tho i wish i was.
biting off more than i can chew...
i am being grumpier, and disappointed with myself too
cos i know my passion in doing the best in watever i do is diminishing
seems like its slip shod work and i have no heart to do anything.
maybe its a self fulfilling prophecy and brainwashing done by a certain him,
but it feels like crap at the end of it.
oh yes, and many many 21st birthdays to attend in this month alone. at least 4.
no time, no money.
driving TP coming soon
and i havent even done my circuit
this is how pressed for time i am.
forgot how sleep is like,
havent slept properly and soundly.
want some quiet time to look at the world go by,
not me catching up with fast and furious spinning of the globe.
man, i cannot catch up
and i can hardly breathe.
some better news though:
i got accepted for my business minor - means now i am possibly slightly a little teeny weeny bit more marketable with a business minor. but i am getting so jaded by the corporate world already, i really wonder if thats gonna be my path or i should just go with some airlines and be an air stewardess.
hmm.
i got accepted by NUS for the student exchange programme to go to UK, Uni of Newcastle Upon Tyne. Now i gotta get my results slips, testimonials and all ready and pray hard that UK accepts me. then it'll be off to UK I'll be. I definitely need to get out of this place, after all that has happened, especially since JC1.. life has been ups and downs... never calm.. feel like ive been on huge choppy waves which seemingly is calm but topples me over and jus throws me under. im surprised my mum is actually not protesting against the exchange after today's family reunion dinner. my sisters kindly explained casually that this is an opportunity of a life time, and its prestigious as well. i can see a longing in her eyes, and i know if i could just forego my dreams of going to uk to study no matter how short the stint, i will stay for her. but my sisters lived thru regrets due to poverty and control in the past, and i believe they want me to live my dreams.
work has ended at least for now. its like a shoulder off my burden as its really mentally consuming. but i really learned so much and at the end of the day, maybe thats what matters the most. it was interesting one month with teresa where she knows ill just brighten up with nice food after a horrid day and i guess it just is a funny transition from work to school. from eating at food courts to school canteens.
new year has passed and resolutions are always prevalent in peoples' minds. i guess for me, i would really have to be true to myself, and live out my dreams. going for wat i want and never making myself unhappy even when it means making others unhappy. about being honest and true to myself, and never get bullied or pushed over. and not to trust people easily, in the sense that never get stepped over by close friends or acquaintances.
for me, the past 2005 year is the year where i learned the most.. i dealed with having my bro-in-law leaving me, spending sleepless edgy nights in tan tock seng hospital again.. having to say goodbye to my bf and being brave... working hard and saving up for a trip to aussie... studying german and immersing in a different culture... working in an events company as events manager.. flying to aussie and experiencing a love that would withstand the challenges of distance and time... and cherishing and treasuring every moment together.. holding him close to my heart and dancing to the tunes of Toto's africa, learning to play pool though i still suck at it... living away from my family for 3 weeks in aussie... probably one of the best times in my life cos i had not seen him for so long and to be able to see him then was just incredibly happy and important... being in a short lived long distance relationship... being fun-loving and open to learn jazz dance and guitar... meeting a whole new world of friends who love dancing and making music with guitars... learning about the passion that drives people.. late night suppers and getting to learn so much more to different sides of people.. being betrayed of my trust by someone i was really being a buddy to and that is something i want to forget... losing a close to three year relationship shortly after coming back to singapore... losing a part of me that grew up together with him... the longest relationship i had that just crumbled away... having to be really brave about the loss, 6 modules that totally drained me out... getting close to friends that drifted apart.. performances that sought to drive away my stage fright but evident of living my dreams to perform... driving and driving my instructor up the wall with my slow reactions.. directing in a theatre studies play where everything was done from scratch... everything... i learned so much.
but i guess all these, good and bad, can never really be erased away.. sometimes, fate just leaves the best for the last.. so we just press on in darkest times and tell ourselves that better times lie ahead...
and now we face challenges of 2006... bidding for now..cos i cant even get my 5th module... coping with work, competition, tuition and school... internships hopefully or different kinds of work after exams in may.. 21st birthday... uk trip... surviving... earning cash for the exchange... learning and growing...
and yup, one of the resolutions is to never force myself to do things i dont want to and still put on a smiling facade.. cos im tired.. and i never make myself happy anymore...
whatever doesnt kill makes us stronger.. i may sound weary and jaded.. but one day, it'll all work out nicely..
i found out recently that ive lost passion in a lot of things i love.
work, research, dance, friends, family
everything and anything possible.
short tempered, tired, closed up, quiet
thats becoming me now.
i guess i need a lot of me-time cos im spread thinly like ice and school is just starting soon after work ends with lingering remnants of work to be done still.
dance performance on 14th, competition, work, school, tuition, family, friends, events
sometimes i remind myself i am not superwoman even tho i wish i was.
biting off more than i can chew...
i am being grumpier, and disappointed with myself too
cos i know my passion in doing the best in watever i do is diminishing
seems like its slip shod work and i have no heart to do anything.
maybe its a self fulfilling prophecy and brainwashing done by a certain him,
but it feels like crap at the end of it.
oh yes, and many many 21st birthdays to attend in this month alone. at least 4.
no time, no money.
driving TP coming soon
and i havent even done my circuit
this is how pressed for time i am.
forgot how sleep is like,
havent slept properly and soundly.
want some quiet time to look at the world go by,
not me catching up with fast and furious spinning of the globe.
man, i cannot catch up
and i can hardly breathe.
some better news though:
i got accepted for my business minor - means now i am possibly slightly a little teeny weeny bit more marketable with a business minor. but i am getting so jaded by the corporate world already, i really wonder if thats gonna be my path or i should just go with some airlines and be an air stewardess.
hmm.
i got accepted by NUS for the student exchange programme to go to UK, Uni of Newcastle Upon Tyne. Now i gotta get my results slips, testimonials and all ready and pray hard that UK accepts me. then it'll be off to UK I'll be. I definitely need to get out of this place, after all that has happened, especially since JC1.. life has been ups and downs... never calm.. feel like ive been on huge choppy waves which seemingly is calm but topples me over and jus throws me under. im surprised my mum is actually not protesting against the exchange after today's family reunion dinner. my sisters kindly explained casually that this is an opportunity of a life time, and its prestigious as well. i can see a longing in her eyes, and i know if i could just forego my dreams of going to uk to study no matter how short the stint, i will stay for her. but my sisters lived thru regrets due to poverty and control in the past, and i believe they want me to live my dreams.
work has ended at least for now. its like a shoulder off my burden as its really mentally consuming. but i really learned so much and at the end of the day, maybe thats what matters the most. it was interesting one month with teresa where she knows ill just brighten up with nice food after a horrid day and i guess it just is a funny transition from work to school. from eating at food courts to school canteens.
new year has passed and resolutions are always prevalent in peoples' minds. i guess for me, i would really have to be true to myself, and live out my dreams. going for wat i want and never making myself unhappy even when it means making others unhappy. about being honest and true to myself, and never get bullied or pushed over. and not to trust people easily, in the sense that never get stepped over by close friends or acquaintances.
for me, the past 2005 year is the year where i learned the most.. i dealed with having my bro-in-law leaving me, spending sleepless edgy nights in tan tock seng hospital again.. having to say goodbye to my bf and being brave... working hard and saving up for a trip to aussie... studying german and immersing in a different culture... working in an events company as events manager.. flying to aussie and experiencing a love that would withstand the challenges of distance and time... and cherishing and treasuring every moment together.. holding him close to my heart and dancing to the tunes of Toto's africa, learning to play pool though i still suck at it... living away from my family for 3 weeks in aussie... probably one of the best times in my life cos i had not seen him for so long and to be able to see him then was just incredibly happy and important... being in a short lived long distance relationship... being fun-loving and open to learn jazz dance and guitar... meeting a whole new world of friends who love dancing and making music with guitars... learning about the passion that drives people.. late night suppers and getting to learn so much more to different sides of people.. being betrayed of my trust by someone i was really being a buddy to and that is something i want to forget... losing a close to three year relationship shortly after coming back to singapore... losing a part of me that grew up together with him... the longest relationship i had that just crumbled away... having to be really brave about the loss, 6 modules that totally drained me out... getting close to friends that drifted apart.. performances that sought to drive away my stage fright but evident of living my dreams to perform... driving and driving my instructor up the wall with my slow reactions.. directing in a theatre studies play where everything was done from scratch... everything... i learned so much.
but i guess all these, good and bad, can never really be erased away.. sometimes, fate just leaves the best for the last.. so we just press on in darkest times and tell ourselves that better times lie ahead...
and now we face challenges of 2006... bidding for now..cos i cant even get my 5th module... coping with work, competition, tuition and school... internships hopefully or different kinds of work after exams in may.. 21st birthday... uk trip... surviving... earning cash for the exchange... learning and growing...
and yup, one of the resolutions is to never force myself to do things i dont want to and still put on a smiling facade.. cos im tired.. and i never make myself happy anymore...
whatever doesnt kill makes us stronger.. i may sound weary and jaded.. but one day, it'll all work out nicely..
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
its the first time i lost my temper outwardly
first time i stopped repressing my inner feelings
jus because im being nice doesnt mean u can overstep the boundaries
respect works both ways,
and i hope u know that i need a breather
that u are suffocating me
plus some men are just plain whiney, ungentlemanly and gets on my nerves
and on the long bus rides home
i just stoned and stoned.
the early start to work was excellent, fresh and chirpy
stop pushing me.
first time i stopped repressing my inner feelings
jus because im being nice doesnt mean u can overstep the boundaries
respect works both ways,
and i hope u know that i need a breather
that u are suffocating me
plus some men are just plain whiney, ungentlemanly and gets on my nerves
and on the long bus rides home
i just stoned and stoned.
the early start to work was excellent, fresh and chirpy
stop pushing me.
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